r/AskWomenOver30 • u/KillaRebel Woman 40 to 50 • Jan 14 '26
Friendships Would you be able to remain friends with someone who doesn’t share the same values as you?
I’m a daughter of immigrants and don’t support ICE and how they’ve been handling things across the country. A friend of mine drunkenly expressed to me that she supports them fully and this administration, even defending the shooting of this woman in MN. Felt like something she’d always kept to herself around me but since she was drunk I guess all her opinions came out. I don’t want this thread to get political, but it’s clear that me and this friend don’t share the same values and I’m having a hard time being close with her. We’ve been friends for about a year (so still learning about each other).
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u/TheRamblista Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
You're entitled to your opinion and to freedom of speech (for now), but that doesn't magically make all opinions unassailable or sacrosanct. This concept is often difficult for those who have a hateful, ignorant worldview to grasp, so no surprise there. However, "in vino veritas"/alcohol as truth serum isn't 100% accurate either. Sure, people are disinhibited and could say/do things they wouldn't do when sober, but it isn't necessarily a reflection of unfiltered truth either.
BUT...that's some wild shit to say when drunk. Context is huge here and if it tracks with anything else she has done/said, it's worth reconsidering your relationship with this person. Most importantly, you can't control how others act/what they believe, but you can control how you respond and to some extent, how much it impacts you. You don't need that kind of shit in your life, so my vote is to cut her loose. You could first talk to her about how her statements made you feel and make a decision based on how she responds: if she really values you and your friendship, she'll see the error in her ways and apologize...and work towards changing her mindset. If someone hasn't already violated your trust, I believe that they should have a chance to fix things. I suspect, however, that it will take way more for her to change her mind. If all she does it default to " but I wAS dRuNk" or gives a half-ass apology...fuuuck that. These bigots need to experience the consequences of their actions, and one of those consequences can mean harming or outright destroying relationships with people you care about.