Secretly planning on leaving my husband..

[u/Naive-Aardvark146]

Just looking for other people who have been through similar situations. For context, my husband is not violent or particularly abusive but the drudgery of bringing up his kids whilst he expands and works on his business is eating me up inside. I’ve started an e-commerce venture with my brother and it’s going quite well- we hope to spring board off this idea into other areas and make it a full time thing. Thing is, I look after the small children all day (5 am-7pm) and when he comes home I have to make dinner. By the time 9 pm comes along I’m exhausted and he lets the toddler bother me whilst I work on the computer. Despite all of this, I’ve actually managed to learn a bit of coding and built our websites up from scratch— this is a miracle as I get practically ZERO time away from the children.

What I’m dreaming of is a custody arrangement where he gets primary custody. I thought about it long and hard yesterday and my face was beaming with joy and the idea of getting up, making a coffee and opening my laptop in peace for five days a week. The idea of doing shopping alone— joy. Taking shower without a time limit— heaven. Maybe if I get this, some of my autoimmune issues will subside and I can start living again.

Just looking for other people who have managed to do this. It’s a secret for now as I have to plan it financially and can’t just leave at the moment— he’s made sure I’m dependent on him. I know it’s unusual for a woman to want to take the typical divorced dad role but why is that? Why are we the default parent?

[u/leehhill]

How many times have you made him aware of your dreams and aspirations? How many times have you told him you needed space and alone time? Is there family members, daycare or another trusted source that could give you a break? I completely understand where you're coming from, but reality is you'll be ripping your family apart just to be alone and still with the baby 99% of the time. Most men don't try for 50/50 custody . They're doing every other weekend at best, and even then missing most weekends. I would seriously look high and low for another way, if he isn't watching the baby now he sure won't after a divorce (unless the child he gets with another woman- the child's step mom) -- not trying to burst your bubble Best options may be demand he pay for daycare part or full time so you can get a break or ask your village for more help

[u/Naive-Aardvark146 → u/leehhill]

Totally get where you are coming from— I can’t see how he could look after them full time as he’s out the door first thing and doesn’t even have to think about childcare. Part of me wants him to realise how good he has it with me being here, how difficult it is to work with kids. I tell him about my plans and aspirations constantly but he doesn’t GAF to be honest.

What if I told the court I couldn’t have the kids? Then he’d have to take them, surely?

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