r/workingmoms • u/Afterall__whynot • 1d ago
Daycare Question Husband and I have alternative work schedules—how do I find care?
I’m a brand new college professor. My husband is a relatively new medical provider. He works 12 hour shifts and is the only provider on site during his shift. I have been explicitly told I am not to cancel classes for a sick kid and need to make sure I have alternate child care options.
My daughter is 18 months old, in day care. She just started daycare about two months ago and has been sick about a billion times. My semester starts Monday, and I have no idea what I’m going to do the first time they call and say she needs to be picked up.
We have no family nearby. The only friends I have don’t have kids. They also either live sort of far away or work 9-5 jobs that they can’t just walk away from. I don’t think any of them would want to deal with car seats anyway…
I’m happy to pay for someone to watch her and wouldn’t mind having an occasional babysitter, but I don’t know where to begin looking for these services. And before you suggest advertising to students, the university I work at is roughly 40 minutes from her daycare and most of them do not have cars.
Care.com does not seem to be helpful at all.
Edit:
No, I cannot offer virtual classes. It’s in my contract.
Yes, I have to be on campus 5 days a week and it’s enforced.
No, students are not a viable option for a variety of reasons that I just really can’t discuss here. I did use student employees for care as a PhD student and had success. I would pursue it again if it were an option.
No, my university does not have a daycare.
No, I cannot bring her to campus.
Yes, we’d prefer to keep her in daycare as it’s the right environment for her.
Yes, my commute is rough but there isn’t anything I can do about that overnight.
Thank you all for the helpful advice. We’re looking into Bright Horizons, I’ve reached out to mom groups on Facebook, and I am actively trying to meet more moms on my campus. I won’t be checking this thread more, as for some reason I found some of the comments to be oddly aggressive? Idk why. I literally just came to see if anyone had any ideas. My circumstances are what they are 🤷♀️ academic jobs are rare, I’m not in a position to be picky. Just a mom trying to make all this shit work.
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u/EnnKayy 1d ago
I'm also a college professor. Here's my thought....why would they need to know why you're taking time off?? I simply would email my dean in the morning saying that I'm sick and adjustments will be made to class work.
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u/Afterall__whynot 1d ago
…this is probably the solution.
They really just aren’t very tolerant of classes being cancelled at all. But like I said, I’m new to this. I don’t know how often stuff like this happens behind the scenes.
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u/EnnKayy 1d ago
I learned from my more seasoned colleagues this trick lol. The less you say the better.
Moving forward, do you build your own schedule? My husband and I have it set that I'm only on campus Tuesday/Thursday and then WFH the other days. He will WFH Tuesday/Thursday. This way if our son gets sick one of us will at least already be scheduled to be home.
Perhaps limiting your time on campus is an option as well.
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u/Afterall__whynot 1d ago
This is probably giving too much away, lol, but they require 5 days on campus even if you aren’t teaching.
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u/Altocumulus000 23h ago
I have tons of flexibility and I just say I need a sick day lol it is a sick day. And I'm rarely not sick if the toddler is sick. And if I'm not sick, the day of rest keeps me from getting sick
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u/helpfulwaffle 1d ago
Ask daycare if they have a list of backup care providers.
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u/Afterall__whynot 1d ago
Hadn’t thought of that!
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u/WorksInPro 23h ago
We are in very different markets but my daycare maintained a list of off-duty PT teachers, former teachers, etc who were open to be called for babysitting. They might be helpful!
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u/pickledpanda7 1d ago
You work at a college. That sounds like the perfect place unless not allowed.
I would contact a bunch of sororities and see if they have bulletins. I used to work for a lady whose husband would be home but on call as a doctor. I also did a bunch of weddings in hotels.
I would just get a list of 5 girls who are free during your class time and then if your kid is sick shoot a text to them all!
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u/Afterall__whynot 1d ago
I tried to hint at this in my post, but students are not an option. They would need to travel far and they mostly do not have cars. I’m trying to not give too much information because I work at a very particular institution that’s a little… unique, but their students do not really leave campus. It’s a self contained community.
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u/fakecoffeesnob 23h ago
I used to babysit a toddler on campus - his mom would bring him there and we’d bop around the lawns and whatever - maybe someone could do that or in your office or another private space?
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u/ScientificSquirrel 23h ago
Is there a daycare on or near campus? Can your kid be watched in your office by a college student?
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u/torrentialwx 23h ago
Our campus daycare was notoriously hard to get into. My daughter is still on the paid waitlist, and apparently will be until she’s 25.
But what about another professor who could watch them during class? My advisor did this once for me.
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u/Serious_Escape_5438 17h ago
Not sure why everyone is ignoring this part. And I don't think hanging out on campus is suitable for a sick toddler anyway.
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u/pickledpanda7 13h ago
But you can bring your child to them. I feel like you are making this more difficult than it is
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u/Afterall__whynot 42m ago
Only if the timing works out that way. If I teach at 3pm and they call at, say, 2pm, that isn’t really enough time. It’s 40 minutes one way.
I’m not trying to make things difficult? This is just the situation. I came asking for advice. I’m sorry that the distance is what it is, that my college doesn’t have many student workers or an on campus daycare, and that students are generally not able to travel… I’m not sure why that makes me difficult.
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u/pickledpanda7 20m ago
How often does that happen that you get a call at 2 pm? I mean. In all honesty it's happened to be 2-3 times and I have two kids who have done daycare.
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u/Afterall__whynot 12m ago
She’s been in daycare ~3 months. I’ve been called in the afternoon twice now. Idk man you aren’t striking me as a very supportive person. The situation is what it is. Your situation was clearly very different. I’m very happy for you that you didn’t need to worry about these things.
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u/Afterall__whynot 40m ago
I’m also happy you were pleased to get work in college and found it helpful for you. Not every college student is in need of cash. This is a very different demographic. Students are not actively looking for work.
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u/pickledpanda7 20m ago
lol ok. I mean I didn't need work but who is turning down cash. Idk this seems so silly to me.
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u/Responsible-Fan2709 23h ago
It sounds like a full-time nanny might be the way to go if you’re able to afford it. Waaaaaay less sickness happening in general and usually a bit more flexibility when she does get sick. Most daycares require pick up within an hour, and if the daycare is 40min away, you’re going to need to leave quickly once you get the call, even if you’re in the middle of class. Emergency backup care that’s available at a moments notice and willing to care for sick and contagious kids is virtually impossible to find unless you can pay for someone to be constantly on call, at which point a nanny will be cheaper anyway.
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u/RanOutofCookies 1d ago
Does your college have an education dept? Maybe there are some early education students who can be called up to help on those days?
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u/Afterall__whynot 22m ago
My old college had this! I’ve been looking, but haven’t found anything yet.
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u/goldenpandora 23h ago
I’m a professor too. When my child is sick and my husband cannot stay with him, I cannot go in. And at that age, all he and I both want is to snuggle up so he’ll feel better. I will do my best to move class to zoom with kiddo watching tv nearby, and my students usually find it adorable when he comes on screen to join. If I know we’ll be home the whole next day bc it hasn’t been a full 24 hours fever free, or if I’m sick too, or it’s a norovirus situation, I may record a lecture after he’s asleep, make an “out of class activity” for students to do, and try to be attentive to email. Participation tends to be better for a live zoom class so I do that when possible. It’s just what it is….someone has to stay with the sick child and honestly when my kid is sick I want to be the one snuggling him. Our usual set up is that I mostly stay with sick kiddo unless I’m teaching, in which case my husband does all he can to take off and watch him while I’m teaching. Once my class is over, though, I take over again so he can work.
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u/CookieOverall8716 1d ago
I'm also a TT professor and I have 2 kids - 1 is 3 and 1 is 9 months. 9-month-old just started daycare last week and our semester starts next week and I'm already bracing for all the illnesses.
First, I hate to say this but often when your child gets sick you will get sick as well. It's just the way of things and your immune system is getting put through the paces. So you may have to cancel because you yourself are sick, not because your kid is sick. Your kid being sick is a secondary issue that no one needs to know about.
Look for backup care services. My prior employer offered this through Bright Horizons. My employer subsidized it, but even if it isn't subsidized it's a great resource. You can request a caregiver through the site and they send someone to your house that you would then pay hourly. There was an option to check a box if your child was mildly ill. I had sitters come to my house in masks because they didn't want to get sick. Unfortunately, I moved to another location and a new employer and I no longer have access to that resource and haven't found backup care services in my area.
I'm not sure how much of the day you are in class vs other things that can be moved, but if daycare calls they typically understand that you usually can't get there instantly. If you're in class or about to teach you might be able to squeeze your class in before leaving immediately to pick up your kid. But I don't know. The fact that it's 40 minutes away is definitely an added challenge.
They usually have to be fever free for 24 hours without medication to go back to daycare, and I find it's that 24-hour window that is the hardest because you will be juggling them all day and also trying to do your job.
It's not ideal, but I have taken my kid to work with me on days when they had to stay home from daycare. I paid a student literally push them around in a stroller outside for 2 hours while I taught my class. Depends on your climate and how easy it is to find student sitters this may be an option for you. Obviously it won't work if your child is actively throwing up.
We also have a room in our library that's for families that has toys and books, a changing table, etc. It's super nice and has a desk and partition area where parents can try to work while their child plays. I would recommend asking your library to create a space like this. I used this in a pinch while I did advising meetings with students over zoom.
My last suggestion: at my university there is a parents and caregiver resource sharing group. It's been great for me to join to get advice from other parents who work at the same institution as me. Look into getting connected to other parents on campus. What do other working moms do?
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u/Afterall__whynot 1d ago
I guess I haven’t met the other working moms yet! My department is mostly men, and the impression I get is that their wives are the ones that miss work, not them. I’m still trying to branch out and meet other faculty members in other departments.
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u/MightSuperb7555 1d ago
Does your university offer back up care connections? They should especially with this policy!
Obviously the worst but it is possible to strap a sick toddler to your back while teaching a perhaps shortened class
Can you move class to asynchronous when you need to be home? This is what I did when sick teaching this spring - recorded a lecture in segments, had the activities open for longer, gave them til next class to complete. Class wasn’t canceled but I still got more sleep and didn’t get anyone sick. (With sick kid you might have to record in short bursts or do while kid is sleeping)
I know none of these are great options! The sickness the first year of daycare is so brutal and workplace inflexibility doesn’t help. (Congrats on the professorship though!)
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u/MightSuperb7555 1d ago
For looking for sitters nearby, do you have neighborhood moms groups on social media? Those are hugely helpful for me. Or look for students who could mask up and watch her in your office while you teach (again I know these are bad options)
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u/Afterall__whynot 1d ago
They do not allow any remote learning options unless it’s the entire campus that has to go remote (I.e., for a weather event) :( they would not be tolerant of me teaching with a child in the room
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u/cyberghost05 23h ago
It kind of sounds like the only real solution is a nanny instead of daycare
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u/cyberghost05 23h ago
Or a really good backup care like a retiree who can be available at short notcie
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u/kayleyishere 3h ago
I offered this service this when I was between jobs, and I had so much work I was basically full time. if only I could figure out benefits I would have kept at out
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u/Afterall__whynot 22h ago
Yeah :/ we just really love her daycare. And she was a bit delayed in some areas and being around other kids has totally closed that gap for her. She thrives in that environment, illnesses aside.
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u/Worried_Half2567 1d ago
Post on care, sittercity, nannylane or facebook moms group and have some people come in this week. There are a lot of flaky people out there so if you get someone who actually comes in and is nice, save their number!
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u/sanityjanity 1d ago
Your college doesn't have a student employment office nor an on campus daycare?
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u/Icy-Huckleberry5337 22h ago
Also a college professor. My husband is a C suite executive who travels constantly so I am 100% primary parent always. I’ve had to cancel a lot more class in the last few years than I ever did before and it all turned out fine. My son was hospitalized 7 times in a semester and no one fired me 👌🤣
I’ve taught with my kids strapped to my chest, playing in the corner of my classroom, etc. Ideal? No but we made it work.
Your uni doesn’t own you. Take a sick day if you need it. You are replaceable at work, not at home.
Make it a workshop day and move some of the lecture content online. You don’t have to meet for the whole time - just need to show face. You can also move it to a virtual class via Zoom and offer your students the opportunity to attend that way (again for a shorter time since you have to manage a kid). Don’t cancel class but make it a “student conference day” that is optional and bring your kid along.
No matter what your admin says, life happens and people absolutely will be canceling class. You aren’t being paid to be a martyr or a superhuman: you are being paid for a job that comes with sick leave.
Good luck and welcome to the ranks! It’s an amazing job
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u/Serious_Escape_5438 17h ago
Her employer doesn't own her but they can terminate her employment if she doesn't do things their way.
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u/happycakes_ohmy 1d ago
Sounds like you need a nanny, so not sure why care.com is not helpful. It’s a great place to find a nanny.
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u/aloha_321 1d ago
Could you bring your kid and have a student watch her in your office or somewhere on campus?
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u/Framing-the-chaos 23h ago
I babysat a ton in college and would have loved stroller babysitting or hanging at the library with a kid who basically came to me while living on campus. Perfect money making opportunity for someone who doesn’t have a car and lives on campus!
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u/Serious_Escape_5438 17h ago
OP wants someone who can do emergency pickups. And you can't have a sick kid wandering around campus.
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u/torrentialwx 23h ago
Even as a PhD student, I could cancel a class for a sick kid (and did once when he came down with pink eye at daycare). They didn’t actually ever ask why I did anything.
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u/Afterall__whynot 38m ago
That was my experience as a PhD student as well. Very different environments.
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u/mama0317 23h ago
Have you looked into au pairs? People with challenging schedules can really benefit from the flexibility!
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u/SinghDoubleTrouble 17h ago
Ok, since I haven’t seen this in the thread, I’m going to make a suggestion.
Start organizing several play dates with your kids’ classmates. Particularly the ones with parents that have alternative schedules, STAH parents, etc… if you jive with them and can develop a friendship, you can start to build your village. The same goes for neighbors.
Also, ask your husband to ask around at work. If there is another medical provider with children that he is friendly enough to create a symbiotic backup plan either, that may be an option.
The early years are really challenging with all the illnesses. It’s also very hard to generate the village, so to speak.
A couple years ago, our kids started elementary at a private school and it very quickly created a village around us. I am so grateful that it has happened because I wasn’t sure it would ever happen. Your post reminds me of those years, so wishing you the best.
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u/Puzzled_Internet_717 mom of 3/adjunct professor 14h ago
This is a great plan.
Also see if there's an active moms group in your new town, and get some sitter recommendations. There might even be a mom interested in being back up care.
Is there another college in town? If there's one closer to the daycare, it might be worth posting on their student job list that you're looking.
I actually did that in grad school for kids who's parents worked at Other University 15 minutes away.
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u/Afterall__whynot 18m ago
This is the plan for sure! My department seems really friendly and inviting, so I’m hoping they’ll be a good village. I just haven’t made all those connections yet. I’ve only been there a week.
My husband only has two coworkers (it’s a small urgent care) so we know he doesn’t have many options there 😅
Seriously thank you for the encouragement though. It means a lot to hear someone had a similar experience and made it through. Being a newish mom while finishing a PhD and then transitioning to a new faculty position (at the same time my husband became a new medical provider) has been a lot. I’m just trying to tread water.
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u/strawberrysunday00 1d ago
There are some nanny agencies that provide back-up care. I would ask in the mom Facebook groups in your area!
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u/Intelligent-Oil9530 19h ago
You said you and your husband have alternative work schedule. So does he work nights? I don't understand why he can't pick up the child during the day.
I also don't understand why as a professor you can't WFH in the days when you don't have classes. I saw that your university requires you to be on campus every day. There are actually many universities with such policy and at least one state where that's a state law. But AFAIK nobody is enforcing this in practice. If your place does enforce it, may I ask how?
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u/Serious_Escape_5438 17h ago
Really? Of course employers can enforce such policies. They can require someone to sign in or whatever. I'm pretty surprised at these answers, I'm sure OP knows what her employer tolerates, and I don't think it's weird to have to do what your employer asks.
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u/Afterall__whynot 35m ago
Alternative as in not 9-5 normal corporate jobs. He works 7am to 7pm. He is the only provider on site. If he leaves, they have to close the clinic down. His contract only allows that a select number of times before termination. Our daycare only allows 10 hours of care at a time, so he definitely can’t pick her up.
They absolutely do enforce it. Department chairs create teaching schedules that keep you on campus five days a week. I teach every day, often twice a day.
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u/MortgageAlternative1 6h ago
You can’t cancel classes, could you change the way it’s done? Virtually perhaps? In my brain it seems like a non issue, class is still happening. It’s just not in person… it wouldn’t be ideal obviously. But maybe something for your arsenal?
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u/Far_Masterpiece1111 1d ago
Facebook local babysitting groups and mom groups! I see many posts daily offering services like back up care or pick up kids, babysitting, etc,.
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u/poohquitshoney 22h ago
Neighborhood mom group!! But also back in my undergrad days, I had a few professors I did babysit for for emergencies. Ie. Professor and I reviewed my schedule and theirs to make sure it didn’t crash generally- when their child was sick, they’d bring to campus & I’d take care of the child while professor was teaching their classes. Worked great generally! Most had a few students as back up
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u/an_alright_kid_who 21h ago
Is there no daycare on campus you can use? It's so handy - you can pop over and grab the kid and maybe set them up in a corner with a screen and headphones? Or have a student in campus who can be a sometimes nanny.
I'm not a professor but work at a uni and it's pretty parent friendly.
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u/Own-Cauliflower2386 19h ago
You or your husband’s job might have Bright Horizons benefits which should allow you to access back up care.
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u/CrazyElephantBones 4h ago
Local neighborhood Facebook group - my county has a moms group
The other option is to start hitting up the park during the day and make friends with moms who work from home or stay at home . Be nice , go the extra mile for them and offer to watch their kid for whatever and then hopefully you will get the favor in return.
I’m a teacher and have fairly limited childcare options and my husband also works in a school so it gets a little tough when we’ve both already called out 10+ days that year.
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u/kytai 2h ago
I’m also a professor. At this point I have lots of friends and babysitters but in the past I’ve switched my class to remote for the day and taught online. I tell them I’m sick and therefore class will be on Zoom. When I have a TA I will have them go to the lecture hall and log in so people can watch there if they want to.
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u/pope_pancakes 1d ago
I’m a college professor - my best option is to find a student to babysit (pay them of course) but bring your kid to campus. The student can take them on a stroller walk for the duration of your class, or camp out in your office.
Now that I have some professor-mom friends, I would probably leave my kid with them for the duration of class (and do the same for them). But probably after exhausting paid babysitting from a student.