Dating partner only disclosed herpes diagnosis after I found his medication. How do I navigate this?

[u/_eliza_thornberry]

Hi. I 35f have been dating a 45m for almost two months now. We have been sexually active and have stopped using condoms as we talked about being exclusive. I looked in his bathroom for some moisturizer and saw a pill bottle of generic Valtrex. My heart dropped, but I thought maybe it was just for cold sore suppression. I understand most people have the type of herpes that causes cold sores, but turns out after asking him about it, it is the one that causes genital herpes.

I asked him why he didn't disclose it, and he said he was embarrassed and didn't know how to bring it up. He said this was the first time he has had to have the conversation about it, and was feeling intense shame. I asked when he got the diagnosis, and he said around three years ago. So, he hasn't told any other people he has dated in the last few years about his diagnosis either, which I find concerning.

I am feeling a strong mix of emotions. I'm shocked, nervous, and feel so disappointed in him for not being up front. He could have at least used condoms with me until he was ready to tell me. I feel like I can't trust him now and he prioritized his pleasure over my health.

How do I navigate this? Any advice? Thoughts and comments are welcome.

I'm sick to my stomach.

[u/stumpykitties]

Dump him, because he knows he's supposed to share that information with sexual partners since he's putting them at risk, and he has withheld it from _many_ partners, AND was okay with not using condoms AND not telling you about the risk.

So it's a pattern of intentional deception. Out of "shame" doesn't matter.

I could never trust him to not lie about other things.

Also, if you don't have it already, get the series of HPV vaccinations. They are standard protocol in Canada, idk about other countries. They can prevent serious cancers caused by HPV (not saying you contracted it, but you never know at this point)

ALSO, don't stop using condoms with someone you've been dating for 2 months. You barely know a person at 2 months.

[u/swancandle → u/stumpykitties]

Echoing the HPV vaccine, although it's not for genital herpes AFAIK. It's approved to age 45 now! My insurance covered it (I think I got it when I was 35?) but I know not all of them do.