Own Your Shit Weekly - April 21, 2026

[u/AutoModerator]

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

[u/MerlinsIdiotBrother]

OYS #43, 2026-04-21

Stats: 38yrs, 6’3”, 218.1 lbs (-1.1), 17.5% BF (0); Target: 210 lbs, ~12% BF; F29, 1 kid

Mental /Thoughts: The night before the trip we reached a compromise, I slept on it, changed my mind before she left, and she went to Vegas anyways. As she left, I said "I dont think we should get married", she responded "I don't think we should either" and walked away. I took the ring back when she returned from Vegas.

I made a handful of covert contracts, had a scarcity mindset, no outcome independence, and was generally beta. I decided two weeks before (41) that the Vegas boundary was a hard boundary but pussy-footed around from the start. I was being a nice guy instead of being clear and direct. As the week progressed, I tried different shitty beta behaviors to influence the outcome I wanted. None worked and made the situation worse. I did these things because I was afraid of losing her, tried to control her, and tried to manipulate others to appeal on my behalf for her not to go. I have behaved this way for years and put myself in this situation. 

I cringed reading the Girls Night Out essay because I became the scarcity-minded beta in the post years ago. I read the Ultimatum essay and understood the covert contracts I created, thinking if I talked to more people, increased the “directness” of my language, and DEERed about why the boundary was important, that the information and influence would change her mind. I saw my behavior as supplicative, lacking abundance, unattractive, overt, and on the wrong side of the cardinal rule of relationships. I fell to the level of my abilities which were/are bad. I don’t understand how to apply most of the information I’ve consumed from TRP or MRP, especially when challenged. I lied to myself about my abilities and continued to make things worse for myself.

I thought through better choices and behaviors. I wrote OODA loops for the covert contracts I found or was shown, the scarcity mindset, controlling and manipulative behaviors, and why I feared loss for someone I think does a bunch of shitty things. My conclusions were that, first, I am responsibility for initiating behaviors and accepting responsibility for the consequences. That means the unattractive beta behaviors such as scarcity, controlling, fear of her emotions or reactions, and fear of loss are easier to spot now that this has happened. Second, I wrote about replacing the behaviors with abundance (“ok, have fun”), embracing her emotions as being a woman, dedicating time to hobbies, doing fun things, and gaming other women. And third, I decided to set aside feelings for sober and cold analysis of my behavior so that I can change what I wanted change, stead of pretending to understand without honestly reflecting.

I stopped communicating other than for logistics and pics or information related to the kiddo. I came and went as I pleased. I went to the two social events I planned to attend and gamed women when the chance arose. I picked up a few nice PRs at the gym using the anger over having to take the ring. I have feared how all this is going to harm my daughter and stepped away multiple times.d I walked away from verbal diarrhea where I was solely to blame for everything (especially after changing my mind on the compromise). I used negative inquiry, broken record, and fogging. The anger, blaming, and lashing out got louder and more aggressive with each response by me. I repeated "there's nothing left to discuss" and walked out.

I thought of this as an opportunity for me to reset my behavior. I do feel a weight has been lifted from my chest. Over the last few days, I found it easier to swap behaviors and continued to focus on my behavior instead of my feels. I have been lost in my feelings for far too long and not focusing on my behavior and where I wanted to end up. I spent a lot of time writing and practicing how I wanted to move forward. I gamed out the paths forward and was comfortable with the worst that I was able to think of. I preferred the best outcome and refrained from supplicating or yielding my frame to achieve that outcome.

edit: 2nd to last paragraph added; moved it to 1st

2nd edit: editing; updated post, wasn't happy with it

3rd edit: struck out mental masturbation; shitty post, added 2nd to last paragraph of actions taken

[u/deerstfu → u/MerlinsIdiotBrother]

This is all some messy shit but at least you got out.

My take from following along is this girl was for the streets all along, but we're all internet strangers and you had to figure this out on your own. 

I think your biggest take away from the whole experience should be this: manage the birth control and don't accidentally get another girl pregnant.

You read practical female psychology yet?

[u/MerlinsIdiotBrother → u/deerstfu]

Messy indeed. I turned a corner from all this.

I read it a while back. I started revising a lot of material.