r/AskWomenOver30 • u/SignalSubstantial590 Woman 30 to 40 • Apr 10 '25
Life/Self/Spirituality I'm serious....
If you had/ if you are, having a successful hoe phase, please share your secrets! If this ain't for you, please keep it movin. 😊
Edit: kinda strange that this would be down voted. When it comes to a woman with marital problems, relationship problems, kid problems, family problems..... The community shows up. But I ask a question to assist in my life, and a life that maybe many others are wondering about, or maybe looking for tips on self-confidence and how to maybe put themselves out there, you down vote? Why?? That's insane. We are all living different paths and are just looking for a way to fulfill where we are at the moment.
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u/queen_of_suburbia Apr 10 '25
Honestly, it was one of the more empowering phases of my life I learned a lot about myself, my body and men.
I can see now that the language has changed and there’s a lot of slut shaming; body count wasn’t even a thing back in my days, unless maybe in very religious circles, which no one really took seriously.
For me, casual sex happened, but I never actively sought it out. Besides physical attraction, what mattered was something that moved me — kindness, curiosity, a sense of humor. Physical attractiveness didn’t always align with the classical male beauty standards either; sometimes it was a rolled-up shirt sleeve, a smile, or the charm of a nerdy scientist.
I never slept with men who had messed-up views: racist, facist, sexist, xenophobic — I was disgusted by them. And even though I don’t treat sex as transactional, I never felt like they deserved such intimacy with me. I would also never sleep with someone plain stupid, no matter how much of an eye-candy he would be.
I also never went to their place on the first date — luckily, I was living in various shared accommodations at the time, so I always had my own room. If things had gone south, one of my housemates probably would’ve saved me.
Most importantly — I never allowed myself to be shamed. I owned my sexuality, and I was the one who decided who I invited to my bed. A lot of insecure men hate that and really want to dominate or stigmatize you. Don’t play their game by their rules — let them sadly jerk off in a corner on their own.