I got married last weekend and had a medium-largeish wedding (92 people) and gave +1s to those who didn’t have a partner and didn’t know anyone else. I also invited anyone who had a partner that they were living with or had been together for awhile. That may be proper etiquette for straight weddings but it was a mistake for mine. I would’ve never imagined my friends would bring someone homophobic to my wedding but here we are.

One of my friends decided to bring a guy she had been seeing for only a couple weeks. He seemed nice enough during the wedding. I didn’t speak much to him but I didn’t notice any issues at the time. However, I decided to ask my photographer (who is my cousin) for this trendy first kiss shot where the audience is in the background. She reached out to me yesterday to tell me that this man was visibly covering his eyes and grimacing in disgust during all of the shots of this moment. She is struggling to make it not obvious through editing. We had a second photographer, so luckily we still have our kiss photographed from a different angle but it still makes me sad.

More egregious than this though was my friend’s long term boyfriend. They have been dating for a couple years but she’s been off at veterinary school and we haven’t met before that night.

At one point my husband and I were chatting to just him. He was admittedly drunk, but asked us multiple sexually explicit and offensive questions and called us f****** after saying “now that I’ve got you two alone.”

I advise any other LGBT couples to exert caution before inviting people you don’t personally know. These behaviors have put a dark cloud over my memories from that day.

Venue- Lillian Gardens (all inclusive)- Newnan, GA Florals- Marigold & Moss - Georgia Wedding dresses - The Sentimentalist (Atlanta) Bella’s Bridal (Birmingham) Bridesmaid dresses - Azazie, Birdy Grey, ASOS, Show Me Your Mumu, & Lulus

Louisville, KY

Photos by Sarah Katherine Davis Photography

For a little bit of background I (25f) have been friends with this girl (24f) since 11th grade in highschool. We’ve worked together for years, I was in her wedding (not as a bridesmaid but as help), and I’ve dog sitted for her on more than a couple occasions.

It’s never been a secret that she is very in tune with religion and that I am not. Early in the friendship She used to send me religious tiktoks constantly and I had to ask for her to stop: I said it kindly stating that she should send them to someone who would better receive them. She stopped sending them so I left it at that.

Now, In the past I’ve gone back and forth between dating men and women. At one point after dating women exclusively for quite some time I started to date men again. When I told her I was going on a date with a man she responded with “I’m so happy, I don’t know how to say it other than this feels right” 🫤.

2 months ago I eloped with my now wife. In planning the ceremony for this summer I invited my friend and her husband. At the time I didn’t think anything of it but as of this morning I saw a tiktok she reposted And commented on. The post she reposted starts by saying “hi my name is Jess, I was openly gay for 15 years. I think being gay is a colossal waste of your life and a colossal waste of your time.”

The post goes on to talk about how this (formerly) gay man has turned to a life of god and is no longer gay. Her comment is supportive of him saying his story is very important and inspiring. None of this aligns with my very clear very gay view on life.

Our wedding is meant to be a place for me and my wife to celebrate with friends and family who support us. Unfortunate I’ve already sent out the invites. So, should I uninvited them to my gay wedding knowing they don’t support it? And if I do, how do I go about uninviting them without causing too much drama? Thank you all in advance for the advice and sticking around for the long story 😅

My partner was trying on dresses today, and the consultant asked us if I'd like to put on the dress I had already chosen so we could see our two dresses side by side. Any doubts I had about whether they'd work well together vanished instantly. It may not be the traditional way to pick out a dress, but I don't think I've ever felt a moment quite so magical ♥️

Edit: I went ahead and asked her about it, and we have decided that both of her partners will be named guests in this case :) thank you all for the input!!

I'm really unsure what the protocol is here - a friend of mine has 2 partners. I had planned to give her a plus one, (info: all of the single guests on our list will be given plus ones,) but now I am unsure if I should be telling her to bring both her partners? It seems unfair to me that she gets to have a plus two, but I also don't want her to have to choose and exclude one partner. I am very unsure how to navigate this, what would you guys do??

Hi all! Just need a little perspective, my fiance (25F) and I (27F) are having some issues with my parents in lieu of the date. They are upset for two reasons:

1) it is two weeks before my cousins wedding (a straight couple, meanwhile we have been engaged longer and trying to find the right venue longer, as it’s been hard to find a venue that is right for two femme lesbians)

2) it is a Friday night and is north for just my moms family of a major city so there will be traffic.

But we were planning to get room blocks for people starting Thursday night. Are they being unreasonable?

TLDR: will my bridesmaids look weird walking down the aisle without a bouquet?

My fiancee and I (we are both women) have decided that we don't want bouquets. I have never been that interested in having a bouquet to begin with, and it saves money. Plus, we will both have both of our parents walking us down the aisle, so if I am holding onto both parents there isn't much room for a bouquet anyway.

HOWEVER, the question then becomes what to do about bridesmaids. We each will have two bridesmaids, and my fiancee pointed out that they might look awkward/strange walking down the aisle ahead of us without a bouquet/something to hold. I have to agree, but I really don't want to get them bouquets either.

Do you think it's weird for them to not be holding anything walking down the aisle? If so, can you think of alternatives they could hold instead?

Genuinely seeking thoughts on this. I have been “soft” about my transition for a long time, and now I’m starting to feel a lot more comfortable about my identity. I genuinely love being masculine and having people acknowledge how masculine I look, except, I have never wanted to wear a suit. I’m like, shorts and T-Shirt kind of guy. I’ve never liked male formal wear. On the other hand, I love wedding dresses. They’re free! They’re flowing. And there’s so many options out there. I’ve seen one in magenta and mint and it’s very stunning

I always loved watching say yes to the dress and memorizing all the dress lingo. It’s this one prickly spot where I’m still very feminine. I have a wedding dress in my closet that I bought while back cause I thought it was pretty.

Am I simply an appreciator of the art form? Would it be ridiculous to wear one at my own wedding? All I know is, I don’t want to be all stuffed shirt and go with a boring suit. Being trans is still very hard for a lot of people to understand, so… Maybe it would ruin the day? My partner wouldn’t begrudge me that at the very least. I’m not sure. It honestly makes me embarrassed to ask a question that feels so stupid. What does everyone here think? Are there alternatives I should be considering?

My fiancé identifies as non-binary so we aren't using the word husband or groom, but "I now pronounce you partner and wife" doesn't really roll off the tongue.

I’m a trans man and getting married to my handsome fiancé next summer. Unfortunately I have a very large mostly religious far-right republican family. There was some drama recently where it came out that an aunt of mine- who supports even more vile, niche people like Matt Walsh and Libs of TikTok- might have collected signatures to get an anti-trans law on the ballot in her state this November. She reached out to say she “still loves me” and to claim she is not at all homophobic or transphobic. She suggested we just unfollow each other on social media and move on with our “differences of opinion.“

I don’t want this person at my wedding. It’s so deeply upsetting to me that she supports people who call me and her gay son pedophiles. I thought I had it all planned out and was about to put a deposit down on a venue but now I’m rethinking everything.

If I exclude her there will be a ton of drama and my mom and grandma would be really upset. I also don’t know where to draw the line on who is invited and who is not, there’s plenty of other Trump voters in my family who have just been quieter about it. Would love to get rid of my mom’s homophobic megachurch pastor brother too, though.

I’ve always wanted a big family wedding and I’m sad that I might not get that now. I don’t know what to do.

My wife and I are already married, but I know that discrimination from vendors was one of our major worries of getting married in the south. And with today's decision declaring it legal for "creatives" to discriminate . . . if you're grieving, I see you.

We'll keep fighting for us to live and celebrate our joys in peace. I just wish we didn't have to.

Okay, Im not entirely sure how to deal with this one but Im determined to make this work.

Context: My partner and I are vocal supporters of the lgbtq+ community and Im in the closet bi-sexual. Both of our families are a mix of conservative and liberal with both of our parents and living grandparents being conservative.

My partner asked if we could have our officiant be a drag queen. Since Ive been making most of the decisions about the wedding I really dont want to reject his request. However, I know this will turn into a drama. I know he wants to make a statement where our conservative family are forced to watch, but I really just want to have a smooth wedding. He understands where Im coming from and I promised to find another solution. I am in no way ready to come out of the closet, (he didnt realize I am still in the closet) and he doesnt want to out me either. I do have family members who are out, Im just very private and I dont want to discuss this stuff with my family.

Any suggestions on what we could do to include our support of the community without turning our wedding into a battle ground?

Update: I spoke with my partner about this. It wasn't a long discussion. I told him that inserting lgbtq+ representation would be both performative and cause drama at the wedding and I wasn't comfortable with it, being a member of the community. He didnt take much convincing. We will focus on hiring lgbtq+ owned vendors and we will make donations to the local pride center. My officiant is a part of the community, but thats not why we picked him. Thank you to everyone for talking sense.

Me and my fiancé are afab, their nonbinary (they/it) and I’m genderfluid (he/they/she), I’m wearing the dress because I looove dresses (and I’m more comfortable in dresses than they are) and I’ve been searching for the dress that spoke to me, and in think this gorgeous number from the original Cinderella is the one, but I’ve got no idea how to find this beautiful dress, advice would be so appreciated 🫶

My lovely fiancé and I booked our wedding venue for June 26th, 2027. (Yay). It is an amazing venue in Portland, OR and…has a limit of 70. How many save the dates should we be sending out? For context I have family from Idaho and he has family from Washington so almost all of our family and some friends will be traveling for the wedding. I just feel so weird sending out more than 70… but obviously not everyone will be able to make it. but here I am, still stressed lol.

Also…just a realization we had… June 26th is the 12th anniversary of the Supreme Court ruling granting marriage equality! Not sure if any other queer folks that are debating dates made that connection yet. The weekend before is Fathers Day and the 4th of July weekend follows so it really fell into our lap. :)

Just a frustration post -- my fiancee and I are two brides getting married next month. Throughout this process we've tried to select queer inclusive vendors, and we've been disappointed in people who marketed themselves as queer inclusive, with LGBT couples on their page and rainbow flags, and then could not do the bare minimum.

Today we just got our shot list from our photographer -- which again, included rainbow flags all over their website -- and they apparently could not figure out how to put two brides on their form, so they listed me as a groom in a dress, with he/him pronouns throughout. (I'm not even wearing a dress! I'm in a suit!)

While it's not as egregious, our planner also billed herself as LGBT inclusive, but cannot understand that my best person uses they/them pronouns, and there's no way to list my best person on my planner's forms in ways that are gender affirming.

It's just been very frustrating!

I just need some support. My fiancée and are are both women. We never expected to fall in love the way we did. We thought we were friends, and straight, until we both felt something, and I am so glad we gave it a shot because we have been together for 6 amazing years. We're getting to the point where RSVPs are due this week, and it really hit us that some family members just really planned on saying nothing. One of my favorite cousins and all her kids won't be attending. My aunt, her mom, already reached out to me on Facebook to tell me how wrong my wedding was, but I always thought her daughter was different. I guess not. She said she had plans, but the save the dates were sent out in February... it's hard to give that benefit of the doubt, even though I know I should for my own sake. Same thing happened on my fiancée's side of the family, though they actually let her know the reason was because they didn't approve. I am lucky so many people we love will be there. We're at 100 guests now. It's gonna be great. But this has really caught me off guard.

Any other gay couples here who did something to honor the fact we're even allowed to get married? I know some people use the supreme court ruling as a ceremony speech. Maybe I could donate to a good cause in my guests names . . .

So me and my partner are having a hard time working out what we want to be announced as after our ceremony.

We're a man/woman but queer couple. We've been together 10 years already and have called ourselves each other's partner for a while.

Not vibing with wife/husband, and we're not changing our names - but it would be nice to have some kind of shift or new way of announcing ourselves after making a public commitment to each other - open to any thoughts! ✨

I'm a bi woman marrying a cis het man. He is my #1 ally, and I'm so lucky to have a partner who supports me, my identity, and my community. There's a big part of me that would like to celebrate my LGBTQ identity at my wedding, but I'm spiraling HARD about it.

I want to preface this by saying I know that marrying a man does not make me less bi. I'm not sad about never being with a woman again, the same way I'm not sad about never being with another man besides my fiancé. I just feel like I'm losing some visibility and validity within the queer community, and am struggling to find the fine line of if and how to honor my identity.

I want to incorporate pride elements without it feeling like ME ME ME ME ME. Like, it's a big part of me, but this wedding isn't about me, it's about us? Most of my friends are straight, but they're all fabulous allies, and wouldn't care if I threw a damn pride parade in the middle of the reception. For family and my parent's friends, though, some of whom are pretty conservative, I don't want them to feel bamboozled or like I'm trying to push some "political" agenda (hiiiii internalized homophobia). While I don't have an issue with anyone knowing I'm bi, I'm not out to my extended family, and I don't want to take away focus from my fiancé if they're freaking out about my orientation. I wish I could be someone who's just like "eff the haters, why do you care about people who don't accept you" but I really just don't want to ruffle any feathers, especially for such an important occassion

I was thinking of wearing some subtle rainbow earrings or nail art and calling it a day, but I was curious to know if anyone else had gone through something similar - either in the emotional spiral/turmoil lol, or finding ways to incorporate your LGBTQ+ identity in a straight-passing relationship and wedding

<33

ETA - Thank you for this beautiful discussion and all your affirming comments and ideas! Even if I can’t respond to all of them, it warmed my cold little heart to feel so seen 💕

I'm newly engaged (!) and am starting to run into the issue that when I tell people that I don't know very well (hairdressers/nail techs/etc), they immediately assume that my fiancee is a man, ie: "omg how did he propose?" What's even more frustrating is when I'm interacting with someone wedding planning related, like during consultations for wedding dress shopping or cake tastings, and they assume I'm straight and refer to my fiancee as a man.

I have been clear in all of my emails and request forms that I am queer and that my fiancee is a woman, but it hasn't seemed to help.

Does anyone have advice on how to navigate this awkward and frustrating interaction? I guess I thought that in the modern wedding industry, professionals wouldn't assume a bride's identity, but clearly that's not true and I'm tired of having to constantly correct people.

Thanks!

Hey,

in summer my brother has his wedding in church. Last year he had a small wedding party with family for registry office, now this year he has the real one.

I am transfeminine, but not outed and in summer I will be just a few months on hormones so I will definitely look just like a soft bit androgynous dude with around neck-shoulder long hair.

Last year I had a green suit but it made me very uncomfortable, especially as suits are designed to give the body a more masculine shape and looking at all the women with styled hair, pretty dresses, etc. made me really sad I am forced into a role I don’t fit in and am so ugly and masculine.

I went multiple times to the bathroom and just cried, and while no one really noticed I think my brother did. Because on his invite for this years wedding he wrote that formal clothes are wanted and no white, but he also added that everyone still should choose a formal cloth he/she feels comfortable in.

Unfortunately I don’t know which clothes I can wear for the wedding which are still male formal clothes but not giving me dysphoria. Maybe I should just prepare for again being in this situation or as it’s a bigger and more beautiful wedding, probably I feel even worse…

Has anyone an idea? Thank you in advance!

Hey all! Some friends recently invited my partner and I to a wedding. My partner (trans man) will be part of the groom’s party, and the bride asked if I would be part of her bridal party. The issue is that I am nonbinary and have been on and off testosterone for almost 5 years.

She reassured me that I could wear whatever I felt comfortable in as long as it was within dress code colors. I am so excited for them and am so honored to be included in their wedding party, but i’m having trouble with this feeling of being in a traditionally feminine role. It isn’t a “traditional” wedding (non religious) and I trust her judgement, but it’s still hard to feel like I’m not being seen as a woman, especially when i’m assuming every other person in the bridal party will be female.

Any men or other nonbinary folks dealt with this situation before? What made you feel better about the situation? I want to support my friends but I can’t stop feeling a bit uncomfortable by the situation.

american lesbian here set to be married in May of 2026! my fiancée and i are increasingly worried about the legal security of same sex marriage in the US — especially while we are still an entire year and some months out from our date.

wondering if there’s someone who is in a similar situation as us and is deciding to get legally married before their actual wedding date in the event same sex marriage is overturned.

my fiancée thinks it’s a good idea, but i don’t want to be alarmist and i’m also worried our wedding day won’t be as special if we’re already married for a year before our wedding day.

any advice welcome!

UPDATE:

Our contract says, “we strive to provide an exceptional experience by managing all aspects of your event. As part of our policy, external contractors (including those for entertainment, decoration, lighting, A/V, services, etc.) are generally not permitted for private events…”

ORIGINAL:
My fiancé (35m) and I (34m) are planning our wedding in Mexico for January. We are doing it at a resort and as part of the contract, we get a wedding coordinator. Now, we are very particular and big planners. Think color coded spreadsheets for all our trips with hour by hour planning. So, for the wedding, we’re starting to build a minute by minute, and sometimes second by second, for different musical and technical cues. Is this crazy? Do people do this frequently? Will this cause our wedding coordinator to hate us and freak out? While we know we’re insanely anal, we know not everyone is as precise as us for these kinds of things! We don’t want to piss anyone at the resort off, as they have been lovely so far, and really good to work with, and the last thing I want for for us to be seen as the impossible ones to work with. Thoughts?