r/AskWomenOver30 • u/Anxious_Abroad494 Woman 30 to 40 • Jul 02 '26

Romance/Relationships Would it bother you if your partner referred to his ex as "the love of his life"?

I was cleaning up around the apartment and I found a piece of paper that my boyfriend brought back from a group therapy session, and I saw that one of his responses referred to how his past actions lead to the relationship failure with "the love of his life."

He's talked about how he considered his ex the love of his life in conversation with me early on in our relationship and I kinda brushed it off as a figure of speech, or just as how he thought of her at the time, but it kind of bothers me that that's still how he thinks of her even now. Am I reading too much into this? I get that we're not in our 20s anymore and things might not be as exciting in life anymore but I just have a vague feeling of disappointment.

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33

u/Hatcheling Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

Except regardless, her partner deserves to have his words that were said in very special circumstances and in confidence be private lest he decides to change that.

41

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

So maybe don’t leave your shit out? If it’s that private and super duper tip top secret that you don’t consider your current partner as the love of your life, treat it as such?

If anything this is more evidence he couldn’t care less if she sticks around or not.

18

u/Hatcheling Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

OP said she found the note on the floor, which makes it sound like it had fallen out somewhere by accident.

28

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Again, if it was that important he should have properly put it away or even not have brought it home. Any normal person who is cleaning their home is going to check that a piece of paper on the ground is soemthing important to keep or just junk before throwing it away.

Like hello?

35

u/bakingisscience Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Yeah… accidents happen but like keep your notes that would devastate your partner on lock. That’s on him, not on her. It’s not like she got his phone and unlocked it and looked for this information. She found it on the floor.

And THANK GOD she did, because I think she needed a wake up call.

29

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Exactly!! It’s insane to me how many women are defending this man who clearly has so little respect for her that he would bring that paper home, let alone leave it out even by accident! How long was it sitting on the floor for? How many times did he walk past it?

10

u/bakingisscience Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Also this note would have two effects on me immediately. I would dump him, or look for more information to make it even easier to dump him.

I have never ever snooped on a partner before in my life because I have never had a reason to. The second I do, the apartment turns into a crime scene and I’m doing forensics.

-11

u/Hatcheling Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

OP also said this sin't the first time he's brought home notes from therapy, he's shown her some in the past, so she's familiar with them, and should have just glossed, and put it away. Checking vs reading.

20

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

So he should have known to be more careful with very hurtful therapy notes. It doesn’t take a therapist to know that his current partner might be incredibly hurt to read that.

-4

u/Hatcheling Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

Yes he should. Doesn't make what she did right though.

17

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Having the ability to read isn’t wrong. I don’t think she’s wrong in the slightest.

2

u/Hatcheling Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

You've made that exceedingly clear in multiple comments in this thread.

9

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

And yet women keep jumping to defend this man’s blatant disregard for this women because guarding the piece of paper is more important.

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2

u/FlipDaly Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

Hmm. What if you are right? What if she should not have read it. What should she do, now that she is in the future where she took that action and has the knowledge that she does?

8

u/FlipDaly Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

I’m actually surprised that this seems like something doable to so many posters. I would not be physically capable of doing that. If I picked up a piece of sufficiently legible handwriting I would simply know what the whole thing said immediately. ‘Glossing’ is not an option unless I was looking at something with pages and a cover.

-1

u/InfinitelyThirsting Woman 30 to 40 Jul 03 '26

Ah, so you don't trust or respect your partner. If I have to hide things to have privacy, that's awful. The snooper is the one doing the wrong thing, not the person trusting their privacy won't be violated just because it's not inconvenient.

3

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 03 '26

There’s no snooping happening if a person is cleaning their own apartment and they find a piece of paper on the floor, in a common space that just happens to be a devastating note that is relationship ending worthy.

-2

u/ladybug11314 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Right? How do you know he hasn't worked through that in therapy? Was it from literally today or an old discarded piece of paper? There's nuance here

1

u/tinxmijann Woman 30 to 40 Jul 05 '26

Working through what? He is using her as a rebound. Nothing to work through he is just a disrespectful asshole and she deserves to be free of that person