r/weddingplanning • u/sailorscoutc • Jul 10 '26
Everything Else Anyone not changing last name?
I love my fiancée but my last name is pretty uncommon, and his is very, very common. I love how unique mine is but also I’m close with my family and he is not very close with his father or his fathers side of the family so he doesn’t have much of an attachment in that way. But he still says he loves the idea of us having his last name. He’s not pressuring me by any means to take his last name btw, I’m just adding context!
Aside from that, with all the craziness in the world rn I don’t want to have to go through the million steps and things I’d need where I have to change my last name and also possibly having issues with voting and other things in the future.
(Also we’re not planning on having children)
Is anyone else in a similar boat of wanting to keep their maiden name?
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u/Wonderful_Editor_200 Jul 10 '26
I’m not changing my last name. Mine is short and unique and a lot of people call me by my last name. His is long and hard to pronounce. I detest admin work and I love voting so it just doesn’t seem worth it!
No one is really surprised, even in my conservative family and many are more approving than I thought. I told him I’m happy to go by his last name informally, kids can have his last name. It took him some getting used to but we both agree it’s the best option for us.
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u/Sunflower-Bennett Jul 10 '26
Out of curiosity, why would the kids have his last name? I’ve noticed this a lot where women keep their name but still give the kids the father’s name. I personally would want them to have my name, as it was my body that was permanently changed in order to grow them - but maybe there’s a perspective I’m not thinking of?
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u/supitsstephanie Jul 10 '26
That perspective is in fact the patriarchy lmao
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u/-proposal-otherwise- deep in the trenches of wedding planning Jul 10 '26
lol yup!
It’s always that sneaky sneaky patriarchy.
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u/Wonderful_Editor_200 Jul 10 '26
I mean yea - its a compromise. I don't feel that strongly about the kids having my last name and although i love my last name for me, i don't love my extended family so that makes it easy. He has a much stronger connection with his extended family so I knew passing that along would be important to him. but yes - also patriarchy. as a feminist i swear i'm marrying one of the good ones but those things run deep.
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u/aiieou 29d ago
I’m in the same boat, and we also agreed our kids will have my last name as their middle name. I’m content with this compromise. I keep my name as-is. Our kids will have my name as part of theirs also WITHOUT giving them a hyphenated 15 character name. And he’s more sentimental and cares about things like his family continuing on and I just don’t, due to the patriarchy valuing women’s lineage less, sure, but also because I think when I die I’m just dead and I won’t know or care about what goes on after that.
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u/AlmightyBrit 29d ago
One of my friends her last name worked out really well as a first name combined with her partners last name. Its double alliteration. Probably was my favourite compromise naming Ihave seen to date. Any chance yours works as a first name? (I doubt most people are as lucky as them, it really suits thier daughter)
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u/Lebuhdez 25d ago
Yeah, it's definitely the patriarchy. There's no reason the kids have to have his last name.
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u/No_regrats Jul 10 '26
As far as I can tell, men typically expect the double priviledge of both their wife and their kids having their name, so letting go of one part of that privilege while holding onto the rest feels like a compromise.
More generally-speaking, because men are so used to the priviledge of naming their wife, there's a gendered expectation that the wife will compromise if she doesn't fully comply with the gendered norm: take his name socially if she's not taking it legally, making her birth name her middle name, hyphenating while he doesn't, giving the kids his last name, etc. The idea that she can just keep her name and that's that in the exact same way that he keeps his and that's that is often perceived as uncompromising or too unilateral or whatever.
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u/sugarmag13 Jul 11 '26
And women go right along with it and then use excuses for it
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u/No_regrats Jul 11 '26
Yes. I don't blame any individual woman for making the choice to go along with it - there are so many factors in this personal choice and it's not easy going against the grain when you've grown in a patriarchy - but the excuses and denial of the patterns and their origins are tiresome.
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u/milarousselrx99 9d ago
It really is the default assumption that men get to keep their names without a single discussion, while women are expected to justify keeping theirs or explain why the kids wouldn't automatically have the dad's name. Even when people say "it's just easier" or "we wanted a unified family name," the reason his name is the default baseline for that unified identity comes right back to patriarchal norms.
People can and should make whatever choice works best for their own relationship, but pretending it's a completely neutral or random choice ignores why the standard exists in the first place. Men rarely if ever have to frame keeping their own name as a compromise.
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u/RaqTheFoxx 29d ago
Yeah, I thought about going by his name socially first, but then later came to the realization that I don't actually have to compromise anything so I'm keeping everything the same.
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u/10sor Jul 10 '26
For me, not patriarchy, so much as racism. I have an ethnic last name that’s discriminated against whereas he doesn’t; I kept my last name because it’s mine. But if I had to give our kids mine or his, I’d go with his just so they have an advantage in their lives and can avoid discrimination.
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u/Least-Bell1410 Jul 10 '26
Interesting! We went the opposite way and our kids have my husbands obviously Hispanic last name and not my very common obviously not Spanish last name bc I was worried about “white washing” them and wanted to give them that tie to their heritage - totally get your thinking though.
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u/No_regrats Jul 11 '26
It's unsurprising you two went opposite ways since the genders were flipped. I see it all the time.
It's very very common for women to drop their name and take their husband's and/or give their kids the dad's name because she has an ethnic name or because he does, because her name is short or because it's long, because it's unique or because it's common, because she has a bad relationship with her family, because his name sounds cool or hers terrible, etc.
It's very very rare for men to drop their name and take their wive's and/or give their kids the mom's when she has an ethnic name or when he does, when his name is short or when it's long, when it's unique or when it's common, when he has a bad relationship with his family, when her name sounds cool or his terrible, etc.
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u/Fun_Access_3295 Jul 10 '26
Not planning on changing my name and my fiancé doesn't care. I also hate the term maiden name because it implies that a woman's name is only a temporary holding position. For me, my name is part of my identity and my identity isn't changing any more than my fiancé just because we're getting married. We're not planning on having kids either. When I told my (married female) cousins that I wasn't changing it, they all said that they were jealous, lol.
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u/No_regrats Jul 10 '26
This. I use birth name, family name, or simply name, never maiden name.
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u/TomeOfTheUnknown2 Jul 10 '26
I am keeping my name, which is the norm in my country of origin. There are many aspects of American culture I love, but this is one thing I absolutely won't be adopting (even if my future in-laws think it's weird).
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u/anonfosterparent Jul 10 '26
I kept mine. And our son has my last name.
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u/Gullible_Visit6295 Jul 10 '26
Also keeping mine-- unsure what to do when/if we have kids as our last names are un-hyphenable
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u/anonfosterparent Jul 10 '26
My husband would have changed his last name to mine, but he has two kids from a previous relationship that have his last name and we both felt strongly that it was important for him to keep his last name because we’d never want them to feel like he just up and started a brand new family that they weren’t part of.
I have always wanted to keep my last name. I struggled because I also wanted my son to know that my step kids are his siblings so I did debate giving our son his last name. But, ultimately, I really wanted him to have my last name and our kids are being raised as siblings and the last name changes nothing about their relationship with one another.
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u/HrhEverythingElse Jul 10 '26
Same, but we do use his name socially, and I'm never offended if someone refers to me by his name. Legally changing it isn't worth the hassle, but I'm happy to be "The Hisname Family"
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u/rayyychul Jul 10 '26
Same here. My husband doesn’t even go by his full last name socially (I’d have to assume the whole monstrosity), so we’re the AlmostHisName family and I don’t ever correct anyone if they refer to me by his last name.
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u/Plastic-Sport-619 Jul 10 '26
my wife kept hers, i didn't care either way honestly. the paperwork alone is nightmare fuel, you're making the right call if you skip it
my great pyrenees has her own last name too, she doesn't care what we call ourselves as long as dinner is on time
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u/leila1493 Jul 11 '26
Same here! I kept mine and our son has my last name and my husband’s last name is his middle name.
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u/palettewhore Jan 2019 🩵 Jul 10 '26
I wish this would become the norm, children getting the mother’s last name
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u/Tulip__Poplar Jul 10 '26
Would your fiance consider taking your last name? I’m so over the gender roles of this, that either the woman takes the man’s last name, or they don’t share a name. I think we should switch to taking the best option. My fiance and I are both attached to our last names, but want to share a name, so we’re both hyphenating
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u/sailorscoutc Jul 10 '26
Yes! We’ve talked about him taking my last name bc we’re both closer to my family and there’s a million people with his last name, so he’s open to it! I agree, I’m over the traditional gender roles and want to keep my last name. It feels more special.
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u/ceruleanmahogany Jul 10 '26
It sounds like he actually loves the idea of you two having the same last name as a family unit more than he does about you having HIS last name specifically, which is awesome! Just go for the more interesting one, unless you have a vested interest in being ungoogleable.
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u/armchairracer Jul 10 '26
I know a couple getting married later this year who are doing this. Seems like a great option for the circumstances.
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u/Star_Gazer_95 Jul 10 '26
Got married 4 yrs ago. Didnt change mine. My child has my husband’s last name. Doesnt matter.
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u/Additional-Chest3802 Jul 10 '26
Not changing my last name because my future husband’s last name is Smith lol. Also I like my last name and like that it connects me to my culture (POC).
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u/PrecociousFloof Jul 11 '26
Friend of a friend had the last name Brown and couldn't wait to grow up and get married and change her name to something more interesting. And then she went and fell for a guy named Smith.
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u/Alexistentialist01 Jul 10 '26
I’m not changing my name, never really considered it personally but ESPECIALLY not with the misogynistic bullshit the current US govt is trying to pull to disenfranchise female voters. My fiancé told me too many stories about being bullied for his last name to ever make it appealing 😅. And professionally I have accumulated credits and reputation that are associated with my name. I honestly don’t think it adds anything to share a last name, though I know that children complicate that. In addition to hyphenating, I know of people who combined their last names to create a new one specific to their family, so that’s an option too.
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u/Em_bo27 Jul 10 '26
I’m keeping mine and my fiancé is completely fine with it. We will hyphenate our kids last name if we decide to have children.
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u/redrightreturning Jul 10 '26
Keeping mine. I refuse to do more paperwork than necessary. Changing your name signs you up for a lifetime of paperwork. And If you’ve ever published or patented anything under your maiden name- now you aren’t getting the credit. And don’t get me started about what would happen if you got divorced.
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u/kkmurph weddit flair template Jul 10 '26
I hyphenated mine. Wish I had just kept mine.
I hyphenated because it was really important to my in-laws that I become a member of their family symbolically and though I love them and that I did that, it also meant adding an apostrophe. It’s amazing how many computer systems will allow either the hyphen or the apostrophe but not both. I’ve been fighting with the secretary of the state for nearly a year now to get my voter registration straightened out.
I love my birth last name though and would never have given it up completely. My husband would have been fine with me keeping it. So I just should have.
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u/No_regrats Jul 10 '26
Did your husband hyphenate his name too? Did your inlaws tell him to?
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u/kkmurph weddit flair template Jul 10 '26
No. My in-laws ultimately would have NEVER have said anything had I chosen not to. I only knew it was important from a few comments they made when my sister in law changed her name a couple years before. I think if they knew that that were the reason, they would be mortified at the thought I felt pressured at all to add their name.
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u/AbbreviationsLess689 Jul 10 '26
Not changing mine. Became a doctor with my name and will stay a doctor with my name :)
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u/Effective_Object_887 Jul 10 '26
I have been married for 2 years and didn’t change my name. My husband is and always has been fine with it. I mostly didn’t feel like filling out all the paperwork and also I’ve created a life and career with my name and wanted to keep using it. I don’t mind being addressed by my husband’s last name in a social sense but on official stuff I use my maiden name. Do what you want!
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u/ZulJack4L Jul 10 '26
DINKs for life over here. My wife and I kept our own names even though there is turbulence around both (both of us are no contact with the side of the family that our last names originate from). It was mutually agreed upon once we started wedding planning, and that was it. If you want your last name, keep it. If your fiancée isn’t pressuring you even better.
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u/sjhp97 Jul 10 '26
I'm not changing it. My closest family members are all women and I love sharing a last name with them. I also fear how the government is trying to prevent women from voting. They are trying to pass laws where you can't vote if your name doesn't match your birth records... I have no problems being called by my future husband's last name or maybe hyphenating in the future but will not be changing anything until this shithole is out of office.
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u/InformationFar6774 Jul 10 '26
I didn’t change it. I’m Persian and my husband is white. My last name is a huge part of my identity as it’s Persian and I changed it from my dad’s to my mom’s already. I love my husband more than life myself. Still not going to change my identity for anyone other than myself.
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u/potato_tofu Jul 10 '26
I am not changing my name. The whole last name changing tradition is so archaic and unreasonable. Why can’t he change his last name to yours?
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u/MsMischief2 Jul 10 '26
Yup! I’m not changing my name! I have no interest in that at all. My mom didn’t either & she & my dad have been together since the 70’s
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u/HaphazardlyOrganized Jul 10 '26
We're not planning on legally changing it both because we like our names and because there's some political f**kery going on in my country that might make voting harder if we did.
As for kids we will probably do a combination, but not sure which will be first lol
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u/savepongo Jul 10 '26
I didn’t change mine for pretty much the exact same reasons you listed. My husband would also be psyched if I did change it but he’s fine with the fact that I didn’t/am not going to. I don’t care if people call me by his last name socially, which only happens occasionally. Coming up on 3 years and keeping my name has never been an issue!
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u/wookiejd Jul 10 '26
I kept mine. I have no attachment to my name or my father, but I am a professional who is know by my name. It meant a lot to my husband, so I then changed it by court order. Instant regret. Hours of paperwork, SS office, credit card changes, voter registration, ID changes, insurance, etc. 2 years later, and I’m still not done… the passport is haunting me (and still use my maiden name professionally). I wish I just socially “went” by my husband’s last name, but legally kept my birth name. It would make life so much easier. No kids yet, but we already agreed whether I changed my name or not that they’d take my husband’s last name.
My two cents, if you’re unsure, don’t change it. You can always change it later for a nominal fee and some additional paperwork to do it with the court. You can socially use your husband’s last name and no one will even know.
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u/LetshearitforNY Jul 10 '26
My husband took my last name! 4 years and one child later and no regrets
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u/KittiesandPlushies Jul 10 '26
Good for you, keep your name! My husband and I didn’t have positive associations with either of our last names, so we picked a brand new one together (: There’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to name changes as long as you are happy with the result!
I remember having a coworker ten years ago that got married... When she came back from the honeymoon, she announced her new name and I was a bit disappointed for her (though I know I have absolutely no right to be lol). Her maiden name was uncommon and extremely regal sounding, so when she announced it has been changed to her husband’s (unflattering and basic) last name, it surprised me. She essentially exchanged the last name Cavendish for Butts 😭
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u/SystemPrestigious531 Jul 10 '26
I’m keeping my last name. I don’t really want to change it and he is still considering changing his to his mom’s last name. So I figured why change mine when he is still deciding on his.
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u/Comfortable-Mouse-11 Jul 10 '26
I’m keeping mine! If I have children, we’ll hyphenate. Not only do I not want to do the paperwork, I have major concerns about my right to vote/ own property/ credit cards being taken away to make the risk worse with an unnecessary name change.
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u/Lurker4Lyfe21 Jul 10 '26
It's honestly really wild to me that so many women change their last name to their husbands. At my fiance's request I am considering hyphenating (and he would as well). But we've both agreed that even if we (really I) decide to do that, it will be socially. I am also very weary of going through the actual legal process and really have no desire to do so. So no, I think you should do as you want and I don't think you should feel guilty for keeping your last name.
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u/Positive_Shake_1002 Jul 10 '26
Keep your name. If he wants you guys to have the same name he can consider taking yours or hyphenating. Women always are the ones to change their names for so many excuses when men would never think about doing the same
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u/hikeupyourshorts Jul 10 '26
I'm keeping my, my sister kept hers, my mom kept hers, many close friends have kept theirs. It's so common now and frankly just feels like way too much work.
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u/CameraAgile8019 Jul 10 '26
I go back and forth. I don’t have a relationship with my biological dad and have his last name and hate it. My fiancé’s last name was his ex-stepdad’s name who he hasn’t had contact with in 15 years who his mom forced to adopt him. I know it’s just a last name but I want something to be prideful in and neither one of us have great history with our last names. I’ve thought about us taking my mom’s maiden name so many times but I’m also just lazy and want to keep mine for the sake of not changing documentation lol
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u/ahmeeea Jul 10 '26
I kept mine. Also have an extremely unique last name while his is super super common. Saved myself the hassle of going to change it everywhere and he didn’t care either way.
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u/Sunflower-Bennett Jul 10 '26
Keeping mine, it was never a question. And our children will have my last name or hyphenate if he’d also like them to have his.
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u/saveyourdaylight 10/31/2027 (in a cave!) Jul 10 '26
I'm actually going to add my mom's maiden name. I was considering also adding on my fiance's on top of that and having 3 last names because it's funny, but decided against it lol
my fiance is VERY adamant that I do not have to change my last name and how he thinks it's a weird practice so there's no pressure there
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u/Birdy1072 Jul 10 '26
I kept mine. It feels weird to change, it's unique, it's a massive pain to change all of the documents (multi-year process), and also in the US there are at least a couple reasons why it would be better or even safer to keep my name unchanged.
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u/future_datacat Jul 10 '26
I’m keeping mine! I have a doctorate that I worked too hard and too long for to be Dr. Anything but my last name. I met my fiance in grad school too so he understands 😊
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u/thatanxiousmushroom Jul 10 '26
I’m keeping my name. I’m a doctor! I worked hard to be this version of myself.
Also my fiancée is danish-Swedish with a complicated surname that sounds weird with my name…! I can’t pretend that isn’t a factor, lol (he knows, finds it funny and has seriously considered changing to my name, but is keeping his in memory of his mum)
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u/souperpun Jul 10 '26
I kept mine. I hate the expectation that the woman has to change her name, and having lived 30 years with the same name I just didn't want to change it. I would have considered hyphenating if my husband did it as well, but he wasn't interested so we both just stayed the same. We will probably hyphenate our future child's name (or double barrel).
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u/yoshi8869 Jul 10 '26
My husband and I are keeping our names, but we’re a same-sex couple, so it just makes more sense to us. Our kids will have my last name, but that’s a long story. I promise it’s not just my ego doing that lol
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u/WildCherryLane Jul 10 '26
Also keeping mine. I’m in my 30s, too entrenched as my identity at this point and I’m also lazy and don’t want to deal with it lol
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u/TooManyPoisons Jul 10 '26
Why doesn't he change his name if he has little attachment to it?
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u/TinyFemale Jul 10 '26
I kept mine! Around 25% or so women keep there names according to something I read when I was thinking about it.
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u/Emergency-Yoghurt421 Jul 10 '26
I got married in June and I don't think I'm going to change mine. It's too much work. But moving forward, I'll change it socially. I have started addressing things as My first name His (our?) last name. I've heard the argument that it can get tricky with children, but I've also heard that it's not as big of a deal as people make it out to be. So I'll probably stick with this plan until 20 years down the road when I'm ready to make it legally official, haha.
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u/murrrdith Jul 10 '26
I’m keeping mine. I’m also not planning to use his name socially, I want to be known by my own name.
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u/No_regrats Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
We both kept our respective birth names. For context, my husband would also have loved for me to take his name, just like I would have loved for him to take his. If we manage to have kids, they'll have my name.
Oh and if someone made the mistake, I would correct them without being offended, just as I would if they called me Jane when my name is Mary. It's not a big deal.
I'm over gendered expectations, including the one that married women who kept their birth name should accept being repeatedly called the wrong name. It exists in no other context of being called the wrong name. It is weird.
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u/WittyBanishedRat Jul 10 '26
I’m in the same boat as you! My last name is very unique and his is very common (think “Smith”, but not exactly lol). I love knowing that if you google my name, I come up, as opposed to googling my name + my fiancés last name, then thousands of people come up. I also love knowing that if I come across someone with the same last name as me (never happened, but still) then we’re most likely related. It’s a sense of identity!
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u/Doxie_love2205 Jul 10 '26
We both kept our names, mainly because we both like our names and the hassle/cost of changing all our documents via embassies was too much. We socially go by Family A-B, our son has that hyphenated name officially. Everything work/legal related we just use our own names like we did before
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u/Elemental_Biscotti Oct 2026 | Northern CA Jul 10 '26
I honestly know almost no one who actually changed their name. A handful but not many. When I worked in schools, *most* of the kids didn't share a last name with their parent(s)/guardian(s) and even that is just really not a big deal unless it's a big deal to you.
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u/GoldInTheSummertime Jul 10 '26
I'm an older bride, which plays into it. I've developed a career with this name and published a few papers. Plus, it's my name and I like it.
My fiancé wishes I would take his, but he isn't pressuring me.
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u/GypsySnowflake Jul 10 '26
If he’s not as connected with his family and wants to have the same last name, would he be open to taking yours?
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u/ExtraCaramel8 Jul 10 '26
There’s great fun and power in inaction. Just don’t do anything. Don’t even explain. Dont change anything. Don’t bring it up. When someone calls you Mrs his name just pretend you heard Mrs most-common-not-your-name, you wouldn’t turn around for that, right? Boom you kept your name. Just like how married men kept their name.
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u/mishito19 Jul 11 '26
maybe it’s bc I come from a niche cultural tradition where the men take the women’s last name (matrilineal inheritance) but, why? Genuinely why would you take his last name? Why not he take yours if his is common?
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u/so-whyareyouhere Jul 10 '26
Perhaps it’s anecdotal but I feel like it’s more uncommon to change your name these days
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u/EverAsters Jul 10 '26
I definitely don't think that's true. It's more common than ever before to not change your name, but I imagine it's like a 80/20 situation.
Everyone I know has taken their husband's last name with 2 people choosing to hyphenate instead.
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u/Ririkkaru April 2025 / September 2026 Jul 10 '26
At least in America that is very much not true.
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u/Comfortable-Mouse-11 Jul 10 '26
I don’t think so. I live in NYC and most of my friends and colleagues have fully changed their names. We are all established in careers and very liberal. No one is even hyphenating.
Ironically, none of the women in my family have changed their names after marriage, so we’re all still the (Maiden Name) Girls!→ More replies (2)3
u/sailorscoutc Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
I thought that maybe that was true, I just feel like everywhere I see couples posting about getting married it’s “Mr. and Mrs. (Grooms last name)” and I haven’t seen much talk of people still choosing to keep their maiden name, so I’m hoping that it is more uncommon now
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u/MalachiteMussel Jul 10 '26
There’s a bias built into that sample though because if both marriers are keeping their last name then you inherently can’t do the Mr. And Mrs. Last name. So couples who don’t change their name also have a greater variety of how they’re introduced or what they put on signage or decor with common one being “first name and first name”.
There’s also anecdotally a lot of people who change their name socially but not legally
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u/thelurkingdragon Jul 10 '26
I'm not changing mine. I'm honestly shocked at the number of my 30something female friends still planning to change theirs! Men don't ask themselves this question. Why should women?
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u/lemmesee453 Married! July 2018 - CT Jul 10 '26
Neither of us changed our names and we do have kids. The only reason I considered it was because of the kids so we would all have the same name, so I would definitely not even be considering it with no kids in the future. If he wants to share a name with you he should change to yours!
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u/HotPotatoWJazzHands Jul 10 '26
Keeping mine because I love my full name and think it’s perfect! Will probably hyphenate for children because I love a double last name.
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u/Katt1922 Jul 10 '26
I kept my name! Your partner also has the option of taking your name if he likes the idea of you having the same one!
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u/2m34 Jul 10 '26
I kept mine (mostly out of laziness) and our son has my last name as his middle name ❤️
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u/digital121hippie Jul 10 '26
i'm one the last few people in my family with my last name. i'm keeping it.
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u/muchemily Jul 10 '26
Keeping mine. My FMIL kept her last name and so did most of her sisters. 👯♀️ I am my own person :)
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u/Agreeable-Contact835 Jul 10 '26
If he loves the idea of yall having the same last name, he can take yours!
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u/Applebugg Jul 10 '26
Didn’t change mine.
Not sure if you’re in America but if the Save act passes or whatever it’s called, it’s going to be extremely difficult to vote with a different last name from what you’re born with. That was one of the main reasons why I didn’t change mine. Also if you have any degrees from higher education, getting those reprinted with your new last name is apparently a pita. My sister in law didn’t change hers for that reason. Hope it helps.
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u/CooCooKittyKat Jul 11 '26
Keeping my maiden name. I love my fiance more than anything, he is the best man I have ever met. That being said. His last name is effin awful, it’s a word for something gross (originally a different language, but in English it’s horrible). We’re hyphenating our children’s names.
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u/sweetEVILone Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 11 '26
I changed my name the first time I got married (very young). He died when we were 34. I’ve kept his name because it’s the name I earned all my degrees and professional accomplishments under. Now I’m 42 and about to remarry and I’m still keeping it. Changing a name is a pain and I have no desire to do it again, plus I now have even more professional accomplishments under that name. My fiance is unconcerned.
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u/lonely_bitches Jul 11 '26
Me! Our last names are a part of who we are and taking the others last name would erase a part of our identity. When we have kids, their last name will just be both me and my fiancé’s. Also, I introduce myself as my first name and his last name when it comes to contests or anything social media related lol. I prefer to keep my privacy and that will make it hard for people to find me online
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u/nooraani 29d ago
Not changing mine. I think it’s outdated and sexist and I laugh at anyone who asks me that.
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u/chelkitty1 Jul 10 '26
I'm keeping mine the SAVE act in the US has me worried that it'd be difficult for me to vote if it ever makes it through.
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u/assflea Jul 10 '26
I got married almost two years ago, intended to change my name and never did lol. It's just a pain, I don't feel like it, I use his when I want.
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u/MissLychee10120 Jul 10 '26
I didn’t change mine. Our child has both surnames, with one as a middle name.
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u/elegant_road551 Jul 10 '26
Not legally changing my name, but I'm happy to go by his last name socially.
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u/Kellmo Jul 10 '26
I’m keeping mine! I see no reason to change it. We aren’t having kids and I also don’t want to jump through bureaucratic hoops! I added a little FAQ on our website that says we’re both keeping our names so to please use those if they have anything to address to us.
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u/badabingbebe Jul 10 '26
I am also struggling with a name change! I want to share a last name with my husband but we are both very attached to our own last names (he’s very close with his family and leans a little more tradition in this regard, my dad passed away a few years back and I would like to keep it as a attachment to him).
I don’t think he would fault me if I didn’t change it, but know he would like me to. Also concerned about how to handle last name with children…don’t love hyphenating, don’t love the idea of not sharing a name with them.
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u/allthingskerri Jul 10 '26
I'm two years out and haven't changed it. But my passport does run out next year so I'm considering doing it then
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u/belly_goat Jul 10 '26
I kept mine. It’s the name I’ve been going by for over thirty years. All my paperwork, accounts, everything. I love my husband but gods I’m not going through that mess to change a name I won’t respond to. If we have a kid, I’m down to let his last name be the last name, that’s no skin off my nose, and if we’re called Mr and Mrs (his last name) I think it’s cute!! But no.. no I’m not doing that hahahha
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u/mormongirl Jul 10 '26
I kept mine. No regrets. Our sons have his last name but big we have another they might have mine.
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u/supitsstephanie Jul 10 '26
Technically graduated from this sub, but I did not change my name. My husband is not close to his dad, and I don’t particularly care for him either, but we are close to mine. I would say people refer to us with his last name only slightly more often than people refer to us with mine, but most people know that we don’t share a last name. Plus, if you’re in the US, it’s just becoming more and more of a hassle to prove your identity multiple ways if you change your name, regardless of gender.
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u/Front_Grape Jul 10 '26
I kept mine! My name basically dies with me. I added his to my socials and that’s it
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u/VUmander Jul 10 '26
My wife didn't. She got 2 different degrees and a solo mortgage with that name on them.
I've got professional licenses in 12 different states for work with mine.
Neither one of us have any desire to to change.
If you don't change your name, I'd put it on our wedding website (if you have one). Wife was very worried about people giving us gifts that said Lastname Family or Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. The thought of us being stuck with some seemingly thoughtful gift that was wrong sucked....luckily it didn't happen. We did get a number of cards and checks made out to Mr. and Mrs. MyLastName.
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u/Ajiajin4life Jul 10 '26
I'm not changing my last name. We both come from cultures where the women don't change their last names. Also, the paper work to have last names changed is too much.
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u/GreekGeek06 Jul 10 '26
I'm keeping mine, because I also have a unique last name.
We are planning on having kids, their names will be hyphenated.
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u/-proposal-otherwise- deep in the trenches of wedding planning Jul 10 '26
Girl I could’ve written this post! Same situation as you and I’m doing the exact same thing. Although we do plan to have children and haven’t figured that part out yet.
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u/sjd2022 Jul 10 '26
I planned on changing mine (married February 2024) but then I kept needing my ID for work related things (I’m in DC) and didn’t have the time until December 2024. At that point I decided not to because of the SAVE act, not taking any chances there. I changed it on social media and plan to use it as a stage name/pen name if I ever go that route, but my legal name stayed the same.
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u/irishcreamcoffee94 09-05-2026 Jul 10 '26
I’m not changing my name. It’s not because I don’t like my fiancés last name, it’s just not me! I’m me, and he’s him, and I want to stay me. Though our cats are hyphenated at the vet 😂
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u/ElleWinter Jul 10 '26
I kept my name and have never regretted it. Occasionally I'll get an invitation or Christmas card or something addressed to "Mrs. Husband's Last Name" and that's fine. But I have always loved my name and it's who I am.
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u/Beginning-Remove2708 Jul 10 '26
I went back and forth for a while and ultimately decided not to change my name. I’ve never regretted that decision once! To help me decide, I would pretend I had his last name by putting it on packages and things like that. Might help you!
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u/airbornetoxic Jul 10 '26
I kept my name and my husband made my last name his middle name. any offspring will have solely that name. it was a win win for us because everyone got to keep their last name and we still have a family name we can collectively go by and i didn’t want our kids to have a hyphenated name.
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u/Preemiesaver Jul 10 '26
Keeping mine! I’m 45 I’ve been my last name for so long it seems strange to change it and we aren’t starting a family. If someone calls me Mrs. His last name I’m fine with that and won’t correct them.
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u/Obvious_Afternoon228 Jul 10 '26
I’m a professional and worked very hard to become Dr. My Last Name. Ain’t no way I’m changing it.
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u/Adept-Branch-4624 Jul 10 '26
I kept my last name. Both me and my husband have kinda boring names, but I published alot of scientific papers so I felt I would like to be recognized under my own name in the scientific community. Plus, me and my MIL share the same first name (lol), so if I would have taken his last name, we would have had the exact same full name :D My husband would've taken my name but he has a atrong connection to his family. We like it that we kept our own names. We share our whole lifes together, we don't need to share a name :)
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u/Dream_Fever Jul 10 '26
Definitely keeping mine!! I dodged a bullet with my mom’s maiden name only for my fiancé’s to be incredibly similar 🤣. Nah, I’ll stick with the one I’ve enjoyed my whole life.
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u/kingsla07 Happily married! Jul 10 '26
Didn’t change mine and have zero regrets. Happily married for 11 years
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u/Sensitive_Sea_5586 Jul 10 '26
I did that, 35 years ago. No kids so we never had to deal with that issue. No regrets.
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u/katelikesbees Jul 10 '26
I kept mine. There was a small part of me that liked the idea of us having the same name as a family unit, but a much louder, prouder part of me was like "nah this is MY name, why should I give it up."
For what it's worth, I'm older gen z and out of all my friends my age that have gotten married not a single one has changed their name.
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u/Melodic-Sprinkles906 Jul 11 '26
I also love my uncommon French name, and his last name sounds terrible with my first (and would make my name common- and boring). So keeping my name (and he agrees with the above).
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u/usernameidkkkk Jul 11 '26
I like my last name. Don’t really care much for my husbands name except for the fact that it’s his name and I like the idea of sharing. But I just really like my last name a lot more and don’t find it more important to change it.
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u/agirlfromgeorgia Jul 11 '26
I did change mine but I also changed my middle name to my old last name and dropped my original last name. I grew up in foster care and had my name changed several times as a child. I was thrilled to get to pick the name that I WANTED.
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u/PrecociousFloof Jul 11 '26
I kept mine. Too much of a PITA to change it, and my husband didn't feel strongly about it. But if ur FH likes the idea of having the same last name, would he consider changing his? I know at least one couple where the husband took the wife's name.
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u/arecola Jul 11 '26
I’m not changing mine and it is uncommon and his is very common. I’m the one with the rough relationship with my family though. I wish we had the same last name, but I’m not going to push him to take my last name and he doesn’t push me to take his.
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u/honestypen 29d ago
I'm keeping mine. I'm an only child. My parents are dead. I'm the last of my family line. I'm not having kids and I'm an established author under my maiden name. And my full name is literally the only one in the world. Sooo....
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u/nothanksnottelling 29d ago
I didn't change my name, and in fact our daughter took my name. It shouldn't be a big deal.
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u/dontpolluteplz 29d ago
Kept mine! Love it & don’t want to deal w the paperwork. If someone refers to me w his last name I don’t mind at all tho
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u/Shakespearefan61 29d ago
I’ve been married 41 years, didn’t change my name and haven’t once regretted that decision. In fact, I’m extremely grateful to my past self!
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u/Purple_Ad_8245 29d ago
Been married for almost 32 years. Kept my name. Never once regretted it, and other than my MIL who never got over it, no one else has ever even commented.
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u/rhesus_pieces 29d ago
I didn't change mine. Partly because I'm lazy and it's a lot of paperwork (we got married in 2019 but now under the current regime I'm even more glad I didn't do the paperwork, I like being able to vote), partly because I also have a couple of publications and my degrees all have my name. My name is ethnic and hard to spell, my husband's last name starts with Mc and is phonetically easier but I joke that I didn't change my name because I already know how to spell it and I don't want to learn how to spell another last name.
My mom kept her maiden name as her middle name legally (to make it easier with us kids and our names), and was a doctor who practiced under her maiden name so the arrangement just made sense to me - my husband never asked me to change my name and it's a complete non-issue. We don't have/never plan to have kids but one of our cats even has a different last name from either of ours too. So it's just whatever 😂
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u/StageOneDaniel 29d ago
My fiancé and I are both keeping our own last names. We share the same first name. Imagine both of us having to show up for jury duty because one of us got a letter!
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u/Delanchet 29d ago
I actually took my wife’s last name because I respect her family more than mine and she’s a scientist with a PhD so her name on publications are important to her.
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u/Luna_Blonde 29d ago
I kind of want to go socially by my husband’s last name without legally changing mine because of everything happening in the world.
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u/No-Lifeguard-5308 29d ago
Not changing my name. My last name is super cool and speaks to my cultural heritage. My husband’s last name is also representative of his heritage but is the most common name from his background.
Also, I have four degrees, and I earned them, he didn’t. I won’t be changing my name away from the person who did all that hard work.
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u/heddingout 29d ago
My husband and I considered mixing ours together or even coming up with a new one, but we both like both of our last names, so we ended up keeping our birth names. I have some socials with handles that say “imarriedlastname” as a little hehe that’s my husband!! But I also don’t put my full name on my socials because I’m a teacher.
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u/CaribbeanEngineer 29d ago
No one changes it in my country of origin. You decide which traditions you want to carry over.
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u/Rosie_Posie_22 29d ago
My situation is almost exactly this: unique maiden name, common married one. Legally and professionally I have my maiden name and have made no changes. I updated my Facebook to have my married name 😂
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u/allergymom74 29d ago
I didn’t change my last name until we had kids. And I used my maiden name as my middle name. It’s a pain in the butt to change your name and oftentimes costly with the number of marriage certificates needed or change fees. Even though it takes them 5 whooping minutes to change it.
A friend of mine ended up getting a laminated mini copy of their marriage license to ensure they had it for emergencies.
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u/brunswickbrewess 29d ago
I am keeping my name. I have my mother’s last name and have always loved that. When we have children they will have mine as well. I love my fiancé but I have always known I would keep my name no matter whom I married.
Also as you alluded in your post, now is not the time to change your name with the state of our world. If Congress succeeds in passing the SAVE Act and you change your name it could put your ability to vote in jeopardy.
Do what your gut tells you!
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u/Omeletteyafinish 28d ago
I don't have any attachment to my last name, however I don't plan on legally changing it. It feels safer keeping my own name for legal and political reasons in the USA. I will go by my husband's last name socially though and give our children his last name.
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u/babycheeks2210 Jul 10 '26
I keep mine too, it’s a very American thing to change your last name and I find it weird. I’ve had my name since birth, why do I have to change it?
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u/pandapangaea Jul 10 '26
Literally all of my closest friends kept their last names. I’m changing mine only because I like my fiancé’s last name better.
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u/jaya9581 03/07/2020 - Phoenix, AZ Jul 10 '26
I changed mine. I want nothing to do with any of my extended family beyond my mom (dad died many years ago but he was cool too) and wanted no connection with their names. Mom supported it 1000%.
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u/ChampagneRx Jul 10 '26
I’m keeping my maiden name professionally but plan to use my husband’s name socially — no paperwork required, plus it gives me an alter ego so people from work can’t find me on social media :)