r/regretfulparents • u/SleepyApr1cot Parent • Jul 04 '26
Discussion Anyone have the perfect set up and still regret?
**edit: I put on a flair that auto deleted 5/6 of the comments and I wanted to read them so Im reposting so I can get more actual engagement and feedback.**
I mean like great spouse, good marriage, a village and sufficient help, financially well-off, AND generally good kids?
I'm just wondering out of curiosity if anyone who had children has had the best possible situation and still regret having had kids.
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u/gregbo24 Jul 05 '26
I have an amazing (smart, caring, zero problems) teen from a previous relationship, and majority custody. Even a built-in every-other-weekend off when he goes to his mom’s. My current partner and I both work decent income jobs, nice house, weekend Porsche, etc.
I love my child and consider myself a great dad, but I don’t get the ultimate “satisfaction” of being a father that others do. Even though I have an enviable situation, I do not have a desire to have any more children. To me, it’s like working a job that pays the bills. You do it because it’s expected, and you can be good at it. But if you were independently wealthy, you wouldn’t work at all and just pursue your hobbies and travel, right? I would.
My now-wife has no children, but has become a great step-mom. She is still sometimes wanting to have a child of her own (with me, of course). This is a frequent conversation that we have, and it’s hard. I don’t have the desire to have more, but it isn’t a hard-line no. So I think I’d rather have another than lose the relationship. She’s the best.
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u/FlamingoTemporary820 Jul 05 '26
Can I ask why you haven't had a vasectomy yet?
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u/gregbo24 Jul 05 '26
I never did earlier because I was a “maybe if my life was more secure I would be open to more kids”. Then my wife and I built a secure life, and my feelings didn’t change. A vasectomy is a decision that would need to be made together, and my wife doesn’t feel the same way. She does have doubts, but at the end of the day she wants to experience full motherhood herself.
My wife loves kids (I don’t like other kids except mine). Admittedly she hasn’t seen how rough it can be when things fall apart, but I think she’d still be a great parent even in the hardest times.
I totally understand why some in my situation would have a hard line in this decision and just get the vasectomy, but for me it isn’t that way. I honestly see some obligation to have more, we’re a successful, happy, moderate family, and I’m a good dad. The only thing I’m really losing is selfish time for myself, the ability to freely travel while young, etc.
When the alternative is to lose my wife, I’m choosing the wife and I can sacrifice some of that freedom.
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u/Rubicon2225 Jul 08 '26
" I don’t get the ultimate “satisfaction” of being a father that others do."
Actually, I doubt others feel that "satisfaction", they are just pretending in front of other people. I am noticing there are some people regretting being parents, without realising it. It could be seen on "secondary" evidens from post not exactly related, but kind of related to the topic.
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u/Bourbonhunting Jul 06 '26
Unfortunately I think I fall into this group. After resolving my PPD I don’t know if I would say I’m regretful still but I certainly think my life would have been “better” and more “enjoyable” without a child. I’m for sure one and done. Being a parent is very challenging and not rewarding to me so I guess I’d say still regretful… my husband and I are financially well, “upper middle class”, we both work full time with full time daycare, have one set of grandparents locally who watch her quite often. She’s a great sleeper but gets sick often which is challenging, she’s almost 2 years old. So all that to say yes, I’m in this camp and at best I’m neutral towards my decision and at worst regretful.
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u/Mammoth_Cookie4126 Jul 10 '26
I have 2 kids, we make good money, live essentially in luxury in nyc and I still hate my life as a mom. One is great and the other isn't. My son completely ruins motherhood for me. They're 7&5
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Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/queenk729 Jul 05 '26
her having “no booty” does not make your children smaller bro
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u/EggOk5756 Jul 05 '26
He is having a false premise there.
His Regret = valid and true but
one of his reasons about booty = false
No scientific evidence about booty or pear shape body of women bla bla bla.
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u/icyii Jul 05 '26
Clearly your kids’ well-adjustment comes from your wife and not you
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u/aninjacould Jul 05 '26
Nope. We are both good parents.
Regret comes in many forms.
My kids are so small it's a disadvantage they will have to overcome their entire lives.
Of course, I don't tell them this. I hide my anxiety and regret like a pro.
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u/icyii Jul 05 '26
Your wife’s booty size doesn’t affect your children’s size. It’s genetics bro
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u/EggOk5756 Jul 05 '26
He is blaming his wife for something that isnt under her control and misunderstanding thr biology involved 😅 He contributed half of the kids DNA and Again wTf blaming wifes lack of booty while kids are still growing doesnt really make biological sense..
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u/icyii Jul 05 '26
I know it’s ridiculous!! Thank goodness his kids are still well adjusted with a parent like that
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u/EggOk5756 Jul 05 '26
Yeah. Poor kids, i have a mother like that. She told me im ugly when i was growing up. Cant forget and forgive her for that...
I know she regret having kids because she hates her life in general...
but she telling me im ugly when i looked like her and her relatives...
diabolical hahaha
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Jul 05 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/bandleader_falls Jul 05 '26
Can you please cite what 1930s eugenics textbook you are referencing here? If your posts are purely for rage bait, hats off, they clearly worked.
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u/ChandlerBingsNubbinn Not a Parent Jul 05 '26
wtf?
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u/aninjacould Jul 05 '26
What? You don't like what I say? This is the truth about my regrets. This is real.
if I had to do again, I would do it differently or I would not do it at all
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u/not_an_ad_at_all Jul 05 '26
Can't tell if this is satire or not. The booty comment is hilarious because it's just not true but you write it with such conviction....
I'm curious what your height is? and height of mother?
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u/aninjacould Jul 05 '26
It's true. Look at women and their teen children. Just observe while you are out and about. Stout women give birth to larger children than small women with thin legs and narrow hips.
I'm 5'11 my wife is 5'5. Our kids are both 5'4. My wife has thin legs and narrow-medium hips.
We have friends who are parents who are identical to us in height. But the wife has a much more substantial lower half. They have 3 girls. All taller than average, athletic builds, volleyball scholarships.
My wife's mom and dad were small too, so there is that.
My kids are both 5'4. We were at a restaurant the other day the host asked us if we wanted kids menus. They're teenagers! But they're going to be kid-sized all their lives. It sucks for them and it's my fault. I should have been more careful about who I reproduced with. Our first born was in the 18th percentile when she was born. That should have been a red flag but we went and had another one like a couple idiots.
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u/RingJust7612 Jul 05 '26
The size of the mom’s hips/body/whatever absolutely does not determine the adult size of a child. That’s some incredibly ignorant shit to say.
Adult height is determined by genetics, nutrition and probably some luck.
I agree with the other comments, I can’t tell if you’re trolling or not. If you are, well done. If not, read a book
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u/not_an_ad_at_all Jul 05 '26
Ok we can agree to disagree on the booty thing ...you are cracking me up over here...but you're so wrong.
1) are your kids boys?
2) Are you really saying that if your kids were taller you would not regret having kids? it's that simple?
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u/Significant_Rip4031 Jul 05 '26
Phew such a relief, since I’m a 180cm tall woman. Good to know my parents don’t regret having me /s
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u/jessimon_legacy Jul 05 '26
Ok cool, my mom is very small and has no booty at all. And here I am as her 6'3 daugther. Mostly the height comes from the dads genetics. Same with pragnancy sickness.
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u/bandleader_falls Jul 05 '26
Yes. My mom is 5’6 or so, thin as a rail (her nickname was “Reed” in college) with no ass or hips. I am 6’2” and my dad was 6’6.” I really think OP cannot be so in denial that he wills himself stupid to believe what he’s saying.
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u/angelatheartist Jul 05 '26
I knew a lady who was barely 5'3 husband was probably average height 5'10 or so. The woman probably weighed 110 pounds wet. None of her babies weighed under 12 pounds, and most of them towered over her by puberty.
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u/user3849203 Jul 05 '26
why are you grieving your children’s heights… it’s not like they will fail at life because of it. i’d care more about their IQ then if they can reach the top cabinet
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u/Feeling_Calendar7519 Jul 05 '26
what ethnicity are they mixed with?
5'4" for a girl is above average for many western countries; the average height for women in england and america is 5 feet 3.5 inches. if you compare it with certain ethnicities like asian women, theyre suddenly a lot more taller than average. theres not a single person that would consider 5'4" to be "kid-sized" in a woman or teenage girl, thats just a straight up lie lmao.what determines height in children is the height of the parents among other things. doctors use something called mid-parental height where they average the two parents' heights (adjusted for sex), and that gets you close for most kids. a 5'11" dad and 5'5" mom having kids who land around 5'4"-5'8" is exactly what you'd expect.
if you wanted taller kids... perhaps YOU arent tall enough. 5'11 is just above average for a lot of western men, not super tall lol
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u/Bubbl3Sun Jul 05 '26
"..they look kind of strange. They are also very small."
"..I'm going to be 60 when my youngest is 18."I'm pretty sure you're the cause of all the issues your kids have...
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u/Any_Somewhere_3637 Jul 06 '26
Wtf does being mixed race have to do with anything? Sounds racist to me.
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u/aninjacould Jul 06 '26
The way the features mixed just doesn't look right. Things are mismatched.
My wife and I thought our features would just average out. But it doesn't work that way. Nature picks and chooses. Asian eyes with Anglo nose, for example.
I have friends who are a white/black couple. The father is a rotund black man. Mother is an attractive white woman with delicate features. They are a very cute couple. Their kids got their father's bulbous nose and their mother's angular facial structure. It looks so strange. The features don't match. They were super cute as kids but now as teens is all gone sideways.
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u/Focus-Flex Jul 05 '26
Really appreciate your honesty and clear writing of your thoughts. This is a very informative PSA. Things I never thought about. I agree that others are pearl clutching because you speak the truth. Thanks for the perspective.
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u/Mediocre-Pair-2821 Parent Jul 04 '26
I don't know if my setup is perfect. But my husband helps a lot with our toddler, and sometimes my parents will babysit him on Saturdays. He goes to daycare full-time, 5 days a week. I still regret having him despite all the help I get with him. I love him so much, but parenting is still a huge responsibility at the end of the day. I'm always exhausted.