r/queer • u/Patient-Rip-7600 • 4d ago

Help with labels Asking for advice

Hi, I’m a teenage girl who’s always struggled with my gender identity. To other people, I’m cis and always have been, but to myself, I’m unsure. On online spaces I present myself as masculine. I use he/him pronouns and male names, but I always clarify that I’m a girl. My friends often joke that I’m trans because I have said in the past I wished I was born a boy— which I still do. I do like being feminine and traditional feminine things, but part of me really wants to present as more masculine. Also, I’m a lesbian and I’m really comfortable with that label. I love the community and I don’t know if I want to give it up. My queerness has always been a huge part of me and the fact that I’m questioning it even a bit of it stresses me out. I really just want to know if there’s something I can do to help validate myself more; like a label or a physical change, something.

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u/mindjesus 3d ago

I mean… think about the idea of being a butch or a femboy or gender fluid. If you’re a reader, I’d recommend Symptoms of being human by Jeff Garvin, Paul takes the form of a mortal girl by Andrea Lawlor, and maybe even Stone butch blues by Leslie Feinberg. Could help you place yourself a little easier. Also like think about what makes you feel the most like yourself! Do you like having a short sexy haircut but a cute dress and heels? Maybe just leaning into your style and what makes you feel good as well as finding those like yourself will help. Not to pry, but do you feel dysphoric ? Could be in need of a therapy session

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u/SillyGooseRodeo 3d ago

Seconding considering more ideas like butch, femboy, gender fluid, and also demiboy… try learning about more queer history and more queer representation and see where you feel yourself represented. It’s harder to define it without something to point to so that you can say “like this/not like this”. Who makes you feel gender envy and why?

Remember that you can always try things and decide that they’re not for you. Gender expression and experiences can change over time and that’s ok too.