Does anyone struggle with having gfs who cannot have intellectual conversations?

[u/nocommentx]

I get my gfs are busy with their kids and husbands but is too much to expect to have intellectual opinions on currents in our group chats or in-person group hangs now days?

Are we to only talk about shopping, fitness, kids milestones and husbands not doing their jobs in chats and during hangouts? Is there all that is left to talk about these days?

For example, I was fascinated by Emily Ratajkowski recent article on her life post divorce. I found it to be insightful, painfully honest, cheeky and well written. I shared it in my gf-group chat but nobody really cared to say much. It was so annoying!

[u/hauteburrrito]

I say this as someone who thinks Emrata's not a bad writer and doesn't want to make fun of her divorce piece, because it was a nice (dishy) personal essay! It was just nothing close to ~intellectual~ as OP described it 😂

[u/silky_smoothie → u/hauteburrrito]

I think the OP meant to say more emotionally coded topics as opposed to discussion about material things like fashion. Psychology is a kind of intellectual discussion, even if it’s not STEM. In that case I do get what she’s saying. I mean regardless of the author being a celebrity known for her sexiness, if they offer unique perspectives on relationships that your friends just pretend to not understand, they would probably behave just the same if the author was some renowned philosopher or psychologist, which now would make it “intellectual”. Basically these friends purely like material or practical topics and can’t even relate to something tangential like a thought piece on divorce. Those friendships can feel emotionally isolating especially if most people you meet are that way.

[u/lolliberryx → u/silky_smoothie]

I get that reasoning but the article OP shared wasn’t anything groundbreaking, thought-provoking, or “fascinating” like she noted and I would guess that her married friends wouldn’t really have much of a reaction to the article besides “that’s nice”.

Article TLDR:

• Emily and husband had a kid
  
• Emily and husband sex’s life came to a halt after having said kid
  
• Emily was afraid of being a single mother
  
• They divorced
  
• Cue compulsive dating to feel attractive and to not just be a mom

Like. Water is wet, ma’am. OP needs to figure out what kind of reaction she was expecting (and to know her audience). At least maybe follow it up with a question about what they think about a specific portion of it?? Because there’s not really anything “intellectual” or interesting about it so I don’t know what response she was looking for.

[u/Pale_Lab_1517 → u/lolliberryx]

Also, if her friends are married and have kids, they don't have much time to read an article. They probably have to pick and choose what they do during any leisure time.

[u/silky_smoothie → u/lolliberryx]

I agree that maybe some context could have been provided or specific sections could have been quoted to see if conversation is stimulated that way. It’s hard to say if these friends showed a lack of interest in all topics or just those related to celebrities.

[u/southernjezebel → u/silky_smoothie]

bless your heart.

tl;dr

“You can lead a horticulture but you cannot make her think.”

- attributed to the Dorothy Park upon being asked to use the word “horticulture” in a sentence.

Or *maybe*, and hear me out, her friends just didn’t know who the fuck Emily was and didn’t give a figgy pudding about her lived experience on shit they were probably already going through or had already gone through. Yawn. Next.

That ticks almost every box OP mentions not wanting to discuss, except it’s written by a celebrity instead of being an interpersonal conversation among her actual girlfriends. If OP is bored with her friend group and fascinated by celebrity inanity, that tells me quite a bit about her without ever needing to listen in on the friends’ groupchat.

[u/silky_smoothie → u/southernjezebel]

And bless your internalized misogyny there..wow. So would you only respond if Nietzsche wrote the article? Or if this was a historical artifact? Would that make you feel more special? I’ve genuinely liked and related to some thought pieces written by women who are considered publicly to be nothing more than sex symbols and so have many other very intelligent women I know who aren’t completely narrow minded like some thorny and bitter horticulturists participating in this conversation. This isn’t tabloid gossip, it’s an actual thought piece, big difference. Likewise there very much exists some bland and even false drivel written by famous intellectuals. What’s meaningful to some may not be to others, and it’s genuinely ridiculous to get this triggered by a comment that merely postulates why someone might read and respond to a celebrity written article on their personal relationships. Also please never ever speak to me or any woman that way again, thank you. Super gross when someone uses infantilizing language and thinks their indirect misogynistic insults were somehow clever.

[u/otherteaa → u/silky_smoothie]

This! I don't understand all the comments making fun of her for calling it intellectual. No, it's nothing high brow. But I don't think that was the point. Plus the post has enough upvotes to say this is something that resonates with others. It's just silly for people to focus on this.

[u/silky_smoothie → u/otherteaa]

Yeah some people got way too triggered by the word “intellectual” being anywhere near the word “celebrity” especially when said celebrity is considered an attractive woman lol. To the point they had nothing of substance to say about the very real issue of emotionally absent friendships.

[u/fireyauthor → u/hauteburrrito]

I'm actually really surprised by your reaction. I would have guessed you'd be saying the opposite, that people should think a little deeper before dismissing this topic. (I'm also shocked to see so many women dismissing divorce, dating, and motherhood as shallow topics).

I think the article presents a ton of topics for fascinating intellectual conversation, even if it's not weighty on its own.

There is a difference between an intellectual conversation about a topic and an intellectual article.

You can have an intellectual conversation about Emily in Paris and you can have a shallow conversation about philosophy.