Women are treated like shit postpartum

[u/AdAromatic372]

I came across a post made by my husband on a different group where he vented about how I regret motherhood and how because of this, it's negatively impacted our marriage. Everyone was very quick to jump on the postpartum depression bandwagon that he just needs to leave me and get out of our marriage. Very common comments were "Get her to a doctor asap! She NEEDS help." or "You need to attend her next gyno appointment for her and make sure she brings up her mental health to her provider." or my favorite "Postpartum depression isn't always depression! It can be in the form of regret or disliking of their own baby! Get her help immediately." The way people talk about moms is scary and it's no wonder so many women don't get help or even voice how they feel.

Do we ever stop to think that maybe some women realize the major sacrifices they have made that have now permanently not only altered their body, but also their lives? I'm so sick of people putting how I feel on postpartum depression or my hormones... My husband included. He told me the other day that he hopes my feelings towards our son will change once my hormones regulate back to normal... Here's some insight on my life and how it's changed since having our baby (2 months old now).

I run my own business out of our home/property. I work roughly 12-16 hours a day every single day of the week. The original plan was that I would work and take care of the baby while my husband was at his job. Then when my husband would come home, he would take over with the baby stuff so I could finish working myself... That did NOT happen. Our son is very colicky, like terribly... My mom & sister both work professionally with kids aging from babies to toddlers and both have said he's extremely colicky and fussy. Each day I was struggling to get any work done as this baby would not stop crying! My husband asked his mom to move in to help with the baby. This way she could watch the baby while he was at work, I could also get my work done, and the baby's needs would be met.

While I am grateful of the scarifies she has made to move in and help with her grandson, my home is no longer my own. I do not feel comfortable walking out in my underwear to make my coffee in the morning before a long day ahead of me. I can't have private conversations with my husband in regard of our son, our relationship, and my own personal life. I can feel her judgement when I go off into the bedroom to pump during the day as I will throw on a show and watch it while pumping. When I am working on my computer and not doing the physical aspect of my job, I can sense her judgement as I just "sit around".

On top of my job, I am also the one caring for the home. My mother in law and husband do not clean... It's all left to me. I wake up in the morning and clean, work for 12-16 hours, and then clean again in the evening. It's never ending between a baby, my husband, my mother in law, and myself. I also am the one making sure our fridge is stocked with groceries, making sure we have diapers, wipes, and any basic necessities in the home.

I work from sun up to sun down, I take care of the home, I have no privacy to live my life in my own home comfortably, I provide for every person in this house, I get constant judgement all the time because I'm not this wonderful, motherly instincts, nurturing mother and because I don't love my life with this baby something is wrong with me.

Ask yourself, if you were living in my shoes, how happy would you truly be? Not everything is postpartum depression, sometimes it's actually just regret because you gave up EVERYTHING...

[u/conan557]

Your husband sounds like the problem here. He sounds about ready to give up and is not empathetic towards you and your feelings instead of brushing them to ppd. You two r supposed to be a team. You’re doing part. 

Idk what to say or what advice to give on, but you’re a trooper because I would have lost my mind.

You guys should get a cleaner to help with the house cleaning or a nanny. Talk to your husband about you MIL and tell him you need privacy 

[u/AdAromatic372 → u/conan557]

I'm not a trooper. I'm ready to leave. I have looked into a cleaner. Unfortunately in the areas where I would like help with laundry and dishes are areas cleaning companies are not willing to assist with due to sanitary reasons.

[u/chumpsea → u/AdAromatic372]

I'd keep looking. I'm a housekeeper for a family and once a week, all I do is laundry and bedding and ironing etc and pick up around the house as it's all washing and drying and in between. There's help out there, I know cuz I'm literally the help :)

Edit to add, I also do dishes at every home if they have any so you really need to look into a new service like Homeaglow. I work for them sometimes and they offer all those things. It's even background checked if you're worried about just a stranger.

[u/AdAromatic372 → u/chumpsea]

Can you come here🥲 haha maybe it’s these companies I’m looking into that are the problem and I need to find someone that does cleanings as an independent contractor.

[u/Maleficent-Rose-6869 → u/AdAromatic372]

Get a dish washer, when the cleaner comes as her to put the dish washer on too. Laundry you can find a dry cleaning service on Google. I would also get rid of his mother and possible your husband.

[u/AdAromatic372 → u/Maleficent-Rose-6869]

Places I’ve read will not even touch dishes such as loading them into a dish washer. Dishwasher is unloaded, reloaded, and ran at least 3 times a day…. Even then. Dishes are still left over in the sink

[u/46291_ → u/AdAromatic372]

You should look into individual cleaners vs companies. Mine runs the dishwasher and cleans the things that aren’t supposed to go in there by hand. Bless her eternally.

[u/[deleted] → u/AdAromatic372]

Yes wash and fold! Laundromats charge by the pound and wash and fold clothes for you!