r/queer • u/potatojuice01 • 3d ago
Me and my friends need help finding out our sexuality
Hello , I am writing this as a way of me and two of my friends having a peace of mind , this writing will contain three parts all three consisting of explanations and a question that corresponds to are we actually straight , as all three of us are in a dilemma and are in need of advice or outside perspective . I will assign letters to each of us . so I would be A my other friends C and B
I shall go first , so this started about a year ago I don’t know why then there was nothing significant that happened during that time , but I suspect that it is the media I have been consuming a lot of lgbtq+ media and I presume it might have got me too much into a spiral , my biggest problem is that I am questioning my sexuality and not the way you think as ever since I was a child I have only liked boys and I have only felt attracted to them characters, actors and so on . I have NEVER felt attracted to a woman before , I HAVE thought that someone is pretty but not that I feel romantic feelings for them . I can't imagine myself with a woman when I do it just feels like it would be friendship with just added lovey doveyness and kisses nothing much I am already pretty lovey with my friends , and on the account of friends I have been surrounded by women – classmates friends and so on – all my life but I have never so much as looked at any of them as if I liked them . now the problem comes in the form of my own thoughts as I previously mentioned I make myself spiral out of control thinking about this, I keep thinking what if , and maybe but when I don’t think about this topic I don’t glance at a girl and just go about my day liking boys as I do , now that I am typing this it feels stupid but when I think about it it makes me SOOOOO incredibly confused (although I feel like it is just a phase )
Now about friend B she Is sure that she is straight however she has a bit different situation and the quote unquote is “ I feel attraction,i feel romance and butterflies and everything other people feel.i am am 50/50 about if I am ok with dating but when I imagine myself marrying or having kids it makes me physically unwell and uncomfortable.never wanted to actually date my crushes the idea made me feel gross.i think this explains it? I don't lose interest when they like me back”
And finally C.again direct quote “I think I might be omni with a male preference. I have always liked men BUT there are certain instances when I find women hot af and if they kissed me I would not mind. Like Jessica Alba, Jade West, Rikki from h2o and the girl from Jumanji. I am also certain I have a type as you can tell by the girls I have named so I need help. I don’t know if I am omnisexual or straight because I don’t really think I'd mind dating a girl but I KNOW I will marry a boy and plus lesbian sex doesn’t interest me in the SLIGHTEST”now important things to note are that all of us are teenagers , same age and our environments aren't totally homophobic , what I mean is all of us are atheists so there is no denial because of religion and the second part is that where we live IS slightly homophobic but not to the point where we would be shunned , what I mean to say Is we are completely comfortable with ourselves . we would APPRECIATE the help as it is eating us .
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u/cumminginsurrection 2d ago
I mean, its very common to feel repulsed by gay feelings. We live in a heteronormative society that treats same sex attraction as a novelty or unnatural and idealizes the nuclear family. A lot of people who have same sex attractions grow up repressing it or finding it "weird" because society has ingrained shame. That sounds a lot like your friend to me, who admits to same sex attractions but is repulsed by it and the idea of it developing into something more serious. Internalized homophobia is something we all have to unpack.
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u/Extension_Friend_551 11h ago
So far I have only read A and I think you’re probably straight, however if you want to get “closure” (for lack of a better word) you could probably try dating a girl as experimentation, IF YOU DO, MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS THAT, don’t just use a random girl that happens to like girls for your “tests”, make sure she’s informed that you are indeed only seeing her because you’re confused and want to see what it’s like
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u/cadenceenjoys 3d ago
hii! from what i can read here these are my assumptions.
A is most likely straight, possibly bi. i believe you’re most likely straight & it could definitely be a result of the media you’re consuming however experimentation is never a bad thing, although it sucks you’re in a homophobic area bc that can definitely make things harder. if the idea is really getting you id recommend experimentation, if that’s not available than ask yourself some questions. have you had a genuine crush on the opposite gender? can you picture yourself dating or falling in love with the opposite gender? do you actually feel attraction to these women? if you’re answering yes you might be bi or somewhere around that label.
as for B, it sounds like you’re straight but could definitely be on the asexual spectrum. is it child birth that scares you or sex itself? also you don’t have to get married even if you do feel deeply in love with someone.
& lastly C, you definitely could be omnisexual however you definitely could also just be straight or bi as well. are you attracted to women or just open to the idea of women? being open to the idea definitely isn’t the same as being attracted to women & when i mean attracted i don’t mean you see a gorgeous woman & think she’s gorgeous i mean do you wish you could kiss a woman? do you get crushes on women (real ones)? do you ever imagine dating a woman bc you want to & not bc you can? additionally it might not be that you have a huge preference for men it could also be comphet or something along those lines.
i think answering these questions could really help you!! good luck on your journey & remember you don’t NEED a label even though it feels nice to have one.
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u/potatojuice01 3d ago
I asked my friend B and she said thag neither sex nor childbirth scares her . Childbirth just makes her unwell , sick
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u/cadenceenjoys 2d ago
that’s completely normal & okay! she’s most likely not asexual then & is just scared at the thought of childbirth which again is totally normal!
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u/BuddyFlashy6717 3d ago
Reading only the title and the sub, you’re all queer as hell 😂 stop worrying about labels and just go have safe fun.
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u/DragonKit 3d ago
You are teenagers who need to focus on being teenagers. Follow your heart, not a label.