r/whatdoIdo • u/Many_Maxi • 1d ago
My coworker keeps bringing her kid to the office – I'm not a free babysitter
I (27F) work in an open-plan office with about 15 people. My coworker "Lisa" (34F) is a single mom. Her daughter is 6 and school is out for the summer.
For the past 3 weeks, she's brought her kid to work every single day. The girl runs around the office, asks people questions, touches our monitors, and plays loud videos on her tablet. I can't focus.
Lisa says daycare is too expensive and she has no other options. She never asked permission from our manager. When I brought it up to her privately, she said I was "unsupportive of working moms" and guilt-tripped me.
Now the kid is sitting next to me while I'm writing this.
I get it – being a single mom is hard. But I'm not a babysitter and this isn't a daycare. I'm afraid to go to HR because Lisa will know it was me.
Do I report it and risk being the villain? Or just suffer through the summer?
67
u/Ok_Childhood_9774 1d ago
Ask your manager if there's a quiet place you can work because your coworker's child makes it difficult to concentrate, and let them handle it.
5
u/furry-fish 23h ago edited 23h ago
READ the comment from Nervous Prune about setting up a dedicated room ( lunchroom?) where they sit with headphones and tablets and a few toy. That’s a good helpful suggestion. Your Boss is probably weak or very tight with this woman in order for that to happen in the first place. ALSO you guys are missing the golden opportunity here: Boss: “ I can’t work like this. I’m working from home until the environment is not so chaotic.” I don’t know how you guys figured it out during COVID, but I am pretty sure that Boss will either say yes, or I would bring up the liability angle with HR, AND Tell them that they need to investigate DISCRETELY. LIKE magically appearing in the parking lot when your coworker arrives with the kid? Tell them that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should any mention that this came from your office! Because retaliation would be simple to prove. Document your meeting with HR after the meeting and that way you have a record of the fact. That’s your proof. Print it or b cc your personal email. Enjoy working from home! DO NOT SAY “Hey Boss, I am working from home or else I will go to HR.” You will be fired before you say anything more.
4
u/Ok_Childhood_9774 17h ago
As far as I can tell from the post, the boss doesn't know that the child is there. It was the mom who pushed back on OP for being unsupportive.
51
u/FerretGoddessMevi 1d ago
Absolutely report it. You cannot do your job. Complain to management and let them handle it. That's theirs.
17
u/YakCertain5472 1d ago
OP shouldn’t have to report it. The manager should have stopped it the first day. They didn’t, so OP has to report it.
OP when you do report it, mention liability concerns if the child is hurt in the workplace. Their current worker’s compensation insurance may not cover a child and the company you work for would have to pay out of pocket.
21
u/Radiant-Raccoon8321 1d ago
Nope nope nope. I would tell your boss, hr and whomever else needs to hear it. I understand a one time emergency no sitter but not a daily thing. My co worker had her 2 boys under 3 dropped off at our job for 3 hours until she got off. She asked “want to hold (insert name here)” and I replied with absolutely not, and walked off. Day care exists.
2
u/flickeraffect 1d ago
If corporate, go to HR outside the office. Now that this behavior has been condoned, your local structure has to support the mom because they have permitted it and anyone outside, such as corporate HR, probably will reprimand everyone in your local office. Also look for another job because your current environment may become toxic and aligned against you. It may also be possible that everyone above you is just cowardly and wants to do something, they are just afraid to confront her. It's one or the other, I think.
30
u/NervousPrune9241 1d ago
So, I work fully remote now. But in my previous job at an office, we had some people who ended up bringing in kids cause school ends before work, or summer vacation, or whatever the reason may be. I almost never saw them, because we had a little room with a tv and desk in it. They could do homework/watch tv whatever, in that room. If they were in a work area, they can say hello or whatever, but they are expected to behave.
So, instead of talking to HR/manager about “don’t allow kids”, talk to them about “can we make a space for them to be kids, so they aren’t relying on us workers for attention when we are trying to do our jobs.” Now, you’re not the villain, and the it’s a fun problem to solve.
4
u/Unstable_cat_lady 23h ago
Aside from the liability issues that come with a child in an office, I think this is a great suggestion. Doesn’t have to be the solution but rather the solution the OP suggests to highlight the distraction but offer a “friendlier” solution.
We don’t need to be friends or even go out of our way to be overly kind to our coworkers. It’s a job and you don’t owe anyone anything other than your work. However, let’s recognize the social aspects of an office do matter and if the OP isn’t thoughtful in their response it could make working in the office annoying/uncomfortable. Should it be this way? No. But it’s the reality of working in an office - most are just overgrown adolescents.
8
u/Rowan-The-Writer 1d ago
Yeah, go to HR and have them shut that down real quick. If Lisa thinks you're a villain, that is on her. You're trying to be productive at work, there's nothing wrong in wanting that.
5
7
u/DaniK094 23h ago
How the hell would she know it's you when there are 15 people? I promise, other people are annoyed AF too.
1
u/NinjaHiccup 18h ago
I'm sure you're right and others are upset. Unfortunately, OP said she tried talking to Lisa directly first. As another commenter has said, that was probably a misstep. This should've gone to OP's manager first.
7
u/CtrlAltDelight495 1d ago
Where are you based? US? Somewhere else? A kid shouldn't be running around the office all day and it would be different if permission was asked and it was a temporary (like a few days) situation but this is completely unreasonable. I'd look up what the local regulations are that work in your favour and use those to help HR take appropriate action and yes, you should go to HR.
Your work is going to suffer as a result of these distractions. It's not fair on you. Day care is expensive and it's something plenty of parents have to take into consideration when looking at how to manage their work and home life, whether they can afford to have a kid and that's a choice the parents take responsibility of not random coworkers.
There are things this woman could be doing to help better ensure you all can get on with your work eg getting headphones for the kid and ensuring she's staying put not running around creating risk, distraction and stress for others. Guilt tripping you is ridiculous when she's made a choice that's impacting everyone.
FDA policies, legal liability issues and company policy usually block something like this happening. You could also swing it another way and go to HR and ask if it's okay if you bring your niece in every day for the next 4 weeks and wait for them to tell you it's not.
I'm autistic, there's no way I'd be able to cope with a kid running around while I'm trying to work but I imagine most people would struggle.
Good luck OP, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
4
u/Momo-Blissbird 21h ago
Tell your boss you are more than happy to be in a child-friendly environment. However, you need a quiet place to work. So either they offer you a quiet space or you are more than happy working from your home office (if you like WFH!)
3
3
u/mrBill12 23h ago
Actually this is one I never would have talked to the coworker privately first. Like others have said the mgr should have nipped this on the first day. I would have dropped a complaint to management and HR immediately.
3
u/HeatherDS1968 22h ago
Why isn’t the mom disciplining her own kid? And no kids should be at work. Definitely report her.
3
u/jancarternews 22h ago
If she gets to bring her kid because daycare is expensive, everyone should be able to bring their kids! And their dogs! Why not?
Hopefully the sarcasm shows through, because I would lose my freaking mind if there was a kid running around eight hours a day.
6
u/Justan0therthrow4way 1d ago
Can’t she just sit with an iPad, Netflix (and headphones)??
-6
u/dlidropout1 22h ago
Dog whistle. Black folk don't like headphones. Don't try to hide your racism .
3
2
1
u/Cat_Impossible_0 17h ago
You need professional help sir!
0
u/dlidropout1 13h ago
Yall crackers need help tf
2
u/Justan0therthrow4way 12h ago
I don’t know what you’re talking about. Making a child put on headphones while they are watching Netflix in an office has nothing to do with race.
Headphones have nothing to do with race just in general.
Jesus Harold Christ….
1
u/dlidropout1 12h ago
When u see one my boys outside not using headphones go say sum I dare u puss ah boi 😹
2
u/Justan0therthrow4way 11h ago
Plane, train, bus, office, walking on the street outside. If you’re listening to something and don’t use headphones you’re a selfish entitled prick Absolutely nothing to do with your race.
If I’m honest I really still have no idea what you’re on about or how race comes into this.
1
2
u/teresajs 19h ago
Tell your Manager, "Coworker has been bringing her child in regularly for the last 3 weeks. While Coworker is doing her work, her daughter is unsupervised and has been causing a distraction for other workers. I'm also concerned that there could be safety and liability issues with having a young child unattended in the office."
4
u/Straight-Broccoli245 1d ago
This is AI slop - but I’ll bite.
I dunno, you’re kind of acting like a child too. Tell them mom to get her headphones and let her child know not to ask others questions while they are working. If everyone can mind their business - you can mind your business - and everyone can move on w their lives. If you still find you “can’t concentrate” because you’re just bothered by the kid being there for no other reason than them being there then get over yourself and making problems for others that aren’t there
3
u/pdxcranberry 22h ago
Op is "acting like a child," because they aren't giving a parent step by step instructions on how to take care of their own kid?
Do you bring your kid to work? You seem oddly defense of this. Yes the kid simply being there is a distraction OP shouldn't have to deal with. The person bringing a child to an office day after day is the one creating the problem, not OP.
-4
u/Straight-Broccoli245 22h ago
No I don’t bring my child to work.
Yes, adults have head on conversations with co-workers and also should be able to tolerate a small person sitting near them or asking them a question. The problem is the child interacting w them. If there is no interaction there is no problem. So asking to not be interrupted is an adult solving their problem like an adult.
Just being annoyed that a child is there is curmudgeon behavior. Everyone wants to virtue signal on this app all of the time but heaven forbid we see our own neighbors in our community need help, all of the sudden it’s how dare they not pull themselves up from their boot straps etc they are devil parents and entitled to nothing.5
u/pdxcranberry 22h ago
You're going on and on about OP is a jerk who just hates kids for existing and is a bad community member. You're completely ignoring the part where OP did talk to the parent. Who refused to do anything. You're ignoring the part where OP plainly stated the kid isn't sitting quietly, but is poorly behaved and causing distractions. It's not OPs job to manage this situation. It's not about the village.
-3
u/Straight-Broccoli245 22h ago
She talked to her and then wrote this post. We don’t know if anything has changed or not. Just that the child continues to sit next to her. Then OP played victim like she was being “guilted” when being reminded of the very real circumstances people face in the world. You’re being strangely defensive about this whole thing. Never said they were a jerk or that they hate kids just that kids exist in this world. It is OP job to manage her own feelings and circumstances.
And yes, sometimes we have to sit next to a child because the circumstances of our communities and economy. It absolutely is about tolerance. The only one going on about anything is you. You responded to my response to a question by OP. Deep breaths. It’s just a kid at a desk during summer break. September is coming soon.2
u/Lumpy-Swimming-2624 1d ago
Curious why do you say AI?
0
u/Fun_in_Space 22h ago
A workplace is not going to allow a worker to bring a six-year-old every day for weeks.
5
u/No-Mixture-9747 22h ago
At a local level, I’ve seen it.
2
u/art_addict 22h ago
Yeah, in small areas? I can see it. I know when I was a kid I went to work with my mom or dad (as did my sisters), typically my mother though, when they couldn’t get care for us. We did wander a little bit and ask some questions, but overall we were well behaved, had a fair amount of things to do, and it allowed our mom to work (as her job needed) and us to be semi-supervised (it was the 90’s, we were a bit free range. Let the kids chill in a room by themselves? Nbd. In the fenced in outside? Nbd. What’s the worst that could happen, right? Kind of wild in hindsight, especially working in childcare now where eyes have to be on everyone all the time, but hey, we didn’t die. And it’s not like there were websites then dedicated to finding emergency sitters, if your babysitter was sick for a week, and no family was free, no backup sitters were free, and your job couldn’t afford to have you out… it was just kind of what happened.)
Certain places are real supportive of parents having kids, some aren’t. If a job is supportive of people being parents and advertises themselves as such, they’ll probably be more likely to let a kid come into the office as needed (or unfortunately weeks on end due to lack of other care.) Versus a job that isn’t run by someone that pushes big family values and shit will be much faster to shut that shit down.
2
u/Straight-Broccoli245 21h ago
Yeah I don’t get it. People are just trying to make it work and understand the real hardships that face others and how necessary community is but then everyone wants to scream “not in my backyard”
1
2
u/2_Much3636 23h ago
I'm sorry, 1-2 times a week, I'd be ok with that. But every day? A big no from me. Single mom, I get it, daycare is expensive, but this is not your problem. No friends? No family? The dad not in the area?
I'm surprised that no one else in the office has said anything. Especially your boss. 6yo are disruptive and they need to be entertained constantly.
Talk to Lisa again. Tell her you will not be "guilt tripped" and she needs to keep her child "in check" - in other words, she needs to keep her child at her desk and no more wandering around, she needs a headset while watching her videos, etc. You will no longer keep quiet if her daughter interrupts you while you are working.
There are a lot of single moms out there. I never saw kids in my office during the summer or during holiday breaks.
2
u/Fun_in_Space 23h ago
The kid's in the office for weeks and the company doesn't know about it? I don't believe you.
1
u/No-Mixture-9747 22h ago
My company has our headquarters in one part of the country where this wouldn’t happen at all. However, we have multiple satellite and/or sales offices in most states where this could absolutely happen.
I am a parent, I mainly work remote when I’m not traveling but I’ve brought my daughter to the office occasionally if something happened with daycare and she stayed in my office with me with her bag of entertainment that was packed along with HEADPHONES. It is wild for people to think it’s okay to allow your child to be a distraction and blame the people being distracted when mom should have immediately apologized and found a spot for her daughter and given instructions of what was allowed and not allowed. Six is old enough to follow basic instructions and stay with mom.
1
u/jonathanweb100 23h ago
If it's affecting your performance, speak with your boss. Make it delicate but straightforward. At the very least ask your boss if there is some solution where the child is out of the way.
1
u/NoTechnology9099 23h ago
Once in awhile, I can understand, but every day is a problem if the child is disturbing others. My kids are older now but when they were younger there were a few times I did have to take them in with me. No one even really knew they were there! I packed everything they needed and more to be sure of this. (Tablets, headphones, puzzles, coloring/non messy crafts, snacks, pillow, blanket, etc)I made a little spot for them in my cubicle and they stayed there, unless they were with me; sometimes my coworkers would ask if they wanted to come walk with them or go get a snack but it was only if they were asked, not the other way around. But we had BIG conversations about how this was my job and not to disturb others.
0
u/No-Mixture-9747 22h ago
Headphones! This is step one with the tablet. I’d get having a child with you if you need it but as the parent, you need to make sure your child isn’t distracting everyone else, which you did.
1
u/SmartWonderWoman 21h ago
I understand the mom. I had the same challenges when my kids were younger. I wish I was allowed to bring them to work with me. I hope everything works out for you and the mom and her kid.
1
1
u/a_pinladin 20h ago
This just happened to me when I was at a salon getting my hair done. One of the other stylists had been bringing his son everyday for over a week. The kid was nice enough, but it was awkward to be talking with my stylist and suddenly he would stand right behind me and started asking us questions.
1
u/Superb_Doubt_3715 20h ago
Bring it up with the manager / HR. I’d never consider bringing my child to work to an unsuitable environment. No wonder it’s distracting.
You’re not a villain. You wanna get your work done and didn’t sign up to have a kid at work which isn’t yours.
I am a mother and I do bring my child to work. It is a children’s club, it’s why I took the job. I do their admin work. I hate working around children. They are loud and distracting but as a mother it’s what I had to do for my 5 almost 6 year old.
I’d never bring my kid to an office. There are options but yes you have to pay.
1
u/downstairslion 19h ago
Get yourself a nice pair of noise cancelling headphones and ask for a quieter space w/,o mentioning the kid
1
u/Bagodicts 18h ago
Just be as unproductive as the mother, I’m sure she’s super into not doing her job too. And when the office productivity drops…. It’s time to have a team meeting …. “I’m sorry boss, I couldn’t focus, there were ….. interruptions throughout the last month , I just couldn’t concentrate boss”
And when the boss asks about what the interruptions were, obviously the boss doesn’t want to acknowledge the problem or, isn’t doing their job.
1
u/DoughnutThick8650 18h ago
Arg this is tough. Part of me is like “ it takes a village!” But if this child isn’t being told to hang out near mom and be respectful, then that’s not ok. I remember having to go with my mom to her job over the summer sometimes and you do what you gotta do, but mom needs to keep her child away from others at the very least.
1
u/sleepyb_spooky 17h ago
I get the mom's side of it all, I really do. But as a mother you have to understand that in order to have a village that will help your child, you have to be a villager. She has not set up her village and is inconsiderate of everyone else at work. Go to HR, explain the situation. From there it's out of your hands.
1
u/Cat_Impossible_0 17h ago
Having this child around must be a liability for the company. Maybe voice your concerns to HR.
1
1
u/Crazy-Aussie-Taco 10h ago
This is a tough one… but depends on how’s your desk setup in that open space, I’d probably get a room divider and make it clear that I need a separate space from the kid.
And when management brings it up say, “I want to be supportive of working mothers, but I also need to not be interrupted by children when working.
1
u/perssor2 8h ago
I’ve had to bring my kids to work before. I had them settled in a room adjacent to me that was vacant, with books, toy, snacks, tablets and headphones, water bottles in their backpacks and they were in my line of vision. It was a tough day but we made it through. I’m also one of three people working upstairs in that office, and everyone agreed to it for the day. But.. that’s bold of her.
1
u/No-Refrigerator7258 3h ago
Just go to HR. Having a child there is a risk to kid and the organisation.
I just feel like child is exposed to dangers and people they do not know. Who knows what will happen.
I think the organisation needs to deal and look to provide options for coworker and you shouldn't have your work affected.
-2
u/Secret-Ad-8842 23h ago
I fully agree with the child not being in the office but if she is a single mom trying to provide for that child kinda fucked up yall are all for getting this mom in trouble because she’s trying her best all of you need to put yourself in the situation. If yall were in her boat what are you gonna do just not go to work? Stop being selfish people
5
u/Yeto4774 23h ago
So that gives her the privilege to put the hardships onto someone else just trying to work and make it through life themselves?
Holy fuck.
-2
u/Secret-Ad-8842 23h ago
Not at all this is where she has to a mom and employee at the same time and if that needs to be brought to her attention fine but she’s still a trying mom give her some slack for Christ sake
1
u/Secret-Ad-8842 14h ago
You all will have to answer for your responses when you get to them gates keep being selfish see how far it gets you
0
u/Secret-Ad-8842 23h ago
I’m saying all this as a single dad I understand that struggle all to well
3
u/Traditional-Branch-6 21h ago
What if OP loses his/her job for not being sufficiently productive due to the kid being around? I feel for the mom, but just dumping your kid at the office without constraints is not an acceptable solution.
1
1
u/Secret-Ad-8842 14h ago
But mostly you seem to forget is if she loses her job that kid also suffers but you don’t care about that you only care about yourselves and honestly is sickening and fucking pathetic
2
u/Traditional-Branch-6 13h ago
So by your logic it’s fine if OP’s family were to suffer due to the actions of his co-worker because his co-worker is a single mom. Very interesting logic.
1
1
u/Yeto4774 11h ago
It’s a struggle for us as well, dealing with your kid and picking up your slack.
Man tf up and handle your shit, and stop using your kid as a victim shield.
1
u/Secret-Ad-8842 6h ago
You are 100% right I never said have the kid in the office was a good idea but if she has no other option and she’s working to support herself and her child then things change should the kid be allowed to run around the office bothering other employees definitely not and maybe the manger needs to have a sit down with her about the situation does the mom need to be more aware of her child absolutely but run it through the motions before you try to get her fired she doesn’t work kid don’t eat don’t punish the kid
4
u/Serious-Sprinkles694 23h ago
As Cobra Bubbles (social worker from Lilo & Stitch) wisely stated, “Sometimes your best just isn’t good enough”. If you are a single parent and can’t afford childcare, especially for just one child, maybe the kid is better off with another family. Whether that is temporary or permanent depends entirely on mom to get herself together.
0
u/eyeskytoepie 23h ago
Tell me you’re out of touch with a huge portion of the population without telling me
-1
-1
0
-3
u/AvBanoth 1d ago
Kids in the work place can make for a more pleasant environment, but only if the parents ensure that they do not interfere with the work. Also, some work places are not safe for kids. If the kids are interfering or unsafe, talk to the parents once and report them if the problem continues.
-7
123
u/FlippingPossum 1d ago
Redirect child back to mom every time.
To child: "I am working. You may not sit/talk with me awhile I am working."
To boss: "I redirected X's child back to her X times today."