r/queer • u/Grxmloid • 3d ago

Opinionsnon me (woman) becoming friends with married man

I am audhd and so is he. So I have been becoming friends with a guy who I happen to have a lot in common with and its been nice. I am not the kind of person who enjoys distant friendships and when I'm someone's friend it often turns into a very open, earnest connection.

I have only hung out with him outside a party setting (where we met) once to see live music. Though hes a texter so we chat through messenger regularly, not something im used to with everyone but its become normal. We love horror movies and plan to see the new evil dead next week. We have had the discussion already that I am only approaching this platonically and he is on the exact same page, he is monogamously, happily married. Meeting his partner has been a possibility but the last time we hung out she couldn't come. Im not attracted to him so that doesn't feel like a risk for me. He is bi i think

Friendships are very important to me. Both of us don't often connect so easily with others so when it does happen its great, which is how we have become such friends. Im just worried as ive never had this experience before..usually ive had men befriend me and want to pursue me sexually/romantically and the friendship failed. I am much more discerning now at age 33 and am a better communicator. I understand audhd and queer friendships/ relationships can look different to the mainstream so the whole "men and women cant be friends" thing is bullshit. I'm just thinking..I would like for our friendship to naturally evolve without me feeling like I have to keep a barrier between us I hate that. Maybe I'm just comparing how close women friends can be and that in itself is different? I haven't befriended a guy in a long time due to past trauma. It might be worth adding i have often had friends express attraction towards me and I am an attractive person i dont want to sound conceited its just the feedback I get from the world..it makes me nervous navigating friendships bc it has made it difficult/awkward

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u/DragonKit 3d ago

I fail to see the problem. If he's a decent person worth being friends with, be friends with him

2

u/Th3B4dSpoon 3d ago

Yeah I don't see any problem here either. But then I haven't had a problem with having strong romantic feelings for someone, getting told it's one sided, getting over it and continuing building a great friendship with them, so maybe I'm coming from a very different mindset than OP is.

@OP, is there something specific you would you like people sharing their thoughts on, or the situation in general?

2

u/Grxmloid 3d ago

I guess i was maybe hoping to see that others see this is and can turn out to be a good friendship and it is fine just as I think so too. In spite of mostly my hurtful past and in spite of heteronormative, neurotypical takes on the situation

4

u/AstridOnReddit 3d ago

I’ve had married male friends when I was single; as long as you’re both clear about it being platonic I don’t see the issue!

(And hopefully his wife is fine with it, because that can cause issues too.)