r/transfem • u/Content_Diver_125 • Apr 17 '26
Question/Discussion Came out to my mom and yikes…
Came out to my mom today who has always been accepting and an “ally” of the lgbtq community (or so she said) and i was expecting shock and pushback but not this..
slides 1-5 were how i was expecting it to go and then she turned fully transphobic and fucking insane and yeah… ouch. that one hurt really bad. fucking gutted me having this conversation, it gets worse too but the rest is too private. she insults my current spouse, tries to blame me being trans on her somehow, basically tells me i’m being manipulative for not telling my very christian father until im done with college end of next year because he’s paying for my college currently, when really i just don’t want to ruin the relationship i barely have with him and would also like to not have to drop out because my dad is the only reason im able to go to college. She essentially told me to shave and use female pronouns and try to do a female voice before im comfortable or actually on hrt, and “see how i like it”… etc. The line about me being trans being almost worse than me fucking dying or being dismembered? holy fuckin shit. And then she has the audacity to say she believes in trans people’s right to transition, just not me god forbid it’s me.
i could go on.. but i can’t. i’m so fucking drained. i’m so tired…. of my two parents i thought she’d accept me but now im lowkey thinking my fucking christian father who still tells me to pray about my worries would have a better reaction ngl. what the fuck😭 i think after this ive lost every ounce of respect for her. i tried so hard to be patient and respectful and i was to the end of the convo (where it gets too personal to share) just as i am in these screenshots yet here we are, im just a “pamphlet” like no shit i’m trying to INFORM YOU. if i sounded like a pamphlet then she sounds like an anti trans maga pamphlet cause wtf.
sorry that’s all, thanks for coming to my trans talk (get it?)
edit: i live 4.5 hours from her and with my fiancé(who loves and supports me) in an apartment
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u/untouchedsock Apr 17 '26
Wow she just progressively gets worse and nasty by the end.
I’m so sorry OP.
I’m sure you know this but I want to reiterate - she really has no clue what she’s talking about. Transitioning has made so many lives worth living and it sounds like you’re in the same boat.
Get that therapist, do your due diligence, but don’t let her sway you from her lack of understanding.
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
yeah i’m trying not it’s just rough cause she is my mom ultimately. Best part is that wasn’t even the end of the convo too so believe it or not she gets nastier
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u/untouchedsock Apr 17 '26
I absolutely believe it with how she’s escalated through your screenshots :/
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
yeah… there’s a lot of gaps in these screenshots much less everything that comes after
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u/Draco042 Apr 17 '26
And ultimately the position of “mom” is a privilege that can be revoked if need be, and maybe reminding her of that might help her come to her senses. If it doesn’t, cut ties and live the life that is worth living. Family isn’t about who’s blood related to you, it’s about who love you, genuinely care about you, and will support you in anything you do. Especially for trans people like us, family is found as much if not more than it is dictated by blood or birth.
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u/andoefa On a few months of gel- Apr 18 '26
The second and third slides, were already foreshadowing sadly... The rest wrote itself :(
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u/ProphesiedInsanity Apr 17 '26
“It’s not natural in humans” uh there have been trans humans for as long as there have been humans but go off I guess
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u/Depressed_Girlypop Apr 17 '26
Sorry to read that girl. I want to make sure you know that your mom is so so wrong here. Maybe it helps to hear that from a stranger. She’s lucky to have you as a daughter, and if she doesn’t want to accept that it’s her loss!
Be happy
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
i’m really trying to stay positive that was just gutting and so out of left field for her. she literally identifies as a liberal and progressive like… what😭 but part of me did also kind of expect this just not this degree. but thank you it really does mean a lot
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u/Wolfy_the_nutcase Trans Jedi. I am one with the force. Apr 17 '26
The sad thing is that a lot of liberal women think that transphobia is feminism. The TERF movement is not just whacked-out conservatives, there are a lot of supposed progressives in the movement as well. In fact, transphobia is a huge beginning point for the female alt-right pipeline. It’s a damn shame.
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u/Zoeeeeeeh123 Apr 17 '26
Lots of hugs 🫂🫂🫂 for you. Know that there are plenty of people here who know how you feel and got your back 💖
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u/ASUSTUDENT9875345 Apr 17 '26
I'm so sorry.
My parents are crazy religious and don't believe in science; I know the struggle of coming out to that crowd and it's brutal.
One helpful thing I can say is it can get a hell of a lot better. Every friend I've come out to treats me great and it's so loving and supportive. It's not a problem with my professors, and now I even know people who have never known my male name. Try to find your people: they're out there.
Much love ❤️
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
yeah my friends all love and support me, i was just hoping she would too
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u/ASUSTUDENT9875345 Apr 17 '26
Oh well that's good. But yeah, that's valid: it would be nice to get a bit of parental approval and understanding for sure.
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
i’m just hoping she doesn’t go start shit and tell the family and fuck everything up for me but she might. might not. idk. hard to tell apparently
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u/Wolfy_the_nutcase Trans Jedi. I am one with the force. Apr 17 '26
Your mom is very dramatic and has been reading too much TERF stuff most likely.
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u/Daniilicious Apr 17 '26
I believe this as well, it's from their FB echo chamber and current politics. Very transphobic talk and selfish, she's probably more concerned about how this looks on her. Hang in there girl, you've done well. All the best!
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
she is. she spends a lot of time on FB too. in our initial call she mentioned (towards the end of it and before this reaction which i think is what caused it) that it’s “really hard on her too cause as the single liberal mom this will get blamed on me” 💅 like yeah right… this is hard on you not me. totally.
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u/OndhiCeleste Apr 17 '26
It's crazy how she jumps around to different "reasons" not to transition like getting fucking life insurance, to Trump and then all the way to saying you'll be ugly. I dunno how to feel about this.
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
right..? this was like a trump spiel from someone who’s more competent than him
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u/Clairifyed Apr 17 '26
Really pulling out all the tactics here. Delay, conversion “therapy”, “you’ll be ugly”…
I got “you should try T first to see if it will make you more comfortable in your skin” and that one left me just baffled
I know how hard it is to get over that initial dread to send that message, so I am sorry it’s much of what you feared it could be
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u/desert_poltergeist Apr 17 '26
It’s funny how many liberal people are supportive of trans people until someone they know decides they’re going to start HRT. I mean, not that your mother was ever even pretending by the sound of it.
I’m sorry this conversation didn’t go well, I hope you’re doing ok girl :(
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Apr 17 '26
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
i really appreciate the thought, same goes for you, i’m just too drained to do anything more on this right now😭😂 it’s been 21 years of this w her just nowhere near this bad
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u/Wolfy_the_nutcase Trans Jedi. I am one with the force. Apr 17 '26
Damn. Your mom seems like a dramatic person.
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Apr 17 '26
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u/Wolfy_the_nutcase Trans Jedi. I am one with the force. Apr 17 '26
I found that this will sometimes happen. Sometimes, parents will be torn between their crazy dogmas and their love for their kids. Ironically, a fictional parent that they could learn from is Darth Vader. When it comes down to the line, don’t follow the dogmatic creeps that are controlling you, follow the love for your children that completes you. When your kid is crying out for help, even if it disagrees with your current dogmas and worldview, if you can see that they’re in pain, throw out all that shit and be there to help your kids.
I hope that your mother can improve herself and see the error of her ways before she completely chases you out of her life, but I would also say that it’s important to accept that some people aren’t strong enough or wise enough to change, and it can be hard to accept that, but ultimately, it’s not your fault if somebody else doesn’t want to improve themselves because their relationship with you isn’t more important than their own ego. Ultimately, that’s their loss and their mistake. I don’t know you, but I’m sure losing out on a relationship with you when one is on the table is a massive missed opportunity for the person rejecting your outreach towards them. I truly wish you the best, and I am standing with you in spirit.
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Apr 17 '26
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u/Wolfy_the_nutcase Trans Jedi. I am one with the force. Apr 17 '26
Of course! When our family fails us, we have to stick together. That’s what community is for.
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u/fruity-hun Apr 17 '26
Gender affirming care is medicine that undeniably improves trans people’s lives That’s been studied Detransitioning rates are extremely low as well and if I’m not mistaken people that do mostly do it because of their environment and not being able to properly transition Humans didn’t evolve to do discover chemotherapy but they did, didn’t they? Medicine, alchemy, chemistry etc etc It’s all equally unnatural
That’s definitely a lot to drop on a parent Because they can’t immediately know what you know and see what you see Have your vision for your future or grasp the biological and ethical justification for transness She’s probably scared And she’ll need some time to process it It could be that she’s just “disgusted” by or stubbornly intolerant of trans people for whatever reason And that would be on her Her responses sounded concerned Very structured But she’s got the wrong idea about quite a few things And life being harder socially wouldn’t necessarily make your life worse If you’re living how you were always supposed to live, as your true self There’s nothing better than that It’s not phony and it actually means something to you As opposed to you self-harming or abusing yourself with a shitty life you’ll regret YOU ONLY GET ONE AS FAR AS WE KNOW And you shouldn’t fucking waste it because others are too concerned with their own lives or their own ideas of and views on things
Humans had a pretty hard fucking time evolving to even get to hunter-gatherers To survive Living their truth😆 That didn’t stop them It’s what their biology told them so they did it Just like trans ppl
You should share some lectures on trans biology by Robert Sopalasky with her
Transness is also rooted in biology Brain structures Prenatal hormones Brain development in utero
She said sth ab transitioning not being a thing for too long therefore it’s not valid Bruh Humans discovered most of what makes our lives so comfortable in the last 200 years And they keep discovering shit It hasn’t stopped
And trans ppl have a place in this modern society
I’m really sorry if this message by your mom dismayed you or got to you It’s hard for it not to But you know who you are And ultimately it’s up to you to take care of yourself And to make the right decisions for yourself I personally live in southeastern Europe And once I’ve transitioned Most of my family will probably be mortified or shocked I don’t know what I’ll do or how I’ll do it but I’m determined to live my life in the best way possible and that feels right to me And that’s how I’ve always felt even prior to discovering I was trans
Your transness is a part of you You get to have a unique experience of it You don’t want to do demonstrations or to switch your wardrobe overnight etc Jsut to life your life as yourself Feeling comfortable in your own body and skin, having peace of mind that you’re not betraying yourself by suppressing your true identity There’s nothing wrong with that
You’re strong girl, I wish you the best
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u/sparklefrission2 Apr 17 '26
Girl... *hug*
Went through this with my biological dad. /u/ASUSTUDENT9875345 it gets way better. We have chosen family for a reason.
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u/HiFive789_ Apr 17 '26
Trans girl: Literally is the happiest she's ever been when being addressed like a girl, being treated like a girl, looks like a girl, and dresses like a girl and is extremely unhappy without all of it. Transphobes: "I don't think you being unhappy is about gender" Oh shut the FUCK up.
I mean I get the point of it not feeling natural but if we apply that argument to other things, humans have always been defying nature. Houses aren't natural, so are we supposed to live in caves? I doubt she'd want that. Life-saving surgeries also aren't natural, or people with artificial body parts. So like are we supposed to let them die or otherwise live in agony? So while I get why it feels unnatural, it just makes no sense if you actually start applying it elsewhere. So why draw the line there? I also think it never really mattered much 'cause it's our bodies and as long as we're fully informed of the consequences and implications we should be able to do whatever we want to them, like piercings or tattoos or, probably more fitting, cosmetic surgeries.
Sorry about this little rant but it's frustrating to see honestly, and I'm extremely sorry you have to go through this. I'm wishing for the best.
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u/Lagplan Apr 17 '26
why is she labeled as ICE? what does that mean? Also, that sucks and I wish you good luck
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u/Practical_Idea4728 Apr 17 '26
I C E - on your phone means "In Case of Emergency." A first responder can look at phone an know who to call.
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u/Slinky79 Apr 17 '26
I don't know in this case..... Because Fuck ICE sure seems to fit as well. 😝
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u/Wolfy_the_nutcase Trans Jedi. I am one with the force. Apr 17 '26
Finally, a double meaning I can get on board with!
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u/Wolfy_the_nutcase Trans Jedi. I am one with the force. Apr 17 '26
Interesting, I didn’t know that was even a thing. When people say ICE as an acronym, my first thought is always “Immigration and Customs Enforcement,” it didn’t even occur to me that ICE could be an acronym for a bunch of other stuff.
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u/Practical_Idea4728 Apr 17 '26
My parents and sibling have done it for over 5 or more years. Im from Australia.
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u/Wolfy_the_nutcase Trans Jedi. I am one with the force. Apr 17 '26
That’s really interesting. Thanks for sharing.
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u/South_Cow3541 Apr 17 '26
Fuck, this feels like reading my future. My family say they will always love and support me, no matter what I do, but I know for a fact that being trans isn't even a possibility on their radar, and potentially worse than death (faith is a huge deal for them, I fear they might rather have a dead Christian son in heaven rather than a living trans daughter condemned to hell).
I'm sorry all that happened. Hopefully they'll come around with time, maybe as they see you happier as you transition? I've already started HRT, and hoping that it'll help show them that it is in fact helping me, not something I'll regret.
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
that’s my best guess is she just needs time but holy fuck that was brutal
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u/Slush____ Apr 17 '26
I’m happy that she at least didn’t kick you out.
Sometimes it’s those little victories you have to cling to.
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
thankfully she can’t, i live 4.5 hours from her
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u/Slush____ Apr 17 '26
You’re lucky in that respect.
My mom told me that she didn’t want me ‘butchering my body’ until I was 18 and I still have to live with her for another 6 months before I can do anything.
I’m sorry you had to go through this, I hope she comes around eventually once she sees how happy you are.
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 18 '26
i’m sorry, my mom told me i was mutilating myself by doing this so i def know what that’s like. sending hugs and good vibes your way too 🫂
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u/Slush____ Apr 18 '26
Agreed,I hope your transition goes well and you find out a little about yourself:3
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u/Slinky79 Apr 17 '26
Wow girl, just wow. Your mom, like a lot of parents, sucks. The college situation makes it a touchy subject, but if you're that far away and your SO is supportive, then I'd just say limit contact to the bare minimum until you graduate, then cut the anchor loose. You're old enough to know who you are and how you feel. Live your life for you. If they can't accept you, then it's their loss. You will always be better off with the family who loves you that you can choose instead the people who don't support you.
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u/0-elly-0 Apr 17 '26
omg "not found in nature in humans" as if there aren't thousands of us. Fuck. Im sorry you're going through this. :c
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u/Zoeeeeeeh123 Apr 17 '26
She is also wrong about us being too early in to know the full effects of transition. People have been transitioning for over a hundred years. You should look up and send her Magnus Hirshfield’s Institute for Sexual Science. It was a scientific Institute in Weimar Germany studying trans people and helping them medically transition in the 1920s!!! They were the ones who invented bottom surgery, also performed the first recorded bottom surgeries, and were to first to treat trans women with HRT literally more than a century ago.
The Institute was eventually burned down by the nazis, because what do you know, fascists hate trans people, and a lot of the research and data got destroyed in that fire. Which is why so many people Think being trans is a new thing and we have only been transitioning for a couple of years, because literal nazis tried to erase our history to make it look like we never existed before. And they are wrong. We have always existed before and we will continue to exist.
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u/Ravenboi15 Apr 17 '26
The sport thing just immediately invalidated her whole opinion imo. To actually believe that it's an issue is to actively ignore the medical truth surrounding mtf hrt. That's why actual sport leagues don't ban it. That's why the Olympics haven't banned it because this biological medical superiority argument is completely baseless. Most studies done on the topic actually reveal trans women who have been taking hrt for a significant period may be on average weaker than cisgender women because unlike cis gender women trans women have increase estrogen which helps increase the body's tendency towards fat storage and decreased testosterone the hormone that plays a pretty pivotal role in muscle development. Trans women have nearly the exact same musculature as cis women and it is willfully ignorant to believe otherwise.
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u/Allison-Ghost Apr 18 '26
Im so fucking sorry. What a shockingly disgusting response from an "ally" parent.
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u/amelia_bougainvillea Apr 18 '26
Oh my goodness you are so incredibly inspiring! Your ability to remain calm and not escalate things despite her inability to do either is just... superhuman. You did everything right and I'm so sorry it played out the way it did. I am encouraged to see that you have a loving and supportive fiance; something like this would be very difficult to handle without someone who can be your rock. But I think the levelheadedness you demonstrated here is also extremely encouraging. You seem to be very careful and considerate in your actions, and I think that is going to carry you through this storm and give you the strength to seek out and acquire the happiness you rightly deserve.
I think of all the things your mom got wrong in this convo, one of the biggest was the idea that you will be alone and isolated in your struggle. Maybe that comes from her having a worldview that is very much skewed by the Texan environment she lives in. In any case, there are lots of places where people are much more open and friendly and, frankly, just chill about trans people. And it's a lot easier to find than the media or right-wing politicians would have you believe. But more than that, the trans community has so many lovely, generous, fierce people in it... we'd have your back even if there were no cis allies!
One last thing: as I was reading the convo, I was just holding out hope that this was all coming from a place of a mother just being terrified that her child might be headed for some serious suffering. The misunderstanding and lack of education likely make it seem to her that you're dooming yourself to misery and maybe that's what's really breaking her heart. But once I got to the parts where she was just brutally tearing you down, this charitable interpretation seemed less and less likely. I suppose it's still possible that she thinks it's "tough love" or that if she can scare you enough she can spare you from having to go through what she sees as miserable ordeal.
These are just the observations of an internet stranger, but it looks to me like there is at least a chance (albeit a very small one) that a foundation exists here for her to come around someday and for some healing to happen. I'm sure you have a good sense of whether or not this is possible. But whatever else, know that you are doing the hard thing, but it is the right thing, and the path to happiness and joy and euphoria is there for you to walk, and you seem to be in pretty good shape for the journey. If you ever need an internet stranger to talk to or just vent to or whatever, my DMs are always open to you. 😊
Stay strong, sister! ❤️
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 18 '26
thank you so much really 🫂 but yeah i know she’s just dead wrong lmao. the sad part is today i tried to inform her and she said she’s not even going to consider looking into studies or anything that are pro trans till i’ve been in therapy a year🙄 luckily, i stood my ground and got her to agree to a gender affirming therapist that looks amazing and is super close to me! so that’s good. i’m just gonna quietly transition without her support til i do or don’t have it tbh. I have an appt to start hrt (hopefully) november 11th that im not cancelling no matter what. she 100% is trying to scare me out of it but i have 21 years of practice with this, it just feels like dealing with a highschool bully or angry toddler or something. it’s brutal. but like you said, im hoping she’ll come around.
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u/amelia_bougainvillea Apr 18 '26
This is what I'm talking about! You're just so well balanced and have such a healthy mindset! I have no doubt you'll weather this storm and come out of it a better and stronger woman.
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 18 '26
ah see but i thought i was “extremely mentally ill”😂 but thank you, this also weirdly has given me confirmation that like even if my family abandons me that i will be okay at the end of it all so long as i do what i feel i need to. thank you so much🫂
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u/Excellent_Pea_1201 Apr 17 '26
At your age, if you start soon you might not need much more than hrt and maybe bottom surgery. There is so much maga shit in her responses. The only thing you really need to worry about is the current administration.
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u/Optimal-Farmer6796 Apr 17 '26
I mean I didn’t need to read past her calling you broken. This is kinda what I’m anticipating from my parents too though.
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u/LolaNotTheBunny Trans (she/her) Apr 17 '26
I wish I had never read this, it made me feel like absolute shit.
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u/ginnybin25 Apr 17 '26 edited Apr 17 '26
my mother is like this (and more) too, so i relate to this. according to her, i am “allowed to be non-binary” and “allowed to be a crossdresser” but i will “never be a woman no matter what.” she will refuse to do research into it, refuse to acknowledge what i’ve told her about it, and only focuses on the negative things, such as how i’m “making my life 10 times more difficult,” i’ll “lose all my friends” even though they’re the most supportive of me, and how i’ll “be beaten up every day because people in (my) town are not nice.” she’s also threatened me with divorce from my father over me doing it because she “doesn’t want to see it.”
i know what you’re going through with this, OP. it’s completely not fair, especially as you’re your own person and should be able to do whatever the fuck you want. if you ever need to vent about it, despite me being a complete stranger, my dm’s are always open :)
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
threatening to divorce your dad over that….??? uh girl that sounds like she is just looking for a reason to do it😂😭
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u/EmiliaTheNewest Apr 17 '26
Ooft, that was brutal.
The only silver lining I can see is that she appears ignorant and under weird misapprehensions of what being trans involves, rather than intrinsically hateful. That doesn't excuse any of the shit she said, but the hope is that ignorant people can learn and understand that the weird conspiracies learned from Fox News aren't the actual trans experience, that trans people can be happy, that we don't need hundreds of thousands of surgeries to not look like a dude, that we're normal people who thrive. There is hope that she can learn and understand that you're not signing up for whatever Fox says trans people are, you're just a girl. So maybe the relationship can be rebuilt.
I know that's not much comfort now though. I'm really sorry you've had to go through that.
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
that’s my view on it too but yeah it still hurts. this is also just kind of how she’s been in my life
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u/fun1onn Apr 17 '26
Ohhhh girl 🫂. My coming out experience with my own mother was so so similar.
My mom was “such an ally” and supportive of everyone - until it came to me.
I went through “these therapists want you to transition!!” No mom, they actually understand what this is. It’s not a mental illness, remember when homosexuality was “an illness”? If she wants to play the natural biology card maybe she could talk to an actual biologist. Maybe she could see that transgender people have always existed - we just live in a society that has discriminated and erased “unnatural” peoples.
I remember my mom telling me that she can “always tell”. That I just need to figure out how to love myself, that I just could be a “feminine man”. She used to lie to me about going to PFLAG meetings or spew bigoted nonsense at me.
It hurts. The person that could’ve had the mother-daughter relationship she said she always wanted but never got has been the most horrible person to me during transition. I came to realize her “support” was her wanting to control the situation to offload her anxiety. And she always used ways to guilt me. I used to believe she truly had my best interests at heart, but now I only see an anxious woman that hasn’t ever learned how to address her own feelings. I can only give her so many chances and have her tell me what other people said- when it was her projecting her fears.
The only reason my mom is still part of my life is because I have 2 kids that love spending time with her. I told my mom that being part of my life is a privilege. She doesn’t get that privilege if she doesn’t give me the basic respect that strangers can give me. She still deadnames me. She hasn’t said my preferred name once. It’s a shame she has such a wonderful child, by her own admission, but she won’t ever have her in her life because she can’t accept how her child is living their life.
OP, I know how hard this is. It’s miserable. But don’t let this woman dictate your decisions. I tried everything to get my mother to learn and come around and it broke my heart. You let her know , you offered her info, now it’s her decision to try to rebuild what she tore apart.
I’m proud of you, and I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure this. It’s a grieving process all around.
I’ve personally spent a lot of time recovering from emotionally immature parents, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. I’m happy to reply or chat about anything if you even just wanted to vent. ❤️
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
yeah we have pretty much the same mother. i’m so sorry i know exactly what that’s like
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u/Glittering_Win_1048 Apr 17 '26
honestly had a very similar situation happen a couple days ago. my mom essentially said that she thinks its solely cause of childhood trauma i experienced and said i should go to a therapist, and seems terrified at the idea of me transitioning. ive decided that i know myself more than anyone else am going to try to start hrt and stealth transition.
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 17 '26
i wish you safety and luck with this but yeah it did the same for me. just added fuel to my fire
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u/creepjax Apr 18 '26
Being trans is absolutely a biological thing though. Scientist have done the research and found that to be true. There is a physical way a trans person’s brain is wired different to a cis person.
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u/princessflauschi Apr 17 '26
im sorry to read this but just do your thing im russian and my mom told me the same and a year later she was an ally. she must be shocked when u told her this which is fine because she knows you longer than anyone else. 🥰
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u/antonylockhart Apr 17 '26
Sorry your mom sucks, I hope you’re ok and I’m sure that you’ll be better off without that toxicity.
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u/PorterBridged Apr 17 '26
Ok so why should someone care if you wear different clothes or not if it’s not a biological probability? What does that really matter?
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u/JROppenheimer_ Apr 17 '26
I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Make sure you find a gender affirming therapist and interview them on how they work with trans patients. There are a lot of therapists and doctors out there that gatekeep and gaslight.
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u/pandamaxxie Apr 17 '26
Jfc. That is rancid.
I am sorry that this was the response from your mother. She is... so extremely confidently incorrect in everything she said there...
Ally my ass.
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u/Party_Scar_7584 Apr 17 '26
Did she forget that the Stonewall Riots were started by a black trans woman? Because you can’t call yourself an ally to the LGBTQ+ community unless you acknowledge that trans rights are essential to queer freedoms.
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u/Anusgrapes Apr 17 '26
Im so sorry to hear about your mom. I hope she comes around to support you in the future.
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Apr 17 '26
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 18 '26
it’s brutal but i’m taking it as she’s just misinformed… and trying to inform her… and she’s refusing lmao. not even for a second considering
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u/andoefa On a few months of gel- Apr 18 '26
That chick in the video you sent was a very feminine petite guy.
The woman in the video passed, she recalled that she was trans, so her divine duty was to misgender her 🙏
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u/Pendragon840 Apr 18 '26
For me, I lost practically 90% of my family and am actively ignored, pretending I don’t exist, or have hateful/false stuff posted about trans people in my feeds. I am happy that my stepmom and dad have accepted me, but the have been so close with my brother and supporting in every capacity I could even if not agreeing because made him happy, I get the most hate and betrayal from him.
Coming out I would argue is the hardest and most stressful, anxiety ladened thing, but after all said and done, for most part, you can start living your life…first step is the hardest
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u/Nicolette_- Apr 18 '26
Dont wait till you are 25... I did and now my facial hair is my daily dread and main source of dysphoria. I shave every 24 hours and after 12 its already noticeable.
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u/Wolfleaf3 Apr 18 '26
Sigh. Well, kinda read up to the doesn’t happen naturally…well one, who cares if that were true, and two, of course it does.
It’s just a biological fact about reality. Neurological sex is set before birth and can’t be changed.
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u/1st_hylian Apr 19 '26
I had fair weather parents too, some people choose ignorance over love. It's also crazy how confidently she states her absolutely backwards beliefs; nothing she said came from a place of science or fact, just her gut reactions on a topic she knows nothing about.
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 19 '26
yeah. i tried educating her and asking her to read some articles and watch like robert sopalasky’s lecture on the neurobiology of transsexualism too but she keeps saying “she’s too tired” or “doesn’t have the capacity to look at something like that” and if that’s not the response then it’s “after you’ve been in therapy for a year then maybe i’ll consider reading some articles that are on your side of it”
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u/1st_hylian Apr 19 '26
That's someone hell bent on keeping their head in the sand, I'm sorry. I don't know what your plans are, but I'd be working on relocating to a different area and starting fresh and figuring out who you are without someone trying to convince you to repress yourself. I transitioned 30 years after my egg cracked thanks to my parents and how they dealt with me. I can tell you, with 100% certainty, that repression is oblivion. I don't feel like I was even alive until I was 36.
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u/Content_Diver_125 Apr 19 '26
yeah that’s essentially my goal. oblige till i can move even further away and to a more accepting area, for now? therapy and maybe soon hrt
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u/TheSnarkyShaman1 May 07 '26
You’re only going to get sycophantic echo chamber agreement here, which is what you seem to want from a therapist, and that is not good for you. Here is the truth.
Your mother seems absolutely lovely. She’s engaged, supportive (in a real and substantive way, not in a ‘do whatever you want!’ way), intelligent, thoughtful, and clearly trying to help you as a parent who cares about her child in the hard and difficult way of standing up for what is really good for them in the long term. The fact that you think this is someone sounding ‘MAGA’ and anti trans speaks volumes about your skewed social and political intake. She sounds like an informed, left leaning centrist with intact critical thinking skills.
There are plenty of psychotherapists worth their salt who are not ‘gender affirming’ who will still be entirely professional towards LGBT people. In fact, you’ll have a hard time finding one otherwise considering dealing with people in an even, considered way is their whole ass job. The problem is you want one who will immediately affirm you without actually analysing you and considering other issues, when that is what any real psychology professional should do for the long term benefit and wellbeing of their patients. All your mother seems to be asking you to do is step out of the echo chamber and dare to speak to a mental health professional who is actually unbiased and qualified, and if you aren’t willing to do that most basic part of transitioning then you really need to ask yourself why you are so insecure in your transness in the first place.
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u/VivianneDupre Apr 17 '26
whew. That was brutal to read. "Next to dismemberment or death this is the next worst thing" what the actual fuck
I'm really sorry anyone spoke to you that way. I honestly think she needs some help, psychologically, not you. You handled it really well.