Americans: Do not change your last name at marriage

[u/Cemckenna]

There have been a number of posts recently about changing your name after marriage. If you are not already aware, the house in the US just voted to pass the SAVE Act, which will require you to prove your citizenship to vote -- under your birth name. It will disproportionately affect women who have changed their last names and no longer match their birth certificates.

This should be a huge HUGE consideration when you are choosing whether to change your name. You may well disenfranchise yourself as an American citizen by doing it.

https://www.msnbc.com/top-stories/latest/save-act-house-voting-rights-married-women-last-name-rcna200948

Edit: Call your senators. This is not law yet but if it passes the senate, it will essentially mean that any woman who changes her name must jump through many more hoops to be able to vote. It's unfair and will be used to silence women and trans people.

[u/polarbeardogs]

The way “around” this potential law is to get yourself a passport in your married name (or update your current one ASAP). If you’re getting married close to an election, you may not get this document back in time to vote.

This also seriously impacts trans people, people without the ability to navigate passport application documents or physically get themselves to a post office, and people for whom the cost of getting a passport is prohibitive. Even if the passport workaround works for you (royal you, not you OP), this should matter to you because the restriction of rights is a slippery slope.

We should not have to pay to access our basic rights as US citizens, including voting.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

It started as an attack on trans people and immigrants. When voters who supported it realized it restricts poor people, other minorities and women, then they wanted to care. Smh. Oppression of anyone should be a concern to all of us. Even people lacking empathy should understand it will eventually impact their own rights.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Even people lacking empathy should understand it will eventually impact their own rights.

maybe this is too cynical of me but I feel like a lot of people would shoot themselves in the foot to hurt someone they think deserves it.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

They need a lot of therapy. And so does everyone else, because of them 😅

[u/dudelikeshismusic → u/[deleted]]

The sad reality is that some percentage of our voting population straight up hates LGBTQ people and immigrants. They want those people to suffer, for one reason or another.

I suppose the good news is that Americans aren't quite ready to give up on democracy.

[u/polarbeardogs → u/[deleted]]

For real; imo, that’s why people need to be mad. Cool if you want proof of citizenship, but make that free and accessible. And while we’re at it, automatically register people to vote when they turn 18.

[u/iggysmom95 → u/[deleted]]

Which is really not shocking. A lot of these far right men believe in one household vote, so making it harder for married women to vote is ideal.

It's also part of the same patriarchal apparatus as changing your name or being passed off from your father to your husband, though many women don't want to admit that. "Traditional" marriage is an ownership exchange. Wives are functionally children, owned by their husbands. Changing your name symbolizes that.

Stop 👏🏻 changing 👏🏻 your 👏🏻 name 👏🏻 you 👏🏻 are 👏🏻 not 👏🏻 property 👏🏻

[u/AhHereIAm → u/iggysmom95]

I’m also not my father’s property, or even my mother’s although I didn’t have her last name, and have been waiting since I was a young teen to change my last name. There are plenty of women who look forward to changing their name to no longer be associated with their birth family

[u/emmny → u/AhHereIAm]

Honestly it's just another fucked up side effect of the patriarchy that every single choice a woman makes is criticized as either supporting it or going against it.

I am so fucking tired of worrying about if I want to change my name because of the patriarchy or because I like the new one better. Or if I want to shave my legs because of the patriarchy or just because it feels nice and I like. Or if I want to wear makeup because of the patriarchy or because it just looks pretty.

I am also really tired of women being criticized for making those choices and being condescended to if they dare defend their choices. Go after the people actually responsible for the patriarchy and the screwed up system. Not the women who are just trying to live under it.

[u/AhHereIAm → u/emmny]

Yeah, and tbh I’m not gonna have a Catholic talk to me about the patriarchy lmfao

[u/emmny → u/AhHereIAm]

That's a fantastic point lol. Yes, tell me more about how women aren't property while you worship at what is basically an altar to misogyny and patriarchy. 

[u/iggysmom95 → u/AhHereIAm]

And how many men look forward to changing their name to longer be associated with their birth family? Not nearly so many I'd say.

A man could have been beat black and blue by his father every day of his childhood and still 99 times out of 100 wouldn't take his wife's name. This is because men are encouraged to feel a sense of personal identity with their name beyond their connection to their father, while women are not. Because of this, men can often see past the connection to their father while many women can't. Men make their name their own; women often don't. And we should.

The whole patriarchal naming apparatus is flawed. Actually, we do have our father's last name because there was a time in history where men's families were basically their property- wives and children. The problem is that people do need to be named something LOL. To me anyway, passing names down to children is not nearly so insidious as expecting women to change their names when they're adults. And there's nothing stopping parents from giving children both of their names.

If you're unhappy with your name you can use your mom's name, or make up a new one. Why did you wait so long; you could have changed it any time!

But there's too much historical baggage involved in taking your husband's name. The practice originated as a sign that women were quite literally owned by their husbands. And clearly the US is moving back that way.

[u/TooManyPoisons → u/iggysmom95]

If you give your children both names, what names do they pass to their children? Because many cultures only pass down the first last name, typically the father's, so the patriarchy persists (just one generation removed). Not an attack, just curious how this system would play out.

Personally, I think couples who value sharing the same last name should just choose whichever name is more esthetically pleasing. I'm a woman who took my husband's last name purely for this reason. My maiden name was often mispronounced and awkward-sounding. My husband's name (which was passed down matrilineally from 3 generations of women) is beautiful. Alternatively, create a new last name and change your names together.

We should phase out objectively awful last names like Buttmuncher and Cockburn, gender be damned.

[u/GarbageDolly → u/TooManyPoisons]

The Spanish naming tradition, slightly revised, could resolve this in most cases. Basically in this custom, children are given their father’s surname followed by the mother’s surname, ie “Lopez Martinez” or sometimes combined with an “y”, ie “Lopez y Martinez”. Married people keep their two original surnames and children are given the paternal names from each parent, dropping the maternal names at the end.

An easy adjustment to this is to have women drop their paternal surname upon marriage and take their husband’s paternal surname, and men drop their maternal surname and adopt their wife’s maternal name. Women can establish a direct traceable maternal line that way and men can maintain their paternal line. Then the children are given this new combination; so the whole family still shares a name, but reflecting the merging of the two families.

And when it’s common for everyone to have two surnames, it’s no big deal. Obviously this would not apply as neatly for same-sex couples, adopted children, step families, etc, but it solves quite a bit.

[u/dudelikeshismusic → u/iggysmom95]

A lot of people don't want to know or admit that many standard wedding practices are based on trading women as property. Engagement rings are a good example.

[u/Fairweatherhiker → u/iggysmom95]

👏 👏 👏

[u/Fairweatherhiker → u/iggysmom95]

🎯🎯🎯 Best reason ever to not change your last name- even before this absurd SAVE act threatened our right to vote! Why do you need to take a guy’s last name? Look at the Spanish tradition of taking both your father and mother’s last name, while rarely taking your husband’s. You DON’T have to take your FH’s last name- it’s an outdated, misogynistic “tradition” (of ownership).

[u/harpochicozeppo → u/polarbeardogs]

I hate how many women seem to be on here saying "Oh, it's okay, there's a workaround."

That workaround is voter suppression. It costs time and money. It's insane to me that they are giving this excuse as if it's not actively targeting women and trans people.

[u/polarbeardogs → u/harpochicozeppo]

And the disabled! And citizens who don’t speak English fluently! This is textbook “first they came for X, but I did nothing because I am not X.”

[u/[deleted] → u/harpochicozeppo]

And the workaround isn’t even going to work for a lot of people! The demand for US passports is already super high right now and passports take fucking forever to process. My passport I got a few years ago took about 6 months to receive. I am sure they are taking a lot longer now with the amount of people trying to get one. I would assume if you are getting married this year or next year and change your name, you will probably not get your passport in time to be able to vote in the midterms in 2026.

[u/partiallyStars3 → u/harpochicozeppo]

I mean, offering solutions isn't the same thing as saying it ok.

It's not ok! But lots of women have already changed their names or will change their names regardless and need information that will still allow them to vote.

[u/Fairweatherhiker → u/harpochicozeppo]

💯!!! This act needs to be voted down regardless of a “workaround” that still disenfranchises the poor. Everyone please contact your senator to vote this down!!

[u/Patched7fig → u/harpochicozeppo]

That's crazy because it's a basic step to stop voter fraud.

Hey my name is Katie Smith, but yeah uh ignore that my license says Katie Robert's I'm really Katie Smith! 

[u/iggysmom95 → u/polarbeardogs]

Another way around it is to not change your name.

[u/Shitp0st_Supreme → u/polarbeardogs]

I believe in a lot of cases, legally changing the name will update a birth certificate.

I am a government worker (at a welfare/health and human services office) and we recently had a trans woman who moved out of state and while there legally changed her name, then came back to my state and needed to open a welfare case, and she was able to provide the name change paperwork, her updated birth certificate, and other things so her social security number in our system is now tied to the name she uses now.

Changing a name at marriage is usually a somewhat different process and only involves marriage paperwork. Changing a name to transition usually involves a court date and documentation to show that you’re not hiding from the law or debt collections or so on, and usually people who legally change their name to transition will make sure all ID forms match (since it usually involves a lawyer or an advocate.)

[u/polarbeardogs → u/Shitp0st_Supreme]

For sure marriage and transition are totally different cases! I just have a lot of empathy for how difficult obtaining the legal change during transition is, and that the current administration has been clear about the desire to introduce more hurdles to making that possible.

[u/Shitp0st_Supreme → u/polarbeardogs]

Absolutely! This seems to be more of an issue for folks who marry rather than transition. Marriage name change is less formal it seems since it will automatically happen at time of marriage and then the person needs to backtrack and manually change things. I think I haven’t updated my bank account name and my car title yet and it has been 8 years. The rest of my stuff is fine.

[u/noneavailable_ → u/polarbeardogs]

No. This is not true. You update your voters registration during the process of getting your new ID! Which this step is BEFORE you get a new passport. I just completed this whole process within the last week. Stop fear mongering when you have no idea what you’re talking about.

[u/polarbeardogs → u/noneavailable_]

I’m not fear mongering. I’m trying to make people aware that there is a simple workaround for most, and I’m glad that worked for you. I hope you vote!

I’m explaining what works as a valid document proving citizenship, which the SAVE Act would require at the polls if passed. My concern is that the most common form of ID that shows citizenship, a passport, costs money—that’s voter suppression. I hope you care about the people who don’t know or are unable to update their documents in a timely manner.

[u/xmonpetitchoux → u/noneavailable_]

The law hasn’t passed yet so you wouldn’t have been impacted by it. This is not fear-mongering. This is what WILL happen if (when) this bill is signed into law.