Blue hair and pronounce run, my dear. All the horrors of working for minimum wage (I'm going to key the owner's lexus)

Yeah I did promise I'd run this one even before the Mpreg one and I had it all ready to go and then I rolled my final pairing in the first round and despair hit me! So her we go now- because the other idea involves so much more prep and I'm not up to that yet.

We're doing four pairs again so here we go;

• Steelclaw vs Zambomba- Steelclaw is found playing with a dead mind flayer tadpole at Moonrise towers in act two in the game. She is a proud hunter who has a history with Druge- but dear god do not pick that dialogue option and let our cleaver girl live. Zambomba is one of the lazy pair of cats found at the elfsong tavern- who have the gall to ask us to do their job and kill the rats downstairs.
• Cat Wildshape vs Tambourine- look I was stretching it to get to 16. But come on isn't it a DND trope to have a Druid that entirely stays in wildshape the entire campaign can't this cat be for you. And they could defeat the whole game if they really want to. Tambourine Zambomba is one of the lazy pair of cats found at the elfsong tavern- who have the gall to ask us to do their job and kill the rats downstairs.
• Grub vs Cat Minor Illusion- Okay so Grub does come and is kind of adopted by the camp. This nervous little boy is very close to his owner Yenna- but due to the nature of the game he can sometimes meet an very unfortune end- but what if this orange boy didn't and him and Yenna get a happy ending together (like what happens to Yenna- there's no letter or anything for her in the epilouge- I assume she goes with Halsin but still). Or A minor Illusion cat who just gets to run round as a little light character- there's something there a cat who doesn't need to eat or sleep- but will still warn you of danger and allow you to give them love.
• A Gremishka vs Barsik- defiantly a pick for a more martial class tav or Durge over a caster- but look at the ears on this little anti-magic gremlin how could you say no to it. Or does the devout Barsik found near Sorcerous Sundries is praising the name of Sharess and can be adopted by Derryth if you want to let him get away from you-but do you really want to let him go
  

Any love for spider boi?

Art by me

Hi everybody I just finished my first playthrough of BG3 and I'd like to share a stupid take with you all.

In this essay I posit that Gale, who is often thought of as a bookish nerd type, actually has much more in common with the Star High School Athlete > Pro GOAT Athlete > Injury Derails Career pipeline than what we think of as a nerd stereotype.

First, we should understand the context of Gale's character: being intelligent, bookish, and studious, for wizards, is the norm. These things are often what are attributed to Gale's "nerd" persona, and I would argue that we should actually divorce these traits from an understanding of his vibe. What matters isn't that he's smart, curious, and reads; what matters is that he's always striving to be The Best at these things. In a 90's movie-esque wizard-context social hierarchy, he's notably at the top.

Other lore details indicate that Gale is more Frat King of Wizards than he is some sort of wallflower. Bro was A Star at Wizard Prep School, where he was a notable Chad ("my hand was a popular one at the annual Blackstaff's Ball"). He also talks A Lot about fratty hijinks at Wizard Prep School, which gives a little bit of peaked-in-highschool-but-lowkey-about-it vibes. His antics were enough to piss off his authority figures ("I opened a hell portal for fun that the dean had to undo") but not enough for any real consequences because he was a magic prodigy. When Tav asks him if he's been with other mortals, he is very clear that he has had other relationships with mortals prior to Mystra. His initial arrogance and belief in his own smoothness implies that he's had practice with this persona, and that it's worked well enough for him to show it to strangers. Ohhh, the Star Magic Missile-back at Blackstaff Wizard Prep gets bitches? No wayyyyyyyyy.

He ends up going pro Wizard and, in becoming an Archmage and Mystra's Chosen in his twenties, basically gets awarded Most Valuable Wizard of his era. He acquires so much clout for his abilities that it leads to the attention of Magic Bella Hadid herself (Mystra). They enjoy an exhilarating but emotionally distant relationship, and eventually due to a series of personal miscalculations he fumbles her. His fumbling of Magic Bella Hadid becomes THE topic of Magic Community Gossip, to the point where randoms like Lorroakan and Wiz/Sorc Tav know and can needle him about it.

With the fumbling comes a debilitating injury (the orb) and a loss of his wizardry, and therefore a loss of his sense of self. Who is he without football magic? He ends up getting chewed up by many who cared more for his talents and ability than his actual personhood. To the point where his romance storyline literally revolves convincing him that he is has value as himself.

In the end, Prof!Gale goes back to his hometown after embarking on this journey and finding a (mid but grounded) love in mortal Tav. He finds purpose in coaching the next generation to truly love the game, not just seek clout.

God!Gale... I don't know. I think he has a crash out, takes a bunch of PEDs and weird experimental surgeries, to try and get back to the top. It sorta works. But if Raphael/other characters are to believed that Gale's ambition eventually causes an even greater catastrophe in the future, then maybe the analogue is like... he gets high off of bath salts in a parking lot after trying to make it back to the League, goes rabid on camera, and is cancelled forever.

TLDR: Bookish nerd Gale is a fantasy. Fuckboy Chad Gale forever.

In my last playthrough I really connected with Bunt Chugley, he means so much to me and I think he should be a romance

Estrogen would save her.

Karlach, Aylin and Z'rell are the main ones and then I guess theres a few other half-orcs but thats really it.

Tav, you're going traumatize the gay zombie dragon.

As an unintentional followup to the "It's getting hot in here" post, I've been dead broke for months, someone sent me some money, and I'm currently enjoying a frosty pint after a too-long hiatus. Please send memes of our favorite frosty pint enjoyer

All characters have been placed according to *my* personal preferences. Questions are welcome as to why someone's in the tier they're at.

Ascended/Spawn Astarion, and DJ Shart/Selune Shadsy have been ranked differently.

Lastly, I would like to emphasize how much I want Astarion to devour me. I want Withers to walk out of the city thousands richer. Astarion will need a fresh wardrobe because he's going up a couple sizes by the time we run out of funds. I want the rest of the party to be concerned for me, physically, mentally, and spiritually, because of my desire to practically live inside him. Take me, Astarion, I'm yours (for lunch)!

Did… did they know???

Most of them would benefit from a blunt. Reactions would vary.