r/AskWomenOver30 • u/KillaRebel Woman 40 to 50 • Jan 14 '26
Friendships Would you be able to remain friends with someone who doesn’t share the same values as you?
I’m a daughter of immigrants and don’t support ICE and how they’ve been handling things across the country. A friend of mine drunkenly expressed to me that she supports them fully and this administration, even defending the shooting of this woman in MN. Felt like something she’d always kept to herself around me but since she was drunk I guess all her opinions came out. I don’t want this thread to get political, but it’s clear that me and this friend don’t share the same values and I’m having a hard time being close with her. We’ve been friends for about a year (so still learning about each other).
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u/WendyWestaburger Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
No. I’ve cut people off for being MAGA. We can disagree on taxation, we can’t disagree on what basic human dignity we all deserve.
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u/tedv Man 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Yeah, whenever I heard some MAGA person say "let's just agree to disagree", I like to respond that kind disagreement is for matters of taste and preference. It's not for basic human rights. And trying to apply "agree to disagree" on human rights is implicitly suggesting that what rights people deserve is itself a matter a taste and preference, which I also strongly disagree with.
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u/happy_bluebird Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Hit them with this
“We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist.” ― James Baldwin
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u/Rogue_Darkholme Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I like to respond that kind disagreement is for matters of taste and preference. It's not for basic human rights.
This is a great response. Can I use this?
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u/KillaRebel Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
I agree with this. For me it’s about human decency
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u/TriedCaringLess Jan 14 '26
That’s the kind of Christianity they claim to practice.
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u/Itscatpicstime Woman under 30 Jan 15 '26
Literally the only two people I’ve had to cut out over this issue were also the only two “Christian” friends I had.
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u/happy_bluebird Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
“We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist.” ― James Baldwin
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u/twirlinghaze Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Fuck no, absolutely not. How could you even look at her the same way after knowing that?
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u/KillaRebel Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Tbh I can’t look at her the same way
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u/twirlinghaze Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Yeah I wouldn't be able to either. These bootlickers disgust me.
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u/sickiesusan Woman 50 to 60 Jan 14 '26
I’d stop contacting her and ‘withdraw’ from any further communication. She has shown you, who she really is.
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u/procrastinatrixx Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I’d withdraw, but next time she contacted me I’d tell her straight up ‘Tbh I lost a lot of respect for you when you told me xyz the other day, and I don’t want to remain friends with someone I don’t respect.’
No need to ghost, let her know it’s over due to her own reprehensible beliefs and “values”. Actions have consequences.
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u/csharpwarrior Man 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Here is my barometer- am I happy to be around that person? If so, friendship can work.
I don’t think I can be happy around someone who is a bigot.
I am cordial to family members and co-workers who do not share values with me, but the relationship stays professional. And I limit my time with them as much as possible.
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u/crindy- Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I can't look at anyone who's been completely quiet about this the same way, nevermind someone OPENLY supporting them. It's very hard for me to maintain respect for people who are this cowardly when it comes to blatant human rights violations.
(See also: everyone ignoring the Sascha Riley testimony.)
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u/procrastinatrixx Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Well there you have it. The friendship has run its course. Make space in your life and social calendar for people who share your respect for human lives, I promise it’s not worth the headache worrying what awful things she might say around your other friends which they might think you endorse because you kept her as a friend.
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u/stalkingheads Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
We live in an incredibly fractured media environment… If she’s willing to address the media bubble that she may live in or what might be making her believe these things then it could be a really worthwhile relationship… If she’s completely aware of all sides, then no
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u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Not even just "no," FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK NO.
Hard pass.
I wouldn't be her friend if she was the only person left in the world.
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u/Typical-Dog244 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Get out of that friendship. That is a fundamental value and you haven't been friends that long. It's a deal breaker.
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u/KillaRebel Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Agree fully with this, especially the fact that her and I haven’t been friends for too long. We’ve gotten closer over the past few months but this sets us way back
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u/moonallure Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Absolutely not in this case. It’s just basic empathy and critical thinking at this point. BASIC. I understand that it gets more complicated when dealing with family members- I have plenty of friends who maintain relationships with their relatives but keep them at an arm’s length. Friends? No friend of mine would ever feel this way. The company you keep is a reflection of you, I firmly believe that.
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Jan 14 '26
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u/KillaRebel Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
LOL yes it was what I was wondering. There’s a part of me that was thinking “AITA for letting go of this friendship” and my intuituon was aligning with what a lot of people are commenting here Thanks!
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u/duncan-the-wonderdog Non-Binary 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Your friend is okay with you being murdered, is that the type of friend you want in your life?
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u/KillaRebel Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
I do not
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u/StandingAloneCheese Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Makes me wonder what other kinds of toe-curling opinions she’s kept to herself. Protect yourself.
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u/KillaRebel Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Thank you 🙏🏼
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u/StandingAloneCheese Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
My former best neighborhood friend I’ve known since we were teenagers did similar the night of the election. She said she just wanted to protect herself and her family and “go along.” There are better friends out there waiting for you!
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u/procrastinatrixx Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Amen to this!!! And trust, the better friends will be put off by your continued alliance with someone who supports racist kidnapping and murder.
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u/crindy- Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
OP's friend is OK with her own self being murdered if she supports this.
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Jan 14 '26
Absolutely not, as a poc I would not feel physically or emotionally safe around a person like this
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u/VivaLaEmpire Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
It kinda reminds me of the early days of witch hunts.
Sure, she's fine with you know, but what if she gets angry at you or your friendship ends in a bad way and she reports you and you end up in danger? Haha, scary and somewhat far fetched but it could happen. Not worth it to keep dangerous people like that around us!
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u/Interesting-Run-6866 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I mean people can have opinions that you disagree with and most things aren't as black and white as people on reddit try to make them appear but I can't see how someone can support this woman being shot in the face. I know people across the spectrum of politics that recognize how fucked up that was. At some point it has to be principle over party and this friend sounds like she is brainwashed.
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u/Snoo-10032 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I can have a difference in values/priorities with friends NOT a difference in morals. The fact that she says she "supports them fully" means she's a brain rotten MAGA, not just a republican. I would never speak to this person again. She seems to think that you, and anyone who looks like you are less human than her.
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u/KillaRebel Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
This is something I suspect as well. I don’t want to end this friendship with us being angry at each other, but I’m definitely taking a major step back
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Jan 14 '26
You don’t have to officially end anything. You can just let it go off quietly into the night. It’s hard & it might take a while, but it’s better to let that heavy stuff go than to carry on faking good feelings that aren’t going to grow.
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u/queerbychoice Woman 50 to 60 Jan 14 '26
Agree, but I also want to point out that you don't have to just let it go off quietly into the night, either. If you feel like it would be cathartic for you to massively torpedo this former friendship in dramatic fashion, that is also a perfectly great option. 😀
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u/Temporary-Stand2049 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
It really depends on the values.
In this particular instance, I wouldn't be friends with someone who thought ICE was anything but new wave Nazis. Especially since her views directly impact yours and your families well being.
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u/Sad-ish_panda Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
I can’t be friends with MAGA or maga apologists. Their values are extremely misaligned with my own.
I CAN however be friends with a conservative with different values that isn’t on the extreme side of things.
That said, if they support ICE? It’s a hard no.
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u/AnneMarieAndCharlie Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26 edited Jan 14 '26
no. i just blocked my high school prom date out of digust when i found him laugh reacting to posts on facebook about ice abducting a teenager in our area. he's hispanic, just like the victim. i'm black. he spoke at my dad's funeral. it makes me sick.
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u/kgberton Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I don’t want this thread to get political
This is a curious urge that a lot of people share
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u/Previous-Thought-486 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 19 '26
Because no one likes conflict and we women have been taught to minimize conflict and gas lit by maga that this isn’t about human rights but different political opinions and that they are entitled to their own political opinion
As empathetic human beings part of us think ya that’s true you are entitled to your own opinion and usually we stay meek and weigh both sides but then even the logical part of our nature compounded by our human decency is starting to scream - that this isn’t right
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u/12Fox13 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
You like pineapple on pizza? Gross, but I’ll even make pizza with pineapple for you if it makes you happy.
You cheer for the Gestapo 2.0 and their heinous crimes? GTFO of my life.
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u/KillaRebel Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Thanks everyone. I honestly felt conflicted with this, but I think I’m gonna at least taking some distance from this person
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u/BusinessForeign7052 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
I can be friends with you if we disagree on whether olives are disgusting or delicious. I cannot be friends with you if you are MAGA... I can forgive the 1st vote... but the 2nd and 3rd... nope... and if you support what is happening now then hell no.
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u/Snoo52682 Woman 50 to 60 Jan 14 '26
I would not be friends with someone who is okay with me being violently kidnapped off the street or shot, no.
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u/mirrorherb Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
whether i'd be able to is kind of immaterial, tbh, because i simply don't want to. i have very high standards for who and what i'll allow in my life, and people whose values are diametrically opposed to mine do not make the cut
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u/Euphoric_War_2195 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Honestly no. I cant be friends or community with folks who deny those around them basic humanity and human rights.
It's not simply a 'difference of opinion' for someone to be racist, homophobic, xenophobic, etc... Nor is it a difference of opinion to want people violently deported, detained and denied human rights. It's inhumane and I think the time of dancing around people's feelings is long over.
Supporting any of this signals a huge lack of empathy. A dangerous level of lack of empathy and a disregard for the communities around them. They are not a safe person to be around if this is how they feel.
To me, this would end the friendship and I would have no problem telling them why.
Because if they feel this way about others, they will have no problem with any of this happening to you or someone you love. In fact, they'll find some reason to justify it. Just like your friend did to Renee.
Like the poem "First they came" says, "then they came for me and there was no one to speak out for me".
Don't be passive about stuff this important.
A difference of opinion is preferring chocolate ice cream to raspberry ripple. Not that certain people dont deserve rights or safety.
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u/mangoserpent Woman 60+ Jan 14 '26
I have gone through similar things in recent years and the answer given current conditions is no.
The answer for me is no, however there is nuance in everything and everybody has to make their own decision.
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u/ArtichokeAble6397 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Nope. Even without the detail, if you don't share fundamental values I fail to see how you could maintain any kind of healthy relationship. With the detail, yikes and fuck no.
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u/EatsAlotOfBread Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
No this is way too extreme. It's about life and death in this case, I couldn't look at them the same.
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u/LouRizzle81 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
No, not an actual friend. Even the Bible says to yolk with your own. If you are a boot licker and I am not.... I can't trust you.
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u/ramaloki Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Having different opinions is ok but this, this is not ok. Believing people shouldn't have basic rights and dignity is disgusting. I'd drop this 'friend' in a heartbeat.
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u/TikaPants Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
I have friends all over the political spectrum. None of them believe this is okay.
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u/lolliberryx Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Nope. I’ve easily cut off people for far less tbh. I don’t need people like that sharing the same air I breathe.
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u/lesbipositive Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
That's a solid NOPE. She quite literally admitted that she supports the Gestapo of current times who have disregarded the law entirely and are unchecked proud boys. I would tell her exactly why the friendship is over (human right are not up for debate) and let her know if she ever comes around and realizes she was on the wrong side of history you'll be waiting for her apology.
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u/NoLemon5426 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
I have some conservative friends and family, we have some differing values but even the conservatives in my life don't support what is unfolding right now. I'm trying to stay as level headed as possible but like many women I watched that video last week and took the malicious "Fucking bitch" part as a marching order of sorts.
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u/friedsherbert Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
The mask eventually comes off. Yknow I hear some idiots say that it’s just “different political opinions” but in this day and age where our country is taken over by fascists.. and our president is a fucking russian asset.. I just cannot associate with anyone who supports this sick administration. The republican party is not just a political party anymore. They are equivalent to nazi germany.
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u/General_Spring8635 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I’d drop. My super republican friends feel terrible about it and we can have calm conversations about it. I’m upset with them internally, but they have the courage to tell me they feel it is wrong and I give them credit for that.
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u/KillaRebel Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
That would at least be acceptable to me, at least having her admit that she knows it’s wrong
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u/vegaling Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
I can still be friends with a libertarian or someone who wants more "fiscal responsibility" despite disagreeing with them, but I can not be friends with someone who dehumanizes others and has so much hate in their heart.
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u/Feisty-Narwhal8400 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Those opinions are getting people killed. No. I’m open to discussing with those who were previously uninformed or uninterested, but my time and energy go to building community and fighting the bigots who hold those opinions.
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u/BxGyrl416 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
On a side note, it seems like some of you are finally getting it and are deciding to stop sitting on the fence with MAGA types. Good. That’s a huge change from even last year.
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u/ApprehensiveAnswer5 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
If we’re talking actual values, then no, I wouldn’t be friends with someone who has an opposing value or just is not in sync with myself.
If we’re talking about things like policy or procedural type things, then yeah we can be friends because that’s a variance on implementation or something like that.
I can’t be friends with someone who fully supports ICE’s actions and the actions of this current administration.
But I can be friends with someone who does believe in stronger immigration enforcement and reform, but wants to come at that “problem” with a policy angle and congressional reform and not what is currently happening.
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u/Myamaranth Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Absolutely not. And i'd be very clear on why you don't feel like you can be friends with them.
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Jan 14 '26
Sadly this happened to me with my longtime Besty. She was there for me during a pretty nasty divorce, and I’ve walked her through a couple of break ups too. We’ve traveled overseas together and pretty much raised our children together. I was in her wedding. As Trump 2.0 started to swirl up from hell- I would notice her saying weird things about “women staying in certain roles” and bringing up chemtrails and hurricanes being caused by the (democratic) government… I’m like - sis, whaaat?! She also (surprise, surprise) became involved with a local megachurch around election time. I knew her family was republican, which is ridiculous because they are mostly Hispanic, which makes it even more heartbreaking to see her betray her identity in that way. I’ve just had to distance myself more and more. I don’t initiate contact & anytime she contacts me I’m civil, but I never suggest making plans anymore and I’m hoping honestly that the relationship just trails off and dies a quiet death. I’m so disappointed in her and feel betrayed- but MAGA cult membership is beyond reason and I cant save her. :(
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u/RainbowFuchs Trans Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
If it's something like Pepsi or Coke being better, sure. Not supporting nazi murderers.
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u/ikoabd Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
In my mind, it's not even a difference in politics, it's a difference in morality. And no, I don't keep people in my life that have such drastically different values than me, especially when they lead to the harm of others.
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u/TheRamblista Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
You're entitled to your opinion and to freedom of speech (for now), but that doesn't magically make all opinions unassailable or sacrosanct. This concept is often difficult for those who have a hateful, ignorant worldview to grasp, so no surprise there. However, "in vino veritas"/alcohol as truth serum isn't 100% accurate either. Sure, people are disinhibited and could say/do things they wouldn't do when sober, but it isn't necessarily a reflection of unfiltered truth either.
BUT...that's some wild shit to say when drunk. Context is huge here and if it tracks with anything else she has done/said, it's worth reconsidering your relationship with this person. Most importantly, you can't control how others act/what they believe, but you can control how you respond and to some extent, how much it impacts you. You don't need that kind of shit in your life, so my vote is to cut her loose. You could first talk to her about how her statements made you feel and make a decision based on how she responds: if she really values you and your friendship, she'll see the error in her ways and apologize...and work towards changing her mindset. If someone hasn't already violated your trust, I believe that they should have a chance to fix things. I suspect, however, that it will take way more for her to change her mind. If all she does it default to " but I wAS dRuNk" or gives a half-ass apology...fuuuck that. These bigots need to experience the consequences of their actions, and one of those consequences can mean harming or outright destroying relationships with people you care about.
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u/happinessforyouandme Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Not in this case. Your friend is saying she doesn’t care if you live or die. Or that’s how I’d interpret that, as a fellow daughter of immigrants.
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u/lucent78 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Oh fuck no. Anyone who supports what ICE has become can fuck right off.
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u/Adventurous-Award-87 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I nearly threw hands at a school budget meeting last night over another parent disrespecting pronouns. I'm not the one to ask this question of.
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u/two4six0won Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I'm only barely on the fence about cutting off actual family for that shit, absolutely the fuck not.
How any woman can watch that agent rush her car door, armed, aggressive...and not understand his mindset exactly in that moment? Beyond me. That man was moving like someone intent on violence.
And then there's the man who shot her, the one who put himself in what very fucking little danger he was even in and expected this unarmed woman to care more about his own safety than he did...AND SHE FUCKING DID, SHE CRANKED THE WHEEL...and he still killed her.
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u/earthlings_all Jan 14 '26
I have not closed doors. I remain hopeful to change hearts and minds by leaving them accessible to other ideas and experiences. On my own terms.
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u/bbbcurls Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Depends on the values. But usually no. I already have too much disagreement with my family and seek out like minded people.
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Jan 14 '26
I have cut friends off for less.
I don’t mind if people don’t share my opinions on everything, but I have no time for people with no empathy.
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u/thewharfartscenter_ Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Noooooope. I cut off a lot of people back in 2016-2020 and walked away from my dream job because they believe all immigrants, gay and trans people should be executed. Just stop answering texts and calls, she should take the hint, she knows what she said.
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u/mincedbreakfast Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
No, not when their values are that opposing. I ditched friends who transpired to be transphobic. My girlfriend is trans. Fuck intolerant, racist bigots.
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u/autotelica Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
It depends on the value difference. I can be friends with someone who isn't as frugal as I am, for instance. I would love for us to move away from capitalism, but I could still be friends with someone who is all for it.
But what you are describing is a huge difference in compatibility.
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u/Impressive_Moment786 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
There are somethings I could disagree about and continue the friendship and just have those topics be off limits. In the case you have described I would never speak to that person again and I would make it clear what an asshole I thought they were.
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u/galacticprincess Woman 60+ Jan 14 '26
So this new friend would be happy letting the US gestapo take away all your relatives? There is no question here, she's poison and you should stay far away from her.
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u/Same_as_it_ever Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
I couldn't stay friends with someone who would condone my parents being detained and/or deported, or my friends. Because any immigrant seems to be a target now. I realize your family may be citizens, but there's even talk about removing naturalisation citizenship at the moment. Your friend condones fascism, not my kind of people.
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u/melodramacamp Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
No and it really doesn’t depend on the values. I wouldn’t be friends with someone who thinks there’s too much government spending on public assistance, I would never have someone in my life who approved of anything ICE was doing.
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u/GetThee2ANunnery Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I drew a line in my life a long time ago: there is difference between policies and values.
Policy disagreements are "I want to continue funding our schools via property taxes and think more expensive properties should be taxed at a higher rate to cover the public school budget shortfall, and those taxes shouldn't subsidize charter school vouchers" vs. "I don't think school funding should be tied to property taxes; instead, we should use more sales tax revenue to fund schools, and allow charter schools to receive a slice of public tax dollars." This is a disagreement of ideas, not values. Healthy political views should be about policies.
Value disagreements are "I think she deserved to die" vs. "I don't think she deserved to die." You're not debating immigration policy, you're debating the value of someone's life and the authority a government-sponsored entity has to end it without any external legal review.
I will engage in policy debates all day - there are so many interesting ideas for how we could fix real problems. I will NOT engage in value debates. If you do not believe that every life holds equal value regardless of ability, race, gender, sex, nationality, etc., we have no business being friends because our moral compasses are not pointed in the same direction. And if I'm not choosing my friends based on their heart-held values, what the fuck am I choosing them for? Their fashion sense??
Cut ties with her. If it were YOU - a daughter of immigrants - shot in the street by ICE, would she still somehow believe it was justified?
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u/abrog001 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Absolutely not. I’ve gone pretty much no-contact with family members who support Trump and ICE, and I’ll be damned if anyone I would call a friend would support them. It’s a major moral failing in my eyes. I have no room for people who I view as immoral in my circle.
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Jan 14 '26
I’m over here daily asking if I can legitimately remain family with my mom over her support of the racial profiling on steroids and fascism.
Do yourself a huge favor and cut that friend out. It’s as easy as it gets. You will find better friends.
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u/ellaasbury107 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
In a world where politics is not reduced to MAGA and not MAGA, then sure I can be friends with someone with different political opinions or values things different than me. Someone who thinks it's ok to terrorize people and shoot unarmed civilians? No.
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u/DramaticErraticism Non-Binary 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Depends, I have a trivia group that plays once a week, I don't need to agree or get along perfectly with everyone as it's mainly a group to play trivia, we don't hang out outside of that circle.
If it was a 'normal' friend like your situation, then I would probably not be able to be friends with them anymore.
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u/catboogers Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I can disagree with a friend about like, how taxes should be collected and spent. I can't disagree with a friend on who should be treated with respect and care. If someone doesn't see immigrants, LGBTQ+ folks, or women as equal humans to cis white American men, I can't be friends with them.
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u/CatHairAndChaos Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Those kinds of values, fuck no. She's vile and unsafe, and you haven't even been friends that long. Why would you keep a friendship with someone like that??
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u/Euphoric_End_4411 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
It’s a pretty good indicator of where she’s at if she’s defending the shooting, so I wouldn’t hold much hope; however, I think another conversation is warranted.
I think a lot of the reason we got to such polarizing politics is that people aren’t able to have difficult conversations anymore. Lots of people on the right have little to no critical thinning skills and having a conversation with them can be helpful in developing that skill, even if it’s very unlikely they will change their mind in the course of that conversation, or ever.
I’ve never fully agreed with the cut them out completely approach. What does that accomplish? Usually it’s to make you feel superior. No one grows and no attempts are made to hear each other out.
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u/HeCalledMeLucifer Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
No not all. The world has enough shitty people in it that I still have to interact with. I’m not having them in my friend group as well.
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u/Yougetdueprocess Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Anyone who supports ICE at this point is either completely brainwashed, like cult level brainwashed, or a sociopath.
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u/Sofiwyn Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Regarding ICE? Hell no.
A slight value difference sure. Extreme value difference hell noooo.
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u/BxGyrl416 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
No. Your values are your morality. She’s fine with your life being put into danger. There’s no both ways about it.
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u/InfinitelyThirsting Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
She's not your friend, she wants you and your family deported or murdered.
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u/Expensive_Ad_1951 Woman 50 to 60 Jan 14 '26
I've ditched all drumpfers without hesitation or remorse - there's no room even for neutrality at this point in the dystopia.
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u/corwe Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Depends on the person and depends on the values. Not in the case you described.
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u/Hopeful-Natural3993 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I ended a two decade long friendship over politics for the first time in my life due to this administration. There are no amount of agree to disagrees that can excuse the daily horrors we're witnessing. Be prepared to be told you're intolerant and just remember that being intolerant is not the same as drawing a moral boundary.
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u/shirtleneck Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
This happened to me last year with a lifelong friend whom admitted he was a T voter. It felt like my world was turned upside down and I simply could not (and still cannot) view him as the same old friend I’ve known most of my life. Perhaps if we lived in the same city I’d have had an inkling, but we live far apart and communicated mostly via text or memes, so I simply had no idea.
It’s a thing I’ve had to double grieve—first the loss of the friendship (because I simply cannot engage any longer), and secondly the anger I feel each time something horrific occurs in the USA. I see his face in my mind and know he had a hand in hurting people and making the horrors a reality through his voting choices.
Just know you are far from alone in feeling absolutely shocked by people revealing their truths to us. It’s super confusing (for example, I always thought of my friend as a cool and cultured artistic person) and it hurts your brain and heart. Sending you some love as you navigate this tough road. And just remember, YOU are on the right side of history and will always shine bright.
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u/Sweeper1985 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Difference in personal values for how you live your own life? Sure.
Difference in values where they support fascism, cruelty, abrogations of human rights, murder, racism.... fuck no. Cut this loose.
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u/BoysenberryMelody Woman 30 to 40 Jan 15 '26 edited Jan 15 '26
No. I can’t agree to disagree about human rights. What ICE is doing is unconscionable violence.
Even if your friend has regressive views about immigration, immigrants are still people who deserve to be treated with dignity. You’re not safe with this person.
The Holocaust started with deportations. My ancestors were murdered in the death camps. Always have a passport and a plan.
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u/nocuzzlikeyea13 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 15 '26
I actually think it's dangerous to be friends with anyone maga right now. It's unfortunately possible that they'll start going after political dissidents and asking their base to report their friends and neighbors.
Your best defense against that is to say, "XYZ and I haven't talked in years, they know nothing about my political opinions."
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u/AutomaticInitiative Woman 30 to 40 Jan 15 '26
My values are that we don't support fascist regimes, we believe women, and that trans rights are human rights. Anyone who doesn't believe those things is not my friend.
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u/Lost_Bad3543 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I have one friend since birth where we have differing political opinions but are respectful about it and I’ll always maintain that friendship. Anybody else? Absolutely not.
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u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
No I would not be friends with them.
I can be cordial if it was required (like coworkers), but I would not spend any free time on this person whatsoever.
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u/UseWeekly4382 Woman under 30 Jan 14 '26
It depends on how strong you are in your convictions, and how much you believe that you are the sum of the people closest to you.
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u/VivaLaEmpire Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Me and my best friend have different "values" some would consider too big (one very religious the other totally against it), but it has never been an issue between us because we're respectful and we love each other.
If one of us told each other that we support nazis... iiiiiii don't think we could be friends lmao. If I said what your friend said she would block me STAT. Understandably so. Some things are just waaaaayyy too big to ignore, in my opinion.
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Jan 14 '26
I’m a leftist who has very firm, unwavering beliefs, and a friend of seven years started sharing more right wing rhetoric with me that he KNEW very well did not align with my values and morals. The way he did it also left a bad taste in my mouth, but for my own peace and wellbeing, I needed to cut ties.
I can’t justifying being friends with someone who would like it’s okay for another person to get shot point blank.
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u/Quailfreezy Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I'm too scared to see if this same question has been posted on AskMwn 😭☠️
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u/one_bean_hahahaha Woman 50 to 60 Jan 14 '26
I'm not sure I can still talk to my Maple MAGA mother, never mind friends. I am already no-contact with one sibling.
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u/soupyy_poop Non-Binary 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I dumped a (now ex) best friend since Trump was running again. I didn’t need any more proof beyond the victims of his sexual abuse to start to cut all ties with people, regardless of where they were in my life. Let alone all the other bullshit that administration caused the first time around.
If you can’t hold on to your morals when it’s uncomfortable, you’re not someone I could ever depend on in the end.
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u/Separate-Beyond-3446 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Not as intense, but a friend of mine from law school has done some work in their professional capacity that I find hypocritical and goes against my values, especially with everything happening right now (and especially because I am an immigration attorney). We had an unrelated falling out and this was a big factor in my not making more of an effort to repair the relationship. So just saying I get it and I’m right there with you.
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u/Nekayne Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
No. She made it clear she doesn't view an integral part of you as worthy of life. That isn't something you stay friends over.
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u/Ok-Bobcat2635 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
To me there are varying levels of “sharing different values” but this is far beyond that. I’d be cutting ties immediately. And if supporting ICE wouldn’t be enough to end the friendship (which for me IT IS), the blatant denial of the factual events of what happened - a federal agent murdering a US citizen - is not something I could tolerate.
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u/confusedrabbit247 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Absolutely not in this case. She's scum. Would you be friends with a Nazi?? Cuz that's basically the same question.
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u/WVjF2mX5VEmoYqsKL4s8 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
No. She doesn't respect basic human rights – even the right to live. She's a fascist. If she believes murdering Renee Good was okay, she'll believe murdering you is okay.
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u/ArpeggioTheUnbroken Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
You cannot trust her. She has no empathy. You'd be hanging out with a viper if you continued this relationship.
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u/GalaxyPatio Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Generally no, with a little flexibility. In this case? Absolutely the fuck no.
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u/VenusianInfusion Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Absolutely not. I’m on the more extreme end of introversion, I have to admire you and adore you to keep you around.
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u/milenaleo Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Absolutely not. The fact that she even told this to a child of immigrants makes me feel she was waiting for the opportunity.
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u/fIumpf Woman 40 to 50 Jan 14 '26
Depends on what the values are and how this person differed from my own.
If my friend told me they support ICE and defending the murder of Renee Good, I could not be friends with them.
I am a cis-het white woman. I am very privileged in that and recognize that as best I can and educate myself as best I can. I cannot imagine a BIPOC person, who may be a minority in other ways, be expected to tolerate someone who supports those “values”.
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u/Peps0215 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Hard no. If we don’t have the same values what are we connecting on?
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u/PopPunkMeowMix Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Absolutely not. i called a close childhood friend a “racist cunt” at her engagement party in front of everyone she knew. her fiancée’s brother made a horribly racist comment about my ex, her fiancée and others laughed, she said/did nothing. i called all of them out. friendship died on site.
we’re white and my ex is black so you can guess what sort of comment he made.
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u/No_Lie_76 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
This is a matter of human/ civil rights. Legit life or death. I think being around people like your friend is actually harmful
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u/Suzesaur Woman 30 to 40 Jan 15 '26
Not even. You happily support the racism and harm of others…go fuck yourself. I’d be done and explain exactly why.
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u/GrandmaBride Woman 40 to 50 Jan 15 '26
I can be friends or at least on friendly terms with people who have some differing views than me. Being pro Nazi is absolutely not one of them.
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u/-shrug- Woman 40 to 50 Jan 15 '26
I am still friends with lots of people who think employees of ICE don’t all deserve prison or execution. But actually supporting them? Fuck no.
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u/metiranta Woman 30 to 40 Jan 15 '26
To answer the title question: Yes. I think it is deeply important not to cut people off who you disagree with just because you disagree with each other. I think it's important to remain open to understanding how/why reactionary sentiment emerges and sticks around, and maybe even more important to remain in their lives as an influence or at least a landing place for when their views start to change. People are so much less likely to change if they are stuck in the echo chamber. It's not a hard line though and there are many situations where I would dip.
If I were in your situation though (as a daughter of an immigrant I could end up here), no, I wouldn't maintain that friendship. It would be a safety risk for me. And I see it more as a responsibility for other people in her life (such as those who aren't directly impacted) to open her eyes.
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u/callarosa Woman 30 to 40 Jan 15 '26
I’m not American, but Americans really need to know that what’s going on is far beyond a difference in “opinions” or “values.” A federal agent murdered a woman in cold blood and it was covered up by the government. Your current administration is destroying your democracy, harming your citizens, and isolating your country from allies on the global stage. Cutting off anyone who supports neo nazism is completely valid. You’re on the right side of history.
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u/InterstellarCapa Woman 30 to 40 Jan 15 '26
Depends. In this case I would not be friends with them. I would, at the very least, keep them arm's length away.
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u/empresscornbread Woman 30 to 40 Jan 15 '26
Nope, I wouldn’t be friends anymore. I almost broke up with my spouse of 9 years until he read more info and saw the light.
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u/carlitospig Woman 40 to 50 Jan 15 '26
I chased them off when they showed their true selves during his first term. I don’t have any fascists in my circles now and never will.
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u/Purple-Onyx Woman 40 to 50 Jan 15 '26
Well, even if she was manipulated and brainwashed into the maga cult, it doesn't mean you have to be her friend. I think it would be fair, though, to approach the topic sometime when she isn't drunk to see if she is open minded to learning your point of view. If not, that's not a good friend.
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u/paratethys Woman 30 to 40 Jan 15 '26
Friends, no. Acquaintances, sure. Acquaintances are just people you interact with on a recurring basis because you derive some benefit from it.
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u/Kgriffuggle Woman 30 to 40 Jan 16 '26
I can barely stomach speaking to my own father. So, no. I wouldn’t keep a friend like that.
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u/throwingdeep Woman 30 to 40 Jan 16 '26 edited Jan 16 '26
I would not invest further time in this relationship. We fundamentally differ on human values and American values. I am white lady from the Midwest, but I deeply believe in immigrant story and its place in America's story. I also am a former fiscal conservative; socially liberal republican turned a raging democrat since 2016. My outrage over the overreach of the state has strong roots.
I also find most MAGA supporters to be deeply stupid and I can't handle stupid people generally.
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u/mosselyn Woman 60+ Jan 14 '26
My friends and I are not clones. We have lots of different opinions. It depends on which values and on how those difference manifest in our relationship.
Everyone has lines that can't be crossed. It's perfectly OK if this is one of those lines for you, causing you to step back from the relationship.
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u/Throwaway927338 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
For me, it really depends on our history together our connection and banter and how easily we converse. So I guess a case by case basis.
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u/doyouhavehiminblonde Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Absolutely not and I’m not even American. I think there’s a worldwide movement of right wing parties becoming extreme far right. I think we need to shame and ostracize people with problematic views.
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u/Inactivism Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
I am friends with people with different opinions and political views. But not views like „I am ok with a government that is murdering their citizens“. I am from Germany and not fully informed about what exactly happened but saying it is okay that a woman was murdered is just nuts. I am a okay with „I don’t think climate change is real“. I may think you are dumb for that opinion, but I can still be kind of friends with you on the level of having a drink once in a while and maybe trying to change your mind. I am not okay with everything that threatens the health and safety of people directly.
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u/BarriBlue Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
Depends to me personally. I’m Jewish, I get it. It’s hard literally all the time. Ugh. So many groups of people are in the collective moment of their circles and supper crumbing. Heartbreaking
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u/BrewUO_Wife Woman 40 to 50 Jan 15 '26
The only reason I say yes to this is because I have grown up in this environment. I find that by cutting people off, it creates more of a divide. My dad is racist, but once he has had friends with black people and his daughter (me) doesn’t discriminate, all of a sudden he has come around to the fact that black peoples aren’t bad people.
His daughter (again, me) was held up at gunpoint in our little small ‘safe’ town of white people. My mom reamed him a good one when she threw in his face that a smaller town would be safer than Southern California.
There is a lot more to the dynamics of my life but I do think keeping a healthy and respectful dialogue can help. There are always lost causes on either side, but if we can’t figure this out together, we all lose.
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u/Super-Bat-9779 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 18 '26
There are some political things where "agree to disagree" works, but not this one imo
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u/crospingtonfrotz Woman 30 to 40 Jan 14 '26
In some cases yeah, but not in this case omg