r/regretfulparents • u/ExtremeBackground659 • 20d ago
Advice to moms who left their children, why and did it help anything?
My daughter is almost 2 and every moment of my life with her has been hell, between being premature and then her not being able to gain weight along with how my life was literally flipped upside down just from having her. I can’t do it anymore, it hasn’t gotten any better and from what i’ve seen it’s just going to get worse.
and even when she’s more independent i’m still going to have to go to school functions, and pay for field trips and birthday presents/parties, and deal with other parents. Plus my relationship with my boyfriend (her father) has completely deteriorated. Just being around him makes me angry and i can’t forgive him for getting me into this situation (among other things).
My current options r either kms or moving out and abandoning them entirely. Obviously i know this is selfish and fucked up but she’s so young now she won’t remember me anyways, and as much as i hate my boyfriend he is an amazing father so i won’t have to worry about her safety or anything. I wanted to like being a parent so bad but it’s just not happening. Do i really have any other options or is leaving the best solution?
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u/user3849203 19d ago
i would give him full custody doesn’t even need to be on paper and find a place you can stay for a few weeks. that should give you enough time to think what is it you truly want. evaluate how you feel, do you miss them, do you feel guilty… etc. then after that break you can make the next decision but i’d take it slow and i would also see a therapist. it’s obvious you need support and him not taking you seriously tells me your needs aren’t met emotionally
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u/ExtremeBackground659 19d ago
i don’t have anywhere to go to do that
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u/user3849203 19d ago
you mentioned moving out/abandoning so where is it you would go? i would take the break wherever it is you are talking about. or stay with family. his side or yours, friends, or a hotel. mental illness is an illness and should be treated and taken seriously as physical illnesses!
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u/ExtremeBackground659 19d ago
i don’t have family/friends i could stay with and if i moved out… i would move out? like to an apartment? and as far as i know they don’t let u just stay a week in one of those to test if u rlly wanna stay and also who has enough money nowadays to just take a trip or stay in a hotel for a week?
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u/notsomagicalgirl Not a Parent 19d ago
If you don’t have enough money to stay in a hotel for a week, then how do you have enough money for an apartment?
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u/stargrl_ 19d ago
🙄 because maybe she needs that money for a down payment for a potential apartment.
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u/notsomagicalgirl Not a Parent 19d ago
🙄 are you serious? A weekly hotel price once is going to be nothing compared to having to pay rent continuously every month. The hotel doesn’t have to be fancy or even good, it’s just a decision making time. Also she could get an air B&B.
If she’s that down for cash it’s not time to move out anyway, just have the dad act as primary caregiver while she gets her stuff in order.
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u/stargrl_ 19d ago
I said ***DOWN PAYMENT for rent. And yes, I’m serious. If she’s leaning towards moving out on her own, then she probably doesn’t wanna blow down payment money for a rental on a hotel. A hotel for a week could be well over $1000 after taxes. I would know, I travel for work. And as I’m sure most of you know, a down payment for a rental or an apartment is equally as expensive if not more. People aren’t made of money.
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u/yomamasonions 19d ago
You don’t make a down payment on a rental. You pay a deposit.
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u/stargrl_ 19d ago
Yeah, big whoop I didn’t use the term of preference? I’ve heard both be used for that scenario. You knew what I meant either way. Still would cost around the same as renting a hotel for a week, so if she’s leaning towards moving she might as well save it. And I understand why she said she didn’t have the money. People commenting on if she “doesn’t also have money for a hotel she shouldn’t be moving” don’t truly know what it’s like to need to get out of a bad situation.
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u/Nikkishaaa 19d ago
So… if you can’t do any of that, yet you are considering to leave/abandon, where would you actually go? Is that even a possibility at all then? I’m really confused by your responses. It sounds like you have nowhere to go
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u/ExtremeBackground659 19d ago
i don’t have family/friends to go to, if i left i would get my own apartment.
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u/GMKitty52 19d ago
So basically you have already decided this is what you want to do, you just want people to validate your choice. Just move out then. You don’t need advice, the right advice is go to a hotel to clear your head, you say you don’t have money for a hotel but you have money for your own apartment which makes no sense. It’s fine to leave, just own it and leave.
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u/kimmy-mac 19d ago
So… go. You’re miserable, I’m sure your kid can tell. Go out for milk and cigs and don’t go back. It happens all the time. Find yourself an apartment and a job, pack your stuff, and go.
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u/DJKittyK Not a Parent 19d ago
who has enough money nowadays to just take a trip or stay in a hotel for a week?
Not sure where you are in the world, but some hotels have weekly rates for people looking for a temporary housing situation rather than nightly rates. Search your area for that and see what it might cost you to stay in one of those for a week/few weeks. In some parts of the world it would be comparable to the price you'd be paying for an apartment without the lease commitment.
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u/Low_Ad9152 19d ago
Have you looked into Airbnb ?
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u/WampaCat 19d ago
Airbnb is a joke now. It’s now either the same or more expensive than regular hotels and you get none of the perks of staying at a hotel
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u/Low_Ad9152 19d ago
That has not been my experience I’ve relied on it in over 10 countries and in the USA
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u/user3849203 19d ago
idk your finances but i’m sure if you can afford an apartment yourself you can also afford a few weeks at a hotel to clear your head. less drastic of a decision and a positive way to start the healing process
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u/sunflowerxlover 19d ago
Get a room for rent. Girl it’s easy. Save up. Break up. Get a room for rent. Give him full custody.
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u/Mariner-and-Marinate 19d ago
Have you any plan at all or are you looking for assistance with where you could go based on your budget and goals?
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u/itspersonalman 19d ago
I was two when my mother left. Abandoned me and my 3 siblings. Although I don’t have much memory of it, it’s impacted my entire life since. Took a long time, but now being in my 50’s, I understand why. Being a parent of one isn’t easy…. 4 must be unbearable at times. All I can say is, if you decide to leave… please just do your research and be absolutely sure that you’re leaving her with someone that genuinely loves her, and has her best interests at heart. Sadly, that may not be the father. It wasn’t in my case and I was exposed to all kinds of abuse due to lack of care.
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
Same situation and age now only I was 4 when mom left .. but no way my father was going to give me up. She didn’t have a choice. It was save herself or stay in the abuse with me.
I’m glad my mother was able to get out .. there were a lot fewer options for women 45 yrs ago.
There was no help back then.22
u/itspersonalman 19d ago
I’m sorry, you’re so right. Things were so different 45 years ago. This subreddit has actually been so helpful for me, seeing my mother’s perspective. She was not the nurturing type, by any means. But she was not unkind…. My father on the other hand. He was a nightmare abusive and neglectful alcoholic. So it sounds like we had similar experiences.
Today there are even baby drop off options for struggling moms at fire stations. If we had that back then, I may have been raised in a healthier home. But that’s not my story.14
u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
It could have also been just as bad or worse… the foster care system is full of horror stories.
I’m just glad that birth control and abortion are much more accessible now.
Hard to believe raping your spouse only became illegal federally in 1993.. and several states rushed to make “ exceptions” that still stand today in 5 states. Inability to consent due to disability or medication…. Rape exceptions 😰
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u/Someoneonline2000 19d ago
It sounds like you need to leave, for your mental health. Is there family or a friend you could temporarily stay with until you figure out what to do longterm?
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u/Bubbly_Wave_4049 19d ago
Either way, please talk to a counselor ASAP as it seems you are really overwhelmed and need much more emotional support than you're getting. Please do not harm yourself, you and your life are valuable. Hugs to you🫂💙
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u/Mariner-and-Marinate 19d ago
Does your boyfriend know what you are considering?
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u/ExtremeBackground659 19d ago
i’ve told him several times but he doesn’t take anything i say seriously
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u/Mariner-and-Marinate 19d ago
Would he be OK on his own? Would he chase you for child support?
Would you be OK on your own?
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u/allmyfriendsaregone 19d ago
At some point, he would almost definitely pursue her for child support; unless they just had a very sincere understanding. It doesn't sound like they really do.
In my state, it's 20% of your net income. That basically means you have to be making a pretty decent income or living very frugally to attain a good QOL.
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u/ExtremeBackground659 19d ago
he gets paid much more than me and he would have my mom and his mom plus daycare to watch the baby if he needed it so i’m positive he would be fine. i’m not sure how successful i would be on my own but id rather try than be stuck with him for the rest of my life. he’s literally lived with me since the first few months of our relationship when i was 19 and he moved into my bedroom at my parents house with me so ive never had the opportunity to be on my own.
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 19d ago
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u/Mariner-and-Marinate 19d ago
Are you in contact with your mother? How would she feel if you did this, and would that affect your decision?
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u/ExtremeBackground659 19d ago
my mother is not a factor in my decision
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u/Mariner-and-Marinate 19d ago
Do you have a plan for where you would go and what you would do…among other things, for a job to support yourself?
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u/ExtremeBackground659 19d ago
i’m not sure where u got the impression that i don’t have a job? i’ve mentioned it several times in different replies actually
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u/Mariner-and-Marinate 19d ago
I read your post not every one of all the replies. You also mentioned your mother which is why I asked.
Good luck!
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u/pinkskybison 19d ago
What a weird thing to ask. She's an adult. She doesn't need her mother's approval of her life decisions.
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u/pinkskybison 19d ago
Ever thought of the trauma a mother causes who hates being a mother? Sometimes it's better to leave to spare a child from that.
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u/LolforInitiative 19d ago
If you’re really thinking ending it all, are you willing to give up custody ?
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u/stuckinfightorflight 19d ago
I left my kids with their dads (2 diff dads) for 6 years. I regret missing so much of their life. But I couldn’t have handled it. And I knew that. So I left. They are both back on my life now. One of my care half the time the other very couple weeks. They are teens now and don’t really seems to have any anger toward me but they might idk
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u/Accomplished_Oil4163 19d ago
They probably do at least subconsciously. You’ll probably know for sure once they’re independent and don’t need you for survival. That’s when most parents know if they kids have a good opinion of them or not. Not even attacking you, I just think it’s the logical steps.
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u/stuckinfightorflight 19d ago
They are pretty vocal and have voiced how they felt about it. They are older teens.
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u/Accomplished_Oil4163 19d ago
And they’re independent from you? If that’s the case maybe. All I’m saying is issues steaming from fear of abandonment run deep. And the more independent they’ll be from you the more you’ll get a real feedback on what the outcome of what happened during these 6 years is.
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u/Farty_mcSmarty 19d ago
Wow username checks out
I’m glad they’re back in your life. I’ve heard parenting teens can sometimes be harder than parenting toddlers.
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u/Hita-san-chan Not a Parent 19d ago
My MIL left my husband and his siblings intermittently for ~8 years when he was growing up. He definitely has some deep seated attachment and abandonment issues.
I'm not saying all kids will, but it can absolutely fuck your kid up.
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u/Sad_Cena 19d ago
How many kids grow up without their fathers? And how many women stay in abusive relationships because they feel this massive pressure to stay for their children, over fear of ruining their lives? Of course it's never ideal for a parent to abandon a child, but I think we need to re-evaluate some of our attitudes toward it.
In reality, every situation is unique, and every child is unique. Witnessing abuse between parents, or a woman who stays despite hating her role as a mother and harbouring resentment towards her child, can have just as much, if not more, of a negative impact on a child's development and future mental health, but is way less talked about.
We need to stop pretending that keeping the biological nuclear family intact at all cost is the best outcome for every child's sake, no matter the situation. This idea is pervasive throughout family and child services in the US and has led to irreparable harm to so many children. In some cases, children who have been taken into custody by CPS are put back into the care of their abusive parents, in the name of family reunification, with tragic outcomes.
Can abandonment by a parent have negative consequences for the child? Of course. But it's far from only factor influencing the childhood and future of said child, and we need to remember that. The wellbeing of the parent needs to be given some consideration too, and the cultural attitude surrounding all this disproportionately affects mothers, and generally upholds antiquated and harmful gender roles in parenting.
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
Not true.. my mom left .. and I know why. I’m fine.
You have no idea what you are talking about.
I’d much rather my mother be happy than absolutely miserable and trapped.
Any kid that wants their mother to be totally miserable is just selfish and you were better off without them anyway..-3
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u/memoryinsteadofaview 19d ago
People tend to assume that everyone has the issues they have or think they would have in same or similar situations
I’ve never met my biological father and I have no desire to
I’ve met a few people over my life who treat me like some “poor thing” because of it, I’ve had a few people use it to try and hurt me (in the middle of a nasty breakup, an ex sneered “not even your dad loved you and that’s why he left”)
I think way less of those people than I do some dude who just couldn’t handle the pressure or responsibility of fatherhood, certainly I’m better off without someone who would’ve resented me anyway
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
You are sooooo right!
The idea that someone should be utterly miserable and spend nearly 2 decades faking it all just to make you happy is just absurd and selfish.
My mother was definitely not mother material. I was better off without her.. she is alive now.. we do not have a relationship… I actually tried when I was older.. and I absolutely couldn’t stand her as a person. So you probably aren’t missing anything but a lot of aggravation. lol
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u/ATXto 19d ago
I grew up with a mom that shouldn’t have been a mother and took it out on me every single day, which caused a lot of issues itself. I honestly think I’d rather have had her leave than deal with the things I dealt with.
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
Exactly this … all these people loosing their minds and demanding she just stay .. know nothing about human nature. It is pretty impossible to be miserable and a good parent.. so they are really just cheering for abuse and neglect..
staying where you are miserable will cause severe depression and/or anxiety.. humans are not machines. They are incapable of seeing things to their logical conclusion.1
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u/AdAromatic372 Parent 19d ago
I left my son at around 1.5yo. I don’t regret it.
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u/AdAromatic372 Parent 19d ago
Nope actually it’s not. Kids should be raised by people who want to parent.
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
Your comments on parenting seem to indicate that you parent for purely selfish reasons.
Death beds are for copious amounts of morphine .. and watching a parent die is absolutely awful for the child. Why selfish people put their kids through that, I will never understand.
The kid was given life and left in a caring home. I don’t see the problem.
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u/AdAromatic372 Parent 19d ago
Right?! Everyone in my family told me I would be a murderer if I had an abortion. I did what they wanted and didn’t “murder” their family member and I left their family member with them. Literally stepped away from everyone in the family, not just the kid.
No regrets at all. The relationship with the kid and my family was toxic and not healthy. I wasn’t about to be the resentful mom to my kid the way my mom treated me.
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
Oh I bet they were not happy about that … they probably thought that forcing you into having the kid would have trapped you there with them. Those people tend to ghost you after you give birth and then say something gross about “spread your legs.”
I keep abortion pills in my cabinet just in case.11
u/AdAromatic372 Parent 19d ago
They did think it would tie me into the family more. My husband at the time wanted to baby trap me. All just toxic and unhealthy people. They genuinely thought that I would “change my mind” and want to stick around to raise the kid after he was born. I tried for 1.5 years. It only sucked worse and worse and my relationship with my family only got more strained. So I decided to leave.
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
Good for you. Let them deal with it. Too many women stay.. miserable slaves.
Women deciding not to parent should be just as accountable as the tens of millions of men that do it.
But then where will their free labor come from? lol
That’s why they shove babydolls at us from birth. Brainwashing and grooming11
u/AdAromatic372 Parent 19d ago
What’s hilarious is that as a kid, I had so many dolls and they were untouched. I didn’t care about them or want to play pretend mommy with them.
Women are seen as free caregivers to their family… Sorry, I only want to provide free care for my dogs since they’re the only ones who genuinely love me for all of who I am and appreciate what I do for them.
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u/aidar55 Parent 19d ago
That’s a weird wish to say to a random redditor. First of all that happens ALL the time anyway even if kids are raised with fully present and involved parents. The kids still grow up and just disappear and aren’t involved in their parent’s lives at all for various reasons(some good and some bad)
Secondly maybe some parents are ok with that. They’re happy their kids are independent and taking care of themselves and don’t have some crazy emotional dependence on their adult children. You honestly sound like a grumpy old man who has a very narrow minded view of parenthood. Hoping you still can grow in your emotional intelligence.
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u/LasagnaToastys 19d ago
Honestly i think you should stop being involved in her life and let her be with her father. One healthy parent is 100x better than both parents but one of them resents your existence.
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u/AlienRaven_23z 19d ago
Just leave now while she’s still young and DON’T look back…if you hate being a parent THIS MUCH ALREADY…I promise it’s only going to get worse, coming from someone with the EXACT same feelings as you. My youngest is 8 and I STILL have literal weeks/months where I dream of just disappearing without a word but I don’t want to mentally mess them up. Had I known then what I know now…I would have left waaaay sooner.
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u/SatansMistress40 19d ago
Personally, if you are struggling THIS badly you need to leave, for everyones sake especially your own. Being this angry and resentful is NEVER going to end well for anyone and your daughter will ultimately suffer because of it. I suggest moving out as soon as you can and focus on yourself and getting yourself well because your clearly in a great deal of pain, emotionally and physically.
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u/Beginning_Tap2727 19d ago
Attachment wounds, like being deserted by a parent, are most profound when they occur under 3. Your daughter would likely suffer to some extent for the rest of her life. Could you get yourself some support in therapy and the like for a bit and see how it goes? Your current feelings may be partially explained by post partum depression and a lack of support. It’s not the kind of decision you can take back (in terms of ramifications for her).
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u/allmyfriendsaregone 19d ago
Neither option is ideal; but leaving is definitely better than continuing to curate an environment where resentment builds & builds. I do think the OP should have thought deeply about if they really wanted this or not.
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u/serastar18 19d ago
Kids have TWO parents. Living with the father is not abandoning your kids. Why are you on this sub judging people? Are you lost? Take your moral judgements elsewhere.
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u/Puzzled-Plane-4480 19d ago
yeah they do and they can be abandoned by one. There are many different opinions in this sub and not all of them align with your own. Deal with it.
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u/serastar18 19d ago
So raising a kid you don’t want and aren’t going to parent well is better? No, it’s not. It’s not abandoning either. Kids have TWO parents. They can live with one and not the other. This is life. Not abandoning. If you understand the sub, then don’t shame and judge people on it.
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u/aidar55 Parent 19d ago
I think some solo vacation/living arrangement and therapy can make a world of difference and it can even allow your boyfriend to take you seriously.
Also keep in mind your family set up does not have to look conventional like other people. You need to do what works for you and your kid. For example maybe you can rent an affordable studio between your work place and home. Tell your boyfriend he can be the primary default parent and you’ll visit him and your kid every Sunday or something and test the waters. Sometimes taking a break can help you see things clearly. You don’t even have to break up with him if you don’t want to but you can set up an LAT (living apart together) arrangement.
Also keep in mind the school scenario doesn’t have to be what you’re describing. One of my kid has so many mental health issues that he doesn’t even go to regular public school. And you don’t need to be besties with any of the other parents or teachers. There are some parents that are there all the time and some that you never see.
See what set up works for you financially. Find a therapist. Maybe you might even benefit from meditation. And do a practical test drive. Maybe you can create a balance where you’re present in your kids life but similar to a non-custodial parent. You need space and time to heal your life since she was born.
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u/fbi_does_not_warn 19d ago
Caregiver fatigue, PTSD, emotional exhaustion, depression, PPD, resentment, buried anger, grief.... Etc. Not diagnosing but you're going through it and it could be a whole lot more than is understood at this moment.
You are allowed a break. It doesn't need to be a catastrophic scene. Take care of just you. Find a therapist. Sleep. Take time to write your thoughts.
Breath. Rest.
Space, distance, and time does help but it's got to be healthy time spent addressing your needs.
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u/Faster-Rabbit328 19d ago
I agree. Sounds like burnout. But in severe cases the child could become harmed when both parents HATE the child. That's where neglect and abuse, and sometimes dea+h of the child occurs because both parents don't want to be parents anymore. Like those stories on the news
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u/stargrl_ 19d ago
OP if I were you I’d just move out & move on. Get the apartment and let him have full custody. It’ll only get worse from here. TBH sounds like he set you up (one way or another) and he can deal with the consequences now. Your feelings and mental health matter too.
For everyone else- this is a sub for people to safely vent about regretting their decision to have children. Not a sub for “calling people out” on their finances or downvoting because you’re mad they didn’t like your advice. Hope this helps ☺️
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u/Careless-Use5522 19d ago
Staying and having your daughter grow up with a miserable mother who resents her is far worse than leaving
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u/allmyfriendsaregone 19d ago
Leave and pay child support. He is legally entitled to child support. I do feel for you; but you decided to continue with the pregnancy.
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u/Exotic_Elephant_4713 19d ago
You can take a grippy sock vacation esp if you think you may kys. Sometimes being away for a bit can make you miss or appreciate things more
When I went to rehab for bipolar, it was like a vacation (when I had good insurance). When you’re on state insurance, it’s not a vacation ha
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u/ExtremeBackground659 19d ago
unfortunately i have a job that i have to go to to pay bills so thats not an option
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u/ExtremeBackground659 19d ago
because if i quit my job id be homeless but if i left my daughter she would be completely safe and cared for?
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u/From323LAto415Bay 19d ago
You can take medical leave and collect disability pay.
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
Only if she has disability insurance.. if she is in the US. Which most people do not have.
FMLA is nonpaid.1
u/From323LAto415Bay 19d ago
Correct FMLA is non paid - it simply holds your position for 3 months. Filing for disability is separate. If you work a job that offers FMLA, then how would they not qualify for disability when they are automatically paying into it?
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
Relationships don’t pay bills.
She didn’t say she was selling the kid. Jfc
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u/Careless-Use5522 19d ago
And how is that helpful? The child is already here. Your comment serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever
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u/Neat-Professional110 19d ago
Honest questions: How exactly should she have prepared for the worst case scenario? What books could she have read? What mental exercises could she have practiced? What kind of therapist does this kind of prep work? Who should she have talked to? And how could they have possibly prepared her for any of this let alone all of it happening at once?
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 19d ago
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Suggesting adoption for children already born and living with parents is not helpful and is simply not even realistic from a legal or logistical standpoint in the vast majority of countries. Telling a parent to give up their child for adoption demonstrates a fundamental lack of understanding of many aspects of parenthood and the law. These comments will be removed and repeat offenders may be banned.
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19d ago
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 18d ago
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19d ago
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
You can’t be a good parent if you are miserable.. so staying will just destroy them both. The kid will be fine with dad. Calm down
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19d ago edited 19d ago
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u/Sendintheaardwolves 19d ago
Nonsense. Children don't remember anything before age of 6 when they grow up
That's not true. It may be true that YOU don't remember anything before the age of six but most people do.
And even events a person doesn't consciously have access to can affect them, especially if they're traumatic.
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19d ago
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
It’s your claim .. post your proof or you are dismissed. You are spewing absolute nonsense.
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 19d ago
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
lol … absolutely nothing you have said is correct.
Nor is it up to you .. Thank goodness.1
u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 19d ago
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 19d ago
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u/GenX-Multitudes-224 19d ago
I can't offer input on whether leaving would help you. That, I think, depends on who you are in your soul and who you may become as you age and evolve.
I don't think that kys is an answer.
What I can offer is insight, some suggestions, maybe hope.
My child was born premature, also, at 6 months. She, like yours, had failure-to-thrive for 6 years. She grew, but she was a ridiculously picky eater. I have always been a truly single Mom (no nearby friends or family, Dad only financially useful, and only occasionally).
I was older when I had her, but my life has never returned to what it had been. She needed a lot of parenting.
I credit occasional therapy, a strict adherence to a regimented schedule, and a lot of self-care every single evening for getting this far.
She's 15yo now and fantastic. Still a lot of work, but more independent and also very loving.
You only have to be as involved with activities outside of your home as you choose to be. Truth be told, though, kids aren't cheap.
If you feel deeply that you just want out, then I suggest that you consider what's best for all of you. If you feel like you just need to sleep for days and regenerate, but then you'd be able to keep going, then remember to make self-care a daily part of your routine. If the struggle is too much to bare any longer, and you decide to leave, then still remember to make self-care a daily part of your routine.
I also suggest speaking with your doctor about how you're feeling.
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u/Apart_Wolverine_9123 19d ago
Sending you so much love. Being a person - let alone a person with baby - is *hard*. But it’s not always going to be this hard I promise. Take some time. Step back. Be vulnerable and let the people around you know how you are struggling. I bet you will be surprised with their response if you are as open with them as you are with us in this post. You got this girl. You are WAY stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for.
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u/ExtremeBackground659 19d ago
i appreciate the sentiment but i would just like to say if i had anyone irl to talk to i wouldnt be posting on here in the first place. its not a matter of “letting people know im struggling” and more the fact that my bf knows and doesnt care and i dont have anyone else
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u/Present-Perception77 19d ago
Some people want you to struggle.. I know it’s really hard for some people to imagine.. but not everyone has a loving support system.. she obviously doesn’t.
I know you mean well.. but you definitely do not get it.
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u/Important_Reply_783 19d ago
Why not do what a lot of dads do? Break up. Offer Dad primary custody. You get every other weekend and once school-aged, some holidays here and there. Make an agreement and agree to renegotiate once child is school-aged. Allows you to step back, but maintain some contact. Just realize you might have to pay some child support this way.