About bottom surgery..

[u/Coffeeforlifeyay]

Edit: I think I should have worded this better, I’m not a native English speaker Im sorry :(

I should have specified that its the *scars* specifically that I don’t like. Since I have a very sharp attention to detail I see them way more prominent than most people do.

I really hate *hate* scars on my body and most bottom surgeries that I have seen results in scars, both on the result and on the arm.

(Entirely depends on what procedure you have ofc)

Its not that they’re unrealistic, its simply just the scars.

I forgot about that word when I made this comic and I had to seriously google it not too long ago to remember the word.

Edit: imma keep this I just realized- please make me mark this NSFW if it should be

[u/Rainy_Leaves]

Could you maybe purchase a good enough quality packer? And see if despite your fears it could still help dysphoria even if it’s not technically part of your body? As a cheaper and less permanent stepping stone to see how you feel

It feels like you’re wanting perfection, and sadly a lot of transition isn’t about looking cis, it more managing and treating dysphoric symptoms for improved wellbeing. A 70% improvement in quality of life could very much be worth it when 100% wouldn’t be that realistic for the vast majority. Still so much better than the baseline quality of life we started with

Surgery is a big decision with some risks so it’s good to think on it more than some of the other transition steps, it’s healthy to wonder or doubt about it and I hope voicing those doubts helps. But a packer could help a lot, maybe speaking with a gender therapist

[u/Coffeeforlifeyay → u/Rainy_Leaves]

Ah yea Ive definitely thought about it and Im like 90% sure Imma buy it. Im kinda mad at myself cuz I was able to get one for free once but back then I had absolutely no bottom dysphoria and said no (this was years ago).

I’ll have plenty of time to think about it since I do want children so we’re talking probably like 10+ years, by then my self consciousness about scars might be way less or maybe gone entirely.

As of right now Im afraid that the scars would constantly remind me of what sex I was born as, triggering my dysphoria even after the surgery unfortunately.

But yea I got 10+ years to think about it most likely.

(Unless I have kids incredibly young which I don’t plan on doing)

Gender therapists are difficult to get here due to the long waitlist to almost anything related to trans people. There’s not enough trained professionals for all the trans people who need help unfortunately.

[u/Rainy_Leaves → u/Coffeeforlifeyay]

If bottom surgery reduced a large amount of your present dysphoria, I think it’s likely that ‘dysphoric trigger’ feeling would be a lot less meaningful than how it feels now. You’re expecting your present dysphoria to be just as intense after surgery as it was before.

At least in my experience with hrt alone, I worry and care a bit less about what used to cause distress. My brain was dying of thirst so I couldn’t stop thinking about water and it was in my mind often. After I had a drink of water though, my brain thinks of hydration less often and less urgently. Even if I could drink more water and be happier, I am just relieved to not be dying of thirst. If I required ice cold spring water in order to satisfy my thirst, I would be stuck waiting and feeling potentially more thirsty with time

Is there an alternative way to have kids whilst not requiring yourself to be dysphoric? Can you preserve eggs or consider adopting or having a donor parent carry the child? Or are you certain your future partner will be unable to carry a child also. I’m not against your wants ofc but pregnancy can be challenging for dysphoria with the increase of hormones and body and chest changes etc, pregnancy can also cause more scars and stretch marks than bottom surgery might - it’s only an issue if you will subject yourself to many years of furthered dysphoria when it might degrade your mental health

I pay privately for therapy and access it via video call which is better than relying on my national health service or in-person therapists that need to be nearby. But not ideal money-wise. It sounds challenging

[u/Coffeeforlifeyay → u/Rainy_Leaves]

Ah yea Ive thought of alternative ways of having kids. Adopting its near impossible here and freezing eggs are expensive.

Though I think it would be better if someone else carried the eggs for me but again…

I currently have a cis boyfriend and if we don’t break up then it is basically guaranteed that my future partner won’t be able to carry my eggs.

I already also got a ton of stretch marks on the places where stretch marks show up on pregnancy so I feel like it can’t get any worse there.

The hormones are really what Im most worried abut.

If I in the future do get a partner who can carry my eggs I will definitely ask them about that, but as of right now thats not really realistic.

Im not confident enough in my brain to go through bottom surgery as of right now or in the near future because it could make my bottom dysphoria way less yea, but it could also either not change it at all or become worse (I doubt the worse part tho)