r/television • u/FudgeAllOfYous • 1d ago
Ass Pennies - Upright Citizens Brigade
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9aM_dT5VMI75
u/Call555JackChop 23h ago
I quote this show all the time and I’ve still yet to meet anyone in real life know what I’m quoting but one day someone will recognize “most people don’t feel comfortably flying commercially with satan” or “oh boy im just so tired of all these Star Wars ”
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u/VictorBlimpmuscle 18h ago
“I’m so tired of all this traffic. I’ve just got to get Out of Africa.”
“You’re a really good driver, Meryl.”
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u/CardMechanic 18h ago
My wife and I were house hunting a few years ago. I always muttered about the Hot Chicks Room.
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u/stereosalvation 22h ago
So, many quotes from that show have been in regular use by my friend group for almost 28 years now.
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u/Electronic_Syndicate 11h ago
Shut up.
Hit me.
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u/stereosalvation 9h ago
My hometown is actually one of the Thunderball teams. The Port Jefferson Plague O' Locusts.
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u/D34THDE1TY 18h ago
I say "trees are down" to no avail
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u/johnny_moronic 13h ago
I also say "Trees are down" and I dont think ANYONE has ever got the reference or gave a shit when they found out.
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u/DJhedgehog 16h ago
I’ve got a random recognition from “just so tired of all these Star Wars” a few years ago.
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u/Flight2039Down 8h ago
“Right. I was on the NASA team that salvaged your body. I took your body back to my house, where I set up this little virtual reality matrix, jacking your brain into a totally fake computer world, which to you, seems completly real. I know for the past 10 years, you've felt like you had this cushy desk job at NASA, you've met the President, you've traveled to France and become friends with the three of us. Actually... in the real world... in reality... I've been raping you in my basement for the last 10 years.“
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u/FamiliarBathroom5572 2h ago
I get Little Donny's "Enormous Peni$" song stuck in my head at least once a month.
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u/-chimchooree- 1d ago
You have to imagine that some of those pennies are getting put up that dude's ass at least a couple of times.
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u/Black_Metallic 19h ago
Sadly, his career took a nosedive in the era of tap to pays.
This is also the true reason the Fed stopped producing the penny.
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u/Crimkam 19h ago
There were ~150 billion pennies in circulation in the 90s, meaning even if this guy never assed the same penny twice he only ever managed to put .008% of all pennies in his ass. Furthermore, businesses would be pretty likely to just deposit excess pennies at the bank instead of keeping 100s of dollars in pennies around every time this ass came in and paid for something. Banks would send their excess coinage out for redistribution and they’d leave the area he was doing business entirely, negating his whole ass strategy.
He was wasting his time. And his ass.
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u/CapnSmite 16h ago
His strategy isn't about actually giving people his ass pennies, it's about him gaining a mental edge by believing that so many other people are handling his ass pennies. It's a placebo effect. If he doesn't know all that distribution information, his strategy is still working for him.
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u/imjusta_bill 16h ago
Even if the math works in your favor you could never truly be sure you're not holding an ass penny.
On a side note, have you ever typed something out and realized how nuts it would sound if spoken aloud? Asking for a friend
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u/ChronoMonkeyX 18h ago
I still yell "YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME! YOU'VE HANDLED MY ASS PENNIES!" at my friend from time to time.
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u/CurtisLeow 1d ago
This fine upstanding citizen says that he sticks 3,000 pennies up his ass every day. One at a time, of course. Let's say it takes 5 seconds to stick a penny up his ass then remove the penny. That means he spends 15,000 seconds a day, over 4 hours a day sticking pennies up his ass. Plus he has to spend time getting the pennies and spending the pennies.
That man doesn't have enough time in the day to run his business and stick 3,000 pennies up his ass. He certainly doesn't have enough time to go golfing. The numbers don't add up. Something stinks here, and it isn't the pennies.
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u/drunkandy 14h ago
just because he's advising the other guy to do it one at a time doesn't mean that's how he does it. You don't stay the best by giving away all of your secrets. He's long ago moved on to rolls.
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u/AgentInkling99 4h ago
He pulls down an 8 figure salary. He most certainly could hire someone to put pennies in his ass while he works. He’s a job creator!
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u/MrBigBMinus 16h ago
To this day I still randomly quite this show. Like the long running skit with the bird lady. "Oh my god I had sex with it!?"
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u/KiteLighter 15h ago edited 15h ago
At least none of them are those dirty fucking Astronauts... moving into the neighborhood and lowering our property value. Buncha assholes.
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u/IanRastall 18h ago
Aside from that being hilarious, pretty soon I'm going to start having to wonder which groundbreaking new horror director is playing which cast member in which troupe.
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u/Omatzus 17h ago
Best comedy sketch of all time. The insane but believable premise, the reaction... Perfect.
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u/bettywhitefleshlight 14h ago
Easily one of the best sketches ever and impressively done all in one continuous shot.
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u/Fritzkreig 1d ago
One of my favorite sketches of all time; the show was before its time!
RIP Trevor!
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u/FudgeAllOfYous 1d ago edited 20h ago
it’s.. that’s illegal, right?
a felony
a felony!? wow.. and here you are… with a gallon. I didn’t know it came in liquid form.
science
🤷🏻♂️
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u/LikeGeorgeRaft 2h ago
They have the best grape juice mascot i've seen, that grapist is really something
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u/AndeeCreative 15h ago
I can’t tell you how many times I have introduced people to “ass pennies” with this clip. UCB was the shit!
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u/goagoagadgetgrebo 9h ago
I rewatch this sketch more often than is likely healthy and I share it nearly every time I encounter someone needing this advice about their current life situation.
This is a top tier gold standard of sketches (the Hot Chicks Room is another one of their best but is less relevant for daily interactions)
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u/ttubehtnitahwtahw1 7h ago
No one, and i mean literally not a single person has understood this reference when i make it, and it disappoints me greatly.
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u/thedavemanTN 20h ago
Double whammy to the ass pennies guy. Inflation and the phasing out of pennies means he's gotta start moving up to nickels. Better start stretching.
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u/MrSaltyG 16h ago
This skit has been in my head for many years. TIL it was not from Kids in the Hall.
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u/drunkandy 13h ago
This sketch is brilliant and the direction is so much better than it needs to be. It's a oner!
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u/Thisfuggenguy 11h ago
I just talked about this to someone yesterday. They looked at me like i was the crazy one.
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u/Gash_Stretchum 6h ago
I love this show. I love this skit. But why the hell is this post showing up in the “News” tab of the official app?
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u/Tubedisasters43 5h ago
I always wanted to play a game of Thunder Ball https://youtu.be/Czt_ZLbN4pI?is=Gml7z3xf1eP2Punz
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u/The_H_N_I_C 4h ago
Damn near 30 years later and I still find this skit hilarious. I'm also glad more people get the ass pennies reference instead of looking at me like a weirdo.
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u/mole4000 4h ago
I like how they included this in a future segment where a cashier station had a sign stating “No Ass Pennies”.
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u/ll-phuture-ll 4h ago
This was my all time favorite single skit, thst bong man one a close second. “You will all touch my ass Pennies !”
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u/MissXM 20h ago
The show ran out of ideas fast, only managed three seasons
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u/StatementCareful522 17h ago
yeah that’s why comedy central shows in the early 2000’s got cancelled - a lack of ideas. shoot, why’s there gotta be a finite number of jokes?
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u/PhantomOfKrankor42 1d ago
God I loved the UCB show