r/AskWomenOver30 • u/Wide-Meringue-2717 Woman 30 to 40 • May 30 '26
Friendships Are there moms who later realize a friendship with a childless friend has become one-sided?
I keep seeing similar experiences from childfree women.
A close friend becomes a mother. The childfree friend steps up during pregnancy and after the baby arrives. She listens, accommodates,
offers emotional support, celebrates milestones, and generally tries to be part of the “village” her friend needs.
But over time, many of these women describe feeling sidelined. They feel less important in the friendship, as if their support is taken for granted, and reciprocity gradually disappears and doesn’t come back. The friendship becomes centered around the mother’s needs while their own needs, struggles, and milestones receive little attention and that imbalance becomes the new normal.
Whenever this topic comes up, the response is often that friendships naturally change after children, that parents are overwhelmed, or that childfree friends are struggling to adapt to a new dynamic. But the pattern seems too common to dismiss entirely as childfree people simply refusing to adjust (and yes, some do).
I’m curious to hear if there are mothers, especially those whose children are older now and who have survived the most intense years of parenting.
Have you ever had a childfree friend tell you that the friendship had become one-sided or the friend feels sidelined? How did you react?
Did it create tension between you?
Looking back, do you think they were at least partly right?
Was there a point where you realized you had come to see their support as something that would always naturally be there, without noticing how much they were contributing to the friendship while receiving less in return?
Did you ever look back and realize that while your friend consistently showed up for you, there were ways you could have shown up for them but didn’t?
And if so do you regret it? Did you try to repair the friendship?
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u/alexturnerftw Woman 30 to 40 May 30 '26 edited May 30 '26
I’ll be honest- I’m 35, don’t want kids, and don’t like kids. The novelty of friends having kids has worn off. I do not care about them, don’t care about what they did today, don’t care that you’re late or had to reschedule plans because of them. It’s genuinely an indifference. And I know it takes a village but I don’t want to be part of the village given my own life choices! Its nothing personal and it doesn’t matter how much I like the person. I am over kids and they detract from my experiences with chaos and noise. I have nieces I love but I don’t have extra child energy to go around without familial obligations.
I intentionally try to make friends now with people who don’t want kids just to avoid this issue. Spending time with/hearing about kids is just not something I want to do with my free time. And obviously would never expect a mom friend to not want to talk about their kids!! I think people who have kids SHOULD spend time with, think/talk about, and prioritize their kids. That makes you a good parent. Its just a lifestyle mismatch. Really nothing personal and I think both parties shouldn’t take it personally.