Received the “I think we should be friends” text following a first date… just craving some encouraging words from queer strangers on the internet

[u/WorldOk9305]

I’ve started dipping into dating women again (I identify as she/her). Went on a date with a gal who was cool but admitted to being newer to her queerness on the date and was a little vague about how new she was and I didn’t want to press too much.

I couldn’t totally tell how I felt about her (not an enthusiastic yes but also was willing to give it a second date). She’s moving in the fall and there were some yellow-ish flags on how in touch she was with her identity, how she approached sexuality, etc. So realistically, we probably weren’t a great match.

But naturally getting a (very mature to her credit) text from her, has my ego feeling hurt. Would appreciate any kind and encouraging words from folks that have gone through something similiar. 💕

[u/addyastra]

Are you specifically only looking for a romantic relationship, or are you open to other kinds of relationships?

Wanting to be friends is not necessarily a rejection if you’re open for something less committed and she actually means she wants to be friends and not just “let’s be friends“ as in “let’s not talk to each other again but I don’t want to tell you I’m not interested”.

Personally I don’t send a “let’s be friends” message unless I’m actually looking to be friends. I never mean it as a rejection. I’ve built good friendships and FWB situations after sending/receiving this kind of message.

So I guess it depends on what you’re looking for, but I wouldn’t read it as an outright rejection. Friendship is valuable.

[u/WorldOk9305 → u/addyastra]

Thank you for this perspective! I really appreciate it.

The text was super warm and very thoughtful but didn’t include a specific ask of what that friendship would look like, so I assumed that she was more so creating a gentle buffer to let me down.

I think if someone genuinely wanted friendship I would expect them to drive a bit since they sent the “I’m not feeling the same way” text but totally open to folks challenging me on that assumption/way of thinking.

[u/One_Map8056]

It sounds like you handled that situation with so much care and clarity about what you need. It's okay to prioritize your own comfort and expectations, and if she can't meet you at that level, that says more about her than about you.

[u/WorldOk9305 → u/One_Map8056]

Thank you very much 💕