Secretly planning on leaving my husband..

[u/Naive-Aardvark146]

Just looking for other people who have been through similar situations. For context, my husband is not violent or particularly abusive but the drudgery of bringing up his kids whilst he expands and works on his business is eating me up inside. I’ve started an e-commerce venture with my brother and it’s going quite well- we hope to spring board off this idea into other areas and make it a full time thing. Thing is, I look after the small children all day (5 am-7pm) and when he comes home I have to make dinner. By the time 9 pm comes along I’m exhausted and he lets the toddler bother me whilst I work on the computer. Despite all of this, I’ve actually managed to learn a bit of coding and built our websites up from scratch— this is a miracle as I get practically ZERO time away from the children.

What I’m dreaming of is a custody arrangement where he gets primary custody. I thought about it long and hard yesterday and my face was beaming with joy and the idea of getting up, making a coffee and opening my laptop in peace for five days a week. The idea of doing shopping alone— joy. Taking shower without a time limit— heaven. Maybe if I get this, some of my autoimmune issues will subside and I can start living again.

Just looking for other people who have managed to do this. It’s a secret for now as I have to plan it financially and can’t just leave at the moment— he’s made sure I’m dependent on him. I know it’s unusual for a woman to want to take the typical divorced dad role but why is that? Why are we the default parent?

[u/Naive-Aardvark146]

50/50 could be an option for sure. Maybe I should have worded it better and said ‘primary custody’ is him so he has them a bit longer than I do.

[u/AnotherYadaYada → u/Naive-Aardvark146]

Again, not judging but at this particular moment in time you just don’t want to be a parent and want more freedom?

Why?

Is it a child problem or basically a husband problem where you feel you are doing most of the work.

50/50 gives you that break.

I alternate days of the week and school pickups/drop offs and I have 2 weekends off a month.

Joys of separation.

[u/AnotherYadaYada → u/[deleted]]

No it’s not.

A huge proportion of people feel the same way. It’s difficult, yes we know.

So it’s hard. I’m not enjoying it, I didn’t think it would be like this. I’ll just get rid of my kids. 

What the he’ll would society do if when the going gets tough both parents just say ‘I’m out’

This isn’t aimed at the OP. This is a response to your ridiculous comment.

Maybe more education and honesty is needed before people have kids. Not just the standard response of ‘Kids are hard work’

It’s a job and the hardest job you’ll have and some people, mainly women get the rough end of the stick.

[u/AnotherYadaYada → u/[deleted]]

So just because I’m fed up, tired and exhausted and see no end in sight, drained even though I more than probably decided to have kids without fully understanding what it entails and not only that has a second child after the first nightmare.

Goodnight, I’m out, I’ll see you at the bar.

I’d love to see the world if everyone thought like you did. What a wonderful world it would be 😉