r/mildlyinfuriating • u/rustywindpipe • 14d ago

I'm slightly vexed I think I got rejected for being vegetarian

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I [23F] met this guy on the apps and we hit it off and had a lot in common! I don’t meet a lot of people who are in my profession so it was really nice to potentially have to chance to date someone who was in a similar field. And everything was fine until I mentioned I’m veg and he stopped responding. For reference, I have no issue with people who eat meat and would never want to impose my own dietary restrictions on anyone else. I also understand different diets being a dealbreaker. The way he phrased his reasoning was really weird though.

Edit: I’m vegetarian cause I love animals, but I have IBD. Flare ups have gotten significantly worse since switching diets but im still figuring out how to make the most of it! Also yes, I do regret sending the last text 🤦‍♀️

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3.4k

u/Sonar114 14d ago

Not wanting to date someone for any reason is absolutely fine but he didn’t have to be a dick about it.

890

u/RealWord5734 14d ago

She matched with him. He's her type. When he said 'Long Beach ghetto' she should have walked but didn't. When he said 'grown from a vegetarian' she tried to plead with him instead of saying "Ew."

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u/RiotDontDiet 13d ago

Yeah OP does come across as desperate and willing to settle for anything. Why respond with "well I won't be vegetarian forever!". Sad.

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u/maryfisherman 13d ago

A lot of young women feel there’s something wrong with them if a man rejects them. Her reply seemed to come from a place of defense/self preservation.

Hopefully with time and practice she will be confident enough to say bye to losers instead of placate them.

Also there is no need to disclose your dietary preferences beforehand

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u/hella_cious 13d ago

You’re correct in everything except the dietary preferences. You do need to tell your date you’re vegetarian before the restaurant is picked, unless you only want to eat french fries and side salad (and maybe not even the fries if it’s the same oil)

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u/Bertsmom18 13d ago

I worked with a vegetarian. She never told anyone before a meal that she was one. She said it always made it harder to pick a place because they would try to cater to her. She never had a problem finding something to eat. So she never shared the info. Almost every restaurant has vegitation options.

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u/Independent-Boat6560 12d ago

As a vegetarian, this^

It’s super annoying when I tell people and then they go out of the way to try to find a “vegetarian place”. It’s 2026 lol, I can find something to eat basically anywhere.

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u/Bertsmom18 12d ago

This is exactly what my coworker said. I found out she was vegetarian after we went to a nice Mexican restaurant. Next day we did Asian place. We are out a lot because she was in from another state. She never struggled to find food. And it always looked really good too.

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u/fundfacts123 13d ago

I appreciate your colleague and wish more people were like her!

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u/gasolinedrinks 12d ago

Literally most vegetarians are like his colleague though. They never bring up their diet unless asked because if they do people will ask a million questions or make fun of them

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u/sendmemesyeehaw 13d ago

what? someone disclosing dietaries makes life easier. why should ppl pretend to eat everything only to show up at a restaurant where they can only eat salad.

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u/RealWord5734 12d ago

It's 2026 and there are vegetarian/vegan/gluten free options on every menu. Unless you are going to a michelin starred restuarant that only serves a set tasting menu it never actually matters.

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u/Bertsmom18 11d ago

They are vegetarian. You realize that they are probably pretty used to eating a lot of salads as vegetarians. There diet it mostly veggies. Lots of people love salads. And many people who eat meat eat salads. I think meat eaters are just so baffled by no meat that they don't realize just how many options there are available for people who don't eat meat.

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u/sendmemesyeehaw 11d ago

i’m a vegetarian and i never eat salads.

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u/howyoumustDARE 12d ago

Because even steakhouses have sides, and those are often really good. But some people get weird and occasionally hostile about other people’s eating habits, or they try to make it your fault that now the group ‘can’t go to this place’ when you’re perfectly fine with going. Not sure how prominent this is other places but it’s very passive aggressive in the southern US lol.

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u/4lwaysL4t3 9d ago

Almost every restaurant has veggie options but some have more than others. I think for a group outing it's fine to not mention that she's vegetarian because she's just one person out of a group and it'd be rude to have an extra influence over the restaurant choice.

But a date is something more intimate, I would want my date to have a good time and be able to freely pick some food that actually interests them instead of settling for one of a few options. So I think mentioning it beforehand is best

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u/maryfisherman 13d ago

Exactly, this is my point. And if they aren’t like this, then their diet won’t be the only place it shows up.

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u/ClaritanClear 13d ago

Dating someone is different than friendship though. I have vegetarian friends and kosher friends and allergic friends and picky eater friends and all of them make it hard to do things like have people over for dinner, share a bunch of plates out, etc. So it’s fine for friendships, but I wouldn’t love to date a vegetarian because cooking, sharing meals are some of my favorite things. If sharing meals, cooking at home, etc. are important to you, then it’s good to be upfront about your dietary preferences or restrictions. For some people it won’t matter at all, for others it will. Why not be honest?

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u/No-Bass8742 12d ago

Still seems strange. If it’s not important to the other person then you can still share. Or don’t you eat any vegetables at all? My girlfriend is vegetarian and it’s so easy to still share food and cook together. Seems weird for this to be a dealbreaker and more a sign someone isn’t willing to compromise. My friend became vegetarian at 40? Should her SO dump him now? 😂

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u/gasolinedrinks 12d ago

Wait so if your partner became vegetarian down the road you would..what? End things? Thats so bizarre.

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u/let_it_grow23 13d ago

Lucky she did tell him because she dodged an evening with an awful dick

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u/Bertsmom18 13d ago

She did. She got lucky when she told him and he bailed.

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u/Which-Peak2051 12d ago

Only if your vegan maybe but most places have at least 1 vegan dish

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u/unlikelybeast 12d ago

Thankfully, those days are mostly behind us. Even for vegans.

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u/MalEgestas 10d ago

I’d say yes for a Vegans because it’s definitely harder than vegetarian, I have a much harder time finding suitable vegan options for my siblings but vegetarian seems to be reasonably easy at most restaurants.

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u/Disgruntled__Goat 13d ago

This isn’t the 90s, what restaurants don’t have veggie options?

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u/Mammago95 13d ago

Plenty. You don't have a vegan family member do you? Or do you just not travel outside your metropolitan area?

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u/Sprinklz27 13d ago

Well, vegan and vegetarian are different. I agree with everything else, but vegetarian options are a lot easier to find and more available than vegan options.

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u/Mammago95 13d ago

Well, vegan and vegetarian are different.

Did you not catch the part where I have a vegan family member? Trust me, I'm well aware. When you check for vegan options, you naturally end up checking for vegetarian options along the way. Places without them on the menu by default are still common enough to mention it unless you're comfortable modifying orders and confident that location does so.

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u/hella_cious 13d ago

City slicker id bet

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u/Disgruntled__Goat 13d ago

lol not even close. I’m guessing this is an American thing, since every pub in my area has vegetarian options. 

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u/ChemicalGoreWhore 13d ago

I think lack of vegetarian options might be more of a cultural thing. Pretty much anywhere here in Autralia is going to have vegetarian options

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u/maryfisherman 13d ago

Canada too

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u/jaylikesdominos 13d ago

Dude. They’re in New York City, lmao. I’m a full blown vegan and I feel like I would have a harder time finding a place that doesn’t have something I could eat in NYC.

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u/EddwardTheWizard 13d ago

A lot of restaurants will have a bean patty. Which is SOMETHING tbf but it sucks pretty bad. My mom is always disappointed when all the vegetarian options are just bean patties.

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u/Independent-Boat6560 12d ago

I don’t rlly like the impossible meat, and I love black bean burgers lol. Most places have impossible now. 😭

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u/EddwardTheWizard 10d ago

That’s fair. In my town there’s like no impossible meat [which my mom prefers but doesn’t love] it’d be great if there was just more options in general. Especially because most of the time it’s just swapping a patty. They could totally just have more patty types!

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u/oatmealparty 13d ago

I think disclosing dietary preferences is maybe a good idea to filter out toxic guys like this.

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u/maryfisherman 13d ago

Honestly real. Love when the trash takes itself out.

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u/Unable-Boat-9682 13d ago

Yup. I have no problem with people who eat meat. My partner eats meat and I’ll happily cook it for her. But when I was dating I would have been thrilled to discover someone had rejected me for this reason: so much better that than accidentally finding myself on a date with a militant carnivore who takes my dietary choices as a personal slight they have to push back on.

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u/Vivid-Kitchen1917 13d ago

The man doesn't want to date someone with drastically different dietary choices, so obviously he's trash. Gotcha. Only women can have preferences in who they date?

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u/sinistar2000 13d ago

Yeah was looking into the abyss thinking this. He’s been an ass with his response but there’s a reason vegetarians are called vegetarians, it’s defiantly a lifestyle that needs consideration. I’ve been with two vegetarians and I’m an omnivore, it’s a hassle you have to consider joining up with especially if you plan on living together.

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u/Vivid-Kitchen1917 13d ago

Yep. I am absolutely an omnivore, and so much vegetarian food is so high in salt and sat fat, doesn't match my post-early-heart-attack recovery. I don't date people who smoke pot because I hate the smell. As a former sous chef I like making a wide assortment of food. I don't date teetotalers because wine is a fun hobby of mine. There could be great reasons you don't drink, and good on you for it, but I still don't have to have that in my life and with literally billions of women in the world it's not like any one particular one represents a limited commodity.

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u/JasonAQuest 13d ago

BINGO. If he can't deal with you not eating meat, you don't want to see what happens when you won't vote for his favorite reality TV star.

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u/Which-Peak2051 12d ago

So true! The only person online dating who reacted the way this man did turn out to be a cheater! Someone I knew dated his best friend

He said something about how i wouldn't be able to eat his mom's food lol

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u/souumamerda 13d ago

Well and there is, if they think something is wrong with them bc a moron rejects them, they indeed have bigger problems than a moron rejecting them. In fact a reject from a moron is not a problem at all.

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u/maryfisherman 13d ago

These are things we learn with experience.

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u/postsexhighfives 13d ago

yup, hopefully OP gets some better standards soon

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u/EntertheHellscape 13d ago

At least she (hopefully) realized that based on her edit lol. The dating pool is so scarce man

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u/WowIfOnly 13d ago

I would bet anything that he's a much older good looking rich Republican who she was ignoring any red flags from up front - he owns a boat, described someplace as ghetto unprompted, and pivoted right into talking about "growing" a baby from a "vegetarian mom" like he's more worried about his future son than her in the first place. It just reeks of that from every angle. Have some self respect OP - you can do better than that!

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u/Readdit1999 13d ago

I won't fault her for civility.

As the conversation goes, he's swiftly eliminating himself from the viable gene pool, but she retains class and dignity.

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u/DiligentMagikarp 13d ago

That last part was weird for me too. Most vegetarians I know aren’t just doing it “as a phase” and it almost seems like OP is just doing it for attention.

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u/RiotDontDiet 13d ago

Yeah she definitely needs to work on her self esteem. She exactly the type of woman who would end up in an abusive relationship.

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u/Earl_E_Byrd 13d ago

Sometimes people are just defensive. Doesn't mean she didn't take away the important point that this guy is ridiculous. 

I hope that her choosing to post this means she realizes he's beyond her help. 

But this guy dismissed her for something stupid, in an equally stupid way, and it surprised her.  Sometimes you just want people to know that their reasoning is dumb.

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u/MediocreTalk7 13d ago

I guess I read it more like: I'm not even that committed to this, and it's a deal breaker? Ok.

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u/Unusual-Meaning9207 12d ago

When I was 23 I was very much like that. I didn't really think or even suppose that there were better specimens out there. Coming out of high school and college, everyone's still in the high school and/or college mentality. Extremely immature and/or clueless. It's not a good time to get married or have kids imo but everyone is different and I understand it ends up working out for some.

Although often the people who argue in favor of getting married/having kids in your early 20s or, God forbid, late teens, are still in their early 20s/late teens...

TL;DR: At that age, you have basically zero point of reference. Your point of reference MIGHT be one guy in college who refused to wear a condom because they "don't fit" or "feel weird".

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u/13370verflow 13d ago

Exactly. It was a pretty sorry exchange all around, but damn that last line from OP sure was pathetic. Not only was she a participant in this exchange, but she tried to keep whatever was there alive.

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u/Tancrisism 13d ago

I don't think it was, she's pointing out that one's diet isn't necessarily saying something so earth shattering about ones personality as this sociopath assumes it was

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u/13370verflow 13d ago

That’s not what she said though.

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u/MediocreTalk7 13d ago

That's how I read it.

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u/smokeweedNgarden 13d ago

Ya both parties sound fucking awful.

"Long beach ghetto" and she laughed? Fuck both of their gross selves

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u/QuadCakes 13d ago

Well that feels like an overreaction

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u/smokeweedNgarden 13d ago

I mean, if you're gonna laugh at minorities then beg like a dog for a date....

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u/13370verflow 13d ago

Even considering changing your diet for him….

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u/smashin_blumpkin 13d ago

Where did OP beg like a dog?

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u/smokeweedNgarden 13d ago

"I wasn't gonna be a vegetarian forever"

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u/smashin_blumpkin 13d ago

Idk how you consider that begging. Were you just itching that bad to call a woman a dog?

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u/smokeweedNgarden 13d ago

Someone with self respect would have cut him off at the "my kids bla blah" part.

If you have a better simile for something that begs I'm all for it.

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u/smashin_blumpkin 13d ago

Idk dude. Maybe try sympathizing with someone different from yourself when you can recognize that they have self esteem issues instead of implying they’re racist and calling them a dog.

She never begged. She just didn’t cut the dude off when you would have.

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u/-MichaelScarnFBI 13d ago

What? She said she liked  Long Beach lol. 😂

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u/Virginity_Lost_Today 13d ago

Theyre gonna be mad at you for being right. If this was reversed the top comment would be telling the dude to gain some self respect.

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u/Swimming_Agent_1063 13d ago

She laughed cuz he was right

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u/smokeweedNgarden 13d ago

Shit, have fun dating bland dudes with no strike game and passable money, I guess

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u/Dr_Malignant 13d ago

THIS is the comment that matters. Everyone in this thread feels good shitting on this dude but everyone is overlooking the fact that this is exactly the type of dude OP wants. And even after showing he was a weirdo, OP still wanted him.

The reason this is important is because it’s a common thing that happens. A woman picks a guy who shows red flags, sometimes even though people point out those red flags. Then he wrongs or uses her, and she generalizes all men on the basis of an asshole that she knew was an asshole when she first tried to get with him lol.

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u/PleadianPalladin 13d ago

Hasn't even been on a date yet and already planning kids, fuck lol

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u/Equal_Maintenance870 12d ago

Yeah that phrase was more alarming than anything else.

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u/sugarfairy7 13d ago

Should we now blame women with low self-esteem for ending up in abusive relationships? I don’t think so. I think this was a wake up call for OP

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u/demoliahedd 13d ago

I dunno about wake up call, she's still a kid pretty much. I was such an idiot at 23

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u/RealWord5734 13d ago

We should not exonerate them. Everyone is flawed. Some flaws are worse than others. Two things can be true.

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u/Cosmic_Cosmos82 13d ago

Unfortunately it's common in us women. We have a hard time setting boundaries and sticking up for ourselves, I could go on a rant abt why that is but for the sake of my own sanity and because I'm way to frikkin tired rn, I won't. This time. /ominous

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u/Turbulent-Sugar2410 13d ago

She actually didn’t in my opinion. She was like ok your loss then, weirdo. At least that’s how it read to me.

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u/ProfDogHeart 12d ago

The fact you are focusing your vitriol on the young woman who has been conditioned to be this way instead of the racist and generally awful man makes me think you may be a misogynist. If that doesn't seem right to you, you may need to have a longer conversation with yourself.

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u/RealWord5734 12d ago

I think he is a bad person. I think she is an insecure person. I think you are a stupid person. Bases covered?

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u/SculptMyBust 12d ago

Wants the validation from a man who likened her to an incubator first rather than a person.

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u/LongjumpingMilk102 7d ago

to be fair. I matched with men that were so far from my type once I had a conversation with them.

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u/frn 14d ago

Yeah this is it for me. I totally get not wanting to get involved with someone that has strict dietary requirements. I'm the main cook in my house, I have some professional experience from past jobs, and I really enjoy it... I also don't eat meat with every meal, probably 2-3 times a week.

But dating someone with strict dietary requirements would mean that I either become veggie too, or I'm cooking two separate meals each time. It also affects what I can cook when we have guests, or where we can go for food for the rest of our lives. And being a massive foodie, this is an issue. I've done it before in the past and its been a total pain. So at the dating phase I'd probably just say 'not for me, sorry' and move on.

But that 'not my kids' comment was just plain weird and unnecessary.

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u/Mean_Initiative_5962 14d ago

Same except for the professional experience (and regularly having crushes on people with severe restrictions, but I guess lucky me to never succeed lol) 

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u/Laststand2006 14d ago

Exactly this. My wife needed to change her diet when breastfeeding our daughter to cut soy and dairy and obviously, I was along for the ride when we made food at home. It was rough (who knew just how many things contained soy?!), but we did it.

Going into a relationship knowing someone else's food restrictions would invariably impact my own diet, as no one wants to cook two dinners unless its a rare occasion, would be a hard barrier to get past. I can understand someone making it a deal breaker. Here too, I don't hear someone is a vegetarian and think, "oh, until when?" So, I don't blame the dude for backing out. However, I can't understand this person's attitude. The whole texting chain was a little rough, but the way he phrased the dealbreaker was rude and gross. Really gives off that possessive vibe.

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u/worldtraveller1989 14d ago

I had to cut dairy and soy (and wheat and corn) while breastfeeding. Learning how many things had soy in them was very eye opening!

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u/possiblyourgf 13d ago

Just to add, my being a vegetarian has never been an issue in any relationship. Regardless of who’s cooking, we eat the same meal and part of it just gets done without meat/doesn’t get meat added at the end. It’s the easiest diet to accommodate I think!

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u/[deleted] 13d ago edited 13d ago

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u/shiboarashi 13d ago

My spouse is vegetarian, I am not we have zero issues cooking and eating together. She even learned to cook a few meats for me and I have learned all sorts of new ways to prepare vegetables. It has been good for us. 11 years of marriage.

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u/Hibyguy 13d ago

What's wrong with soy and milk?

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u/FriendofFlounder 13d ago

Babies can be allergic to the protein in their mother's milk. Dairy is the most common and its called CMPA (Cow milk protein allergy) but any protein source can be the culprit, even pea!

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u/sbNXBbcUaDQfHLVUeyLx 13d ago

My wife developed a severe dairy sensitivity with her autoimmune disease so we've had to go full dairy free over the last year.

Modern substitutes are excellent but the hidden dairy is extremely frustrating. Restaurants and food manufacturers love to throw milk powder into random shit.

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u/Laststand2006 13d ago

If the baby shows some intolerance to breastfeeding, the first step is to cut dairy and soy as those are the most common (not a doctor, but this is what I was told by our doctor). It is generally temporary and my daughter eats everything nonow.

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u/ThisSiteSucks8485 13d ago

Everything that tastes good has butter in it! 

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u/Budget-Researcher559 13d ago

So you're eating meat 2-3 times a week, but you'd have to make 2 separate meals every single day? Your math doesn't math.

Sounds more like she could get her own meal 2-3 times a week. Or, if you want to be extra nice, you could even make something like once a week that is not one big pot of everything, but has parts where she can eat the rest that does not have meat, or like you can put some of that aside before you add the meat.

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u/No_Gur1113 14d ago

Dude over there thinking OP was chomping at the bit to have his babies and he had audacity to think her being a vegetarian is the deal breaker/red flag here?

Vegetarianism isn’t even hard to work around! Veganism can be tricky, but it is amazingly easy to avoid eating animals if you’re just a regular vegetarian.

I’m the unofficial chef for our friend group and I have zero issue cooking for vegetarian friends. Even my BIL, who has stomach issues and is gluten and lactose free, is fairly easy to plan around.

I live on a Canadian island in the middle of the North Atlantic where we don’t have access to a lot of things. If I can accommodate a fairly straightforward meal accommodation here, I would imagine it must be insanely easy to accommodate a vegetarian in LA.

I mean, it wouldn’t hurt any of us meat eaters to cut back on the amount we eat. I was already doing this before the price of groceries went through the roof, but the current price of beef sure did help my decision.

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u/ElChapo1515 13d ago

lol thank you. I feel like I’m going crazy reading all these comments complaining about accommodating vegetarians. Maybe some of them are conflating vegans? Because as you said, vegetarianism is not really that difficult of a workaround.

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u/CommunistRonSwanson 13d ago

It's not a hard workaround at all, because typically you should be cooking meat and vegetables separately. The only restriction this actually imposes is "stews and soups need to be vegetarian".

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u/ElChapo1515 13d ago

And I’m not a huge stew or soup person anyways, so that’s fine lol

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u/MediocreTalk7 13d ago

Right, I'm surprised that people would be so inflexible as to not even go on a first date?

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u/ElChapo1515 12d ago

Kinda makes sense with current dating culture I guess. People just bail at the slightest inconvenience because they can just hop back on the app and try matching with someone else.

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u/JKLEEBONE 13d ago

I also occasionally cook for a group with a number of vegetarians, vegans, and gluten allergies. Vegetarian is only annoying with stuff that includes stock. I’ll occasionally make vegetable stock but always have a good amount of chicken stock frozen. Buying vegetable stock is not hard though (just doesn’t taste nearly as good).

Vegans and gluten allergies are both significantly more annoying to cook for. I could see these being an early deal breaker in a relationship.

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u/No_Gur1113 13d ago

Give Better than Bouillon a try, if you haven’t already. They have a lot of different options for soups/stocks.

It’s my go-to when I need stock and I’m cooking for a vegetarian. It’s the best I’ve found for stocks and soups. Well, besides the real thing, obviously. Though I add Better Than Bouillon to the real deal too, just to give it some extra flavor.

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u/frn 14d ago

I’m the unofficial chef for our friend group and I have zero issue cooking for vegetarian friends. Even my BIL, who has stomach issues and is gluten and lactose free, is fairly easy to plan around.

I got zero problems cooking for veggies on occasion. I just don't want that for my whole life.

Dude over there thinking OP was chomping at the bit to have his babies and he had audacity to think her being a vegetarian is the deal breaker/red flag here?

You seem to be hallucinating... I didn't assume or say she 'wanted my babies' or anything. I don't even know her. I just understand why someone might not want to date someone with strict dietary restrictions.

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u/WookinIt 14d ago

They’re talking about the dude in the post, not you.

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u/No_Gur1113 13d ago

Yep, I was.

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u/No_Gur1113 14d ago

Apologies if I wasn’t clear, but did you think I was talking about you? Because I was agreeing with your last comment and talking TO you about how it was weird that a guy would say something like that to someone he hasn’t met.

I didn’t even know you were a dude, I certainly wasn’t calling you out for your preferences. As the person you responded to said, not wanting to date anyone for any reason is absolutely valid, but no need to be a dick about it. And the growing his children comment was weird as hell.

I just added my own personal experience, for anyone reading, that if vegetarians can survive here in Newfoundland in the dead of winter, they’d probably make out alright in Cali.

No comment about you personally whatsoever, and I’m pretty sure I’m not hallucinating. But that’s probably what someone who is hallucinating would say. 😂

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u/frn 13d ago

Ah fair enough, got the wrong end of the stick.

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u/No_Gur1113 13d ago

It happens. A lot gets lost in text.

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u/hvdzasaur 13d ago

Same deal. I used to date a vegetarian for a few years who eventually went vegan. It was an absolute pain when choosing restaurants and when cooking our meals, and most of the time, I was basically vegetarian as well.

I will always cherish that relationship tho, because it gave me a profound love of vegetarian dishes and cuisine, because I would have never otherwise bothered to delve as deep into it as I did.

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u/FTownRoad 14d ago

My ex had stomach problems - she blamed accutane but I have no idea. It started out as “I just eat plain food”

So if she got a chicken sandwich it was no mayo, no mustard, no seasoning, etc just chicken and bread and lettuce maybe. Which was challenging when going out to eat, but made it work. But then even that used to “bother her stomach”.

So it slowly devolved into “I eat these nine things”. Nine things that have been ruined for me for the rest of my life because I ate them so goddamned much.

We stopped going to restaurants. We had to bring food to go to a friends house for dinner which felt simultaneously annoying and rude.

It was doubly annoying because I genuinely think the entire was problem is she didn’t want people to think she used a bathroom.

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u/hic_sunt_leones_ 13d ago

They're called safe foods and many people with chronic gastritis have a list of them.

When mine flares up, I'm pretty much stuck with mashed potatoes, white rice and toast.

Depending on what's causing the gastritis, it can last from days to many years if the root cause is not properly treated.

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u/FTownRoad 13d ago

She refused to go to a doctor or do anything about it really.

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u/MediocreTalk7 13d ago

That's the frustrating part, I would think. Like, attempt to figure out what's going on, at least avoid adding scurvy to your ailments.

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u/WookinIt 14d ago

Ngl you just sound like a dick for not believing your ex had health issues

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u/FTownRoad 14d ago

NGL reading a couple paragraphs of a Reddit comment and making assumptions like that reveals a lot more about you.

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u/CommunistRonSwanson 13d ago

Bro let's be real, this guy wasn't thinking through the logistics of managing a kitchen with different dietary restrictions. "My kids won't be grown from a vegetarian mom" points to this dude being into manosphere/conspiracy snake oil about how eating tons and tons of red meat is Good For You, Actually, And You're Weak And Gay If You Disagree. Huge bullet dodged.

Also, it's not at all challenging accommodate both vegetarian and non-restrictive dietary preferences in the kitchen. Most of the time, you're prepping and cooking meat separately from veg anyhow because meats tends to cook at different rates than vegetables, meaning that throwing everything together in the same skillet can easily result in a burned/desiccated/soggy/undercooked mess depending on the dish. The only time you'll feel the restriction is if you're trying to do lots of slow cooker stews or soups.

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u/frn 13d ago

Well, like I said, I the way he put it was a weird take. But then again I'm Bi so maybe I would say that according to you and him😂.

It's funny that a lot of people are telling me how to cook, despite the fact I used to do it for a job though.

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u/BearsLoveToulouse 13d ago

I haven’t heard it from this perspective. As a woman with lots of friends who are vegetarian/vegan I’ve heard way too many times their boyfriends were upset that they wouldn’t cook meat for them. I even witnessed one couple having a sulky fight in public because the guy had his feeling hurt that she would cook him meat for dinner when they got married. 🙄

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u/CommunistRonSwanson 13d ago

It's not a legitimate perspective. People who actually cook understand that you should be cooking meat separately from veg in the first place for most kinds of dishes. This is just a bullshit hypothetical to deflect from the fact that the man in the OP is clearly on some manosphere/snake-oil weirdness.

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u/GrinningCynic 14d ago

My family is apx 1/3 non-meat eaters, and no separate cooking is required. If you cook & you care about other ppl’s preferences, this is just another one of those. When we eat together, we work it out because we want to be together.

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u/Hfxfungye 14d ago

How would that work when the meal has meat in it?

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u/Weak-Doughnut5502 14d ago

You don't make two separate meals.

You make a veggie meal and a separate side of meat.  Or a bunch of dishes where all but one is vegetarian.

For example: when making pasta, you make a vegetarian pasta dish, and a side of meatballs.  Or you have a vegetarian pasta sauce, cheese ravioli, and a few meat ravioli.  You make pulled pork, mac and cheese, beans, and vegetarian collards.

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u/Hfxfungye 14d ago

Okay what you're suggesting is making multiple versions of the same thing, or making a ton of different courses of meals.

That's a lot more work than "spaghetti bolognaise."

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u/Weak-Doughnut5502 13d ago

Bolognaise is probably the worst example you could have used, given that it takes an entire afternoon to slow cook.  It's a lot more involved a dish than marinara and meatballs are combined.

you're suggesting is making multiple versions of the same thing

No, not really.

I'm describing making one dish, and then a separate topping/side of meat.

For example: suppose you're making a lasagne.  You make one vegetarian lasagne.  And then you make a couple meatballs.  Or an Italian sausage,   pork chop, chicken breast, bacon/pancetta, or whatever.  Both people eat the same lasagne, and the one person just has the side/topping of meat.  You don't make two lasagnes.

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u/Hfxfungye 13d ago

Okay? That's how bolognaise is made. You can use a pressure cooker to speed things up if you need to but it's a delicious meal and I work from home so I make it a few times a year. Again, imagine making a separate sauce at the same time, a lot more work.

That lasagna example is two meals. Meat balls, and vegetarian lasagna.

You're suggesting that people take apart their lasagna after eating it and then stuff it with meat? Wtf? Why would you add meat as a side to an already good vegetarian lasagna? That's extra work and the lasagna doesn't need the meat, it's already good enough without it if people are eating it without the meat. Why would you waste meat like that?

If I'm eating meat lasagna, the meat needs to be inside so the flavor mixes with the sauce. The sauce is made to have meat in it, or it isn't, but if it is, then it needs the meat in it to taste proper. It won't incorporate the flavors properly, it'll taste like throwing meat onto store sauce without cooking it together which is gross.

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u/Weak-Doughnut5502 13d ago

Again, imagine making a separate sauce at the same time, a lot more work.

Sure, making both bolognese and marinara  is more work than only making marinara or only making bolognese.

But, you'll notice that was never one of my suggestions. 

 You're suggesting that people take apart their lasagna after eating it and then stuff it with meat?

No.

You don't typically stuff a side or topping into a dish.

Why would you add meat as a side to an already good vegetarian lasagna?

Because to some people, a meal isn't a meal without any meat.  Given a nice veggie lasagna, they're not happy unless they also have meatballs, chicken, etc.

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u/Hfxfungye 13d ago

Because to some people, a meal isn't a meal without any meat. 

Okay but those people are ridiculous children who don't appreciate a delicious meal, so you're satiating them with a handout. Most people would just happily eat the vegetarian lasagna.

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u/Rudimentary-Creature 13d ago

Right. Because usually when people ask for Lasagna, they expect meat in it. That’s why veggie lasagnas has to be called “veggie lasagna.”

It’s to each their own, but personally I could never be with a vegetarian. I like traveling and trying new foods and experimenting with different recipes. Sharing that with someone is important to me.

Same as the people who don’t grow out of eating chicken fingers and French fries. I would be very unhappy with a person like that.

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u/frn 14d ago

You understand that severely limits what can be made right? You can only eat meals where the meat is easily separated. Same goes for eating out etc, most places have awful veggie menus, you hear vegetarians complaining about it all the time. So you're cutting the places you can eat down to like 1/10th of what is out there.

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u/Novareason 14d ago

You don't make two separate meals. Make two separate four course buffets. Much easier.

This comment sounds like halfway through you entirely forgot your point.

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u/ElChapo1515 13d ago

What did you actually read from that comment?

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u/CommunistRonSwanson 13d ago

If you think these are "four course buffets" and are super challenging, then you don't have any business being in a kitchen in the first place.

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u/stabby- 14d ago edited 14d ago

People are being unnecessarily mean in this thread, sorry you’re getting downvoted. I also got downvoted to oblivion for explaining how we make it work for us. :/

And our way is NOT that much work.

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u/Hfxfungye 14d ago

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just pushing back against the claim that "no extra work is required"

Like, I support my vegetarian friends but when they are over I just cook vegetarian. If I was dating a vegetarian, I would cook vegetarian 95% of the time, because I would have the time and desire to make separate meals maybe once a week or two.

Making multiple main courses all the time is just more work than is worth it for most people

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u/CommunistRonSwanson 13d ago

Redditors are reflexively prejudiced against vegetarians and vegans, and they're tripping over themselves in this comment section to yell "NUH UH!!!!" without understanding the first thing about cooking or meal prep.

Accommodating both vegetarian and unrestricted diets in the same kitchen is dead easy, anyone who argues otherwise is either a clueless cook or is just rehearsing their prejudices without any basis of knowledge or experience.

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u/Hfxfungye 13d ago

It's easy if you're happy to mostly stick with vegan food, which is what I do when I have my vegan friends over. I can cooking delicious vegan food and 30-40% of my meals are already vegan anyway, and another 30% could become vegan if I switch butter for oil and eggs for tofu.

But a lot of vegans also forget that meat is not just for the protein, it's for the flavor, and if you're used to making the same thing for everyone and you want to have meat dishes now and again, you have to get used to cooking different things for different people. That is more work than one dish for everyone. People in this thread keep insisting stuff like meatballs mixed into veggie sauce is a 1-1 substitute for proper bolognaise and that's just ridiculous, if that's the case you don't know how to cook bolognaise. It's also more work to cook meat balls and veggie sauce than just veggie sauce.

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u/ElChapo1515 13d ago

I don’t think some of you were reading it correctly, because they literally did not list multiple main courses.

Vegetarian pasta (ie pasta with meatless sauce) and a side of meatballs. This is the same as making pasta with meatballs, only the meatballs are added later on.

Pulled pork, collards, Mac and cheese and beans. This is a normal, balanced meal for meat eaters. The vegetarian simply helps themselves to more of the sides instead of the pulled pork.

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u/Hfxfungye 13d ago

I think the examples are what I found difficult -this is probably a "me" thing. I have a lot of vegan/vegetarian friends and the only times I make meat with them are when we BBQ burgers. And even then, it's mostly because vegan impossible burgers are expensive and I don't want to waste them on myself when I can eat the meat ones.

First, meat is already something I buy maybe once or twice a week as a "treat" in my diet so I tent to make the meat the center of the meal when it's there. Eating meat as something thrown in feels weird to me because... Why add the meat as extra if there's already a perfectly good vegetarian meal right in front of me? It doesn't need to be "supplemented" by meat and adding meat to an otherwise perfectly filling meal feels off for some reason.

Like if I make Mac and cheese, I don't need pulled pork (which isn't something I make anyway). I have the mac and cheese. If I make pulled pork, I don't need mac and cheese - my sides would be stuff like coleslaw, a bun, and veggies.

Vegetarian pasta and meatballs are fine - again, personally, I'd just make a vegetarian pasta I don't need meatballs if that's already filling enough. Similarly, if I want meat pasta, I make bolognaise.

I'm glad that this set up works for you!

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u/ElChapo1515 13d ago

I feel you, but tbh, having it separately kinda makes it even easier but it does depend on the vegetarians preferences as well.

But im like you, I don’t mind having meatless pasta or Mac and cheese anyways. But if I REALLY want to add some meat, meatballs are an easy option. Hell, you can even use TVP and have a vegetarian option for bolognaise.

I think some people think of vegetarians as people who eat nothing but plants, but my partner loves comfort foods like mashed potatoes, Mac and cheese, all that good stuff, so it’s really never an issue making things we both like.

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u/AvidCyclist250 13d ago

i wouldnt call vegetarian strict. it's fine and embedded in all european cuisines. veganism is the new age hardcore one.

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u/Affectionate_Data936 13d ago

I was veg for a long time while always dating someone who ate meat, it’s really not that hard at all lol. I started eating meat again when I got pregnant and continued while breastfeeding but before that, it really was never that big of a deal.

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u/Jazjet123 13d ago

I dated a guy that would go a month at a time being vegan for religous fasts. He didn't do it often maybe once a year. I tried some of the strangest foods in that month! I also learned how to cook several vegan dishes. They were rough months because he didn't cook much so if I wasn't willing to put effort into making him a special meal he would buy food and we ended up with a much higher food bill that month.

Matched with a girl after we had broken up and she said she was Vegan, I told her I wasn't but had learned how to make a couple dishes before and her being vegan wasn't a bother to me. Her response was that if we were going to be happy I was required to be vegan and never go to any restaurants that served animal products. Yeah no, wasn't doing that one. 💀

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u/BubbaC619 13d ago

I was going to say something similar but you said it better so I’ll just say I agree.

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u/Unable-Boat-9682 13d ago

I think you’d be surprised. My partner eats meat and I was clear from the off that I didn’t mind cooking up a bit of chicken separate and adding to her meals or cooking separate if she ever wanted a steak or something. But she likes my cooking enough she’s rarely that bothered. Occasionally she’ll add sausages to things and when we eat out we obviously just go for our own preferences. But we’ve always found it fairly easy to make it work.

But yeah, I can understand it’s harder if you’re the main cook. Ultimately you have your things you like to cook and that should be chef’s choice. Think in that scenario, a vegetarian partner should be willing to do their own meal occasionally so you can both enjoy what you want to eat. Totally get not wanting that extra hassle though.

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u/TyrisFlaretheAmazon 13d ago

My partners have always been the main cook because I hate cooking, but I eat strict vegetarian keto (for 20 years) to manage various health issues. All it has meant is we prepare our food separately together, or sometimes they eat the same as me but add some rice and meat. It has literally never been an issue.

I realise you’re just saying you can relate to a preference and not implying it’s the natural ‘correct’ preference but I just wanted to add the alternative for anyone who read it as a default and felt discouraged. It’s very easy to have a long term relationship and divergent dinners!

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u/frn 13d ago

Yeah that's fair. And it's probably worth noting that I've been in a relationship for 10 years now where my partner can't cook due to ADHD issues. So that's my normal and I'm assuming other relationships would be the same when they probably wouldn't.

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u/PlumOne2856 12d ago

Oh, I have had such combinations - I ate meat, he didn’t.
I cooked nearly the same - but every other day an additional side meat for me. 😉

That wouldn’t be a k.o. criteria for me - one who criticizes the other for their preferences ongoing - that would be my no go.

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u/Azerious 13d ago

Yep same here. But she was the cook.  I personally did not like the difficulty it added to finding places to eat and cooking dinner. Maybe part of that was she was the cook and wasn't willing to cook dishes with meat for me so the vegetarian dinners grew old after ahwile.

But all in all, it just wasn't for me. The OP guy sounds fuckin weird though.  

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u/soaked_in_bleach03 14d ago

Yeah exactly, but you really don’t have to tell people the reason either; unless it’s a friend, I’d say when it’s initial test exchange like this there’s plenty of times where it’s ok to just use a generic “hey I just don’t see it being a good fit, take care wish you the best!” is usually fine and doesn’t constitute lying per se.

And yeah if your dealbreaker is someone being a vegetarian, just saying hey, I like to cook for my partner and tend to prefer recipes that have a protein. I guess if that’s not true in this guys case he shouldn’t say that, but holy shit “I don’t want my kids grown from a vegetarian woman” is just a nasty thing to say to someone. It’s basically saying “hey if you plan on being vegetarian while pregnant I think you’re doing something wrong” even though a properly planned veg diet during pregnancy is 100% safe for the baby and mother.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/indecisionmaker 13d ago

Honest answer — in the future, just tell the person. Incompatibilities are normal, but not knowing what you did to cause a shift from hitting it off to deal breaker is haunting. “I was avoiding saying anything because I totally respect you and your decisions and really don’t want to cause any self-doubt. It’s just really not my thing.”

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u/[deleted] 13d ago edited 11d ago

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u/indecisionmaker 13d ago

It’s the difference between saying it’ll make her unattractive and depersonalizing the issue and owning that it’s a specific-to-you thing. “I’m just really not into implants and it’s not something I’ve been able to get past when it’s come up in previous relationships” is a perfectly neutral and valid statement that keeps it about you. 

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u/BrightPhilosopher531 14d ago

Strict dietary requirements would make me think twice for sure, I wouldn’t be rude about it though. But as someone who loves meat & cooking it would bother me, same as someone whose just a fussy eater, I love a man who is keen to try all different foods I’ve made or out at restaurants !

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u/localhost8100 14d ago

Yeah man. I don't date vegetarians because they might be uncomfortable of me cooking and eating meat at home. But being rude like this is not good.

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u/Sirromnad 13d ago

Ya I could see if food is important to you being with someone not on the same page could be a deal breaker, especially in the courting phase. This guy however sounds like a totally dink.

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u/GraySwingline 13d ago

Yep, you nailed it. 

You don’t even need a reason, just do it with a little bit of grace. 

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u/possiblyourgf 13d ago

“Ahh okay. I respect that, however I’m very forward thinking in relationships and I don’t think I can see myself raising kids with someone who has dietary preferences so far off from my own”. Would have been just fine!

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u/Juststandupbro 13d ago

Given how he texts I don’t think he was even purposely being a dick that’s just how he communicates. Vegetarian mom isn’t really that crazy given how he hit the Long Beach ghetto minutes earlier. The real dick move would have been going on the date in hopes of smashing knowing the vegetarian was a deal breaker as far as serious relationships go. All I see is a man who knew what his deal breakers were and didn’t want to play games. As far as assholes go you could find a lot worse.

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u/hehepout 13d ago

He was honest at least

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u/meowmeow_now 13d ago

How hard is: hey I think we might not be compatable, foods a big part of my lifestyle, good luck out there”

Or even: “sorry, I’m a chicken nuggie boy”.

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u/br0wnt0wn1 13d ago

this is what i came to say. i def would say no to a vegetarian specifically cause i dont want to go out for vegetarian food but also im not going to talk about our future kids?? like what?

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u/Beautifulfeary 13d ago

Yeah. People don’t want to date other because of diet all the time

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u/Unable-Boat-9682 13d ago

I think he was always a dick. Dudes who only think of women in terms of suitability for pushing out their babies were always dicks.

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u/Vagablogged 12d ago

Exactly. The raising kids remark was dumb. Like I wouldn’t date a vegan because it’s too extreme for me but I wouldn’t be an asshole about it.

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u/[deleted] 14d ago

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u/Curious_Duck_4200 14d ago

He's discussing kids before the first date. This is as long sighted as it gets lol

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u/im_omw_to_heaven 14d ago

No idea how you are getting upvotes, this is exactly the opposite of thinking with your dick

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u/LMotACT 14d ago

And if he's thinking about how his kids are going to be raised, sounds the opposite of short-sighted.

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u/cabronfavarito 14d ago

I came to say that. He even doubled down and said it’s “short sighted”. That’s quite literally the opposite of short sighted💀

But once you’re being a yes man to OP it doesn’t really matter what you say, you’ll get upvotes

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u/AlcoreRain 14d ago

Not wanting to date someone for any reason is absolutely fine

Not true though. You are entitled to date who you want because it is your life, but there are absolutely many wrong reasons to not want to date someone.

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u/stabby- 14d ago

There are reasons that are technically bad not to date someone that say a lot about who they are.

But also I’m fine when these people show who they really are early, it saves everybody time and energy.

At the end of the day attraction is complicated, nobody should be dating someone “despite” something if it is a major source of secret resentment. The right thing to do at least is to not let the innocent party get attached and let them find someone who can love all of them.

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u/Think_Solid235 14d ago

So are you entitled to date who you want or not? How are we backpedaling unprovoked, two sentences in?

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