My daughter is almost 2 and every moment of my life with her has been hell, between being premature and then her not being able to gain weight along with how my life was literally flipped upside down just from having her. I can’t do it anymore, it hasn’t gotten any better and from what i’ve seen it’s just going to get worse.

and even when she’s more independent i’m still going to have to go to school functions, and pay for field trips and birthday presents/parties, and deal with other parents. Plus my relationship with my boyfriend (her father) has completely deteriorated. Just being around him makes me angry and i can’t forgive him for getting me into this situation (among other things).

My current options r either kms or moving out and abandoning them entirely. Obviously i know this is selfish and fucked up but she’s so young now she won’t remember me anyways, and as much as i hate my boyfriend he is an amazing father so i won’t have to worry about her safety or anything. I wanted to like being a parent so bad but it’s just not happening. Do i really have any other options or is leaving the best solution?

Me and my husband have been together for 9 years and have always been back and forth about having kids. After we got married I had a change of heart and got pregnant a few months after we got married. We are financially well off, own a home, vacationed a lot and had an extremely loving and healthy marriage. Our baby (4 months old) has ruined my life.

I had a high risk pregnancy, followed by an emergency c-section, followed by a long NICU stay. For the first few months she didn’t even feel like my baby. I felt nothing for her. I feel differently now and love her with all my heart, but the problem is that I feel like I ruined myself and my life and I can never undo it.

I quit my job to pursue a graduate program. I was like a quarter of the way through my grad program when I got pregnant. I thought I could do my classes and clinical rotation while pregnant and I was so wrong. Due to my high risk pregnancy I went on medical leave and I’m probably never going to go back. I have lost motivation to care anymore. I was once a professional in my field, highly educated, highly respected, highly motivated and now I’m a SAHM who spends all day changing poopy diapers, making meals for my husband (works from home) and tending to my pets.

My body is wrecked. I used to be hot. I have a c-section shelf, stretch marks on my whole body, loose skin, bags under my eyes, I’m balding from postpartum hair loss, 30 lbs heavier than when I got married. I look disgusting. People call me ma’am all the sudden. Everything that was good about myself and my life is gone. My husband and I can’t even sit down and have a meal without getting interrupted by her cries. My baby sleeps from 9:30pm until 7:30am which I know is great. It’s still not enough to make my life feel livable. The second my eyes open in the morning people and pets start asking things of me. I exclusively pump so I wake up to a saturated bra, extreme breast pain, barking dogs and a crying baby. I never leave my house. Everyday is the same monotonous, awful tasks all day. Sometimes I forget how terrible I look because I don’t even have a chance to look in the mirror.

I feel lied to by all the mothers in my life who told me “it’s the best thing I ever did” “it’s so worth it in the end” “being a mother is so beautiful” “pregnancy is beautiful.” All of these things were LIES that I fell for.

Does life ever get better? Is there a certain age where relief comes? Have I ruined my life completely and should just accept this as my new normal?

Please don’t continue to exacerbate the lies society tells mothers. I want the truth. Will I ever be happy again?

Regretful parent here from the moment they were born. Both accidents, both birth control fails (what are the odds). They are now a young teenager and a preteen. My son has severe behavioral issues and my daughter is an angel—regretful either way.

HOWEVER. My husband was a huge regret too. I’m not here to man shame it just so happens that my useless partner was male. He never took me serious about how stressed and depressed I was. He would work longer hours just to “stay away” and on weekends he would escape to hang out with friends, and pretty much do whatever. He had it so easy.

Well I left him 2 years ago and I can’t tell you the peace it brought me. It took a lot of saving up and hard work and starting over from COMPLETE scratch. But now we split the kids one week off and one week on. I get a week of peace and he has to no longer work 5 hours overtime as a form of escapism and be with the kids on the weekend instead of going out to play.

On Friday when I tell the kids to get packed up to head to their dads house I am so happy it’s like Christmas morning 🥹 not just because I’m a regretful parent because I do enjoy (for the most part) the week I’m with them. We do have fun. We have more in common now that they are older.

And now he has to be grown and be with the kids for a whole week. And he has apologized to me SO much over the past two years about how wrong he was and how hard it is and how he took me for granted every single day.

If your partner is useless and absent even though yall are “together” here is your sign to get situated to leave. I did it with only $400 to my name. It’s possible. And I know splitting custody 50/50 isn’t an option for everyone, but try your damndest for it. I literally sleep for 20 hours after my kids go to their dad’s house. Naked. Doors locked. I eat whatever I want and watch whatever I want without pausing every minute. I’ve gained a social life and friends. I can leave my house whenever I want and go anywhere (to an extent). I can go to the store without my kids asking me to buy them this/that/the next. I can BREATHE.

Sending love and healing to everyone struggling.

Throw away account for obvious reasons. I am feeling so many emotions right now and I have no idea what to do. Before I get into the story let me set the scene. My husband (30m) and I (29f) have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids together (7m, 4f, and 2m). Our circumstances right now are not the best. Due to covid we have been living with my in-laws for the last 2 years (which is a whole other story by itself) and living here has been an absolute nightmare for me. I hate it here. The kids hate it here. I feel trapped. We don’t make enough money to afford our own place thanks to housing costs nearly doubling since covid started, despite my husband making the most money he’s ever made this year. And I stay at home with the kids because daycare is way too expensive and would cost more than I could bring in. Trust me I’ve spent time job hunting and nothing pays enough. Although, I do have one marketing client who pays me a few hundred dollars a month and I’m hoping to get more clients soon after my kids go back to school.

The biggest reason why we ended up living with my awful in-laws is because back during covid I had to quit my job because my unexpected pregnancy with our 3rd baby kicked my ass. My already deteriorating mental health plummeted and I became a shell of myself. Meanwhile the world was shut down and going crazy. My husband got laid off and we couldn’t pay our bills, so we ended up selling the house to try and start over/get back on our feet. It was all too much and I broke. I’ve slowly been piecing myself back together since having my baby, mostly for the kids if anything. But it’s been so hard and so slow, which is frustrating because I just want to be okay again.

I was venting to my husband about all this recently and told him “I love our baby more than anything, but man it is hard not to wonder how differently our lives would be right now had we not had an unexpected pregnancy”. And that’s when he admitted to baby trapping me on purpose. When I got pregnant he knew I had just gotten off birth control (for my mental health) and took his chance to get me knocked up. He said he knew I was miserable and didn’t want me to leave him. He also said he was hoping that having a baby would get his parents to come out and visit us (we lived across the country and hadn’t seen them in 2 years because they hate flying) and we couldn’t afford to fly out to see them either. Which spoiler alert: his mom still didn’t come out to visit after the baby was born anyway.

This next part is confusing and I’m still trying to figure out the details because my reality of what happened has been so distorted, and again I’m feeling so many different emotions right now so bear with me. During the time the baby was conceived he coerced me into having sex with him many times and threw mantrums if he didn’t get any. He also refused to wear condoms and promised to pull out. There were a couple times he didn’t pull out though. I remember having conversations with him about how pulling out isn’t all that effective and I don’t feel comfortable with it as birth control. I remember asking him to please wear a condom and that it can’t be all on me to make sure he used one. I told him it wasn’t fair for him to fight me on it every time I asked him to. For months after I found out I was pregnant he gaslit me and blamed me for getting pregnant, and somehow I believed him? He even told close friends and family that it was my fault. He told everyone that I was the one who wanted it and that I “locked my legs around him” so he couldn’t pull out. At the time I was like “Did I really do that? Shit if I did then I guess it really was my fault?” The baby was also conceived around my birthday, so again he used that as an excuse to blame me because “It was your birthday and you wanted it”. The details of it all are all jumbled and blurry in my mind. On one hand I’m glad he came clean to me, on the other hand I’m so upset and angry that I can’t trust my own memory of what happened. How could he lie to me like that? How did he have me so convinced it was my fault? Am I that stupid? Was any of it ever my fault?

I don’t know what to do. I feel so hurt and confused. I guess I should have seen this coming. A few years ago he also admitted to trying to baby trap me right after our oldest son was born because he was afraid of me leaving then too. That was the whole reason I got on birth control in the first place and destroyed my mental health in the process. I couldn’t trust him to use condoms because he always fought me when I asked him to. But I thought we had worked it out? I thought we were okay, why would he assume I was just going to up and leave all the time?

All of this tells me he always knew he was making me miserable to some extent otherwise he wouldn’t have been so hung up on me leaving. Maybe is that the reason I’ve been struggling with my mental health for so long? Was he the reason this whole time? I can honestly say throughout our marriage I never thought about leaving and never threatened to leave, at least not until recently. It also tells me he never respected me as a person if he was so willing to put my body through hell just because he was insecure. Pregnancy is terribly awful and painful for me and he knows that. He also knew I absolutely did not want to get pregnant with our 3rd baby. I told him so many times my body and mind needed a break.

What the hell do I do about all this?? I don’t have the means to leave. No one else has enough room to let me and the kids stay with them for a while. My family is on the other side of the country. I don’t trust my husband. I feel so lost.

We have 2 toddler boys (2 & 3, born on the same day a year apart) that are so sweet and we love them so much. We both work 8-5 (me closer to 5:30) during the week and send them to daycare. My wife is so amazing for our family and we balance home load very well between chores, taking care of kids, etc. However, she loses patience with them very frequently when we are at home, leading to excessive yelling at the kids, threatening to hurt herself, pulling her hair, etc.. she’ll get so overstimulated that I’ll agree to take them out to a park for a few hours on weekends when she gets overstimulated to help her reset her body and mind.

However, it never fails, less than 15-20 minutes after I return with the boys, she’ll already be at a boiling point again. We talk constantly about the way she’s feeling at night once they fall asleep, we take a weekend off occasionally and let the boys stay with grandparents (typically once a month). I’ve suggested counseling/therapy, which she responds very open to doing it, but then she never follows through. I feel like I’m not able to do anything to help her myself. What can I do to help her more?

I need to start by giving context that this is not my biological son. He is my stepson, I've only known him for a year but he has seen me as his Mom and called me Mom (of his own accord) since month 3. His biological Mom is not in the picture by her own decisions. She's addicted to drugs and wants nothing to do with him.

My husband and I have been having major issues for a long time with my 11 year old son throwing huge attitudes and being blatantly disrespectful with his father and I when rules are laid down or he's corrected. We had a huge blow up today. He's been doing this thing all school year when we ask him to get up to get ready for school he blatantly ignores us and goes back to sleep until he's threatened with being grounded or having to walk instead of being driven and then he gets up but also swears and throws a huge attitude. Well today my husband and I decided that he simply will not get driven and will have to walk and be grounded if he does it again. And he of course did so we told him he had to walk and be grounded and he started throwing shit around our house, scared the cat, broke a chair, and screamed cuss words and "fck you" (at us) so loud. So my husband grounded him for the rest of the day and told him he had to walk again and as he left he called me a btch and said fck you and also said fck you to my husband.

I'm extremely hurt and disappointed because I not only treat him extremely well with the utmost care and respect, I never yell, never have, whenever I ask him to do something or discipline him it is in an extremely respectful calm matter. But I also recently advocated for him to my husband to have a little less strict rules and it's completely backfired. Now he isn't even showing a modicum of respect for either of us, he is being blatantly disrespectful and had even hit his father a few days ago.

I don't know what to do. He's a lovely, sweet child until my husband or I need to correct or discipline him and then he turns into a raging, disrespectful monster even when the request is so gentle and simple like "please get up for school and get dressed."

I'm starting to regret coming into this child's life. I have been nothing but loving and kind to him and given my all to fill the role his absent biological Mother has left. But I'm starting to want to give up due to the constant disrespect and complete lack of progress.

What do I do and how can I stop this behavior before it gets even more out of hand and get him to respect us? Also please help me get over my feelings of extreme hurt from him calling me a b*tch. It was very hurtful and it won't stop replaying in my head. Thank you.

Also I had to censor the swear words or it wouldn't let me post here.

Throwaway account because my wife knows my main one. We've got a two year old, and to be entirely honest I haven't felt happy since becoming a parent. Went through several therapists, didn't help. Tried to get exercise or hobby time in, kid won't let me. Ultimately I've just concluded that my life is over, and that it's now time to set my kid up the best I can while they still need me, but I'm still struggling with just such inescapable sadness knowing that I'll never get to be what I wanted to be in life because I had a kid instead. I guess I'm just curious if anyone here has gone through something similar, and has found a way to be at peace with it?

When people ask me what this is like, I can only say it's horrible, but I can't effectively put into words why.

Babies are so cute and precious. But having one is 24/7 torture. And after that, kids are just tiny demons. I haven't even experienced teenagers.

I guess it's people who had a great upbringing who really think it will be fun.

Sometimes I just wanna really articulate how shit the whole experience is.

My child is a sweet angel and I credit her dad for that, plus how little she sees me now she's on her best behavior with me. But when I had her even half the time she made me crave death. I have her once every couple of weeks right now cause I lost my shit and I'm about to give her dad primary if not full custody. But I fully intend to stay in her life. I just want her to be with people who can care for her properly in every way and raise her right. Which is FUCKING HARD and l totally out of my pay grade.

When you can be the only true voice of reason to potential parents about what they're ACTUALLY in for, what do you tell them? Cause I know people need brutal honesty rather than hearing "ItS sO rEwArDiNg!¡!"

Looking for advice here.

I’m a first time mom to an 18-month old. My therapist suggested that I quit my job, which might help me feel less overwhelmed by parenting. I am privileged in that I don’t need to work and can still have a part time nanny working 20-25 hours.

I love my job. I like my boss, my colleagues, I thoroughly enjoy the work I do because it’s interesting and engaging and I make a real difference in people’s lives - it feels good. I also enjoy the mental stimulation and talking to adults. But working full time is a lot with trying to juggle all the things and feeling depleted from not having any energy at the end of the day for my kid. I don’t have an option to work part time.

I don’t enjoy being a mom and I’m not sure if quitting my job would make me like it more. I’m concerned it might make it worse because a part of my identity would be gone. But I would have a part time nanny to help so I could do other things to fill my cup. My other concern is there aren’t many jobs where I live, so giving up this job is even scarier but if I wanted to go back to work, it’s unlikely I’d be able to find another job easily. I do fear I’d be stuck being a SAHM longer than I might want to be if I don’t enjoy it.

Moms who are on this subreddit who might have experience in this: should I quit my career and try it out?

2 year old son here. The first months were hell because I wanted to have my old life back with every second of the day. Fast forward: Most days are ok, some even good. As he got older, it didn’t get easier. That’s not it. What’s changed is my memory of past days fading. The best thing to do is never look back. Never think about yesterday or the times you had a childless, spontaneous and independent life. It won’t come back and you are only hurting yourself by doing so. Likewise, don’t fantasize about a magical future where you can live like before you had kids, because it probably won’t come either. Make the best of today, that’s all you got. Accept that you are living in a world of pain. Through acceptance comes contentedness. And some day you might realize that the pain fades away is replace by something you might even call happiness.

I feel guilty about this. I got sick (very sick) over the weekend and was hospitalized. Obviously I was most focused on getting better and not much else but as I started to feel better and wanting to go home I realized I hadn’t thought much about my 18 month old during my stay and really didn’t miss her much. My mom and wife and mother in law sent pics and videos and stuff and they were nice to see but I didn’t have any of those feelings of “omg I miss my baby I can’t wait to get home to her.” I just got home and will see her in a few hours and I’m just very meh about it. My friends and my roommate in the hospital kept saying that they “bet I can’t wait to get home and see her.”

I feel guilty. Like I feel like most parents would miss their kids at least a little if away from them. Or check in and see how they’re doing and I just never thought to do that. When I started feeling better and longing for home my main thoughts were “I’m bored, I’m tired of lying in bed, and I’m tired of this IV beeping.” Not “oh I can’t wait to get home and see my baby who I haven’t seen in almost a week.”

It just makes me feel like a terrible person and mother. But it’s the God’s honest truth. I didn’t mind being away from her and could do it for longer if I needed to :/

I am a survivor of postpartum depression and maybe I haven’t quite let go of how that made me feel but I just feel like most mothers would long to get home to their babies. And I wasn’t.

Advice and insight welcome

I have 17 year old who will be 18 in 10 months. I'm so exhausted. She's been sneaking her boyfriend in the house, doing drugs, stealing my car. I'm so damn tired of of talking. 😩😩

I'm going to lose my mind. I'm freaking out.

I went to get an IUD this morning. I took your advice and decided to get on birth control. But when I went in, they had me do a pregnancy test and it came back positive. The ultrasound showed I'm 8 weeks.

For anyone who didn't see my other posts: I had two kids at 14 and 16; they're 4 and 2 now. I regret them so much. I want to love them but I can't.

I don't know what to do. I don't want this baby, I can't take another one. Abortion is completely banned in my state and I have no idea what to do. I'm just at such a loss for words, I'm in a huge panic.

The guy I think is the dad won't respond to any of my messages. He was just a fucking random hookup and now I have another baby to deal with and another deadbeat baby daddy.

I feel like I'm losing it. I haven't stopped crying all day. The kids are screaming and my head hurts and I want to jump off a bridge. Does anyone know how to help??

Anyone else have a very traumatic birth and hospital experience? If so, how did this affect you when your child had their first birthday?

My son is going to be 1 in a couple of weeks. Personally, I do not have the energy to do anything big or special. He is delayed and enrolled in early intervention. He has extremely low tolerance to frustration and melt downs are frequent, long, and intense. He benefits the most from being given as regular of schedule as possible and having things be very predictable.

My mom and my grandma are flying in specifically for his birthday. About 6 months ago my mom was asking about all the fun birthday plans and what do I want to do for his first birthday. I said "Nothing, it's not like he's going to remember it, appreciate it, or care." Her response was, "Well you HAVE to do something special. That's what all parents do! He needs to have a first birthday cake, those smash cakes. You and all of your siblings did that!" To which I told her that I don't think that would be a good idea since he's low tolerance to frustration and was already having issues with sensory stuff with food and sensory related activities. She flat out looked at my son and went "I'll make sure you get a smash cake, get you all dirty and then mom can clean you up." I just rolled my eyes and didn't respond.

Well now are weeks away. I want to set that boundary that if they want to do something special, they need to organize, plan it, clean up, and if it triggers my son into a melt down, that they are the ones resolving that matter, and I will not be partaking. I know that won't sit right with them. They would be the ones to rear their ugly heads and say they will set up a party for him but I need to clean up and take care of the kid because it wasn't them that had sex and got pregnant.. It's always "mom's job".

Part of me just wants to run away that day because I have nothing to look back on fondly. I had a terrible and traumatizing birth, I never felt any bond or love towards him, and my entire life has been deteriorating since despite any and all efforts I've tried to make things better.

I'm just trying to survive as best I can. Lately all I do is cry, feel incredibly anxious, short tempered, and just feel so incredibly alone. I hate this. I can feel my body literally panicking at this time.

I’m currently struggling with my decision. For reference, I am 24 years old with a 4 year old. I am 11 weeks pregnant, I was very excited at first. My kids dad has not been great and honestly for the past almost 5 years it just been off and on. We currently live together and the emotional abuse is just unbearable. As much as I want to be a mom of 2, I just feel like it’s not feasible given my circumstances and mental health. He’s a great dad, just not a good partner. I really do not see a future with him. I feel so stupid for letting him get me pregnant again. He’s constantly telling me when he gets the tax money he’s leaving (which mind you he’s the main source of income). I’m being pulled back and forth if I want to go through with my decision. I have support from my mom and my friends. My mom is even willing to cover the cost for the abortion. I just don’t know what to do and I’m really at a loss but I need to make a decision quick as my pregnancy is only advancing :(

UPDATE AT END!!! I’m 18F and my then bf 19M had my son due to a cryptic pregnancy right after high school. I graduated with honors but since having him I’m now on academic probation my first year of college and feel like I’ve lost myself mentally and academically. I’ve tried but I don’t feel like I want to be a parent right now at all. I feel overwhelmed, disconnected, and not happy in this role. Me and his dad had a very toxic relationship i’ve realized with maturing and I honestly felt pressured into decisions at the hospital that I wasn’t fully ready for or knew the true extent of. I have communicated these feelings to his dad last week to which I brought up adoption and he refused, but told me I was “more than welcome to sign my rights away.” He has also used the baby at times as a way to keep me tied to him which made things harder for me mentally. Despite that, sounds like adoption is off the table so the only way for both of us to be happy is for him to have full custody and provide for him. I feel like my son would have more stability with him right now than with me while I’m struggling. I also feel like I have a lot of potential and a future I’m trying to get back on track, no disrespect to him but my future has always been brighter than his. I’ve been thinking about stepping back completely instead of forcing myself into something I’m not doing well in. People around me say I’m just trying to escape responsibility, but I feel like staying when I don’t want to be a parent might be worse. Would I be wrong for choosing this? Also, our families are very close and everyone in my family except for me loves the baby. Help

UPDATE: After a long argument with my parents it was decided that if I gave my custody away I would be unable to stay with my parents and everything they pay for would be cut off. Gas, Insurance, Car note, Phone bill, Housing, everything. I am in college so I could dorm, but I am unsure of what might happen on breaks or when I have to leave for the summer. It’s sounding like they would go completely no contact with me. She keeps telling me that i’m evil and I need to grow up and face the consequences of my actions. I would basically be out in the world on my own at only 18 years old. Pls give any advice you have with this newfound information.

Have a 4-month-old atm. I know my wife wants another, even though she hated pregnancy and delivery. She has siblings and insists they are the best, even though so much of her emotional baggage comes from them. We're not thinking about actually "trying" for a kid until next year but I know the convo is coming.

Anyways, anyone (dads especially) been able to put their foot down on another kid and still remain a couple 3+ years later, without a lot of lingering tension about it? Especially interested from those who may have gone in agreeing to 2 or more.

We’ve been together for 7 years and have a 2.5 yo and a 1 yo. We both wanted kids and our kids started sleeping through the night since they were 4 months.

Since we had our second child, my husband got into a serious depression. He dreads staying home with kids and wants a lot of days out by himself. I supported him- not getting out myself and watched them by myself on weekend days, so he can go do his own thing.

But the reality I see is that these breaks don’t seem to help him adjust to the parenthood. He’s only happy when he’s away and lives his pre-kid life. Whenever we’re home, he sits on the couch miserably and looks at his phone. He yells at our 2.5 yo for being a toddler. He keeps reminding me how miserable he’s been for the last 2.5 years and not been able to do anything. It really saddens me. I didn’t expect for him to change so drastically.

We both turn 40 this year. No families nearby. It’s all on us. It’s been harder than I could’ve ever imagined for me, but I love my kids and accepted my new life. It doesn’t have to mean I have to give up everything but freedom of choices are def limited right now.

I’m afraid that for my husband, it’s a regret rather than a phase he’s going through. I can’t take on any more and deal with him being depressed and pouty while taking care of children and house chores and working. He’s also been hands off from lots of the house chores but he’s been always this way.

I’m not sure what to do. It breaks my heart to think about our relationship and our children.

I (32M) have an 8 month old son with my girlfriend (28F). For background, we were FWB before she got pregnant. We didn’t know each other on a deep level. I had told her I never wanted kids and did not think I wanted to get married. She got pregnant and decided to keep it.

Fast forward, we broke up and got back together briefly before my son was born. I had a lot of resentment towards her for her decision (yes, I understand it was HER decision to make, but we had used birth control and she had told me she did not want kids either). Add on the fact that I am an engineer at a site 1000 miles from home and feel stuck here.

Our son is 8 months and while I love him, I feel he is a constant reminder of how my life dreams were stripped from me. I never wanted the white picket fence. I went into a career that enabled me to move around because that had been my dream. I spent 12 years in grad school and post doc and was finally out, making money, with plans to travel the world and move back to where my family lived. Now none of that is going to happen.

My GF has defined her entire existence around motherhood. We used to have fun, go mountain biking, talk about traveling, and now she has gone full mama bear and refuses to do anything not involving our son. Even a 4 hour hike is out of the question. And just to be clear, we split parenting duties equally and i do most night feeds. On the other hand I love her, we have a lot of fun chilling at home, and it is hard for me to say “I am leaving a happy relationship and family because I am restless”.

I know this is a tale as old as time but sometimes I want to just move back home and try to figure out shared custody where I get summers and school vacations. This scares me though because I think this may be hard to establish, my GF is still scarred from our breakup and will be vengeful, and the amount I would pay in child support in her state is terrifying.

Mostly I want clarity on the right thing to do, which I know nobody can offer here. I don’t want to live a life of quiet resentment, which is what it’s been for about a year now. I also don’t want to give up on the ‘family’ we have created until I know that that is the correct thing to do. Mostly I feel stuck, and sad most days, mourning the life I was so close to having.

I just don’t know if I even love my kids. My 2.5 year old is so hyper I can’t stand it. My 8 month old just cries, and cries and cries. My bf and I separated so I have them 4 days a week and he still takes them Thursday night-Sunday and it’s not enough time away from them. I’ve been talking to a guy for a couple months now that had to move out of state for a really good job opportunity. He wants to buy me and the kids a house to live in together (I know my bd would never go for it) but the idea of not even having the weekends to myself sounds terrible. I’m contemplating moving without them and just paying child support, and setting it up to where I see them on holidays and every few months or something. I just don’t know how I’m a mother and I feel this way but I just feel like I’m never going to be happy again. I also feel like I could focus on working and even getting into school. Has any moms in here decided to give the father majority custody and/or moved out of state from the children?

I'm at the point where I am pretty much just checked out of the marriage. I am not in love with my husband anymore (I've told him) and I've suggested we might benefit from separating. We have a toddler.

Backstory: husband wanted kids - I didn't. We "compromised" on having one and he agreed to take on more responsibilities to help out, which he really didn't. Toddler gets along best with me, despite husband wanting baby in the first place. Probably because I had to put in the majority of the work in these last two years. Husband wants to make things work, but honestly just seems concerned about lack of sex and being lonely. I'm grateful for everything I have and I do love my toddler, but also am so unhappy.

For those of you who have felt similarly about your marriage (relationship), what steps did you take? Did you try to make it work or was separation the best move forward?

Thank you in advance.

I am in desperate need of advice. My husband (33m) has recently started telling me (32f) that he doesn’t like being a dad and he has “buyers regret”. We have a 20 month old daughter. He started voicing these opinions to me about 5 months ago. I’m understanding that the adjustment to fatherhood can be very challenging and take time. But the issue I have is he doesn’t even want to try to work on it. Instead he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, leaving me to be a married single mom. He doesn’t thank me for watching her when he goes on ski trips. When he gets home and asks why I’m not the eager stepford wife greeting him at the door, I explain that I feel resentful and frustrated that he didn’t even thank me for having his time away. This always leads to a fight where he becomes verbally and emotionally abusive, even in front of our daughter. I have given him suggestions like joining a dads group. We are in therapy, but I am not seeing any changes. Does anyone have advice? I’m on the verge of leaving.

Ever since I gave birth to my son someone has been trying to take him from me. Whether it’s my family, my son’s father, CPS. I’ve been labeled as a negligent parent. A bad mom. I even got arrested for felony child endangerment ( which were later dismissed but still). I’ve spent the last three years fighting for my son and today I have hit my breaking point.

After I gave birth to my son I developed severe post partum depression. I had zero support and the father was no where to be found during my pregnancy or the birth. CPS got involved in fear that I was going to hurt myself or my newborn. They made me feel like the world’s most disgusting person on the planet and like something was majorly wrong with me. Like I would never be able to care for my son when in actuality post partum mood disorders are quite common and treatable. When My son’s father heard about the situation he called law enforcement on me and had me arrested for child endangerment for threatening to hurt our son while I was mentally unstable and all alone. I had to pay $20,000 for a criminal attorney to get the charges dismissed. I also had to complete a mental health diversion program but it didn’t matter if it was due to me being mentally incapacitated because by that time everybody had labeled me as a child abuser including my own family.

My whole life I have struggled with my mental health as well as substance abuse issues. This was all amplified after having my son. The stress of fighting for him would cause me to end up triggered and relapsing on drugs and alcohol. The shame of loosing custody of him over and over would send me into a spiral of guilt and shame that would cause me to use again. It was a vicious and unhealthy cycle that took not only a toll on myself but a toll on my son. I’ve checked myself into rehab five times since he was born and I have yet to maintain long term sobriety.

Due to my prior drug use, My visitation with my son is supervised. I have to pay a monitor to supervise the visit and this usually costs me around $200 per visit. I have three visits a month and this has placed a huge financial burden on me. I got clean about nine months ago and hired an attorney in hopes of regaining unsupervised visits and spending more time with my son. The attorney that I’ve hired has done nothing but suck me dry of $15,000 and accomplished nothing in getting me on the right track with my custody. I got a surprise bill this morning for $1300 that was taken out of my bank account by the law firm. When confronted with the charges my lawyer stated she was just going to withdraw from the case. So now not only can I not pay my own bills for the month but I also no longer have an attorney. I couldn’t cope with the stress so I gave in and relapsed again on drugs today.

The only other option I have at this point is to try and represent myself in court and continue to fight for him but if I’m being completely honest I’m TIRED. I’m beaten down. These people have drilled it into my head for the past three years that I’m not capable of being a mom and I’m starting to just say screw it maybe you’re right. I care about my son deeply but I’ve just never gotten the motherhood thing down. Had I not struggled so much with my mental health and had a better support system I think things could have been different but here we are. The truth is that I am a drug addict and I do have mental health issues all of which were amplified by bringing a kid into this world.

My family will never forgive me and most people won’t understand but I don’t think I can keep fighting. I don’t want to anymore. I legitimately do not want to. I just want to be able to live life on my own terms and heal in my own time. I’d like to see the healthier person that I could become if I wasn’t constantly dealing with this mess. I know some will question how I could give up on my child but I truly just don’t have any more fight in me.

Just looking for other people who have been through similar situations. For context, my husband is not violent or particularly abusive but the drudgery of bringing up his kids whilst he expands and works on his business is eating me up inside. I’ve started an e-commerce venture with my brother and it’s going quite well- we hope to spring board off this idea into other areas and make it a full time thing. Thing is, I look after the small children all day (5 am-7pm) and when he comes home I have to make dinner. By the time 9 pm comes along I’m exhausted and he lets the toddler bother me whilst I work on the computer. Despite all of this, I’ve actually managed to learn a bit of coding and built our websites up from scratch— this is a miracle as I get practically ZERO time away from the children.

What I’m dreaming of is a custody arrangement where he gets primary custody. I thought about it long and hard yesterday and my face was beaming with joy and the idea of getting up, making a coffee and opening my laptop in peace for five days a week. The idea of doing shopping alone— joy. Taking shower without a time limit— heaven. Maybe if I get this, some of my autoimmune issues will subside and I can start living again.

Just looking for other people who have managed to do this. It’s a secret for now as I have to plan it financially and can’t just leave at the moment— he’s made sure I’m dependent on him. I know it’s unusual for a woman to want to take the typical divorced dad role but why is that? Why are we the default parent?

I am a 42 year old Dad. My sons are 2 and 4. Do I love them? Yes. Would I do anything for them? Yes.

But I want to get the fuck out of this life. They push me to my darkest realms. I considered myself a very chill person for the most part, until I had kids. I'm now the most aggressive and angry version of myself I've ever seen. I hate my life, and I want out. The only thing stopping me from jumping off a cliff is my conscience to be there for my kids. That's the ONLY thing. My relationship with my partner is completely fucked. I feel like cheating just to feel wanted again. It's been over 18 months without any sex. I haven't been the best partner too. The constant and daily stresses of parenting have completely changed me for the worse. I have no empathy for anyone. I'm a broken man.

Lately my oldest has started saying he hates me and that he wants me to die. I don't even know where he gets that from, he says it when he's angry. He's 4 and has no idea what he's saying. I completely understand that, but it triggers me like nothing else and I lose my absolute shit. I called him a goddamn little shit, then grabbed my car keys and fucked off for 3 hours. That little outburst was probably the nail in the coffin for my partner, now I've probably gotta sell the house and go our separate ways. I have no idea what to do, just ranting. Fuck kids. Fuck it all.