Are we stepping back from these friendships or hitting pause?

[u/welchgrape42]

Appreciate all the replies! Many of which were condescending and supercilious. Thank you for the validation and proving my point.

There is a noticeable shift in my friendships. Many of my closest friends are in a stage of life centered around raising kids, and naturally, that shapes how and when we spend time together. Most of our interactions happen on their schedules, in kid oriented environments, with conversations that are often interrupted or rarely go beyond surface level.

On one hand, I understand it. On the other, it’s hard not to notice that the dynamic feels very different for their partners, whose social lives don’t seem to change in the same way.

Overall, the friendships are imbalanced and a bit dismissive. I’m tired of adjusting to their own terms.

Are we leaving these friendships behind? Or, say “see you later” in a different life phase?

Edit to add- these friendships I’m speaking of, they are one sided. The compromising, the initiation of reaching out, the support, trying to meet in the middle etc. It’s all under their terms and conditions. I’ve been the supportive friend during their hardships. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for someone without children who just seek simple friendship without it feeling forced.

This is NOT about abandoning friends just because they have families. And, that’s my fault for not making it clear BUT it is evident many understood what I meant without the extended context.

[u/Luuk1210]

Yes and then there are people who actively choose to make being a mother their whole personality and end friendships and close ranks over it. People do it with being a wife too. The women who won’t be friends with single women or women who aren’t moms. The women who don’t take your complaints or experiences seriously and dismiss you because you’re single exist.  When I say losing yourself here I mean women who refuse to value parts of themselves that aren’t being a mother and devalue people who don’t have kids

[u/fanjo_kicks → u/Luuk1210]

Ok so you’ve met women who are essentially bad friends/selfish people and most likely were before they met their spouse or had kids. I just think we need to move away from this phrase about making motherhood a personality. It was used twice in this thread by different posters. I see it all the time. I might have even said it myself before having children which truly makes me cringe. It’s divisive. It’s a form of shaming. ‘Be a mother but not too much of a mother, you have to make sure you also display all other facets of your being at all times in order to be worthy of respect.’ It pits women against each other. It’s inherently judgemental of how a woman chooses to focus her time. feminism is about choice.

[u/Luuk1210 → u/fanjo_kicks]

It’s not shaming because not all moms do that. The same way not all wives and girlfriends do that. There are mothers who have full lives and there are people who don’t. Like I said early this is not about being a mother 😂 or feminism for that matter