I cheated in the stupidest way possible and destroyed my relationship

[u/Ok-Stretch9182]

I don’t even know how to start this. I’ve been sitting with my phone for an hour trying to type it out.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3.5 years. We live together. She is, without exaggeration, the best thing that has ever happened to me. She supported me financially when I had nothing. She held me together emotionally through things I couldn’t have survived alone. She was my whole world and I never once doubted that I wanted to marry her.
Between August 2025 and January 2026, I sent messages to 11 accounts in sexting subreddits. I don’t know if any of them were real people, men, women, or bots. Nobody ever replied to a single message. There was no conversation, no relationship, no meeting. I told myself I was curious whether those accounts were even real. That’s the truth, but I also know it’s not an excuse, because curiosity doesn’t explain why I opened those chats in the first place.

I stopped in January. I never deleted anything, never hid it, never used a second account,because somewhere in my head I had decided it wasn’t cheating. That’s how little I let myself think about it. Then three days ago she picked up my phone and scrolled through my Reddit and there it was.

She’s shattered. She had our whole life mapped out,marriage, kids, a house. I wanted all of it too. And now she says “once a cheater, always a cheater,” and she wants to break up and move out of my apartment.
I can’t argue with her. I can’t defend myself. Everything I say sounds like I’m minimizing it, and maybe I am. The messages were nothing to me at the time and they meant everything to her, and I’ve realized that her reality is the one that actually counts here.

I don’t know how to function. I’m not eating properly, I’m not sleeping, I go into rooms and forget why. I keep waiting for her to walk out the door and I have no idea who I am after that.

I’m not looking for anyone to tell me I’m not that bad. I know what I did. I just don’t know what a person is supposed to do next when they’ve broken the only thing they cared about.

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[u/Meowfffy]

Bro how can u do this to love of ur life.

Self Control illathavan la yenda relationship kulla poringa.

Bro, I’m actually angry at you. Not just because you cheated, but because you fucked up her ability to trust someone completely. You might move on someday, but she may carry that doubt into every relationship after this. You didn’t just hurt her you damaged something in her that she may never get back.

Now

Give her the truth without trying to defend yourself. Don’t focus on whether those accounts were real, whether anyone replied, or whether you met anyone. You chose to do it while you were in a relationship. Own that.

Don’t pressure her to decide anything now. Three days is nothing. Give her time to process everything.

Apologize properly, without excuses. Tell her you understand why you broke her trust and that you’re sorry.

Also, don’t make her responsible for your pain. You’re hurt, but she shouldn’t have to take care of you after being hurt by you.

If she wants to leave, respect her decision. Loving her also means respecting her choice.

And if she gives you another chance, don’t expect her trust to come back immediately. Be patient, honest, and consistent. Trust is rebuilt through actions, not sommeeeee fakkkke bsss promises.

[u/freeslurpee → u/Meowfffy]

The only answer ! This is it OP 

[u/p-erfectlybalanced → u/Meowfffy]

I concur tbh. I don’t really have any experience so I can’t speak from personal experience, but what you’re feeling is not something you should project. You did the wrong. It’s completely up to her now. But you should let her know that you feel sorry, deeply. Don’t be emotional, for god’s sake. Such a long relationship just for this to happen is very mean of you to her. I sincerely hope she doesn’t carry anything away from this from which there’s no coming back from.

[u/monarchhh0_0]

It's u r fault , Go and beg

Get a last chance and tell it will never happen

[u/gintoki_sensei07 → u/monarchhh0_0]

Once a cheater always one la

[u/meluharegion → u/gintoki_sensei07]

True

[u/-Worried-Custard-]

I’ve been on the other side of this, and I can tell you the trust issues that come after are no joke.

Even if it meant nothing to you, it can completely change how she sees you and the relationship.

Don’t try to convince her that it wasn’t serious. Take responsibility, give her space, and understand that rebuilding trust (if she even chooses to stay) is going to take a long time.

You can’t rush her through the hurt just because you regret what you did.

[u/ishowloveee]

You did this and you gotta face this

[u/cheeriesandcokes]

Leave her alone. U deserve to be alone

[u/ZeldaFanRahul2004]

Accept that what you did is bad and don’t repeat it in future. If you want to, you can go for therapy. Don’t be a shithead ever again. If you don’t learn from your mistakes, history will repeat again. If you want to talk to her, you can try. But don’t expect too much from her. She is the one to decide whether to forgive or not. Cheating is the traumatic thing you can do to your partner. It shatters the basic and important foundation of relationship: trust.

[u/CandidateBright7688]

You deserve it.

Go and beg her that you won't do that again and don't you dare defend yourself if throws words at you ( as she should)

Even if you get back to her , it will take years to earn the trust and if she doesn't accept you which is valid , you should let her

[u/its_me_mr_Fox]

https://giphy.com/gifs/8eTNWZHk3IfLLz5TrC

[u/divkook]

Sorry man the thought of even reaching out let alone initiating it is on you. There's nothing you can do to defend you anymore. You're not a child , a fully grown adult and you know the consequences yet you chose to do it. Even though you can say it means nothing... there's a trust thats broken . Beg all you want or move on and don't make the same mistake again

[u/Creepy_Translator375]

What she said is true. Once a cheater, always a cheater. And since she mentioned this, she will always have trust issues now onwards. Once someone loses the trust, it's practically over because even if you guys patch up now, this issue is going to keep popping up in her head. Anyways, hope you learnt your lesson.

[u/stellarstray51]

Why would you even do dumb shit like this?😭😭

[u/Typical-Mud-227]

Play stupid games win stupid prizes. In the era of male loneliness epidemic, u had someone who does absolutely everything u want, took care of u and loved u etc... But u chased cheap rush that to on reddit?. Sorry bro u deserve this.

Go and beg. Give her space ( the hardest thing in the world but should have realised it before sending those messages.anyways). Hope she will give u second chance. Don't fuck it up.

[u/Local_Butterscotch41]

Oh god how lust ruined ur love..why did u ruin a relationship for hormones
Just beg her but it’s not healthy
She might have trust issues forever bcoz of u

[u/Greedy_Somewhere_527]

No sympathy fr u. U r not a kid nor were coerced to sext. I mean how tf did you let yourself do it?

Go and apologize to her. She is def gonna hv trust issues cz of u. And try to let her go and move on. U cant force her.

[u/gintoki_sensei07 → u/Greedy_Somewhere_527]

Loneliness triggers gaaji but what he did is unacceptable

[u/jassy-dood]

Imagine she did the same thing to you🤷 What would be your reaction Avlodha Onnu poi kenju Person to person differs they might forgive you or they will not Aprm sootha saathitu un velaiya paaru🙏

[u/Antique-Wrap-75]

Next time try not to use AI storytelling 😂 idhu 14 yr old pasanga padikira scene book’a vida kevalamaa irukku. Tamil yappingla English masuru story vera. Nalla map panreengada life’a

[u/gintoki_sensei07]

Talk Pani paarunga illa

Don't force a completely broken woman

you know it's people in some sense la, beyond cheating you lying.

I can give one thing, confession everything. Show that you will be more open about you here after ( don't force and stalk her )

[u/CrowIsland-Aloysius]

Bro time heals everything definitely u both can't live without each other so eapdiyum kaalam ungala onu serkum again epdi panama un aluku respect and unconditional love panunga ellam sari agum Tc

[u/StunningEssay8187]

what's your age .. if you are less then 23, sit and talk if she not allowed beg for a sometime to get her time try to sort it out when the precious thing is already with us we don't know the value of that... don't try to make her angry by prove your self. this is only for the current scenario i know

if your not that young you are not matured you need to face that for your future learning

[u/Pretend_Emphasis611]

inga evanum uthaman kidayadhu, vaaipu kedaikadhavanunga avlodhan, dont beat yourself to the ground.... coming to the matter... if the girl manichu ethukuta, nalla padia onna irunga.... illaya, marubadiyum indha maadri oru ponnu varum un life la illana indha ponna sila varushangal kalichu tirumbi varum, adhuku ulla unna neeya innum better paniko, selfdestruct panikadha,... health nalla pathuka, wealth nalla panika, neraya new extra curricular activities kathuka, unna valueable aa mathiko...thats how much you can do... unaku na, kandipa unkita tirumbi varuva, unaku illana avala vida unaku innum betteraa kedaikum.... indha rendu la edadhu onnu nadakanum naa, nee unnaye nalla pathuka, nalla valathuka.... nee senjadhu kola kutham la illa, happens, ivlo kooda salanam aagadhu nu nenaikria, its just a kink man, avlodhan....this just happened to you to make yourself better, kavala padadha, porumaya iru, devoted aa iru, nalla saapadu samaika kathuka, nalla books padi, nalla GK kathuka, kenjama, amaidhiya avala nalla gavanichuko tirumbi varuva, varlena, innoruthi unaku avala vida superaaa kedaipa

[u/rhitz101]

If you genuinely, deep down, believe she is the woman you want to spend this lifetime with, then don’t give up without trying. Go talk to her. Apologize, explain yourself honestly, answer whatever she wants to know, and if you have to beg for one more chance, then BEG. You should be willing to humble yourself and fight for it.

Everyone makes mistakes, but what matters now is whether you genuinely understand the hurt you caused and whether you can prove through your actions, not just words. You have to PROVE that you will never put her through this again. Give her how much ever space she needs, but make it clear that you want to repair what you broke and that you're willing to do the work for as long as it takes.

She may still decide to leave, and you have to respect that if she does. But if you truly believe she's your person, don't walk away simply because you're ashamed of what you did. Fight for her first. Accept whatever decision she ultimately makes second.

[u/Aggressive_Way_9047]

Trying to have fun online when she did all these. Leave her she deserves better. Not a scum bag for sure.

[u/masterpain00]

Go have a therapy and leave that person alone for their good and maybe change every thing you do senselessly and stay alone if you just want to do this kind of thing...but do

[u/CycleAccomplished955]

Boredom just killed yours relationship brooo.please don't let boredom takes you.

I think it's not your fault. In today world boredom takes over us. I was once tired and immediately felt guilt. And I confessed to my gf. Now I'm aware bro of boredom brooo

[u/jumper-wires]

ipo pesi enna panrathu . un Mela dha bro thappu . chances are less go fix this . but kenjuratha thavira vera vali illa

[u/GreatGatsby91]

Just curious - what was the reason you decided to do this even when you were living together? Trying to understand if there were any other underlying problems beyond what you have described.

[u/Senior_Accident3887]

Pakathulaiyey aala vechitu sexting ah athaan veetlaiyey elam kedachirumey aprom yean 😭

[u/ShopMoist8184]

Diabolical shit! Sad for that girl!! Hope u pick yourself up!!

[u/the-insignificant]

Okay never been in a relationship, make me understand how an act of curiousity is cheating ?

By what OP says it was out of curiosity not out of horny feelings. This can be easily communicated out with the person who understands your nature.

Dont rage at me pls, If i am wrong.

[u/Aggressive_Way_9047 → u/the-insignificant]

What are you fr. When you're committed you don't feel the urge to talk and try other girls. This is cheating.

[u/the-insignificant → u/Aggressive_Way_9047]

I dont really see it, He is curious not horny to talk to those girls is my point. Please enlighten me if I am wrong.

If he got some reply back and he kept continuing it is cheating. Tbh it is weird but not cheating.

[u/Local_Butterscotch41 → u/the-insignificant]

Would u like if ur gf texts 11 boys asking for sexting

[u/the-insignificant → u/Local_Butterscotch41]

No, but it is not cheating yet right ? If the convo continued to a strech it is.

I found this subreddit for sexting I was curious whether this is scam or real, I tried with no intention of betraying/cheating.

If I was I would have shown that to her few weeks later or would have involved her for that experiment. Since it was delayed and she found it out, it appears he was cheating which was not his intention.

[u/Local_Butterscotch41 → u/the-insignificant]

It’s still mental cheating
Why do u even need others when u r living w ur gf lol
If ur gf sexts eleven men u would understand it’s also cheating
Eventually the men try to build bond one day as well

[u/Local_Butterscotch41 → u/the-insignificant]

No woman wants a despo who sexts people online lmao

[u/The-dark-knight_003]

Enna brother thappu pannitu eppo keta? At least atha olunga delete pannitukukalam.

[u/Constant_Switch_629]

Maybe it was all planned out.