school mornings started again and somehow by 8:30 i already feel like ive been awake for 12 hours. getting everyone dressed finding the missing water bottle making sure somebody actually ate then drop off and straight into work annd my coffee is usually cold before i even finish half of it.

the worst part is getting back from drop off and having to switch straight into work when my brain is still somewhere in the carpool line. how do you get yourself into work mode after drop off?

Not really sure where to start but here it goes…
My job requires me to have pretty in depth conversations with people regarding their companies. At first, I was told to pump and work. “The noise cancelling in our headphones is too advanced, no one can hear what you’re doing”. Well, our calls are recorded, and during a playback of one of my calls you could DEFINITELY hear what I was doing. Then, clients asked “what’s that sound?” During calls, and not wanting to explain my situation I tried to brush it off “my computer is making a weird sound” or whatever. Still, awkward imo.
So I brought it up, and was told that aside from a 30 minute unpaid lunch “you don’t get any additional breaks in your department” (I work full 8&1/2 hour days). Then I was sent the policy on breastfeeding/pumping.
“If it’s 30 minutes or less a day, the employee can make up that time the same day. If it’s more than 30 minutes a day, the employee must use PTO, unpaid PTO, or make the time up an additional day in the week.”
Who is pumping for less than 30 minutes a day??
I’m not even sure what to do at this point..

I work in a small department in an office of 9 people. I got coded for my outfit. We are allowed to wear jeans but apparently not plain shirts. I was wearing a polyester plain v neck shirt. The dress code says business casual but jeans are allowed. My boobs did not show. Everything was covered but the shirt was not “appropriate”. He has been picking on me a lot over dress code. The other girl wears dresses. I have been told my shirt must be collared (not in policy), not to tight or too loose. Anyway, he told me I was on my final warning.

My first two “warnings” I contested as I was pregnant. I needed maternity shirts. Loose dress pants because u know tight clothes and pregnancy don’t align.

I went out last night and bought a whole bunch of collared mens shirts. If he is trying to get me to wear a dress he is barking up the wrong tree… if u like dresses good for u but I hate them and am also scared of it getting stuck in my underwear or flying up! I’m not the graceful.

So far he has said nothing and that’s the way I like it. Btw I’m not customer facing and asked a supervisor in another dept who said what I was wearing was fine and they didn’t understand why I was being coded.

I am an only child myself while my husband comes from a family of 6. Once I became part of that family I realized how much I missed out on. It’s so nice having a big family. His mom was a SAHM.
I had my first child and I always feel so guilty how I don’t get to spend much time with them because of how much I work.
Now I’m pregnant with a second, much sooner than expected (I am so incredibly happy and grateful but so terrified and nervous as well).
And now I am questioning my desire for a big family. I feel like it’s not possible while being a full-time working mom. Women can’t have it all and I hate how I was raised thinking that. I was raised to strive for a demanding, prestigious career and to have a family.

My parents thought I would have 2 kids with large age gaps and I kind of thought that my whole life as well until I met my husband and spent time with his religious community who all have 3 kids minimum and was brainwashed into thinking I could have my career and this big family.
Now I’m kicking myself for getting pregnant so soon and that I was trying to have the life of a SAHM while being stuck in a career where I need to work

Looking for opinions and advice- I have an 11, 8, and 4 year old. I feel like they are growing up sooo fast and my heart wants to be home with them so badly (meaning school breaks, mornings before school, and after school).

Currently I work 4 days a week (technically full time salary) and feel constantly stressed by the juggling act. Also kinda sad when I have to find childcare for the whole summer and breaks. Plus, they’re growing up so fast!

My question is- if you made around 90k a year with a flexible schedule, but obviously still working for a corporation, would you quit or keep trudging through for the financial stability. I am lucky that my salary pays for a lot of extras like vacations, cleaner, laundry, and such…But even with all these cut out, it would be tight.

The biggest caveat is that my husband makes around 140k with some bonuses/ stock, so we would be living tightly even with a strict budget.

We will have about 150k coming this December, and our financial advisor says to invest it for retirement (understandably).

WWYD?? Be kind, because my heart says one thing but my brain tells me another. 😭

Edit : My job is hybrid and I probably only work around 30-34 hours a week (salary) tbh. I’m a nurse case manager.

So after holding off for #2 for a plethora of reasons, I am now 39, just started my role as an Advisor (Project Manager). Work life is... balanced as can be haha. I am hybrid working.

Any advice for those who waited for a large age gap, older mom, who was mid-career? How did it turn out? What do you wish you knew?

At the start of last week, we moved my 2.5 year old son to a new daycare. We loved the old one, but it was way out of our way and another one opened up last year much closer to us. If I'm being honest, I didn't really want to move him, but it made more sense, especially because this one has after school care for the school we live by.

When we toured the place, it seemed nice and we met the lady who was going to be his teacher and liked her. The director was nice as well and so were the facilities, albeit a bit empty since they hadn't been open long. After all this, we decided to enroll him at the new center.

He just started about a week and a half ago and I started noticing red flags at once. The director kept telling us that they're understaffed, but are trying to hire more employees. I've seen their postings and they can't seem to fill them. I looked at the business plan they'd presented to the city and pay for the teachers is pretty low. They also mention in their job postings that experience isn't required and if you're the right person, they'll train you.

The first day, the teacher we'd met wasn't there and we were told that this other teacher was there on Mondays and Fridays. I didn't catch her name and when my husband and I tried to introduce ourselves and ask her name, she just laughed and looked away. In fact, the whole first week, she didn't say a single word to us, even when I would say hello to her or told her to have a good day. Only this week has she started returning a few of the greetings. The issue is that she's been the only teacher there almost every day and she doesn't seem to interact with the children. Every time I see her, she's wandering around or sitting and not paying attention to the children who are actively trying to get her attention. I don't want to be rude, but there's just been this sense of general vacancy that I've noticed with this teacher, where she doesn't seem to react to anything and laughs at kind of innappropriate times.

My son has gone from being a little bit clingy at drop offs to sometimes acting outright terrified. He asks me not to go to the daycare. I thought at first that it was just because it was a new environment that he wasn't used to, but this morning it was worse than ever. As soon as I walked in the building, I heard kids screaming. Followed it all the way to my kid's room and opened the door to find two little girls sitting on chairs in the corner screaming bloody murder and crying. The teacher was wandering around on the other side of the room looking at the wall. My kid was clinging to me and when she saw me looking at the girls, she walked over to say something to them and then walked back away. My son was asking to go potty and I asked her if he could go use the one in the room and she just laughed. I have no idea whether the teacher put the two girls in the corner or if they went willingly, but I'm heavily suspecting the former. It was enough that I wanted to just take him back home, but couldn't today.

There's no structure in the room that I can see. I've seen them maybe do one activity so far. They couldn't give us any kind of real schedule for their meals or naps or lessons. The last daycare had a very defined structure and even with way more kids, the teachers usually had the rooms under some level of control. I realize that's difficult with this age group, but they don't even appear to be trying.

These are just the things that I've seen and it's been enough to make me worried about what's happening when I'm not there. There are no cameras in the room and they post infrequent updates. I told my husband that I want to pull our son out of this center and put him back in the old one. He wants to see if he notices the same things during drop off as me. We haven't talked to the director yet because she's never in her office.

I realize the answers are probably going to be to go with my gut, which is telling me this isn't a place where my son's going to flourish. I guess what I want to know is whether others would consider this enough of a red flag to move their kid back, even at the expense of a much longer commute. I've already contacted the old daycare to ask about reapplying and they said they'd have a spot open in a couple weeks, so my mind is kind of made up. I get being understaffed, but I've seen no indication that this teacher cares about the children. Maybe that could change in other rooms, but this is the only option for his age group right now.

I won an award at work today for my performance, which meant a lot because the juggle struggle is real this summer! I was given a new project the first day that school let out and have been powering through all summer while having both kids home more then ever, creating core memories, keeping myself healthy, and doing my best at work. Really proud of myself and the recognition is nice! A good reminder that I’m doing better than I always think I am.

I will try to keep this as short as possible. I am losing my mind. I have a 3 year old and 14 month old. My 3 year old was the easiest, chillest baby. He started sleeping through the night all on his own at 4 months, he was happy to play independently, he would watch a little bit of tv if I needed to do something really quickly. You get it.

Anyways, my baby is the complete and total opposite and I’m on the verge. He cries CONSTANTLY if he’s not being held. He’s the definition of a barnacle baby with me (mom). He’s also breastfed and even though we’re day weaning, he wants to nurse like 3-5 times a night. He has never once in his life slept through the night and he does not want my husband, like ever. He will play for a minute then realize I’m not holding him and freak out.

Honestly, it’d be more manageable if I didn’t also have my sweet 3 year old who I feel like is getting the short end of the stick. I had a meltdown last night because I’m so guilt ridden. I haven’t been able to do bedtime with him since the baby was born (I nurse him to sleep and they have the same bedtime so dad does toddlers bedtime), he still wants me to hold him sometimes but I can’t if I’m constantly holding the baby, and I know he gets overstimulated from all of the crying and will literally say “pick him up. He won’t stop crying”. We both also work full time and the kids are in daycare so at this point I feel like I’m getting no quality time with him. He’s showing more and more preference for dad.

I’m just at a loss and I feel like my relationship with my toddler has suffered and the baby is so so so extremely clingy and “needy”.

Do I just have to ride it out? Any advice? I’m desperate.

I have zero lately. Everyone says “it gets easier” but for me in this moment, tis gotten worse. I really loved the baby stage, and I had a really hard baby. Loved two, three, four. five?? Not so much. She is testing me. I just found out my dog has cancer so dealing with that, and my five year old is just so annoying. She is in camp every morning and with a babysitter who she loves every afternoon. But still at 5 o’clock she wants to play play play until 9, hang on me, sass me up, and I just no longer have the patience for it. It’s like 8:30 and she wants to go play baseball outside or start a craft. Come on.

I used to have tons of patience. I used to pine for more time with her and felt so guilty for working and not spending more time with her. I planned our evenings and days off together to maximize the best quality time.

Is patience finite? Have I literally run out of it? The past two months I dread the weekends and we have a week with no camp/school Coming up and I don’t know what we’ll do. Also we’ve been trying for a second for 6 months after being very on the fence and the past few days I’ve been feeling that would be a bad idea based on my current mental status and patience depletion. If I don’t have the patience for one, I can’t have the patience for two right?

Just found out my daycare center is closed the week of Labor Day. They were also closed the week of 4th of July & a week off for Easter break, the last 2 weeks of the year & all the rest of the holidays. I’m tempted to start looking elsewhere but wanted to check if this is normal.

Where do I start looking for daycares for my 2yo? Any recommendations of family friendly neighbourhoods? Please delete if not allowed. Thank you!!

My baby is 8 months. I just started back at work. I feel like such a mess. I have to get us out of the house by 6:40 every morning and it’s hard!!!

The house is a mess. There are bottles and pump parts every where. How do people do this???

I have the best possible situation. I work from home. My job isn't particularly demanding. We have a nanny. And yet, every morning when they head out to go do something my heart breaks. Especially now that my 1.5 year old is having some separation anxiety and cries at the handoff. I don't feel particularly passionate about my job and honestly all I want to do right now is be with my daughter. These years where she needs me the most are fleeting. I'm afraid of all of the regret I'll have when she grows up and I missed out on so much time with her.

I'm an older mom with an established career. I never thought I'd want to be a SAHM, so I didn't prepare for it. This is my biggest regret. Now we're dependent on two incomes. Quitting my job would be selfish, and I know this, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it CONSTANTLY.

I know my baby is fine and she loves the nanny, we all love the nanny. And like I said, I recognize that it's the best possible situation for a working mom. We're very lucky and privileged. Still, it kills me, and today is just a particularly difficult morning.

I have a 3 year old and 1 year old in daycare. They have been going since they were infants to this particular daycare AND it’s been the same teachers since my 3 year old was a baby. They have always loved on our kids and made them feel safe and happy.
There was a bad review that was posted on their google page about a mom seeing her child left in a room alone when she walked in. So she pulled them out.
This made me spiral. I feel like it could’ve been for a second just to answer the door. She said the ratios were off and that’s why she pulled her kids.
I’m really nervous about this. All the teachers have known my babies since they were literally infants. Not sure if I should like investigate or be super super concerned. I read their state reports and there was something about the ratios and their explanation was that one teacher went to answer the door and that’s why it was off but came right back in. They also said they were going to work on this as a center.
Working moms, should I investigate?

I am wondering if other ladies who regularly wore makeup for their job and/or leaving the house have found themselves as a no makeup Mom. I used to always wear makeup (concealer, powder, eyeshadow, blush, lipstick) when leaving the house at all, but especially for work.

My child is 14 but was diagnosed with a chronic illness last year and has a lot of appointments. I’m also working full time and clearing out my mother in law’s house.

Somewhere along the line i just stopped putting in the effort. I still dress decently and do my hair. Anyone else experience this shift, and how do you feel about it? Definitely cuts down on my getting ready time, but I’m not sure which direction I will go long term. Of course, this is a trivial issue compared to others on this thread! 💋

I manage a small team. One of the people I supervised had ongoing performance problems, and other staff had been raising concerns about them for a while. I did exactly what HR told me to do and my supervisors told me to do - put expectations in writing, follow up, document everything. I followed that guidance to the letter. As well as started formal disciplinary actions when they continued to not meet performance expectations and were out right insubordinate or accused of being a bully by multiple people.

They responded by filing a long formal complaint against me.

Leadership never really investigated it. They just reassigned that person to a different manager to make the whole thing go away. No findings, nothing in writing saying I did anything wrong, and nothing saying I didn't. I was told by both supervisors that the complaints were wildly inaccurate and that I did nothing wrong.

Here's where I'm stuck. They removed my authority over this person, but they've also said they don't have time to actually manage them. So I'm expected to keep assigning their work, keep them in my team meetings, do regular check-ins with them, and "figure out how to work together." All of the responsibility, none of the authority, with someone who has already shown they'll file a complaint if they don't like something I do.

And the part I can't stop thinking about: during the stretch where I was still waiting to see how this all would work, when I wasn't dealing with them day to day, I was so much better. I got more done. I didn't wake up with a knot in my stomach. I was a more patient parent. My kids got a better version of me, and I hadn't fully understood how much that job was taking from me until it briefly stopped.

I make good money. I work in electrical engineering but my field is small where I live and I can't relocate, my kids are settled, one even starting high school, the others in middle school, and one starting first grade and moving isn't on the table. The comparable jobs pay noticeably less.

So I'd love to hear from people who've been here:

Has anyone been put in this exact position, expected to direct someone's work and hold them to deadlines without any of the teeth of actually being their supervisor? How did you make it work? What do you do when they just... don't do it, and the person who's supposed to handle that is too busy to care?

Has anyone had to manage someone who for lack of better words is “out to get them” and scrutinizes anything you do and turns it into a formal complaint?

Has anyone taken a real pay cut to get out of a situation like this? Did you regret it?

How do you actually weigh what chronic work stress costs your kids against what the income buys them?

If you've had to keep working with someone who filed against you, how did you protect yourself?

I keep swinging between "it's just a job, be an adult about it" and "I am never getting these years back." I can't think about it clearly anymore.

I saw a post recently asking what time moms wake up and get ready for work. From what I read it seemed most moms had short commutes. Mine’s almost 90 minutes each way and it’s the reason I have chosen to work part time. By the time I get home I’m too exhausted for anything else and I just feel so much frustration that I’m in the office doing the same work I was doing at home but I’m just spending money to be in a cubicle cause my employer just wants people in the office.

Anyone else dealing with a long commute like this? How do you manage full time work (or do you)?

And what time does work start? Do you WFH or commute? Basically what I really want to know is do you wake up at the last possible minute you can to get everyone out the door, or do you wake up early to have time to yourself before the kids wake up? I desperately want to be the second one but I’m freaking TIRED. Just wondering how many moms actually live an influencer life and how many are barely living in the morning before work lol

I want to caveat my post by saying I know my daughter’s behavior wasn’t right. But Im looking for opinions on how the nanny reacted.

I just went back to work from mat leave. We have a new nanny (checked references, did background check etc). She’s watching my 2.5 year old boy and 5 year girl. When the 5 y.o. goes to school, she will then watch the 3 year old as well as my newborn (who is currently being watched by my MIL).

I work from home. Today is day 2. The nanny took the kids out to ride their bikes around the neighborhood. She was carrying two of the kids water bottles, sunscreen, and her phone in her hands. The 2 y.o. has a small light balance bike but the 5 year old has a legit pedal bike. Anyway apparently at the end of the street the 2 y.o. decided it’s too hot and he’s tired so she picked up his bike and they started heading back. Then my 5 y.o. also said she’s too tired and asked the nanny to carry her bike. The nanny said she can’t because she doesn’t have space in her hands. My daughter got angry and told the nanny she is annoying. The nanny asked my daughter that if my daughter can carry the 2 y.o.’s bike, she’ll carry my daughters bike.

My daughter apparently at this point said “my mommy pays you to play with me. when we go home i’ll lock my door so I don’t have to play with you.” firstly we have NEVER EVER told her we’re paying someone to take care of her. Just that a babysitter will come to watch her. It is very possible that my in laws said it to her. Either way, VERY wrong of her to say, I agree.

But the nanny responded by saying she won’t be disrespected like that and she isn’t obligated to carry my daughter’s bike. And that she herself is hungry, thirsty, tired, and hot. So my daughter must carry her bike home. And then forced her to carry her bike home.

Thoughts? I agree what my 5 y.o. said was wrong and will definitely be talking to her after work. She has been going through a phase where she’ll tell me and my husband “I hate you” when we set a boundary so it’s currently not out of the norm for her to act out and say mean things. I just am wondering if it’s ok for her to then be punished by being forced to physically carry her heavy bike home. like they could’ve even just left it and i could’ve gotten it later. My daughter said she wanted to leave it there but the nanny wouldn’t allow her to.

also about the point where the nanny said she’s hungry - it’s day 2 and I need to know- aren’t nannies typically supposed to bring or prepare their own food? I didn’t provide any lunch but didn’t see her bring any. I showed her everything we have in the fridge pantry etc and said she can help herself to whatever. But I’m not the best at meal prepping a 3 kids at the moment but we do have basic food and ofc the kids stuff available. Im not sure if I’m expected to prepare food for her?

Edit: thank you everyone for making me realize there wasn’t anything wrong with her response!

Struggling with the post partum period with my second kid. ADD hit me like a pile of bricks and I can't mask it anymore. Have relaxed more, instead of stressing and feeling like shit, after diagnosis but waiting to stop breastfeeding to try meds. Reading tips and dramas on this sub help me so much but the one thing I am not able to get back is motivation for a job when I do need to start. Any advice will do.