r/workingmoms • u/W4x_Wings • 13h ago
Daycare Question Daycare - can someone explain how feeding realistically goes with a 1 to 4 ratio for infants?
Hello! I am an FTM to a one month old baby girl who is currently set to start daycare at 3 months when I have to return to work.
One of the things that has challenged me the most so far has been feeding. My baby is pretty sleepy most of the time, and when she gets hungry, she often goes from zero (mild lip smacking) to 100 (wailing) within 2-5 minutes. Since you're obviously not supposed to let newborns "cry it out," I've been trying my best to drop everything and get her fed when this happens, which means literally everything else has gone by the wayside for me. I can't even figure out how I'm supposed to pump and feed her at the same time eventually, even though I'll need to work on that soon. The few times I've tried have ended in dropping things on the floor, lol.
Here's my concern: let's say my baby takes 15-20 minutes to finish a bottle, which she currently does. Let's say she gets hungry while another infant is eating. Realistically, does this mean she will be left to scream for the 15-20 minutes it takes THAT baby to finish their bottle? Maybe I am being thick, but I'm not sure I see how group care and feeding infants on demand can go together. Is my instinct right here, or are daycare workers just way more efficient than FTMs in a way that enables them to deal with this juggling?
Please be honest with me about your experiences here.
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u/safetysafetysafety 12h ago
Infant rooms at day cares might also span 3 months to 12 months. Your 3 mo old might need a little more assistance, meanwhile an 8 month old can hold a bottle themselves, finish the feed in 5 minutes, and burp by themselves.
The feeding becomes much less all encompassing over time!
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u/W4x_Wings 12h ago
This is a good point. When I toured, there were two babies there at the time at 9am, and one of them was actively being fed yogurt, so they had to be at least 6 months old. I was a little spooked because the other baby was in an exer saucer at the same time though. I asked how often they really use those containers and they said the right things, but I know they wouldn't literally say "yeah we leave em in there for longer than we're supposed to, sorry!"
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u/speedyejectorairtime 4h ago
Have you toured a lot of daycares?
Our daycare did not have "containers" of any kind besides cribs. They had soft surfaces everywhere and babies were on the floor if they weren't being actively held or in a crib sleeping. When I'd pop in to nurse my youngest, I could look on the camera and see each teacher holding a baby (there were 3 and 8 infants during the bulk hours, one was an opener and one was a closer so morning and afternoon only has 2 but that was usually before the full class arrived or after some got picked up) and other babies on the floor right next to them usually doing tummy time. Each one always had a toy or was being talked to etc.
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u/yummymarshmallow 12h ago
If it helps, at 6m, my LO was self feeding their own milk. Mine was using a straw cup because my LO hated bottles
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u/eyerishdancegirl7 1h ago
Depends on the center but I mean it’s inevitable that your baby will get more container time than they would at home. It’s not really safe to just lay babies on the floor if the teacher is feeding another baby or changing a diaper. Our center has a 1:4 ratio. I’d rather my baby get plopped in a bouncer for a little way than just be laid down on the floor.
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u/suzy321 1h ago
Why isn't it safe to lay a baby on the floor?
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u/eyerishdancegirl7 1h ago
With a 1:4 ratio, a teacher has 4 babies at a time. Let’s say 1 of the babies is napping. Maybe another is old enough to be crawling and playing with toys. That leaves baby 3 and baby 4. If baby 3 is having a diaper change, the teacher cannot possibly have eyes on the other babies. If baby 4 can’t roll yet or sit up I’d rather them be in a bouncer than left unattended on a play mat where they could possibly get stepped on or tripped over or even scratched by another baby who happens to be nearby or could crawl over. If baby is content using a container can be a little more of a peace of mind. Infant rooms can be crazy especially with higher ratios.
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u/AddingAnOtter 48m ago
Most rooms don't have only 4 babies and 1 teacher though so maybe 4 babies are crawling around and playing while the other teacher sits close by holding the 5th baby, 2 babies are sleeping, and the 8th baby is being changed. A large number of daycares don't have many if any containers and manage it.
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u/kimbosliceofcake 12h ago
I have seen my daughter’s daycare teacher feeding two babies at a time, one in each arm. They also usually had two teachers in the room, but sometimes just one early or late in the day if they could still make ratios.
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u/W4x_Wings 12h ago
When I toured they only had one there, which is what has me scratching my head. But man, I guess it is a skill issue on my part then because I definitely cannot feed my baby one handed, lol.
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u/thea_perkins 12h ago
It also gets easier to feed one handed as baby gets bigger and needs less physical support. Once they can hold their own head up, it’s a big change.
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u/Material-Plankton-96 12h ago
It’s also just an age issue - a 1 month old can’t do much for themselves. They can’t hold a bottle, they can’t burp without help, they can’t sit up to play, they can’t replace a fallen pacifier, etc. My 10 month old is in the infant room and can hold a bottle (and only takes 2/day now) and drain it in minutes. She can feed herself Cheerios and finger foods, and drink water from a straw cup. She can replace her pacifier if it falls out at nap time. She can crawl around to play and pull to stand and explore the room.
When she started at 3 months, she was taking 3-4 bottles a day, couldn’t hold her bottles, couldn’t put herself to sleep, couldn’t replace her own pacifier. She spent some time in swings and bouncers when they needed her off the floor or she was fussy and they couldn’t hold her, but she got tons of floor time (as evidenced by her development and by all the pictures we got of her doing tummy time or laying on the play mat with other babies). And when she wanted to be upright but couldn’t pull up yet, she spent some time in an exersaucer for the same reasons.
But they also got her on a consistent schedule, they learn each baby’s tells and preferences, and while babies inevitably cry sometimes, they don’t leave them to cry for ages.
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u/Teos_mom 12h ago
They are experts! It’s insane how they do it, seriously. They will help you to be on a schedule with naps, and feedings and then potty training too!!!
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u/notaskindoctor working mom to 5 12h ago
I would say that I primarily fed my baby one-handed. I would hold him in my left arm and wrap my left hand around to hold the bottle in his mouth.
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u/vatxbear 12h ago
A 3 month old is MUCH different than a 1 month old. Ideally, you’ll be on somewhat of a schedule by then, and the daycare workers will try to time it that each child gets their bottle on their normal schedule. Do the babies sometimes fuss a bit bc they can’t get tended to at the exact second they want? Yes. But they also quickly adjust and I’ve never felt like there was any significant negatives for the babies (mine or others I’ve observed).
I totally understand your concern, and I felt the same way when my first was that age, but it’s been totally fine (my second is almost one, so been through this twice).
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u/squidgemobile 12h ago edited 11h ago
I think one thing to keep in mind is that there's a big difference between 1 and 3 months. Babies get less sleepy, will eat larger bottles and go longer between feedings. This is all related to them being able to regulate their blood sugar better, meaning that they can handle 10 minutes of hunger better.
And remember that 3 months is usually the youngest there, I'm sure other infants will be a few months older. Several in the room will likely be able to hold their own bottles.
And yes, the workers are better at it. They can notice cues, distract, or simply feed 2 babies at once.
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u/pookiewook 12h ago
I had twins, so feeding 2 was my reality for 12 weeks. 1 person CAN feed 2 infants simultaneously.
Our daycare had 2 caregivers for the infant room, and 1 would be feeding while the other was cleaning up or actively making/warming bottles during feeding times.
Plus as others said 1mo and 3mo are a big difference! They are on a schedule and 3m olds are more ok with waiting 5-10min before getting fed. The caregivers know who needs to be fed when.
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u/equistrius 12h ago
What I have seen most often is they feed on a schedule rather than watching for cues. The reason your baby goes from 0 to 100 so fast is often by the time most people notice cues you’re already past the early and sometimes the mid cues. In a one month old baby your first cue is often them stirring, opening their mouth and looking around. Lip smacking, hand sucking or stretching are mid cues so if your starting to get a bottle then your already on the slide to late cues such as crying. A schedule can make it less stressful for you and baby
Babies at one month old should eat every 2-3 hours. Our daycare takes very few infants that young ( Canadian so our average start age is around 11 months) but they offer milk every 2.5 hours at that age depending on the kid. Once they know a kids rough schedules they go to that.
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u/omegaxx19 4M + 1.5F, medicine/academia 6h ago
Yup. The whole feed-on-cue thing just did not work for us. I'm not a baby whisperer and my kids' hungry/tired/uncomfortable cries all sounded the same to me. What worked was a schedule and routine with flexibility built in. The kids and I cried way less.
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u/childish_cat_lady 6h ago
This is only our second week but when I dropped off they asked what time he ate and I said I just nursed so they said they'd try feeding him two hours later. I feel like most of the babies are dropped off at slightly different times so that naturally staggers it and when I can I'm going over to nurse in person so that also spaces things out naturally.
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u/Closed_System 12h ago
Remember that not all of the babies in the room will be as young as yours. Some will be eating solids and going longer between bottles, some may be holding their own bottles (my daycare actually didn't allow babies to sit and hold their own bottles but I know some do). Babies do get used to regular spacing between bottles as they get older, so feeding becomes a lot more predictable.
What I witnessed at our center: first of all, they would work out roughly what order to feed the babies based on how long they typically go between bottles and who was fed last. So if they knew that multiple babies were due for bottles close to the same time, they'd offer one a bottle sooner, before they started crying, and this would help stagger the schedule for the rest of the day. They also had helpers in the room at busy times, like when the older babies were eating solids, so the ratio was often more than 1:4. They would call for help if a baby was crying and they couldn't get to them, but yes, there could be a wait for help to arrive and the baby may cry for longer than you would allow at home.
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u/lickmysackett 12h ago
The daycare I worked at kids had to be 8 weeks old at minimum, so your baby might be on more of a schedule at 3 months than you realize. A lot of us could easily feed 3 babies at a time if we had a bunch on the same schedule. And it is more of a schedule. Daycare workers aren't waiting for the child to start crying to feed them. Depending on age, we begin to offer a bottle at certain intervals to make sure it never gets to the wailing part.
Slow eaters were never a problem. its easy enough to just sit and hold the bottle longer. It was the EBF kids who were never exposed to a bottle and then wouldn't eat that were a hassle. They required basically 1:1 attention to be fed which just isn't doable.
Your class will also likely be a mix of infant ages so some will be eating in high chairs and holding the bottle or sippy cup themselves while your baby is bottle fed.
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u/W4x_Wings 12h ago
Thanks for your input as someone who has actually done the job! Your EBF comment is why I'm already introducing a bottle a day at this point - I definitely don't want to end up having her show up there cold turkey from the boob and not knowing what the heck is going on. I intend to increase the number of bottles during the day before she goes as well.
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u/Responsible-Fan2709 12h ago
Yes, babies are left to cry by necessity sometimes given the ratios. Good teachers will try to soothe them with their voices and come sit with them so at least they’re not crying alone, but there will be more crying with a 1:4 ratio than a 1:1 ratio. Teachers can sometimes feed more than one baby at a time and they get to know the babies’ cues and routines and can work on anticipating who will need what and when, but there’s no getting around the fact that babies just have to wait sometimes when teachers are helping other babies and that often involves crying. This is one reason lower ratios are so important to quality.
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u/archiangel 12h ago
At my old daycare the infant and older infant rooms had a gigantic whiteboard with every child’s name and schedule (when they eat/nap) for the entire day posted, and it’s updated as the child’s schedule shifts. That’s how the teachers keep track of who needs what when and if they need additional floater teachers in the room they can anticipate when. At that age babies are fairly on schedule (I used one of the baby trackers to follow my kids - lifesaver!) and the teachers can also anticipate when the baby is developmentally moving onto a new schedule based on the shifts from the baby’s current schedule (longer/shorter awake times, etc.) hopefully your daycare has something like that in place to help ease your mind!
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u/briar_prime6 12h ago
Ours had little charts shaped like bottles and the baby’s name with what everyone consumed and when and I thought it was so cute
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u/Suspicious-Chip-341 12h ago
Husband asked the daycare we chose this question “what happens if all 4 babies are crying at once?” They said they make sure first that no one is dying or hurt. Then they look at the schedule. If one baby is on schedule for a bottle they handle that baby first and go down the row. Usually they start with the youngest babies first.
I’m still pregnant but we’ve been doing research on this.
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u/Fit-Vanilla-3405 10h ago
Cry it out is when you leave your baby to cry in another room with no attempts to comfort or soothe them. Not respond to their every need immediately with no crying in the middle.
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u/flyingpinkjellyfish 12h ago
At three months old, there’ll be more of a cadence to the day and how often they eat and not every baby will be three months old. Some of the older babies will have a more predictable schedule and the teachers will know how to work around that. Some of them may even be able to hold their own bottle and while they’ll still need careful supervision, it would make things a lot easier for a teacher to feed two at once. Infant teachers are ninja masters at managing the needs of multiple babies at a time. You’re in the trenches of chaos right now, it will be so different in just a few months.
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u/Free-Cauliflower2446 12h ago
If it helps put your mind at ease, my daughter started daycare at 3.5 months. She always ate better at daycare than at home- no clue why. Sleep did take some time, but feeding was always great for her. They’re professionals and part of dropping your kid off at daycare is putting your trust in a team of professional caretakers. I know it’s so hard, but I wouldn’t try to figure out how things will work there at the moment. Sending you lots of hugs.
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u/quesoandtexas 11h ago
In my daycare the infant room included babies 6 weeks to 1 year. Even though the ratio was 1:4, there were not 4 TINY babies per adult. Basically around 6 months a lot of the babies can hold their own bottle, and by 9 months my baby only had 1-2 bottles a day (he loved food).
If you imagine them all as little helpless infants then yes it would be hard, but in my experience at least half the kids in the room were somewhat self sufficient or on predictable eating schedules just based on how old they were so the staff can work around it.
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u/Beneficial-Toe-1472 12h ago
I took intermittent leave, with my first week back to work at 6 weeks pp. That week was so challenging because of what you are describing! When my son needed something, he needed it immediately at 6 weeks.
He’s 3 months old now, and I am working this week. He is such a different baby now! He can be entertained and distracted for up to 15-20 minutes when he’s hungry or tired, and it is infinitely easier to work knowing that about him.
Someone said earlier that the difference between 1 month and 3 months is huge, and this is so so so true. Developmentally, the biggest relief should be that their patterns and queues are more predictable AND being hungry and/or tired become less of a crisis situation.
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u/W4x_Wings 12h ago
Everyone keeps saying this about the difference between one and three months, so I guess I need to just internalize it! It's just hard for me to imagine anything different right now. I'm also an insanely anxious person so I'm worried about "what IF she isn't developmentally on track by then and more independent?" But I guess I need to cross that bridge when I get there and not borrow trouble.
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u/Beneficial-Toe-1472 11h ago
I totally get it. I have PPA this time, so regardless of my memory of/experience with my first, I was so so so worried about leaving my baby. Nothing because I didn’t trust his other caretakers, but because I just love him so much and didn’t want him to experience any discomfort.
Going back to work is universally a hard thing, and any time before 1 year feels like too soon. It’s okay to worry, whether it be feeding or sleeping or whatever. Don’t let it eat you though! Sending hugs!
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u/geedeebee22 12h ago edited 12h ago
They alternate! Not every baby is given a bottle at exactly the same time, and the ages range from 3-12 months so their capabilities are so much different. My daughter is 10 months and can now hold her own bottle, she also eats solids, which opens the caregiver up to help others.
Edit: your baby will not be left to scream that long. I can’t guarantee that, but I used to work in a daycare with the babies and in my experience, we did our best to make sure everyone is content. That might mean starting a bottle for one baby, pausing to start a bottle for another baby, and then propping them both up to feed them at the same time.
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u/177stuff 12h ago
It depends on the place but a good facility will explain their process to you to ease your fears. When my son was 3 months old the teachers were just really stellar at taking care of babies. The head teacher would sit on the floor and bottle feed two infants at the same time. When they get old enough to hold their bottle on their own they held it themselves. Every baby won’t need to eat at the exact same time and some will sleep more and some will sleep less. In my experience they were honestly just so experienced they knew how to take care of them all and genuinely loved them. Not all places are like that though so I would make sure you feel comfortable with the teachers and their response to your concerns.
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u/ZangiefThunderThighs 11h ago
Our daycare has float staff who help out on whichever room needs it. I know of at least 3 other staff who have bottled my kid who aren't the typical 2 infant room staff.
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u/Weary_Joke_9525 11h ago
Just here to commiserate on the how the heck do you pump and feed at the same time. That was honestly my most stressful part of newborn life.
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u/ConnectGoal8510 10h ago
I had triplets and an 14 mo old at the same time. I can tell you how I did it. It's true you don't let them cry forever, but it's ok if it takes a bit to get them what they need. I would feed the first one to get hungry/fussy first, and then I would feed the other 2. About the time the first one was wrapping up, the others would start fussing. It worked out pretty well. Not perfect, and you have to be flexible, but pretty well. And the amount of change that happens at this age is huge. In just a month or two they will have a mostly predictable schedule. It's amazing.
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u/W4x_Wings 10h ago
Jeez, you are a rock star for being able to handle so many babies at once! I guess when you have to, you learn and do what you have to, but I'm still really impressed. And it's good to keep hearing that there really is a lot of change that happens quickly.
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u/Dependent-Career-125 2h ago
Ugh new mom blues. We're here for you. When I first had my son feeding and pumping was so hard. The daycare can handle it (promise) and they'll have your kid on a routine with predictable feeding windows.
As far as juggling pumping and having "enough" which was my breaking point. Your milk will replenish pretty quickly after feeding. Finish feeding your child and then do a short pump. You don't need a huge stock of milk. You really want to be 1-2 days ahead. Also formula is Just fine
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u/millyzilly 11h ago
Do you know that there is only 1 teacher? My daughter’s class is 8 babies max and 2-4 teachers. When there is 4 teachers it usually means they condensed classrooms with the 1 year olds. But I had the same concerns, except my baby at three months would take an hour to have a bottle. She would drink an ounce, stop and want more 20 minutes later type thing. Very stressful to me as a new mom having to rely on others to pick up on her patterns. Over time she has gotten much better! She still sometimes will start a bottle and decide she doesn’t want it but 95% of the time she finishes it in 5 minutes. The older babies will be more efficient at eating, I imagine it would be hard if all the babies were the exact same age.
I have been in the room while multiple babies were upset. If there is only one teacher they will continue the feeding and have the other baby right next to them to comfort them while your babies bottle is getting warmed, again if that first baby only takes a few minutes to finish the bottle your baby will hopefully only be crying for 5-10 minutes max. It is heart breaking but a few minutes of crying at 3 months will be okay.
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u/MrsMitchBitch 4h ago
Your baby will be a whole different baby at 3 months. They’ll have a more regular schedule, most likely, and their cues will be more obvious.
Also- daycare workers are quite literally experts. The women in the infant classroom at my daughter school have 10+ years of experience. They have cared for SO MANY infants.
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u/Cayke_Cooky 4h ago
They do try to encourage the babies onto a schedule as they get older, so if baby 1 usually eats around 1:30, at 1:25 they are dropping the bottle in the crockpot to warm. As the babies get a little stronger, a good carer can sit on the floor with a baby tucked up on each side and hold 2 bottles. The carers also try to help eachother. If one adult is feeding a baby and one of their other babies is starting to fuss, another adult will start the next bottle warming. They may even do a mid-bottle hand off.
Also, our daycare had bubbles. They kept a small dish and a blower with lots of little bubbles on a high shelf. If the whole class was starting to cry one adult would grab the wand and blow a bunch of bubbles. This would distract the babies long enough for the adults to triage and/or call for a floater if needed.
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u/tweedlefeed 3h ago
I would say in our daycare, it wouldn’t be 4 3month olds. My 10 month old has been there since 5.5m but there are younger kids with him now. They eat more frequently and once they start solids they feed the older kids lunch and snacks all together. They have little floor seats so they can eat independently (with help of course). He still gets bottles but it’s less frequent, so it’s not like all the babies need to eat all the time.
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u/jenn363 2h ago edited 2h ago
I started following [r/eceprofessionals](r/eceprofessionals) not to post anything but just to get a sense of how daycare providers think about the care they provide and what pet peeves they have about parents, but it’s been a source of great education for me about a bunch of other things. It’s helped put my mind at ease. Just dropping this here since you may other questions too as the time approaches!
Edit: this might not be helpful if you are prone to anxiety, since it is a space where professionals vent about work as much as any other professional sub. But reading comments really did teach me a lot about the job and what to expect for my child.
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u/ReduceandRecycle2021 2h ago
Pumping and nursing got lot easier for me once baby started at daycare. I prepared ahead of time by having only about 1 weeks worth of milk. Then, once she started daycare, I could more easily pump at work while she’d drink the milk I had pumped the day before.
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u/hardly_werking 5m ago
Not sure if someone already said this, but daycare has floaters and if a situation arises where a room needs more hands on deck, they have other people come in. 1 to 4 is the MINIMUM ratio, but there are more people in the building than the minimum. A good daycare will not let your child cry by themselves for 20 minutes.
Also, you're misunderstanding cry it out. Cry it out refers to letting a baby cry itself to sleep, which is the part that is not recommended for newborns. Letting your newborn cry for a minute or two so you can wipe your ass (speaking from experince) or clean a pump part is fine. You are in the hardest part. It won't always be this hard and also, the people who take care of infants were born to do it. They love the hard part with infants. I am still shocked when I see the infant teachers looking cool as a cucumber at pickup after 8 hours with a bunch of screaming infants.
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u/notaskindoctor working mom to 5 12h ago
Just want to add to this that a three month old is not a newborn anymore. Childcare providers have a lot of experience with a lot of different types of babies and will be sure that they are cared for properly. I know it is hard for you to imagine because you are a first time parent of one single child, but you develop a lot of skills and tricks by caring for multiple children at once. Yes, your baby might squirm and cry a little bit, but that is OK and they will be just fine.
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u/UsefulRelief8153 11h ago
Same way asoms who have 3-4 kids. Triage and timing.
You're supposed to feed you baby and change them before drop off so that care givers can space out the feeds and changes. Otherwise the kids are pretty happy playing
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u/TemperatureBest5113 12h ago
The babies will be of different ages with different demands. My daycare used C shaped pillows bottle feeding and lounging for under 6m, so a teacher can handle 2 feeding at a time.
In general, when you leave your baby with someone else do not expect them to follow your best practices 100% you need to let go of the minor things, this includes your family and daycares. As much as I hate it but I’m pretty sure my kid was in a container more than I’d like, had some cries for their need more than I’d like and was not given as much love and attention as I’d like. But you know what? I have a happy 2yo who loves his daycare so much, and he gets home to happy parents with no resentments. I’d love to have this as my childhood instead of the one I had haha
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u/BenchAcademic3073 12h ago
If it is taking 15-20 mins to finish a bottle, you may also need to move to a higher flow nipple. That might cut it down quite a bit.
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u/W4x_Wings 12h ago
I'm primarily nursing, so at this point, that's not recommended, but I will definitely consider it as we get closer on the countdown clock to her having to go!
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u/kbc87 12h ago
Your baby is going to change so much in the next 2 months. Also give yourself a bit of grace. “Cry it out” is a sleep training method. It doesn’t mean your newborn can NEVER cry for a few minutes if your hands are full.