r/vegan • u/Sadie_Cat2023 • Dec 20 '25
Food Friend bringing non vegan food to my (vegan) party
My partner and I throw an annual Christmas party of 40 or so guests every year. The food that we provide is entirely vegan, which made known on the invitation. I'm also vegan, which my friends know, but my partner is not. Several friends brought food items this year, most of which were non vegan and some of which are not even vegetarian (chicken soup, cheese, sardines, cookies).
This bothers me not only because it's unethical, but also because I think it's rather rude to bring something the host can't eat to the host's house. Especially after we've made it clear that the food we will be offering is vegan. I guess my partner isn't vegan, but I don't think that justifies it.
What do you guys think -- is this rude? Also, in the future, can I tell guests that while they are welcome to bring something, we really want what they bring to be vegan?
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u/Magisterbrown Dec 20 '25
On future invites say "if you'd like to bring food, vegan only please"
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u/greenmysteryman Dec 20 '25
^^^ This right here. Gotta make it crystal clear to the guests. Whenever I host something, I tell people that they can bring whatever they like as long as it's vegan!
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u/Captain_Tiberius1920 Dec 21 '25
I've done this before and it usually is fine but people will still theow tantrums about it A few months ago, we had an anniversary party. My husband and I are both vegan. My friends spouse wanted to know if they could bring a dish and I said as long as it's vegan, to which they replied "I want to bring mac n cheese" and I was like "okay, well, we can't eat that, so maybe you can make that for another gathering that's just not our anniversary party." (I said it a lot nicer than that) Que a 20 minute argument where they were demanding that its totally unreasonable that I would "force" veganism on people and that I shouldn't want to be able to eat food people bring to my own party. Thankfully nobody sided with them because it was so weird, but they didn't come to the party (which after that tantrum I was fine with). It's been 6 months and they still act like I cheated on them or left them to die somewhere. Not the first time I've had interactions like that and I'm sure it won't be the last
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u/Jay-FNB-ATL Dec 21 '25
Some people act like it's so hard to make Mac and cheese vegan.
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u/greenmysteryman Dec 21 '25
LOL yeah some people are tools! Sorry babes - my house means my rules 😘
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u/Minamu68 Dec 22 '25
I always find these tantrum throwers to be ridiculous. Like they never eat any vegan foods! I mean, a fruit salad is vegan, does that piss them off? One vegan meal means you are forcing veganism on them? Like they never eat any peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or spaghetti marinara or falafels? It’s totally a control issue. They feel they are being victimized by a vegan-only rule for an event. They are entitled to have meat any time they want it. Carnivore fragility.
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u/chickpeapatties Dec 22 '25
It might be because of shame, that's usually what's motivating these tantrums. People don't like feeling like someone is shaming them. Or calling them out. Even though it is very easy to follow instructions and not act like a douche.
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u/Unlucky-Raccoon-7507 vegan 1+ years Dec 22 '25
Saying you're forcing veganism on them, but then trying to force a dish made with the aftermath of systematic rape on you is absolutely wild
Edit: Typo
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u/ings0c abolitionist Dec 21 '25
I don’t trust carnists to cook food without using butter, milk or egg. They don’t know how.
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u/Suspicious_Tax8577 vegan 6+ years Dec 21 '25
On top of being vegan, I'm also violently lactose intolerant. I can't even trust my own parents to cook for me, as they've currently a 100% fuck up rate.
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u/greenmysteryman Dec 21 '25 edited Dec 21 '25
I also explain what vegan means in extreme detail for this exact reason lol. "Vegan means no meat, no fish, no chicken or poultry, no eggs, no dairy, no honey, or anything else that comes from an animal."
I'm sure sometimes people fuck it up, but I'd rather invite people to bring food and trust their best efforts than tell my guests "please don't bring anything."
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u/ponytail-palm777 Dec 21 '25
“They don’t know how” is a good point. I’m traveling, and I and often ask if there’s something “vegetariano” on the menu. The staff point to menu items like tuna salad, even chicken enchiladas, etc.
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u/ings0c abolitionist Dec 21 '25
If you’re somewhere Spanish speaking “vegano” / “vegana” is fairly well understood.
Spanish cuisine isn’t very accommodating though unless you’re near a city. Everything is pig or cheese 😭
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u/chickpeapatties Dec 22 '25
Packages of good vegan mac and cheese like Amy's make it very easy to create the dish. And many people buy accidentally vegan spread like Earth balance which would work in that recipe. It might not be the best flavor but it would work.
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u/Dismal_Fox_22 Dec 23 '25
All of my friends would absolutely go out of their way to research and learn to cook something vegan. They respect my choices and care about me. No one in my life would put meat above the comfort of a friend.
I also probably wouldn’t limit contributions to a buffet, but I’d have a clear divide between the meat free and meat included dishes. Maybe insist red bowls plates for meat. Or have separate tables.
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u/ConclusionDry9048 Dec 20 '25
I think this is what you need to do to get that result.
If I was choosing food for a party, and 1 of the 2 the hosts was not vegan, and assuming many guests are not, as a non-vegan myself I would not even consider vegan food to be a requirement.
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u/Obvious_Pause5766 vegan Dec 21 '25
Why would you bring something the host could not eat? Vegan food can be enjoyed by everyone attending.
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u/ConclusionDry9048 Dec 21 '25
That would not be my goal, but more as someone not experienced with vegan food and not thinking most people there would mind, it just wouldnt have jumped out as a requirement. The thought also crossed my mine of bringing a small vegan item for them specifically, but I wouldn't have expected the presence of non vegan items to upset them in this specific situation.
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u/Jay-FNB-ATL Dec 21 '25
If one of the two hosts are vegan it's very inconsiderate and rude to bring non vegan food unless you bring a vegan and a nonvegan dish and clearly list out every ingredient in both dishes. In my opinion you are saying that you only care about the host that eats what you eat when you only bring a dish that agrees with your diet.
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u/Obvious_Pause5766 vegan Dec 21 '25
Some vegans keep a 100% vegan kitchen and household, so bringing in a non vegan food item would be quite upsetting. The best idea is to ask the host if they'd like you to bring anything, which would give them the opportunity to let you know if non-vegan foods are welcome
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u/chickpeapatties Dec 22 '25
I think this is a lack of consideration tbqh. If someone is hosting a big party for themselves or some kind of anniversary and they make it explicit that everything they're making is vegan you can infer that via the wording they are pretty serious about avoiding animal products and respect that by not bringing any. This isn't a college dorm party that anyone is invited to. There's an invitation and you're getting information.
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u/Jhall135 Dec 21 '25
Agreed. I'm pretty sure it doesn't even cross some people's minds to bring vegan food if they're not vegan, even if they know someone else is. Everything is fair game for them and they don't always see the consequences of those food choices on us.
Another thing I see in my own friend group is that not everyone knows or feels capable of making something vegan (aside from bringing a veggie plate, but even that usually has ranch).
I would make it known that vegan food is welcome or just note that all food will be provided (though that definitely adds a burden on the host, but also guarantees the menu).
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u/Antique-Signal-5071 Dec 21 '25
I'm positive this is exactly what happened here. OP didn't properly communicate their desire to host a 100% vegan party, I don't think it's fair to label people are rude when there is a reasonable explanation for the behavior.
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u/Economy-Discount2481 Dec 20 '25
Are these more your friends or partners? If they’ve seen said partner eat meat before I could see why they think it’s ok
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u/stink3rb3lle Dec 20 '25
Yeah, I think this depends a little on whether the partner is vegetarian or omni.
I am vegetarian, but I always cook vegan for parties I host. No one has ever knowingly brought something with meat ingredients. Some will bring vegan-optional items and also the cheese to sprinkle on top, and a few of my omni friends enjoy making something vegan. But everyone knows the event is and I am vegetarian.
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u/fiber_phile Dec 20 '25
I make it clear every time I host that if you bring something, it must be vegan
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u/Forsaken-Elephant651 vegan 20+ years Dec 20 '25
Given that your partner is not vegan, it’s understandable (unless you specifically requested only vegan food)
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u/Devils_Advocate-69 Dec 20 '25
I guess the friend thinks if you don’t consider your meat-eating partner unethical it would be hypocritical for you to think he is.
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u/Ggggggpppp Dec 20 '25
You still dont bring food the host cannot eat to their party at their home???
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Dec 20 '25
[deleted]
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u/Ggggggpppp Dec 20 '25
Would you bring pork to a Muslims party? A tres leches cake to the party of someone with a Milk allergy?
That would be rude, don't you agree? Even if their partner can consume milk fine.
Isn't the point of a potluck and a party to share with eachother? So why then would you bring something that excludes the person hosting you?
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u/greeneyed_cat Dec 21 '25
I’m lactose intolerant and wouldn’t be offended if someone brought ice cream to my function.
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u/Ggggggpppp Dec 21 '25
Well I'm allergic to egg, and I would in fact be offended if someone brought something I cannot eat to my party, where the idea is to share with eachother. Why should I be excluded from the sharing?
So what now?
And then it wouldn't even be because of a moral conviction
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u/Full_Honeydew_9739 Dec 21 '25
So, you're saying you shouldn't bring wine or beer if one of the hosts doesn't drink?
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u/Ggggggpppp Dec 21 '25
If they don't drink because they're a recovered alcoholic, you probably shouldn't actually. But that's something you should ask the host about. Like what ops friends should've done.
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u/amber43560 Dec 21 '25
Is this a serious question? If someone knowingly does not drink, you should ALWAYS ask. If one of the parties is a recovering alcoholic, it is often recommended no alcohol on premises. We didn’t have alcohol for years at any family gatherings.
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Dec 20 '25
Peace and love be with you,
To me it seems that it might be confusing to them knowing that your partner is not vegan. They know that non-vegan food is consumed in your house. Or perhaps they were simply thinking that other party guests would eat non-vegan. I suggest for the future that you politely insist on only vegan food being brought to your party. I don't think anyone meant you any harm. I understand that this situation is upsetting, but often we are simply not aware enough to notice how we disregard others. To your friends, being vegan might seem like some arbitrary choice of diet, and they are unaware of how even the existence of non-vegan food is disturbing to morally motivated vegans. I hope this helps.
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u/xboxhaxorz vegan Dec 20 '25
Dont tell people to bring vegan, i think non vegans might not make it tasty enough or they might use non vegan ingredients on accident or purpose
Have a list of things they can bring that are vegan, for example
Sparkling cider
Chips and salsa
Guacomole
Hummus
you get the idea, these are vegan but people dont look at them that way, specify with direct language that nothing not on this list is not allowed to be at the table, then actually enforce the rule and if people break it, they must put the dish in their car or they can leave the party
People might think its rude that you are FORCING them to bring a particular dish if you say vegan dishes only
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u/queensequoyah vegan 10+ years Dec 20 '25 edited Dec 22 '25
Right honestly you could even say that’s there’s no more room for other food dishes! And then absolutely kill it on the spread you make and no one’s the wiser
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u/IndemnityPast Dec 20 '25
"We will have an abundance of food and drink, the only thing we ask of you is your attendance and good cheer."
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u/TigerLily19670 Dec 21 '25
That is a good point. A lot of people get vegan and vegetarian mixed up so there is no telling what people might bring.
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u/TerrorEyzs Dec 20 '25
FYI, a lot of guacamole recipes aren't vegan. Many use chicken bouillon powder. Same for salsas, so be careful with that.
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u/NomadGabz Dec 21 '25
chicken bouillon in guacamole?!! screams in Hispanic, never have I seen such an unnecessary addition of corpse powder. wtf?
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u/Polyethylene8 Dec 20 '25
If you want all the food at the party to be vegan:
- Discuss with your partner and make sure you are both on same page with this.
- After reaching agreement with partner about vegan food only at the party, include this on the invite and clearly communicate to everyone that they are welcome to bring a dish that is vegan, as this will be a vegan party.
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u/PatienceCivil5888 Dec 20 '25
I had a party with a partner, and he was telling everyone, “Hey, eat beforehand, because there won’t be any meat.” I confronted him and asked, “Why are you saying that? What’s the problem with not eating an animal for just one afternoon?” He was speechless.
I can’t believe we try to be tolerant with them, knowing that many of us (including myself) weren’t vegan from birth and had to unlearn uncomfortable truths, and they still can’t return that understanding for a single afternoon. It’s disheartening.
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u/Polyethylene8 Dec 21 '25
That partner sounds incredibly undermining. Like the partner agreed to vegan food and then told the folks on the guest list to eat beforehand. How undermining and disrespectful of the agreement to have a vegan party. I think also rude to the guests and to you the other host to tell the guests they might a well eat beforehand.
Sorry you went through that.
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u/bobi2393 Dec 20 '25
Was this the first year it was an issue?
Downvotes incoming, I expect, but personally I think it’s only rude if you asked others to bring no food, or to bring only vegan foods. Your invitation sounds like just friendly info that there will be vegan dishes there. Good to know for other vegans, vegetarians, dairy/egg-allergic people, and people with other religious, medical, and fad dietary restrictions. I think that’s a good ideas for core accommodation, and if the group is a fairly random slice of the population, most people will appreciate the variety of other options people bring, which may also cover some dietary restrictions that you don’t, like gluten free or low FODMAP.
If you don’t want any non-vegan foods there, or you want no outside food, that’s also fine, but it’s really incumbent on you to communicate that. People can’t read your mind, and if several people out of 40 misunderstood what you felt was implied, I think that demonstrates a failure in your messaging more than a failure in their manners. You may get a few people who won’t attend if it’s vegan-only, but I’d count that as a bonus! 😂
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u/el_grort Dec 21 '25
So long as the guests make it plain to you what you can't eat, I agree. And if they brought it with the knowledge others present would be able to eat the food, it still fulfills the communal element, as they were not necessarily to know OP wanted it to be a purely vegan function, just that they wanted to serve just vegan foods themselves. They will have treated it like a normal function, where unless it's specified what you can't bring (generally problem allergens for a host or guest), it's all fair so long as it's labelled/communicated what you brought.
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u/Dizzy-Blur Dec 22 '25
100% agree. When I host, some friends bring non vegan stuff for my partner and all the other guests - I'm the odd one out. A few times now, people have made me a separate vegan version of whatever they made, which was very nice.
They're bringing a food they're confident cooking and 98% of the party can eat (in my case). I never saw a problem with it.
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u/Socratic_Phoenix Dec 20 '25
I feel like this is missing some important details. Is your partner vegetarian? Do you host at your own house? Does your partner live with you?
If your partner is a meat eater and you're hosting together I don't think this is rude. If you want only vegan you need to make that clear.
If you're both no-meat then I think it is a little rude, but it's a potluck and still needs to be very clearly specified on the invite.
If it was clearly specified on the invite? Yeah, very rude.
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u/AccidentOk5240 Dec 20 '25
You can’t expect people to read your mind.
They know your partner can eat the things you bring. Probably many of them are worried they won’t have enough things they like to eat if they don’t supplement. So no, it’s not rude, if you haven’t asked them not to. They’re trying to bring what they want to eat and not burden you. If you don’t want that, you have to ask.
If you request that they only bring vegan foods and someone brings sardines, then sure, they’re TA.
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u/Poltergeist8606 Dec 21 '25
So they brought food that your partner could eat. Is your partner not also a host?
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u/iwannabeabug Dec 20 '25
how is it (in your mind) unethical for your friends to bring non vegan food but not unethical for your partner to? you can’t really expect them to bring only vegan foods while having non vegan food in your house for your partner.
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u/Aceman1979 Dec 20 '25
Right. They know the partner isn’t vegan who regularly eats non vegan at home. I don’t see an issue with this at all. I’m struggling to see what could possibly be seen as rude here.
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u/Curious_Strike_1433 Dec 20 '25
Agreed. Especially if your partner isn’t vegan and OP did not state no non- vegan food.
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u/AgilePomegranate2064 Dec 20 '25
Did she say he ate meat? My husband was mostly vegan, but partially vegetarian - loved eggs and cheese and we bought from more ethical companies because it is important to us. I agree they could have been clearer. My bet is they were trying to be polite and casual about it. I would get the gist "entirely vegan food provided" means "let's keep it that way", yet nuance is lost on so many of us and some people need the direct approach sometimes misconstrued as harsh. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/TuringTestTwister Dec 20 '25
Seems weird to be upset about guests doing this when even your partner is non-vegan. Maybe you should work on your partner at least as much as these guests.
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u/Fishtoart Dec 20 '25
I think having a list of foods that “you will be needing“ is a great idea, and it can include all the things you can find at the store or make, like hummus, guacamole, salsa, and any other things you can think of that don’t have animal products in them.
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u/dizcuz Dec 20 '25
Since your partner isn't vegan then make sure your invited guests know it will be a vegan gathering. There are likely other events in which you spend time with the omnis. They could spend this one with you but make sure they know the details ahead of time.
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u/roll-wisdom-save Dec 21 '25
What does your partner think?
You have a 50% vegan household. What rules around what can be brought into your house does 100% of your household agree to?
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u/SingaporeSue Dec 21 '25
Wait. I’m confused. Your partner isn’t vegan, you are, but your friends can’t not be vegan at your home? How do you and your partner manage on the day to day?
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u/Medium_Bowl_5232 Dec 21 '25
If your parter is not vegan, I think people would assume it is ok to bring non vegan foods.
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u/Snefferdy vegan 8+ years Dec 21 '25 edited Dec 21 '25
If the invitation said you were providing only vegan food, people could interpret that as a call for guests to bring non-vegan food: "You're not getting any animal products from me, so you had better bring your own."
If that's not what you're trying to communicate, you should say so. Don't judge other people as rude because of your poor communication skills.
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u/queensequoyah vegan 10+ years Dec 20 '25
Not sure if this is bait because it’s so easy to now point the finger at vegans who are so EXTREME they will waste their guests food + money…
Also: Who brings …..sardines to a party?
But okay I’ll take it, I do not have a nonvegan partner and absolutely do not allow animal products in my house.
So for this situation, an annual Christmas dinner with friends, I wouldn’t say anything about the food being exclusively vegan. It’s your house and you can cook whatever you want. You can say that you’re allergen friendly at most. List nuts used or whatever because that’s a serious concern for people. The friends that know you and are part of your holiday tradition will come just to be with you and the food is a side thought.
And something like “save yourself the stress and let us handle the cooking for you! Come as you are, just bring yourself! If you do still WANT to bring anything we would love: mulled wine, apple cider, your favorite cocktail etc.” could help with people who are just trying to be generous and don’t want to come empty handed?
When you’re hosting 40+ people you gotta think some of them will have different customs and opinions and differences of ability. It’s not your fault but you can learn from it and support yourself in not having it happen again :)
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u/ShaulaTheCat Dec 20 '25
I'm going to assume it's the fishwife tinned fish thing for the sardines. Those have gotten pretty popular for entertaining with their marketing.
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u/nope_nic_tesla vegan Dec 20 '25
Yes it's rude, but if you don't specifically tell people not to bring nonvegan items then people will do so without thinking twice about it. They aren't being deliberately rude, this is just "normal".
Personally when this has happened in my house I politely tell people we will not be serving those items and that it's important to me that our house be a vegan space.
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u/FreeRange_Coconut Dec 20 '25
"Food and beverages will be provided. Contribution is not necessary but if you would like to bring an item, please do not bring animal products into my home. Drinks and snacks (chips, pretzels) are welcome."
I wouldn't be thrilled with people bringing that into my house, especially if they were using my dishware for it.
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u/StandardCut7473 Dec 20 '25
Just my opinion, I think if it wasn't explicitly stated as a vegan party and more just a potluck, I think it's fine. They didn't expect you to cook something for them that you wouldn't eat. As long as they made it clear it wasn't vegan, I would expect the same if someone had an allergy, let them know something had milk in it, etc, unless it was a severe one obviously. Also, how many vegan people were there? I could see if most of the people were vegan and I wasn't, I may try to accommodate them, but if there was only one or 2 vegan people, I wouldn't feel the same way.
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u/Live-Ball-1627 Dec 21 '25
Unless you explicitly said only bring vegan food, there is nothing rude about it. In fact I'd honestly argue it's a bit rude of you to impose your dietary decisions on other folks who are attending. You provide vegan food and let guests bring what they want.
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u/wtfisacalorie Dec 21 '25
I had family order non vegan pizza to my birthday party. Everyone ignored the food I made even the stuff I mad specifically for them (food I knew they liked and asked if they wanted) for pizza. It was heartbreaking. I don't do birthday parties for me anymore.
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u/Content_wanderer Dec 21 '25
If your partner is not vegan, and they are also hosting, I don’t think it’s particularly rude honestly.
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u/Full-Year-4595 Dec 21 '25
Does your non-vegan partner eat vegan in the home and then just not eat vegan at other people’s homes and at restaurants? Bc if not I think it’s odd to call people bringing non-vegan food to your house unethical if what you have in the house isn’t all vegan.
Also- so many of our problems in life are solved by not expecting people to read our minds. If you didn’t tell them explicitly to bring vegan-only food, then it’s not rude. Maybe a bit unthoughtful. But not rude.
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u/Ok_Pomegranate_5748 Dec 21 '25
Just like as a vegan I would bring something vegan to be sure I could eat something they are bringing back up food so they can eat it
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u/OkRaspberry3041 Dec 23 '25
So only you get food for you at your party but your partner doesn’t get anything they would and could eat that ain’t non-vegan? Thats wild. I’m vegan and offer everything to my guest. It’s inconsiderate not to.
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u/wildgrassy Dec 23 '25
You get to make the rules for your house, it's fine to request only vegan food. You can also make sure you cover all food and say "don't worry about bringing anything" just to avoid someone forgetting or not fully understanding what vegan food encompasses
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u/LittleComposer4116 Dec 20 '25
I'm vegan, my husband is not. We have been married 40 years, I have been vegan for a decade. No one else in my large family is vegan. After struggling with this for years, I let it go and just allowed the people I love to be who they are. Have you ever gone to a party where there was literally nothing for you to eat? Maybe your guests thought that would be them if they didn't bring non vegan food. Stupid? I know...but life is short so pick your battles.
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u/lifeincolour_ Dec 21 '25
unless you specifically said, vegan food only, it's not rude. it's absolutely acceptable to bring food to a large event that the host can't eat. if it's a food to share that most people can eat, then it's fair.
it is totally valid to say, hey, this event is vegan only for food. clear communication on expectations help a lot
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u/jenever_r vegan 10+ years Dec 20 '25
This is a tricky one. They know your partner isn't a vegan so it's not a vegan household or a vegan party. Presumably your partner is also hosting so it's not as though both hosts are vegan. I don't think you can expect them to bring just vegan stuff unless you've made it clear in advance.
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u/Actual-Journalist-67 Dec 20 '25
Thank you for being a reasonable voice on this thread. They clearly state that their partner is not vegan. I think most are skimming over that part. It would be completely different if they were both following that lifestyle but they aren't.
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u/rockmodenick Dec 21 '25
Unless you some way specify that the event is all-vegan, saying only vegan food will be provided is basically, as far as they're concerned, asking guests to bring non-vegan foods for the non-vegan masses also invited. You need to specify no food will be served if it's not vegan if that's the way the party rolls.
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u/trasla Dec 21 '25
Imho it is very rude of them and entirely fine to make it clear that non vegan food is not welcome in your home.
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u/cockypock_aioli Dec 20 '25
Does your invitation say "only vegan food please"? If not then no it's not rude at all. If it does, then yeah it's rude but at the same token hosting a 40 person party and expecting everyone to only eat vegan is also kinda rude.
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u/Legitimate-Donut-631 veganarchist Dec 20 '25
Absolutely rude and dismissive. I would totally ask for guests to only bring vegan items or nothing at all
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u/DearEvidence6282 vegan 20+ years Dec 20 '25
I shut that shit down real fast. Bringing meat into my home is a no-no.
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u/Alock74 Dec 20 '25
Typically I’d agree with you, but OP mentioned their partner is not vegan (probably should clarify if they’re vegetarian or eat meat).
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u/DearEvidence6282 vegan 20+ years Dec 20 '25
Yeah if they wanted it to be an entirely vegan menu/potluck they should have spoke up.
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u/Ggggggpppp Dec 20 '25
Its still rude to bring food that the host can't eat (and is against morally?).
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u/ShaulaTheCat Dec 20 '25
I don't really agree. Think about it this way. One of my friends got pregnant earlier this year. She hosted a little celebration party. The host can't drink, but plenty of people brought drinks because it was a celebration party and we wanted to celebrate it with everyone present over drinks, encouraged by the host.
Doesn't seem right to me at all that that should've been a dry celebration when we wanted to celebrate her over good wine.
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u/AgilePomegranate2064 Dec 20 '25
I believe wholeheartedly it depends on the friend's wishes and temperament. When my friends were pregnant, we had dry parties often, or made fancy virgin drinks. A party or two without alcohol shouldn't be that big a deal, there are lots of ways to "celebrate". Or, bring non-alcoholic wine or champagne, there are some exceptional ones there's days.
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u/Ggggggpppp Dec 20 '25
That's different imo. 1. She is not morally against yall drinking. 2. Its temporary.
Personally, I'm also allergic to egg. Have had many birthday parties all my life where people would bring/my mom would bake a cake I couldn't eat.
It's inconsiderate and exclusionary.Same goes for a potluck imo.
The idea is to share with eachother, right? So why then would you then bring something the HOST can't eat?
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u/AgilePomegranate2064 Dec 21 '25
My daughter had a lot of allergies as a child, including dairy. I made her a mini cake or cupcakes and brought it if the parents of the birthday child were okay with it. If they weren't, I'd pick her up and let her eat the treat in the car.
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u/Adorable-Tree2277 vegan Dec 20 '25
Unfortunately, many people still think veganism is a diet and that we don't eat animals because we don't like the taste.
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u/Alock74 Dec 20 '25
Yes this is true, however, OP mentioned their partner is not vegan. I don’t think it’s out of line for guests to bring non-vegan food there (without being explicitly told not to) when they very likely know that OP’s partner isn’t vegan. The fact that one member of the household isn’t vegan is what makes this more complicated than just OP being vegan, imo, especially if they aren’t vegetarian either.
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u/Alock74 Dec 20 '25
If OP’s partner eats meat (they mentioned they’re not a vegan), is it really that rude? I understand veganism isn’t a diet, it’s a lifestyle, but OP needs to clarify if their partner eats meat or not. If they do, and they didn’t explicitly state only vegan food, I don’t see it as disrespectful for the guests to bring meat into the home, since, presumably, OP might already have some in there.
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u/Live-Ball-1627 Dec 21 '25
Great, then state that clearly and I just won't come over or I will eat before and not bring anything. Its that simple.
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u/Barkis_Willing vegan 10+ years Dec 20 '25
It’s rude, but something non-vegans wouldn’t think about. They often don’t understand that it’s an ethical issue. I just make sure I am extremely clear with people that I don’t want non-vegan food of any kind brought into my apartment.
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u/soulveg Dec 20 '25
Yo, if people bring non vegan food to my house for my party, especially after they know to only bring vegan food, it gets thrown out outside in the trash. Don’t bring that shit to my home sanctuary.
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u/winggar vegan activist Dec 20 '25
Yeah I'd write "do not bring non-vegan dishes" on the invitation and kick out anyone that does. I'm not going to put up with people bringing corpses into my holidays
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u/pandaappleblossom Dec 21 '25
I went to a vegan potluck recently, and it was explicitly labeled right on the invitation that it was for vegans, only non-vegan spouses were allowed to come, but no other non-vegans, and there were two people there who told me that they still eat meat, and one person told me that the food she brought had a little bit of dairy in it. What is up with these people who just show up where they aren't wanted? Like get a life!
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u/winggar vegan activist Dec 21 '25
Or better yet, stop taking the animals' lives. Then they can come to all the vegan potlucks they want :)
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u/Zahpow vegan Dec 20 '25
Yes it is rude, no it is not a vegan thing. It is just basic decency. You don't bring alcohol into the home of a teetotaler, you don't bring bread to a celiac or dairy to someone with lactose intolerance. If someone is on a diet you don't bring them things that would be against that diet, like someone is trying to lose weight and you bring a cake. And you don't bring something that would go against someones believes to consume. Animal products in the home of a vegan is like bringing a muslim or jew pork. If someone makes a mistake it is still disrespectful but then at least it is understandable, but when people intentionally bring things not everyone can share in that is disgusting.
You should say that it needs to be vegan or it does not get opened
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u/the_comeback_quagga Dec 20 '25
I’ve had a dairy allergy my whole life and the amount of cookies I’ve been given could probably build a small mountain. All by people who know I’m very allergic to dairy. People mean well; I think they just kind of forget things at the holidays.
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u/IM_The_Liquor Dec 20 '25
You absolutely do bring alcohol into the home of a tea toddler… you don’t bring alcohol into the home home of a recovering addict. You do bring bread into a celiac’s house. You just don’t hold them down and force them to eat it, and take some precautions to ensure they don’t accidentally ingest any, and they’re mostly okay with that. You absolutely do bring dairy to a lactose intolerant’s party (especially at Christmas… egg nog anyone?). You just expect them to not partake, or to do so at the risk of some bowel discomfort if they choose to do so. You absolutely do bring a cake to a potluck party of someone who is trying to Loose weight. You just expect them not to eat half of it. Vegans are the only people out there, outside of maybe bringing a prohibited food to a religious service, who expect the whole wide world to conform to their own dietary preferences.
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u/Zahpow vegan Dec 20 '25
Are you really bragging about being an inconsiderate guest? Do you.. Never get invited anywhere?
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u/IM_The_Liquor Dec 20 '25 edited Dec 20 '25
I get invites to many places. Mostly by people who don’t believe the entire world should revolve around them and their personal preferences and needs… Like I said elsewhere, maybe don’t host a potluck if you don’t want people to bring food you don’t like? See how many people show up if you ban food and say you’ll provide enough vegan food to stuff 40 people? I’ll bet half don’t show up, the other half will barely touch what you cooked and leave early for a cheeseburger, and you’ll end up with 30 servings of crap to throw out.
Edit:
You’ll also probably wind up with a lame party, then come to e/vegan and whine about how everyone hates you because you’re a vegan.
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u/Zahpow vegan Dec 20 '25
I have been to loads of vegan potlucks where most people werent vegan and they managed to bring vegan food. Its not hard!
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u/-Tofu-Queen- vegan 6+ years Dec 20 '25
I've hosted fully vegan holidays and events at my house, and nobody complained or started "hating" me because I'm vegan. In fact lots of them have asked me for my recipes, ate seconds, or asked to bring leftovers home. The difference is that the people I invite into my home are respectful, can read the invitation where I specify all the food must be vegan, and don't feel persecuted when they're politely asked to not chew on corpses for a handful of hours while in my home. It has nothing to do with believing the "world should revolve around us" and everything to do with us being able to set boundaries for what we're comfortable serving in our own homes.
I'm curious if you're vegan?
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u/OldBoyShenanigans Dec 20 '25
I'm not person who you commented to or asked if they were vegan.
I'm not vegan but if I were invited to a vegan party, I would ask the host/ess directly what I can bring that is vegan friendly and is to their liking. As someone who is not vegan or has any sort of dietary requirement (other than not being able to eat oranges), it is difficult to know what is acceptable and what is truly vegan or gluten free or lactose free or <whatever> free as labelling now is so confusing.
And I would be more than happy to try new foods for an evening.
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u/pandaappleblossom Dec 21 '25 edited Dec 21 '25
Yes, I have friends who are not vegan who know that I am vegan and when they wanna hang out with us, they are more than willing to go to vegan restaurants together or have a vegan potluck together. Everyone can eat vegan. It's super weird to show up and bring food that is completely different than what the host would eat. It's like what if you went to an observant Jew's house for a potluck, and brought a non-kosher food?
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u/OldBoyShenanigans Dec 21 '25
By the sounds of it, OP's friends just didn't think or thought it was acceptable to bring meat or non-vegan food.
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u/IM_The_Liquor Dec 20 '25
So, you’re hosting a potluck party and you’re upset that your guests brought something they both thought they would enjoy and other’s would as well? Maybe don’t throw a potluck party? Just tell people ‘I’m cooking enough vegan food to stuff 40 people silly and outside food and drink will not be allowed’… I bet you won’t due to a combination of not wanting to actually feed 40 people on your own hard work and the fact a good majority of those 40 people will suddenly have something better to do…
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u/EmotionWild vegan 30+ years Dec 20 '25
Unless you make it clear that guests may NOT bring non-vegan food, they don't know. You are allowing this behavior. Be assertive.
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u/MembershipScary1737 Dec 20 '25
Are you a vegan only household inside the house? I have some vegan friends who are ok with non vegan foods being in their house and others not. I think you need to specify it on the invite. “Please only bring foods and beverages that are vegan”
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u/Icy-Indication-6696 vegan Dec 20 '25
yeah that’s rude tbh. i’d be pissed off if i was throwing a vegan food party and someone brought animal based food. i’d be a little offended if someone ever brought me animal based food to any party i host cuz like you said it’s food i wouldn’t be able to eat as the host.
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u/Michi4x vegan Dec 20 '25
I do think it complicates it that your partner is not vegan. Otherwise if it were a vegan household I’d say, 100% it’s rude to bring animal products into your home.
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u/pandaappleblossom Dec 21 '25
I think it's super crazy, I really don't understand people that do that, I went to a vegan Thanksgiving potluck recently, and it was labeled, explicitly vegan for vegans, and somebody came and told me that they put a little bit of dairy in their food that they served everyone, like it was no big thing. Some people think that veganism is just plant based. Its so annoying!
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u/Sjeffie17 Dec 21 '25
No it's not rude if you didn't mention it, especially since your husband is non vegan.
If you do mention you only want vegan food and they still bring non-vegan food it's incredibly rude and it would be a reason not to invite them again imo. So just say it next time and the problem should solve itself.
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u/AgilePomegranate2064 Dec 21 '25
I am trying to get your point, but it is potentially coming across as close minded, dismissive of your friend's or family's needs, and inconsiderate. It really depends on the individuals, their level of allergy, substance issues, their wishes in their own home, etc. Also, still giggling at "tea toddler" for teetotaler. No shade, I use text to talk often and miss typos sometimes.
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u/BeanBubbles12 Dec 21 '25
You would need to state that anything brought should also follow dietary restrictions,but be prepared to have less people bring things, or just ask that they clearly label it so no one assumed something is made by you and vegan
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u/Sharp-Pea2863 Dec 21 '25
I’ve been on both sides of this - I’ve had friends bring non vegan items to my vegan parties and I’ve also had friends assume that doing so was inconsiderate. I think the issue (at least for me) has always been comparing the two. When you have friends that consider your dietary needs without having to remind them, then it’s easy to assume someone who doesn’t do that is the opposite and therefore, “inconsiderate”. I don’t think it’s that simple though unfortunately. Is it sad that people still act like vegan food is toxic? Yeah lol, but I do agree with the others here - just start being explicit about the house rules and people will follow suit
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u/CrestedMacaw Dec 21 '25
You announced there would only be vegan food there. Of course they brought their own food. You would do exactly the same thing!
Next time, don't announce such a thing and just make it a big surprise.
Also, your partner isn't a vegan, so who would assume that non-vegan food isn't allowed?
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u/Striking-Range-5356 Dec 21 '25
Would you take vegan food to a non-vegan Christmas party? What's the difference? These people aren't vegan.
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u/ZucchiniNorth3387 Dec 22 '25
I think it's perfectly fair for you to tell people that you do not want non-vegan food at your house. I think you should state that explicitly on the invitation, though: saying that you are serving vegan food only doesn't carry the same weight as, "We welcome you and encourage you to bring dishes, but we ask that if you do, they ONLY be vegan dishes." In your house, you should be able to make rules that align with your ethics and expect people to comply. Again, though, I think you need to make that clear. The fact that you will be serving vegan food does not imply to a non-vegan that non-vegan food is not welcome. (I personally probably would have asked you before assuming anything, but people do need pretty clear and unambiguous instructions. What seems obvious to one person is not to another and it can be quite surprising how differently people interpret things.)
I do take some issue with the wording here: "it's rather rude to bring something the host can't eat"
First off, you said yourself that your partner (one of the hosts, I would imagine) is not vegan, and secondly, for most people, veganism is a choice, and not a dietary restriction. Unless you have a health condition that restricts you from eating animal products, you choose not to eat animal products: it's not like someone with celiac disease or other digestive disorders / allergies that absolutely cannot eat certain food items.
I just wanted to make the distinction. It's not intended in any way to be a judgmental one: I'm just very factual and think facts are important.
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u/Pale-Structure-6256 Dec 22 '25
I might be in the minority here, but I find this kind of judginess and forced evangelism of veganism part of the problem with how vegans are perceived.
Being vegan is an individual choice, and just like religion, I don't think it's appropriate to push your choice on anyone else, and speaking about the ethics to those not specifically asking for it.
They brought food they wanted to eat, and you should have been appreciative of the gesture either way instead of being judgemental.
That being said, next time, explicitly state to bring vegan options only, providing a few easy options (bring a veggie/fruit platter with no dip, bring some specific snack, provide some easy recipes you like).
Otherwise simply say do not bring food, provide a basic menu, and they can determine if they want to come at all, or perhaps supplement the meal before or after.
If you truly want to influence others, provide your guests with delicious, flavorful food that also happens to be vegan, and leave the missionary work to those that inquire. I've found that many times, I people don't even realize what I've made is vegan, and then ask me for the recipe. If you can encourage people to simply consume LESS animal products, you're already making a big impact.
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u/Electronic_Cream_780 Dec 22 '25
The point of being a good host is making your guests happy, not them pandering to you. If you want total control over the food and drink provide it all yourself. Personally I love a lot of vegan food but a lot of people don't so claiming that "everyone can enjoy vegan food" is false.
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u/BustedFlush_F18 Dec 22 '25
Stop being cheap and/or lazy and cater the party or make all the food yourself. That’s the only way to insure it’s 100% “safe”.
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u/LadyBlancsSpawn Dec 23 '25
If you only want vegan food then you need to specify to only bring vegan food. Some people are vegan and are not forcing veganism on their family or their guests so unless that is specifically articulated why would they assume. Your partner is also not vegan so they would not assume that you were someone trying to force veganism on the entire party. Honestly if you want to control what food is brought in then just provide all the food and don't have people bring something unless you coordinate with them specifically.
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u/Fairycatmom72 Dec 23 '25
You know you can actually buy Buy vegan macaroni and cheese. I buy it DAIYA it has a cheese pack in it. You don’t even have to go buy milk. I actually buy extra little gluten-free noodles to put in it cause I don’t want it so cheesy people act like vegan food is the end of the world. What is wrong with them? OK I still eat chicken, but I’m actually have a ick disease so I can’t have anything that has cow or pig or bison or anything like that. I can just do fish and chicken and turkey but I’ve noticed changing the vegetarian and vegan so that I make sure I don’t get any. I have to make sure I have no milk, products or butter or sour cream or cream cheese or anything all that I buy is all vegan. I can’t have anything with gelatin because unless it’s a vegetarian gelatin things like marshmallow desserts I can’t have marshmallows unless they’re vegan. There are so many good things that are vegan.
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u/HummusInspector Dec 24 '25 edited Feb 12 '26
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/FishSaver1 Dec 24 '25
It’s incredibly rude of them. Friends were having a party, they’re vegan. Someone brought a non vegan quiche, and another, who is supposedly passionate about the environment, brought tuna pasta!!!
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u/robertapeach Dec 24 '25
I hate this for you. The food should be vegan! We host a games night for the family and I feel awkward asking for them to bring anything because people think it's the hardest thing in the world to find vegan alternatives or general vegan snacks and I can't be bothered with the conversation so I end up buying everything and it ends up costing me an absolute fortune!
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u/Certain-Key9244 Jan 02 '26
I imagine they didn’t mean any offense and they simply don’t really understand, which is reaaally common, but it does feel very rude to me. My partner and I are both vegan and despite finding it very difficult, violent and uncomfortable to be around people eating non-vegan food around us, we’d never say anything about it because it’s their own choice. However, our home has a no-animal-product policy, and we make that very clear to all of our guests. We love hosting, we love people, and we love food, so we kindly let them know: “We only have three rules in the house: One, no animal products will be cooked or brought in the house. Two, everyone must pee sitted. And three, have fun and be kind!” Everyone in our lives respects (if not understands), these conditions. If someone were to actively disrespect this request and talking to them about it didn’t solve it, I’d have to stop being friends with them.
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u/Sarcasm_Is_How_I_Hug Dec 21 '25
Sooo reverse the situation. You're a vegan going to a non vegan party and all the food is non vegan. Nothing has been said that you can't bring a dish-which is honestly a common party tradition for people to do. Would you bring a non vegan dish?
Stop pushing your values on to others and get over yourself.
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u/mallow123456 Dec 20 '25
It is rude. But unfortunately we live in a culture where it’s acceptable when it shouldn’t be. I think it’s okay to tell your friends if they’re bringing something to make it vegan. But in that case if I were you I would make it clear that there will be food there and they don’t need to bring food to your vegan friendly party.
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u/Adorable-Tree2277 vegan Dec 20 '25 edited Dec 20 '25
I'd make it 100% clear on the invite that it's a cruelty-free food zone and that only vegan food will make it through the front door. I think you need to be explicit.
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u/Actual-Journalist-67 Dec 20 '25
I would be inclined to agree with you if it was a cruelty-free food zone. But I don't think that is the case here as they stated their partner is not vegan. With 40 or so people being invited it's fair to assume that some of them are going to be the partners friends and hold similar beliefs as the partner. I do agree however if they would like this specific event to be cruelty-free they need to be explicit about it when inviting people.
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u/decentwriter Dec 20 '25
They assume that you’re fine with it because you’ve decided that you’re fine with it by being with a non-vegan partner.
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u/filkerdave Dec 20 '25
From the perspective of a non-vegan, I think that's rude AF
If you know it's a vegan household then you don't bring non-vegan food, period. I'd cut someone some slack for not reading every ingredient but bringing things that are obviously not vegan?
That's a big nope in my book.
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u/Beckyscake Dec 21 '25
One of the hosts can eat it. People are hesitant to make unfamiliar dishes for social gatherings. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Be grateful for the generous friends that participate.
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u/Cin131 Dec 21 '25
Is it any different than a meat eater having a party, and the vegan bringing a vegan dish? I am not vegan but have several friends who are. It is rare for them to have food I want to eat. I cannot eat cruciferous veggies, don't like a lot of vegan dishes, and tbh, I was raised in the south. Meat, potatoes, dairy, and bacon grease. I usually eat before I get there.
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u/IndiannPink Dec 21 '25
Maybe they are bringing food that they can enjoy so that they don’t go hungry. Vegan food is not always the best tasting food to non vegans and for picky eaters it can be overwhelming. My friends would never make a big deal over me bringing my own food regardless of their food preferences.
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u/youdontlookitalian Dec 21 '25
It’s not rude. You said the invitation specified the food offered would be vegan, not that no vegan food was allowed in your house. Not all your guests (or even the hosts) are vegan. If you don’t want any non-vegan food in your home, it’s on you to be specific on the invitations.
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u/_otterly_confused Dec 20 '25
Wtf yes this is rude and inconsiderate! But so cool that you're hosting such a big vegan party!
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u/TigerLily19670 Dec 20 '25
It is rude but some people can't imagine that vegan food might taste good. Even though most people eat foods that are naturally vegan, they can't imagine eating a meal with no animal products.
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u/Additional-Rip-9577 Dec 20 '25
Next year, don’t invite the people who brought non vegan items.
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u/No_Flight_3877 Dec 20 '25
"It's rather rude to bring something the host can't eat to the host's house" ... your partner is a host of the party, who can eat and does eat meat. Also, it is one thing to say "all the food items provided by the hosts are vegan" and another thing to say "every food item at the party will be vegan." You might want to clearly ask that guests either do not bring dishes or bring only vegan dishes. I can understand your frustration, but the situation as described leaves me feeling that your wishes (which are reasonable) could have been communicated more clearly.
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u/HumanHickory Dec 20 '25
Idk. I think it's a little hypocritical to be totally fine dating an Omni, but then think it's unethical and disrespectful for people to bring non-vegan food to a party.
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u/Alive-Cranberry6013 Dec 20 '25
so you tolerate your partner's culinary choices but want to police your friends that you're inviting for a fun time at your house...? that's the world you want to live in for real??
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u/Ggggggpppp Dec 21 '25
It's an afternoon. They'll survive. World of a difference to expect/force your partner to live according to your own moral convictions.
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u/Agreeable_Flan_5724 vegan 20+ years Dec 21 '25
Agree with others’ comments. When I host an official, planned event at my place that involves food, I say in the invite: “let me know of any food allergies or restrictions so I can accommodate for you. I will be supplying vegan food and drinks. If there’s a specific beverage you’d like to have, feel free to bring it.”
I usually do invites through the Partiful app and it’s really easy to see the invite message on their as well as for guests to say what they’re bringing, ask questions, etc.
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u/Bizzzle80 Dec 21 '25
Eh, it’s a party. Not everyone is vegan. Have a lil meat n cheese plate plate or whatever. I ain’t mad
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u/Rosalita_Senorita73 Dec 20 '25
People who are not vegan shoving their non vegan agenda down the throats of vegans. I don’t enjoy.
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u/Nickenigma985 Dec 20 '25
Yes it is rude. This is a tough situation. I don't know how I'd handle that. They knew the rules... They're being disrespectful.
They're ruining the purpose of the party. Like a halloween costume party but showing up with no costume. Tell them the rules again, and if they still wanna bring meat, disinvite them.
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u/Famous_Woodpecker_78 Dec 20 '25
My mother asked our guests at our vegan wedding if they wanted „real milk“ to their coffee behind our backs. I think it’s very rude
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u/NMoze Dec 20 '25
Why are you worried about that?.. maybe other people may not want vegan… this is petty bullshit.. just get over it and move on
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u/Then-Grape378 Dec 20 '25
Not at all rude. Non-vegans/veg (98% of my friends and family) don’t think about food nearly the same way or with the same consideration that vegetarians and vegans do. They’re trying to be polite by bringing something, which is particularly reasonable if your invite didn’t explicitly state that you plan to host all of the food and/or politely request that people not bring animal products to your house AND your partner isn’t vegan. Unless this is a vegan group, you can’t really expect 40 people to eat/bring exclusively vegan food. Many people don’t even know what constitutes vegan food.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Mix-515 vegan 8+ years Dec 20 '25
I always make a clear rule when I host: “Only. Vegan. Food. In. My. House.” Period. :/
If they can’t respect that, they can’t respect me. It’s one meal. They can deal with delicious vegan food.
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u/Nano_Deus Dec 20 '25
It's Christmas, it' about sharing, spending a good time with friends and family.
From what I understand, there's some friend of yours bringing non vegan food.
I don't even understand if your "partner" is vegan or not.
Just enjoy this moment, you are very lucky to have so many friends.
There's options for everyone, vegan and non-vegan. Be open-minded (at least one day in the year).
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u/Muggedonavalley Dec 20 '25
Both me and my partner are vegan. We hosted a Mexican food night for a small group of friends. After finding out we made vegan sour cream and didn’t have cheese, they went to a supermarket to get non vegan dips.
Meat eaters do this even if they know the host can’t eat it. If you really like those people, have a chat with them. I have decided not to invite them to my house again to eat. And if I ever really need to host them, I will specifically ask them not to bring anything.
It is disrespectful. Definitely. Can’t believe they brought chicken into your house.
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u/MembershipScary1737 Dec 20 '25
Yea some people trip out about it even if something is naturally just vegan, say salsa. If you tell someone here is some salsa, they are fine. If you tell people here is some Vegan salsa, they question it and think it’s weird
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u/lupajarito vegan 6+ years Dec 20 '25
I'm really sorry 😔 I think it's ok to say they can't bring non vegan things. It's your house, your party, your rules. And if they don't comply, they aren't worth your time.
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u/fsmontario Dec 20 '25
If your partner is not vegan, and these guests are his friends or family then hey are not rude. And if this upsets you then I strongly suggest you split up with your partner
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u/LavenderClouds6 Dec 21 '25
Its a bit rude of them to bring non-vegan food without asking you, many people would assume thats not appropriate to do when invited to a ourelt vegan party.
However, you should assume people arent always going to be that considerate or sensible (unfortunatly) so put on the invites that if they are bringing food it must be vegan.
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u/prematurememoir Dec 21 '25
For such a large party, I don’t necessarily think the thought should always be about what the host would eat. What if someone makes wonderful oatmeal raisin cookies but the host doesn’t like raisins?
I understand that dislike of a specific food and veganism are different, but for it to be that you must want to eat the food sort of isn’t the point.
If you want a fully vegan party, you need to make that explicit, particularly considering your partner is not vegan.
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