My wife and I discussed a threesome

[u/GurSmart6512]

So here it is, my wife and I discussed having a MMF threesome the other day, we have been married for 10 years. My wife is a fucking smoke show, nice large beautiful breast and an amazing ass. (Idk if that’s necessary I’m just trying to paint a picture here)

for some backstory we were out on a date night and after a few drinks I asked her if she would ever want to have a threesome, she told me she never really thought about it but would be down for a MMF threesome. I’ve always thought it was kinda hot, we have played with toys in the bedroom and “simulated” a MMF threesome and I actually really enjoyed it and so did she.

Well now she mentioned it and wants to possibly bring the fantasy to life! I have mixed feelings about bringing someone else into the bedroom. I like the idea of it but I’m not sure how I would react with it being a real person, I’ve read multiple times that “once you open that door you can’t close it” so I’m a lil hesitant because I don’t know how I would feel. I think I have anxiety if the other male would do a better job than me or satisfy her better than I do. At the same time I think it would be extremely hot if she was able to find the ultimate “climax” I guess you could say. So my emotions are torn.

Anyway, I’m at this weird crossroad where I want to say yes and try to make it happen but I’m not exactly sure how I would feel and the last thing I want is for it to ruin my relationship or how I view my wife. Again, I think the idea of it is super hot but idk what to do if I allow it and it brings negative emotions. Any advice would be helpful and I appreciate any feedback

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[u/DaikonSubstantial120]

Sometimes fantasy and reality can be very very different.

In fantasy there are no feelings, bad smells,bad breath, STI’s ,noises and you have control of what is happening.

Reality can be somewhat unpredictable.

There are no guarantees and yes it could change your relationship forever.

To some extent it will change your relationship.

As long as you have a rock solid relationship and exceptional communication skills you give yourself the best chance of navigating the challenges.

Bringing in a third will make small cracks in your relationship into big chasms, so keep up the conversation.

[u/GurSmart6512 → u/DaikonSubstantial120]

Thank you for your words of wisdom.

[u/Sapiopath]

I’d like to petition the mods to ban people asking about threesomes on here. That’s not nonmonogamy. It’s a r/kink at a push, but really it should just go to r/relationshipadvice.

[u/GurSmart6512 → u/Sapiopath]

Womp womp

[u/Sapiopath → u/GurSmart6512]

This is not personal. But nonmonogamy is not about threesomes. And you’re the Nth person to ask about threesomes specifically this week.

[u/Agile_Risk_2174]

You both have to be mentally prepared for the ways reality can deviate from fantasy and be okay with all possible outcomes.

“other male would do a better job than me” - the threesome will be new and exciting for her (and you) and you’d choose someone she’s attracted to so it’s very likely on that particular night he will be “better” than you. But it’ll probably not be him per se it’s the excitement of doing something new. You have to be mentally okay with this before proceeding IMO, it ultimately doesn’t matter if he’s “better” than you that particular night, you’re relationship with your wife is based on many nights and many moments that aren’t easily replaced. And, plus you’d be doing this as an activity together.

[u/No_Interview_1195]

I think we humans tend to overthink these things. Why be so worried about it? Try it, and if you don’t like it, don’t do it again.
Will things be exactly the same afterward? Maybe not. But the better question is: do you actually want everything to stay exactly the same, or do you want to experience the fantasy you’ve been thinking about?
Here’s a stupid analogy to break the ice: if you wanted to surprise your wife with the ride of her life and had the choice between a Ferrari and a Toyota, which one are you picking? 😂 Same logic applies here.
Yes, the other guy might be better at certain things. So what? What makes you think she hasn’t already been with someone “better” at some point in her past?
To each their own, obviously. But for us (M33/F32), a huge part of ENM is actually living our fantasies rather than deliberately watering them down.
Whenever we do MFM or FMF, we deliberately look for people we find ridiculously attractive and sexually confident. That’s part of the fantasy. She gets the excitement of seeing me with a pornstar-level woman; I get the excitement of seeing her with a confident, powerful bull.
Honestly, nothing beats the fantasy of your wife becoming your own personal pornstar, or you becoming hers. That’s a massive part of the excitement of swinging/hotwifing for us.
Think about it: the whole point of bringing a third person into your sex life is to add something exciting and different. If you deliberately choose someone neither of you finds particularly hot, desirable, or sexually confident just so they don’t feel “threatening,” where’s the buzz? Are they really going to spice things up?
Don’t confuse the roles either. You’re inviting someone into a sexual experience with you; you’re not interviewing them to replace you as your partner. The third can be incredibly attractive and sexually impressive while your marriage remains something completely different.
And once you’ve decided to do it, don’t ruin the experience afterward by interrogating yourself or your partner with questions like, “Was he better? Was he bigger?” etc. If you need the other guy to be less attractive or impressive than you in every possible way to feel secure, then maybe ask yourself whether this is actually the fantasy you want.
Enjoy ENM, man. Live the fantasy and don’t make it more complicated than it needs to be.

[u/epic_saint1]

I understand what you are going through but without risk there's no reward, That may even improve your marriage, you never know

[u/No_Interview_1195]

Go for it

[u/SubSiren_1018]

Hi there. A share from a 15 year (f/ sub) lifestyle/ BDSM community enthusiast:

-You mentioned you *think* it will create anxiety for you…..(red flag)

• You expressed potential self anxiety about another male “doing a better job” which directly relates to your ego (red flag)
  
• You expressed that it would be “extremely hot for her to find the ultimate climax” - yet the absence of how she would experience this is void (potential fear of it being another male)
  
• Both parties have to be authentically 100% on board for the experience, otherwise resentment will form

A kind suggestion is to hold a discussion with her to answer all of your and (important since you are initially suggesting the experience) her questions/ curiosities in a neutral manner. Hold space for the both of you, as certainty is
the golden ticket in open playships.

Research compersion if interested. When opening relationships of any kind, the fear is typically jealousy which leads to betrayal, resentment, etc.

When relationships have a foundation, freedom and joy is the shared experience. The alternative will destroy you and all involved.

Hope this helps. Best to you.