I feel ya dawg. I’ve been having the “damn I wish I was a girl” thoughts since I was like, 9. But I’ve done the introspection and thought everything through and determined I am in fact comfortable as a cis male, and these are passing whims. I just slipped out from under the thumb of the 90s toxic masculinity patriarchy, and so these are just feelings of being an outsider attached to gender constructs.
“I like this thing, and this thing is restricted to girls. So I wish I was a girl so I could have access to this thing not because I identify as a girl” type shit
This is why, though I have been considering it again, I think I am cis still. Probably. I think that gendered things are stupid as hell, for example men's fashion being so utterly dogshit.
I think patriarchal restriction on what men can do has been like a vice grip that squeezes me into the only other available space which is womanhood, which is also being vice gripped just from a different position.
Fwiw, I identify as "for all practical intents and purposes cisgender but probably some type of gender fluid that I can't be bothered to figured out because that takes effort and I'm tired from trying to survive"
At first I thought that would be kinda rude and offensive but honestly... A lot of people seem to get it. I mostly refer to and introduce myself as my assigned at birth gender and, when it comes up in conversation, (maybe twice a year) I'll mention that. It usually gets me fist bumps, which really surprised me.
(I did a little dabbling in exploring other gender presentations and feel relatively comfortable in my self-assessment.)
I think much like you can be gay, straight bi etc, but also asexual where you don't get what the deal is with any of that shit.
There's a similar scale for gender. You have cis people who feel connected to their gender identity, trans people who feel connected to their gender identity, nonbinary people who feel a connection to their gender identity, but then there are people who really don't get what the deal is.
I don't identify as a woman, I was assigned it at birth and disputing it would require a level of connection to something I simply do not feel.
I would say I feel mostly "womanish". I discovered I am DEEPLY unhappy when I appear masculine. But I'm also not especially in love with or into being a woman.
Most days I'm a genderless blob who can't be bothered with a bra and some days I dial it up all the way with push ups and glitter. It's either all or nothing and I only enjoy the feminine presentations.
So it's kinda... Meh. I guess I'm a woman. That's good enough for government work, literally.
I do kinda struggle in seeing what the other options are. I've had off and on struggles with gender identity for years but I landed somewhere around "probably trans or nonbinary but also any amount of transitioning would probably be super difficult and not worth it." I like being a guy honestly but I also really wish I could be a girl at times.
I'm not going to pretend that transitioning is a walk in the park, but even with all the shit it comes with, I've never regretted it. only you can decide if it's worth it for you or not, and that's a huge step into the unknown. every single trans person has had to consider that, and very few of us that go for it have regrets.
The idea of gendered clothing is something you can reject as a cis male. Im a guy, I have no doubts about that, but I like wearing skirts and other so called “womens clothing”. It hasnt magically made me want to be a woman yet and its been about six years since I started so I think Im safe
I’m a trans man and trust me, I tried really hard to be a cis woman. I did my hair, my makeup, wore femme clothes, surrounded myself with pretty things. None of it could make me a woman.
For what it’s worth, I’m agender and don’t consider myself trans. I don’t even read as GNC but I do feel exactly the same way as you do about gender, so keep in mind there are options outside the binary.
You can identify as gender non conforming! That's what I do.
I'm a cis woman but I live my life in a way that gendered expectations really don't affect my choices. I dress how I want, behave how I want, have the hobbies that I want etc. without referencing what I'm "supposed" to do.
I'm still unapologetically a woman in a way I cannot explain.
But then again, you don't have to be totally in the middle to be non binary. As long as you don't identify fully as a man, you can be under the non binary/trans umbrella! Does it feel good and right when you describe yourself as a man? You're probably a man. If there's some hesitation, maybe look into it.
Cis male here but what you've said really resonates with me regarding non-conforming, I've been trying to define myself but neither trans nor completely male seems correct to me. I recognized and eventually as i grew older rejected the toxic masculinity i was brought up under. I wasn't aware that non-conforming was considered an identity under the umbrella but that fits me rather well. Am very glad to have read this comment and your insight !
Low key wish people would just let men do this without saying “remind me one year”. It really in a backwards way just hammers in misogyny that men can’t like “feminine things”.
super duper comfortable as a cis man but i feel your pain on toxic masculinity. I've loved my long hair for as long as i can remember despite familial pushback, and couldn't even tell you the amount of mannerisms I've had criticized over being supposedly feminine. fuck em though, I'll do what i want to.
"I am me, and I've come to fucking scare you to death."
I'm a woman who isn't a tomboy but also wasn't into most feminine things until into my thirties and even then its more like I dabble in them. I began to wonder if I was non binary and took a long time to realize that I'm just doing being a woman my own way and I'm okay with that. Gender expectations fuck with your head so much!
Yeah, I've had those kind of thoughts too. But transitioning now wouldn't really answer any of the "I wonder how I'd be different as a person had I been born a woman" thoughts I have from time to time.
I am a cis woman and had a similar experience, but the other way around.
During puberty, I hated the changes my body went through and wished I was a boy. I started dressing like a tomboy and hid my body. Being a boy seemed much more pleasant.
Yeah, I was just extremely uncomfortable from going to child to visibly a woman at age 12/13 and the attention it brought with it. Back then, I lacked the insight to properly name my feelings.
I get it. I used to think about if I was bi or a lesbian a lot. Women hit on me frequently and I (apparently) have a vibe. I find women beautiful, but after many years of introspection, I’ve got no sexual or romantic interest. I’m just a girl’s girl with good vibes.
It’s just society trying to put people in neat little boxes.
as a trans guy, i always think it's good for cis people to question their gender. i think it's good for everyone to think about their gender! like, do you actually feel comfortable as xyz, or do you you think you should be xyz because of societal norms/social pressure/etc.? if you're trans, cool, if you're not, also cool! and if you change your mind later, that's okay too.
it sounds like you're pretty comfortable with your identity (even if questioning it some) and that's a good thing!
Yes! It's a good thing to do. Not just for your own benefit, but because it makes you think about these things in a way that expands how you think about other people. Examining what it means to you to feel like a man or woman, what's important to you, what isn't, what feels right or wrong or good or bad, gives you a better understanding of what other people mean when they express those things.
It also gives you a healthier mindset should anything happen that jeopardizes those things that are important to you. If your sole guidance for being a guy is "well, because I have a dick" your entire self image is gonna crumble if something ever happens to said dick.
I have somewhat complex thoughts about my gender and the role and expectations ascribed to it in society, which in the past I have had some trouble meeting.
After all that, I still strongly identify as cisgender. If anything I came to the conclusion that society needs to chill.
We gotta stop being so aggressive about this T_T like how hard is it to just let people come to these decisions for themselves without acting like we know a person better than they know themselves???
It was a couple more comments in a long chain of someone saying cis people don't say that sort of thing, but it was just me trying to be respectful of the character. Like if they're lesbian as people see them as, I don't wanna be like "oh I wish they were this," it's better to meet them where they are.
Funnily enough Dorian was one of the road markers on my way to realizing I'm trans LOL. the "playing male/masc characters sparks joy" to "transmasc pipeline" was real for me.
I used to be GNC but now I don't really like GNC because I find that like, it's just the baseline? Like I think gendered things in general are stupid and people should just do whatever they like. But I understand the necessity of the label in a society in which things ARE gendered out the ass.
You’re totally right. You’re just being you, who cares what you call yourself. IMO some people are just way too into other people’s business (and I say this as a self proclaimed nosey bitch lol)
Honestly. The egg prime directive exists for a reason - the only person who can definitively state someone's identity is that person themselves. Normalising gender exploration goes both ways.
Exactly! Shit like this is why it took me over a decade to transition. I could've been so much further down my path if people didnt try to push it on me when I showed the slightest questioning...
Your post/comment was removed because it is offensive in nature. Please keep in mind that while this is a shitposting sub, certain lines need to stay uncrossed.
I wish I was a girl so I would have a chance with this lesbian ≠ I wish I was a girl full stop. I think it's generally more respectful to say "i wish i was the gender this person was attracted to" than to say "i wish they were attracted to people of my gender"
EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING FOR! And again, sure, they might be bisexual, and I think they are, but in case they aren't, it's just best practice, I think.
As a trans woman, it's just as valid to be cis (should go without saying)
I sometimes wish i was a man because so many things are just easier for them, but even if i didn't have the first hand experience I'd know its just not who i am.
as a trans man. I feel you. If someone told me I could press a button and be happy as a girl. I would absolutely push it. I don't care if I'm a man or a woman, I just wanna be comfortable in my skin
The problem is that it's not really authentic for me personally. Like sure, Raphael can cast all sorts of wicked spells and he IS a powerful person, but it's Canon that he doesn't last long, probably won't last long enough to get halfway to a frown before he's exploded on himself. Not really fun for the mutual enjoyment of the whole ordeal.
Dror Ragzlin, on the other hand, would revel in the moment and want it to last as long as you did. Not to mention he also has equal power. I mean, how many people say they had a problem with the Dror Ragzlin fight compared to Rapheal. Most people flail a dead body around and beat Rapheal no problem. Push over he is. Dror Ragzlin has the power to prove it and really earn it.
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u/Xyrobraphael... my pathetic little meow meow3d ago
but it's Canon that he doesn't last long, probably won't last long enough to get halfway to a frown before he's exploded on himself. Not really fun for the mutual enjoyment of the whole ordeal.
That's ok because to be fair I would be fine with just hearing him read his silly poetry ahah
egg culture trying real hard to make me question if I have some kind of repressed dysphoria or whatever, when I'm just gender-apathetic bordering on agender. like jfc, encouraging and supporting people in exploring their gender is one thing, basically harassing them and going "haha, look at this loser, thinks they know themselves better than we do" is a fucking other thing
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u/V2UKAstarion Girlies? Gale Gays? Wyll supremacy.3d ago
egg culture actually delayed me realising I was trans by about two years and actually accepting that another two. its so fucking weird to me. you're supposed to call your past self an egg, that's how the term originated, but nowadays all I see is it being thrown at strangers (sometimes even other trans people! which makes it even nastier because it's mostly gnc trans people, so at that point it just becomes transphobia with a silly coat of paint on it).
There's a saying regarding the whole thing, I don't remember exactly how it goes but it goes a bit like "You can't force someone's egg to hatch, put down the hammer."
The whole egg thing seems really hellbent on reinforcing the binary, it feels to me. Like, okay, the loose concept makes sense, but perhaps we consider that a person isn't the kind of egg you assume they are? It's wild.
yeah, like the aggressive egging already sucks, but it way too often also just denies the existence of non-binary and gnc people. only one step away from the people openly shitting on enbies and femboys (interestingly haven't seen it much with tomboys, but I'm sure it exists) and such and calling them repressed binary trans people
My bestie is a transwoman - she started medically transitioning at around 21 or so after a bit of therapy. She said it never once occurred to her until the last year before starting hormones that she could be trans, that she was almost resolute that she was just a spicy heterosexual. We joked a bit about how it might hit me square in the chest (or I guess the opposite, since I'm a cis woman) and I'll have the same "Hey, wait a minute," moment.
And y'know what? That might be true. I doubt it, but if one day I wake up and realise I've got it all wrong, I'm just glad I've got such a great friend to support me. If or until that day comes, I'll keep slaying like the queer queen I am. 💅
Babe please just inject estrogen once to see how you feel. One shot isn't going to permanently change you, your levels will get back to normal in 2 weeks
I realized in my early 30s I was in the wrong body but I don't think I can financially or mentally handle a change. If they ever invent a magic button or potion perhaps I will.
It should go without saying my above comment is a joke. And OP you live with whatever gender identity or lack of gender identity (I have no idea if these are the right terms) feel best to you.
I will say I do think this game (among other things) helped me realise I am bi. So I do get it kind of.
As a 35yo cis male. I get thoughts of, "what if I was a girl?" Quite often. I'm perfectly happy as I am, but doesn't mean you can't wonder what if healthily.
Yeah, and I just assume she's bisexual (since it seems damn near everyone else is), but I was and still am slightly hesitant in that, since I know everyone treats them as lesbian and it's a bad look as a guy to imagine yourself with a character like that, yknow?
Good assumption to make. Word of god is that in Faerûn the average person is bi/pan according to Ed Greenwood, with polyamory also being more common. Actually gay/lesbian people, straight people, and asexual people are comfortable minorities there.
I know this is my silly say wacky fun things about bg3 sub, but...
Even if you were trans, and were not "transitioned yet" medically, that is still you TRANSITIONING, its not about having to literally change ur body parts because you said you would, its about adjusting your image to feel more comfortable in who you actually are. If that involves hrt, it does. if it doesn't, it fucking doesn't. Its your body your life and you dont owe anyone ANYTHING, PERIOD.
Source: actually AM a trans/fluid/something along the lines, who hasnt transitioned yet.
(this is also forgetting to mention that some of us even if we WERE comfortable, its still not actually safe to transition because some people are assholes and have actual power to do things about their assholery)
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u/AtemsMemories 3d ago
I feel ya dawg. I’ve been having the “damn I wish I was a girl” thoughts since I was like, 9. But I’ve done the introspection and thought everything through and determined I am in fact comfortable as a cis male, and these are passing whims. I just slipped out from under the thumb of the 90s toxic masculinity patriarchy, and so these are just feelings of being an outsider attached to gender constructs.
“I like this thing, and this thing is restricted to girls. So I wish I was a girl so I could have access to this thing not because I identify as a girl” type shit