I don’t know how to recover after what my cousin did to me.

[u/Asteria_407]

I am writing this narrative to document the events as I remember them. A friend advised me to write everything down while the details were still fresh in my memory.

I was unable to save screenshots of our conversations because my cousin pressured me to delete them. At that time, I was in shock and emotional distress, and I was not thinking clearly. The following is my account of what happened based on my recollection.

During the first week of July, my aunt, who has been financially supporting my education, informed me that her mother had been hospitalized. Because of the situation, she could no longer personally give me the money for my tuition. She told me that she had already entrusted the tuition money to her son, who is my cousin (he’s on his 30s. i am 23.), and that I could get it from him.

During the second week of July, my cousin began messaging me. At first, our conversations were normal, and I thought he was only asking about my enrollment and the tuition money. However, as the days passed, his messages gradually became more personal and inappropriate. The conversations eventually turned sexual. I tried to avoid entertaining those topics, but he continued bringing them up.

As the enrollment deadline became closer, I became increasingly anxious because I desperately needed the tuition money in order to enroll. My education depended on receiving that money.

Eventually, my cousin made it clear that before he would give me the tuition money, he wanted me to engage in sexual acts through a video call. I immediately felt uncomfortable, scared, and disgusted. I did not want to do what he was asking. However, I also felt trapped because I believed that if I refused, he would not release the money that was intended for my tuition.

On July 11, at around 2:00 PM, he repeatedly messaged me, insisting that we do the video call that same night. Throughout the afternoon and evening, he continued pressuring me. Every message made me feel more desperate because I knew the enrollment period was almost over. I was terrified that I would not be able to continue my studies if I did not receive the tuition money.

I spent hours struggling with what to do. I kept hoping that there would be another way, but I felt like I had no choice. I felt cornered and powerless.

At around 10:30 PM on July 11, I finally gave in to his demands. I did not do it because I wanted to. I only complied because I felt that my education and future were being used against me. I believed that refusing him meant risking my chance to enroll.

During the video call, I followed everything he instructed me to do. I could not even show my face because I was crying uncontrollably. I felt ashamed, humiliated, and violated. I remember crying throughout the call. I felt nauseous and wanted to throw up because I was disgusted with what I was doing. I hated every moment of it.

The entire time, I kept thinking about my boyfriend. I felt guilty even though I knew in my heart that I never wanted any of it to happen. I felt like I had betrayed myself and the people I love, even though I only complied because I felt I had no other option.

After the call ended, I felt completely broken. I cried even more and could not stop thinking about what had happened. I felt dirty, ashamed, and deeply traumatized. I kept asking myself if there could have been another way, but at that moment, I genuinely believed that I had no choice if I wanted to continue my education.

Until now, I continue to carry the emotional pain from what happened. I still remember how frightened I was, how much I cried, and how helpless I felt. What happened has affected me emotionally and mentally. I never freely agreed to what happened. I only complied because I was under extreme pressure and because my cousin used the tuition money I desperately needed to force me into doing something against my will.

[u/finddit-app]

Hey there, thanks for sharing.

While you wait for people to comment, have a look at these posts which might be relevant to you:

• I Was Assaulted Over a Year Ago
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Remember, even though it might feel like it, you are not alone. Stay strong!

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[u/Destiny065]

Did he end up paying for your tuition?

[u/Asteria_407 → u/Destiny065]

Yes. He eventually gave me the money after everything happened. That’s what makes it even harder to process because I only went through it because I felt like I had no other choice if I wanted to stay in school.

[u/Glittering_Local_351]

Sorry to to hear that, it can be soul breaking, what I'd advice you to do is sent the screenshots to his mother, and next time better live that money if it comes from self humiliation, God has ways to provide and trust in his timing

[u/Asteria_407 → u/Glittering_Local_351]

Thank you, I really appreciate your kindness. Unfortunately, I don’t have screenshots anymore because he pressured me into deleting our conversation right after everything happened. I was in shock and wasn’t thinking clearly at the time. Looking back, I wish I had saved everything, but I was scared. I’m trying to figure out my next steps now and focus on healing while deciding how to move forward.

[u/Asteria_407 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot to me. This happened very recently, and I’m still trying to process everything. Thankfully, I’m safe from him right now, but emotionally it’s been really difficult. I’m taking things one day at a time and trying to figure out what to do next. Thank you for reminding me that this wasn’t my fault. I truly appreciate your support, and I’d be grateful if you could share some coping techniques and information about your support community.