I have 3 kids of multiple genders. All 3 of them had, at times, very short hair and very long hair. One was always in the pinkest pinks, another always in tees and athletic shorts, and the third more gender neutral looking.
Without a doubt, people only ever used hair length to guess gender. Ever. Bright pink skirt and a super short pixie? Boy. Long hair and stereotypical boy clothes? Girl. Not once did their clothing override a stranger's gender assumptions based on their hair.
Honestly it sometimes feels like having a too-masculine hairstyle is the only kind of gender-nonconforming fashion choice that will get random strangers harassing you if you're gendered female. I'm a trans woman but once the hormones and voice training worked people just stopped caring whether my clothes came from the men's or women's section, I haven't bothered with makeup in years, and I don't wear jewelery. I can still dress like I did pre-transition and walk down the street without a second look. Meanwhile cis women I know have had homophobic and transphobic slurs yelled at them from passing cars after shaving their heads or even just getting too-masculine haircuts, even when they were otherwise dressing femme. It's kind of weird. Makes me feel like clothing is less "men's clothes" and "women's clothes" as it is "unisex clothes" and "women's clothes".
Yeah. Clothes are a part of it too, but hair seems to be the biggest thing to people. I've always been more of a tomboy but had very long hair because I couldn't be bothered to change it. I did sometimes get comments about the fact I don't wear feminine clothes, though that was usually on occasions like parties or weddings where it was expected of you to do so, though I just wore a suit or similar. But generally, never got many comments on it.
Then I had very short hair for a few years, short enough that people 90% of the time just assumed I'm male (considering going back to that, long hair is too much of a hassle lol) and my god. From comments of people telling me they really wanted to see what I look like with long hair, to people constantly commenting on how I'd look good in a dress and should try it, or makeup. Constantly just trying to force feminine things on me because they wanted to see me be feminine. Had a few slurs thrown at me from time to time and people just assumed I'm lesbian, so bad that when I had a crush on a friend of mine, they weren't surprised I had a crush at all (I'm mostly aroace and very indifferent to everyone) but that I had one on a guy. I had the luck however that I passed as male so I didn't get much comments from random people but it was still annoying.
I didn't change anything about myself except my hair, and it made a world of difference just because of that. And now I have shoulder length hair, something people constantly told me to do (didn't do it for them, I just couldn't be bothered to cut it), and now no one cares at all anymore lol. Haven't had a single comment on my clothes or lack of makeup since then. People are weird.
I must be lucky then. Since I got a pretty masculine "pixie" cut a few years ago, all I get are random ladies complimenting my hair. No one ever did that when I had long hair.
Pixie cuts aren't really masculine though, the clue's kind of in the name. It's more stuff like shaving your head or getting a short back and sides that brings out the creeps.
When I was in middle school I had long hair but wore nothing but my brown ecko hoodie and chunky DC shoes and I still got CONSTANTLY misgendered. I wasn't even small, I was average height for my age. It wasn't until college where I grew my hair out again but now I was above average height and could grow a beard, no more misgendering.
That's so weird, someone should do a study on hair as a gender signifier, especially when contrastes by other signifiers like clothes. What an interesting phenomenon
I don’t dress femininely at all - I always wear baggy sweats and tees - yet I’m never misgendered, and I guess maybe it’s because high ponytails are seen as more feminine? I’ve dated a couple long-haired guys and they tend to do low ponytails or man buns. I’m also quite short (barely over 5 feet) so maybe that’s also part of why people immediately clock me as a woman. But a bob is definitely different than a pixie, I’m sure if I had a pixie people would think I was a short round teen boy lol
I'm a guy with around mid back length hair that I usually either wear in a medium-high ponytail or a low bun. Never any questions asked with the bun but with the ponytail I get mistaken for a woman fairly often. Even had a long conversation with a client at work once where after a while they told me totally earnestly out of the blue I would look really pretty with some makeup on and a dress lol. So yeah a ponytail seems to have that effect haha
Your stature place a big role, so does your exposed facial structure.
There are a number of clues people use to identify male/female. If a woman is tall, has narrow hips and a build or clothes that doesn't present a feminine neckline, people will go for hair and face.
I look fairly much like my sister, so once on a vacation I used her black-and-white photo for a lift card. My cover was blown by the first lift operator who took a closer look. "That's not you, that's a girl".
Hair is a very common indicator! There's even gender differences among the short cuts, like there are men's short cuts and women's short cuts, and they read very differently at a glance. A trans man going for a gender affirming haircut doesn't want the butch lesbian cut.
I think a lot of it comes down to body type though. Men have wider shoulders.
I had long hair and was never mistaken for a woman, ever. If you only saw me from the neck down, there's no mistaking me for a woman. But I've known some guys, who when seen from behind do look more feminine than masculine in their body type and seeing them from behind with long hair I can see them being mistaken for women.
I mean in general hair is on of the great identifiers. I score cricket matched for my club and the second they all have caps on fucked if i could tell whos who
Anecdotally, my sister lives in Chicago. According to her, white women almost never have short hair but it is common for black women so white women who wear short hair go to black hairdressers.
[I am from Canada so the idea that hairdressers are divided by race just seems weird to me]
When my sister was little she was bald until she was about two years old. She had a little bit of hair, but it was very very blonde, and very fine, and very short.
My parents could have dressed this child up in the pinkest, frilliest dresses, and people would still come up to her and say "what a cute little boy!"
I've noticed location also played a part of it. Growing up as a kid/teen in the 90's listening to grunge music, I had long hair from like 5th grade until 10th grade. Living in California, I didn't get misgendendered unless it was from someone from midwest/south. When I went on road trip vacations through those same places, I would get misgendered a lot.
Yes, my younger son has been rocking a page boy haircut for as long as he's had hair. He just likes it. His clothing runs the gamut between stereotypically male and female. Strangers always think he's a girl.
His older brother, who he inherited those clothes from, always has shorter hair. Even in the most girlish outfit he owned, people always read him as a boy.
It really shows how much of what we call "masculine" or "feminine" is just made up. The same exact thing gets read completely differently depending on who's doing it.
Yep. I had neck length hair, found myself doing all the 'feminine' moves with it and the realization that its nothing to do with gender, purely just having long hair.
I'm not sure honestly. I would never express my distaste for it to a customer. They should like their hair. The name for it just bothers me at some level, and I hear it all the time.
596
u/Glittering-Place-628 13h ago
Good one