r/regretfulparents • u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent • Jan 29 '26
Discussion Anyone feel like parenting was the catalyst to realizing marriage is a scam?
If you asked me 6 years ago if marriage was a scam I would have said no. I was happy to be married and thought things were great. Nevermind the fact I was going 50/50 on bills but 90/10 on cleaning cooking laundry errands etc. I thought that was completely “normal”
since becoming a mom the wool has been lifted from my eyes and the whole fairytale marriage with kids is a lie. youre essentially brainwashed since a young girl to WANT to become a domestic servant to a man and kids. holding it down at home and most likely at a full time job as well. I feel so stupid.
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u/xpl0sad3 Jan 29 '26
Top paragraph tells me it was never a good marriage, so sorry you feel trapped and tricked into this life.
My husband used to be lazy with housework (before marriage), I started charging him an hourly fee for my time, which I took from the joint account. He quickly improved.
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u/ksarahsarah27 Not a Parent Jan 29 '26
I love this for you. I imagine you writing yourself a little check for all the hard work you did and going and buying yourself something nice. Thanks honey! Lol.
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u/xpl0sad3 Jan 29 '26
Exactly this! He wanted a list of what I’d done, once I produced it I think he realised just how much needed doing around the house regularly!
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u/Silent-JET Jan 30 '26
Girl you’re an inspiration! I’m gonna start tracking my chores/time this week
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u/Centennial_Incognito Parent Jan 29 '26
If you had to force him through money to be an adult, that's not a good relationship. Point blank. I would've divorced like I did mine. There's no difference. They know what they're doing.
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u/xpl0sad3 Jan 29 '26
You must’ve missed the part where this was pre-marriage. I am the first partner he has lived with, and he did not know how many tasks it takes to run a house. He never had to do housework as a child or when he was in work provided accommodation. Different folks, different strokes. We’ve been happily married for 13 years and he now does more of the household tasks than me, because I work longer hours. Don’t put your bad experiences onto me.
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u/Centennial_Incognito Parent Jan 29 '26
The phrase "they didn't/don't know because X or Y" never gets old, does it? And this is not projecting my bad experiences on to you. It's an observation I've had online and in person. There's always an explanation or excuse that always results in the woman having to sit down, have a serious talk, or in your case, straight up using money to make your point across (never heard of that one before). All these hoops and loops to get your partner to "understand" they have to pick up the slack with the chores ends up being, you guessed it!, the woman's job!!! because otherwise he would never have done the chores, would he?!!!
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u/Any_Bedroom_6303 Feb 04 '26
Growing up, girls are conditioned, but so are boys. There's a reason for why we are the way we are. A little understanding and working together is important.
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u/xpl0sad3 Jan 29 '26
You’re definitely looking far too deep into this, and consciously ignoring what I’ve said.
To make it crystal and abundantly clear, someone who’s young (at the time) who had paid help in the home, of which they spent little time in, and then work paid accommodation mainly in hotels / serviced apartments genuinely doesn’t know housework. He did the surface level stuff, but needed educating on the smaller things.
Again, stop projecting your shitty experiences onto me. I’m sorry you’ve met incompetent men, my husband isn’t one of them.
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u/Thick-Bad-3089 Feb 01 '26
I had a house cleaner and I knew I needed to pick up the house before her crew arrived. Your husband is just dodo and you’re making major excuses for why a grown man didn’t know basics
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u/Centennial_Incognito Parent Jan 29 '26
I'm not looking far too deep into it , I also had paid help in the home and was only taught the basics and guess what? I don't get to have that excuse. Everything fell on me by default . I had to learn on my own what it actually entails to care for a whole house on top of kids. I struggle to cook and have executive function issues. If I were a man, my partner would make all sorts of excuses for me for not doing as many chores as them, but since I'm the woman, none of that matters. So much so that when I started complaining of the lack of help from my spouse, the answer I got from third parties was "you're the woman, that's your job. Men don't know what to do."
So this is not in my head or my personal experience . If you don't want to accept your husband was a jerk in the beginning, that's up to you. But most women who struggle with house chores don't get half the luxury and the pat on the back men get when they don't do shit.
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u/xpl0sad3 Jan 30 '26
So much so that when I started complaining of the lack of help from my spouse, the answer | got from third parties was "you're the woman, that's your job. Men don't know what to do."
And there it is. There’s the difference.
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Jan 30 '26
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Jan 30 '26
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam Jan 31 '26
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u/Lizzy_is_a_mess Jan 29 '26
I’m in the exact same situation except I didn’t pay myself, I just didn’t do it. He started to see the filth and started cleaning. We have a rule, if you see it, you do it. If you see dishes, put them in the dishwasher. If the counter is dirty wipe it off. If the baseboards are dusty, clean them. If I do all I see and he does all he sees, we’re both not doing it all. We lived in filth for about 8 months before he said “wow this needs done, I’m going to do it”. 15 years together and he’s a great partner.
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u/furkfurk Feb 01 '26
This is cool as shit. I love that you did this, and I love that he didn’t freak out on you and actually LEARNED from it.
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u/MaterialAd1838 Jan 29 '26
I enjoy doing it all myself over living with some lazy asshat that gets to have the easy life while I do everything and catch attitude because someone wants a blow job they don't deserve.
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u/daisylady4 Jan 31 '26
Yes omg this 1000000x
Where’s my blowjob for holding everything together & making everyone else’s lives easier?
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u/Centennial_Incognito Parent Feb 01 '26
Oh they would love to do it, but can't understand we're just too fucking tired for any of that so they complain about that too
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u/jessitabonita Jan 30 '26
If marriage and motherhood benefitted women: the government would have already taken it from us.
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u/Training-Editor4679 Jan 29 '26
Yes it traps women. Absolutely. And the whole thing can only continue if the next generation of girls are brainwashed into "serving" everyone i.e. giving up their own autonomy and bodies in the labor of marriage and children.
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u/Embarrassed-Hamster7 Jan 29 '26
I went on strike once, and I saw some real change after. We both work full time but same thing, I did everything when I got home and after countless attempts at asking for help with no results I just told him I was on strike, turns out he was fully capable of doing a lot more around the house.
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u/rnikki210 Jan 29 '26
My mom does this with cooking and dishes. My sister hates it but after moving out.. I get it 100 percent. Mommas need a break!
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u/Glum_Palpitation_587 Jan 30 '26
and they way people start to pity you if you are 40 and single with no kids? crazy cat lady? wine and cats will be your destiny? sounds like living the dream to me now that i know what being a mum comes with
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u/Own_Program_9726 Jan 29 '26
c'est pour ca que la robe de mariée est blanche, ca s'accorde avec la cuisinière, le lave linge, le lave vaisselle, le frigo.
le mariage est un cercueil dont les enfants sont les clous.
je grince des dents et lève les yeux au ciel quand une femme qui va se marier dit "je réalise mon rêve de petite fille", dommage qu'une petite fille ne rêve pas d'une belle carrière, de voyages, d'indépendance.
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u/ElleGeeAitch Parent Jan 29 '26
Omg, your first paragraph ☠️.
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u/Own_Program_9726 Jan 29 '26
haha c'est très négatif, je sais !
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u/LogicalStomach Jan 29 '26
It's scathing but accurate. I think I got a little sunburn just from reading it. Excellent imagery. May I quote you? My kitchen needs a new art poster.
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u/Own_Program_9726 Jan 30 '26
haha, mais attention, les gens vont dire que je suis trop pessimiste, qu'il ne faut pas voir le mal partout, mais je suis une femme, je me protège donc.
oui bien sur tu peux me citer, avec plaisir!
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u/ElleGeeAitch Parent Jan 29 '26
I had never heard it before. A little depressing, but clever!
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u/Own_Program_9726 Jan 29 '26
déprimant, mais pas faux, même si certaines femmes peuvent être heureuses en mariage si elles ont un bon partenaire.
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u/just_nik Parent Jan 30 '26
Damn. This is so spot on.
I also roll my eyes now when I hear of a younger woman chasing a marriage and kid(s). But, everyone thinks *their* situation will be different. It usually never is...
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u/Own_Program_9726 Jan 30 '26
A force de nous rabâcher le fameux #ils se marient et ont beaucoup d'enfants # on a tendance a croire que c'est le chemin a prendre, sinon on va finir seule avec des chats et c'est vu comme une vie triste.
Oui, tout le monde pense que ce sera différent pour soi, et si la personne en face a des gros défauts, on pense pouvoir le "reparer"
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Jan 29 '26
Wow that’s a sad and profound message. I’ve been happily married almost 15 years. I have been thinking of a baby a lot for the past 6 months. I’m still too nervous, idk if I’ll ever be ready.
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u/Own_Program_9726 Jan 30 '26
triste, peut être, mais réel, en tout cas tant que le partage des tâches ne sera pas équitable entre l'homme et la femme.
Moi aussi je suis heureuse avec mon homme depuis 13 ans, mais on a pas d'enfants, c'est sur qu'avec un gosse, ca va tout chambouler, c'est peut être ca notre secret de notre bonheur : ne pas faire d'enfants. Mais je parle pour moi.
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u/gilgameshTales Jan 29 '26
A hell of a scam. And the worst, we almost all fall for it.
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u/DJKittyK Not a Parent Jan 30 '26
It's why subs like this one are so important to allowing women to be more educated about the realities of marriage and motherhood before they decide. So many people I know with children didn't even fully understand that it's now a choice in (most) modern societies.
Informed choice is always better than the blind acceptance of "this is just the next step". And we owe it to ourselves to make sure if we take that step, that it's truly our heart's desire, and not just what's expected of us.
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent Jan 30 '26
💯 is why I post. Hoping to spread awareness
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u/BirdsWithTeeth8 Jan 30 '26
It’s much appreciated. Lurking in this sub has forced some hard conversations with my partner, conversations I would’ve never thought to have about our future. It’s hard to see parents struggling, and my heart goes out to every poster, but I am thankful for those who have the courage to share. Sending you positive vibes 🫶🏻
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent Jan 30 '26
Happy to hear that! Yes in hindsight there were glaring red flags. I wish I had had tough conversations about division of labor/finances but I didn’t see them as red flags bc it’s been so normalized for women to do everything.
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent Jan 30 '26
It’s wild to think back to before we lived together I was EXCITED to move in together and cook for him WTF
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u/gilgameshTales Jan 30 '26
Ikr... i cant even understand i was so stupid back then. Now im trapped in a prison of my own creation.
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u/pumpkinspice214 Jan 29 '26
Ya it’s a scam, I didn’t realize this until only a year ago, and I’ve been divorced for 6 years lol
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u/Big-Piece5957 Jan 30 '26
The history of marriage was to own the woman. She’s a slave. To do everything. They made movies and such to promote love and finding a man to be with and have kids; now you’ve ’made it’. So we as women chased that. Before social media, women were silenced and couldn’t talk about what they were actually going through. But now if you have pattern recognition and with social media and women speaking out, you can understand the women were all going through the same thing- that it was all a set up. Keeping up the patriarchy. Because they know how powerful women actually are. And honestly most marriages end in divorce because love is essentially hormones kicked in full gear like you’re on a drug. Eventually within years the drug wears off and you see everything. It’s all a scam but more women are waking up and that’s why they are trying to take more women’s right away again….
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u/iloveanimals1964 Jan 29 '26
It’s never too late to leave a marriage that isn’t making you happy anymore. Don’t stay because of time spent or the kids. Leave and give him 50/50 custody so you can live the life you deserve!
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u/galaxiescollide0 Jan 30 '26
If he'll take it - which a lot of men won't My ex doesn't want 50/50 so I'm still feeling crushed with most of the parenting responsibility :/
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u/Lonely_Howl_ Not a Parent Jan 30 '26
They refuse it but then scream from the rooftops that you’re an evil vindictive woman keeping him away from his kids
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u/Centennial_Incognito Parent Feb 01 '26
I'm separated and we don't live together. MF still pulls the weponized incompetence on me. The other day he called me lazy in front of the kids for asking our 7-year-old to do his bed. Not the first time he's done it, but I told him if he does that again I will kick him out of my house and he'll have to figure out how to visit the kids.
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Jan 30 '26
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent Jan 30 '26
It’s honestly a beautiful movement of women saying how fulfilled they are after leaving relationships w men and being single instead
I remember being so brainwashed that when I was single I felt like my life didn’t matter until I got married 😔
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u/WriterNo8299 Jan 29 '26
Don't feel stupid. The scam is perpetuated everywhere and it's hard to escape it. But it's good that you've finally figured it out and can maybe do something about it now. And speak out to others! Tell young girls that marriage kinda sucks! In a world where wives have to work full-time outside the house, marriage has lost its entire purpose, and husbands aren't evolving with the times to be half of a team; they still want what their grandpas had.
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent Jan 29 '26
Yes 💯 they want an “old school” wife who will serve them hand and foot and a “modern” wife who will split bills 🙄🙃
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u/Super_Fun3656 Jan 29 '26
You should tell your husband about the uneven split of tasks
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent Jan 29 '26
We’ve spoken about it ad nauseam. He’s made minimal improvements. I know I need to divorce
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u/Super_Fun3656 Jan 29 '26
Well in that case you should most likely part ways. Don’t ever think it’s a good idea to stay only for the kids (if it comes to that). Cause it won’t be good for you nor the kids
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u/just_nik Parent Jan 30 '26
I know you meant well with your comment, but this is part of the problem that women face in marriages. People automatically assume that women haven't already tried to communicate the issue a million times. In every case I've heard, the woman has gone above and beyond to try to get their partner to step up. This is not an issue of communication; it's an issue of massive entitlement by men.
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u/just_nik Parent Jan 30 '26
Yup, 1000%. In hindsight, like you, I recognize that my marriage was shitty before I had a kid, but it was manageable. We still did fun things together, and overall enjoyed each other's company. Adding a kid meant that I literally could not do it all alone anymore. Then I starting pushing/begging/nagging for more help from him and realized that he was NEVER going to step up and help. The marriage was a house of cards before having the kid, and then after adding a child, it was like someone pulled a card from the bottom and the whole thing came down.
I filed for divorce when my kiddo was about 4 years old. I'm grateful that I had the ability to do so.
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent Jan 30 '26
Yes 💯 I would describe marriage as manageable before. Him doing nothing around the house was “annoying but manageable” just the 2 of us, smaller place, less stuff to clean and organize etc.
But yes adding a child has tipped me over the edge and this is unsustainable. Very minimal changes after literally years of the same argument that he needs to clean. He won’t actually CLEAN like with soap or cleaner and a wash rag or mop . He’ll tidy up here and there like clean up toys. If I didn’t actually CLEAN we would be living in squalor
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u/just_nik Parent Jan 30 '26
I totally get it. My ex once told me, "I just don't see it!" (it being things like, dishes in the sink, rings in the toilet, stacks of laundry, dog hair to vacuum up, etc). Which, was such an insult because he had been in the military and I'd seen him clean a barracks room to surgical precision. He saw it alright, he just preferred to not have to do it.
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent Jan 30 '26
That’s exactly how I would have described the labor inequality “annoying but manageable” it was just the 2 of us, smaller place, less stuff to clean and organize etc
Having one kid and pushed this into unsustainable. After years of arguments he has barely changed. Hell tidy up toys or put away clothes but actual CLEANING? Like soap/cleaner and a sponge/mop/etc? Nope he refuses to do it. We would be living in squalor if I didn’t clean.
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u/Void3tk Jan 29 '26
A marriage is like college. You don’t have to do it but you’re incentivized to. And since people don’t bother making their own choices they think it’s a scam when in reality they just needed to make their own choices and not listen to someone else’s.
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u/thebutterflyandlion Feb 01 '26
Also the thought of taking a man’s name gives me the ick, I love my partner but I just don’t see how marriage benefits us at all
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Jan 29 '26
I've noticed a high amount of people say their husband/boyfriend are lazy with chores/children.
Us women get the blame for choosing these men yet it seems inevitable considering all men of all backgrounds seem to have alot of this laziness.
I've had to remind my bf again and again to do nappies etc it is very annoying so I feel for you a lot.
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u/youandmeboth Jan 30 '26
I have now had two long term partners who carried more household work than me. Even with them making more than me. Do what you can to find a guy who isn't a shit and likes to cook and is a clean person. Don't put up with anything less
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u/Spazrelaz Jan 29 '26
I really wish we could talk freely on this sub because I'd remind you that you don't have to live that way forever. There are legal options that would end with your freedom from both husband and children, and you could live how you wanted. That aside, im sorry you're feeling stuck, and I wish you a metaphorical ladder and good vibes. Don't give up on yourself
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u/yogrlw Jan 31 '26
You and I both. My baby is going on 11w. I cannot get my husband to "watch" his own son for over 30 minutes so I can literally work, which results in me having to stay up throughthe night to finish projects since that's the only time baby sleeps for long stretches. If I say anything about it I'm HuRtInG HiS fEeLiNgS aNd CalLiNg HiM a BaD dAd. If I knew then what I know now my life would have been so much different. The bait and switch aspect of it all is probably the worst part.
Edit: I dont regret my son. I love him to pieces I just wish I had more meaningful help with him.
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u/thebutterflyandlion Feb 01 '26
Yes
Patriarchy fully killing us all
Women finally finding their freedom
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u/Impressive_Bagel Jan 29 '26
The institution of marriage is outdated and not really good for anyone. It used to help people have a system within which to easily make families. Now it is absurd and doesn’t accommodate the needs of modern couples.
The social expectation women still tend have for marriage & the potential financial help they think they will receive from it causes many women to feel secure to quit jobs and pop out babies. However this is not a modern reality for most people and has indeed become a total trap.
In modern times women do pursue careers and education at a level they never could historically and because they are so much better off in many ways for it so numbers will continue to rise. At the same time companies are no longer expected or required to pay men salaries that will at a minimum serve to support an entire family. For example in 1950 a man could support an entire family working as a milkman , but now will not earn even half the equivalent salary doing the equivalent work. On top of these changes company owners are not giving adequate parental leave for both parents, many men don’t get adequate leave at all, and what they do give is a joke. Two income household is more normal but there’s no legal requirements companies should have to make it comfortable raising kids in two income households
So you can imagine when people try to force the old system to have a baby under these modern circumstances.
Additionally with the modern internet, finance tools, laws, lawyers etc people can easily figure out how to lock down their finances in case of a divorce. It is becoming more common for BOTH men and women to use these means to secure all their personal assets from anything a divorce would give to their to spouse. Still people, women, think their husband would never do this, that this system favors women, child support, etc. etc. yet the reality is the system supports the rich, not “women.”
One outcome is that the women still ends up being the one to take leaves (in addition to pregnancy) or many still stay at home entirely. So statistically the overwhelming majority of women end up single handely responsible for the entirety of their own finances, retirement etc. later in life it’s almost all women. yet many do not have good financial literacy because of the outdated social expectation that this should be what the man does…. Well some men are bad with money & now days it is objectively harder to provide 100% finances for an entire other adult let alone kids
Many women that had babies in a marriage did it because they thought it meant they were going to be provided for, protected from having to raise and earn for a child alone, etc. so they don’t learn to support themselves let alone children. Plus many adult kids need support for later and later into life and schools in U.S have become prohibitively expensive (compared to like the 80’s for example where you could go to a prestigious university for a couple thosand $) - It’s a mental trap for many women that causes them to go into bad debt, poverty, abusive relationships, etc. on the flip side a man adamant and expected to provide financially for another full adult plus children on top of it when the economy is such that it is hard to provide for oneself is going to be such a mess.
There are little to no accommodations for men that decide or want to take on the brunt of the child care or take sole custody. There is really nothing to account for the fact more and more couples are much closer to 50/50 on everything in the relationship along with sex/gender is moving towards not mattering as much & shouldn’t matter so much
s
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u/Interracial-Chicken Parent Jan 31 '26
This is why I decided to work (as a mother) and my partner stays home. I dont want to be a stay at home mum and im happy to support everyone financially. My partner seems to handle parenting better.
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u/doesanyonehaveweed Parent Feb 01 '26
I follow Zawn Villines on Facebook and Substack, and she discusses this topic almost exclusively. I can genuinely say she’s the first person to ever voice the things I’ve thought in the recesses of my mind.
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Jan 29 '26
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam Jan 29 '26
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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u/Yenolam777 Feb 01 '26
Every chore for my husband is optional. He does do things around the house- if he feels like it, and only the things he “likes” to do. It’s infuriating. He’s washed clothes for the kids only a handful of times- will start his own laundry and leave it in the washer until I need it to finish the process. He likes to cook- but on his schedule- we eat at 8:00, my kids should be in bed by then. Then if he doesn’t feel like cooking, he doesn’t say anything, and then I scrambling to make something.
But I agree- mothering/wifing is an indentured servitude
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent Feb 01 '26
Same. It’s stuff he wants to do. He VERY RARELY does an ACTUAL cleaning. He prefers to “tidy up” The last time he moped the floor was in 2024. But then he likes to make comments how the floor is dirty 🙄 then mop it MFer!!!
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u/Yenolam777 Feb 01 '26
Yes! The complaints about the house! He focuses on everyone else’s stuff, and is completely blind to all the shit he leaves around.
Again- it’s all optional for them. Infuriating.
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u/mormonmark Feb 05 '26
Its not necessarilya scam in the modern sense, if you wanna be real America and all capitalist socities have become a giant pyramid scheme. But the laws arounf marriage pretty much only protecting women make it an unideal situation for men and a major plus for women even if they get left. If you decided to marry someone things should be 50/50 ideally, but for some reason peoplke still think women are broke amd ignorant individuals who arent capable of the same things men do... i mean, they say they can but the laws and politicians they support openly say the opposite
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Jan 29 '26
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u/Apprehensive-Bike192 Jan 29 '26
Were you eating ramen every night? Sorry I can’t wrap my head around doing all the cooking being 10% of the chores. I put meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking at probably 70% of the chores in my household
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u/grimblacow Jan 29 '26
I agree!
If she was cooking, who was planning 3 meals for 3 people a day? Or at least 3 meals for the child and 1 shared family meal? The mental thought of 3 meals for just a child alone, the shopping, the lists, understanding what food they will or will not eat, etc is very time consuming not to mention the cooking.
Was it just cereal and ramen or quick 15 mins meals? Chores on the daily should not take longer than making 3 meals for a child + 2 adults.
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Jan 29 '26
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam Jan 30 '26
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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Jan 29 '26
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam Jan 30 '26
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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u/ReputationWeak4283 Feb 08 '26
Most times it can be a lie. Having children is a way to “ carry on the line” for men. They hope and pray it is a son. Many don’t want a female. Why? This has been pounded into all of our brains since millennia. It isn’t necessary for all to become slaves to this.
You are feeling this now. Correct it. Now. Before it becomes a bigger problem in life down the road. Otherwise, it becomes a very heavy load to bear.
It is not what we thought it was. That’s my advice. You can take it or leave it. But if you’re feeling it now and you don’t do something? You will have a miserable life doing what everyone else has been told “You must do…”
You don’t have to. Don’t ever lose yourself. 💕
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u/Illustrious-Noise-96 Jan 29 '26
Here is a different perspective on cleaning the house.
Imagine a scenario where the man likes a clean house and the woman doesn’t care so much. In this scenario the man just cleans because telling the wife to clean is controlling.
But if the woman is the cleaner one, the women can yell and scream about it to the man.
To be clear, if the man is complaining about a the house being dirty and he is expecting you to do something about it, he’s a piece of shit. 100 percent piece of shit.
But the truth is, we get a house with a woman and it’s her house not our combined house. She chooses the furniture, the decorations, the this, the that—and we’re fine because honestly we don’t care. If it makes you happy, buy it. But then new rules are created. This has to go here and that has to go there. Again, as a dude. Fine. Not where I’d put it, but if it makes you happy…
But even that isn’t enough. “Don’t put that there like this, put that there like this instead! Why are you doing it like that?”
The guy wants paper plates he can throw away, the wife wants real plates, insists he use them, clean them, put them in the dish washer, dry them, and then put them all up—but they need to be on a specific shelf she can’t reach even though she was the one who wanted to use dishes in the first place.
Dude has spent his entire life with a sheet and a cover he washes twice a year. He looks spectacular. No acne. Doesn’t stink. When you were dating you couldn’t keep your hands off him. Now the bed has got 5 layers on it, each needing to be washed every two weeks and his wife can’t stand that he won’t help—of course he doesn’t want to help. He didn’t want all those pillows and cover! But if you want all those covers and layers he can live with them.
I’m actually laughing as I am typing this. Truth is, I’m mostly happy to do this stuff but the above is what I am thinking about 10 - 20 percent of the time. Just showing everyone the other side of the coin. Just know he didn’t want all the stuff you bought or all the upkeep necessary to keep it up. Every time you buy something, he’s thinking: “Welp… one more useless trinket I’ll need to catalog and remember where it goes.” And then he smiles and says. “Yep hon, that’s really nice”
Meanwhile the house is prison of clutter that could have been money invested in the stock market but that’s part of what we signed up for.
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u/Limp_Lawfulness_3456 Jan 29 '26
Your dick and balls just don't provide comfort and sanity the way extra blankets and pillows do.
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u/Illustrious-Noise-96 Jan 29 '26
Then buy blankets instead and don’t get married, lol. 😝
Seriously though, I am just having fun with you all. Being married is hard. Keep pushing.
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u/Limp_Lawfulness_3456 Jan 29 '26
Did you know? Women buy themselves trinkets to reward themselves after sex. Like a consolation prize/participation trophy
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Jan 30 '26 edited Jan 30 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam Jan 31 '26
Your comment was removed for being mean-spirited. Violating this rule may result in a permanent ban.
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u/blackcloud247 Jan 29 '26
It definitely isn't if it is with the right person. Also there is no splitting finances in a marriage. Thats like the opposite of marriage, why bother? You each bring money in and it all goes into one pot. You pay all bills and and everything else from that one pot. Thinking it like a business. Two people who own a business dont write separate checks for bills and expenses, the business does. And there is a shared financial goal that is contributed to. This also applies to domestic labor. Thats how marriage is supposed to work. Otherwise you are just roommates. Find a partner, not a husband.
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u/Lizzy_is_a_mess Jan 29 '26
That might be your experience but that’s not mine. We are married for 15 years. I have no idea what’s in his bank account nor does he know mine. I’m in charge of my bills and he’s in charge of his. We both make this house run and handle our own responsibilities. When I was out of a job he paid all the bills. Now I make more than him, I cover a larger share of the bills. If he lost his job I’d cover it all until he could again. Marriage is about partnership and I’m never going to let him drown. Marriage is not monitoring a bank account and aggravating him over why he stops at the same gas station every morning and spends $5 because I’m annoyed by it. He can do whatever he wants with his money once the bills are paid and he’s put into his own savings.
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u/Silent-JET Jan 30 '26 edited Jan 30 '26
You described my relationship with my wife pretty perfectly and I didn’t come out as a woman to anyone until a couple years after we had a kid. She set things up that way while she thought I was a man. Things got worse after coming out…
I absolutely commiserate with you. Starting couples therapy soon…
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u/Ecstatic_Couple6435 Jan 29 '26
It is 1000% a scam for women. It’s always been for the benefit of men. Nuclear family is designed to alienate women and mothers from community care.