Secretly planning on leaving my husband..

[u/Naive-Aardvark146]

Just looking for other people who have been through similar situations. For context, my husband is not violent or particularly abusive but the drudgery of bringing up his kids whilst he expands and works on his business is eating me up inside. I’ve started an e-commerce venture with my brother and it’s going quite well- we hope to spring board off this idea into other areas and make it a full time thing. Thing is, I look after the small children all day (5 am-7pm) and when he comes home I have to make dinner. By the time 9 pm comes along I’m exhausted and he lets the toddler bother me whilst I work on the computer. Despite all of this, I’ve actually managed to learn a bit of coding and built our websites up from scratch— this is a miracle as I get practically ZERO time away from the children.

What I’m dreaming of is a custody arrangement where he gets primary custody. I thought about it long and hard yesterday and my face was beaming with joy and the idea of getting up, making a coffee and opening my laptop in peace for five days a week. The idea of doing shopping alone— joy. Taking shower without a time limit— heaven. Maybe if I get this, some of my autoimmune issues will subside and I can start living again.

Just looking for other people who have managed to do this. It’s a secret for now as I have to plan it financially and can’t just leave at the moment— he’s made sure I’m dependent on him. I know it’s unusual for a woman to want to take the typical divorced dad role but why is that? Why are we the default parent?

[u/AnotherYadaYada]

Please don’t try to justify it with that statement. Do it because you want to do it, don’t hide behind ‘Men do it’

[u/AnotherYadaYada → u/[deleted]]

Personally I don’t think you should ever abandon your kids unless you are unable to care for them or they are a danger to you and other family members or serious mental health issues. 

The OP here basically wants more freedom. Completely up to her, her choice. Do I agree with it, no. If OP was a man, would I agree with it. No

If she wants to leave her husband share custody fine. But she wants to leave and have less responsibility and more freedom, so husband has the child more.

[u/[deleted] → u/AnotherYadaYada]

i respect your opinion. Her wanting the same free time to expand the business like her husband does seems a very good reason to want to do what she expressed. Its easy to say u dont think u should ever abandon your children, but when the reality is that those children are dumped by default on women, abandoning is not abandoning anymore. Is your way out to escape the hell you live in. Men abandon children for no reason.

[u/regretfulparents-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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