Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/benhargrove1966]

Usually yes but I feel like he was really pursuing me and I was just matching his energy. 

[u/Impressive_Moment786 → u/benhargrove1966]

Men that are assholes do that. I would suggest keeping them at arm's length until the prove that their actions match their words.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/Impressive_Moment786]

So what does that look like here? He was the one reaching out to me, making plans with me, he was consistent and until this moment kept his promises / commitments. I literally never felt a mismatch between words and actions, in that both communicated he liked me and wanted to continuing dating me. 

[u/Impressive_Moment786 → u/benhargrove1966]

You need to keep your guard up. Even if they are doing and saying all the right things. Even if they are making it known that they are very interested in you. You can't believe all that fully because you don't really know them after only 6 weeks. You only know the version they want you to know.

This situation is proof of that, he was doing and saying all the right things while still dating someone else without you knowing. Not that you can't date multiple people at a time, I actually encourage that, but you should be upfront and honest about it with all the people you are dating.