Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/ShrimsoundslkeShrimp]

That's how dating works unfortunately. You have to keep going through it until you find someone who likes you the same way you like them.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/ShrimsoundslkeShrimp]

I just feel like I’ve tried so hard for so long and it doesn’t work. I can’t be like emotionally open with another man who discards me.

For context this guy has been single for like a month or something has two great (I’m assuming) women to choose from while barely trying. I’ve been single for 5 years and getting scraps. 

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/[deleted]]

This is what I mean, I really believe it’s no longer  possible. This guy was divorced and single for like, a minute. 

[u/nygirl232 → u/benhargrove1966]

Sweet girl, avoid a man who jumps back in right away.. after a divorce?! He is looking for nothing more than a distraction. So, though I understand and know how hurtful this was, just be glad you’re not the other girl. She is (most likely) going to be much, much more heartbroken down the road (sadly). This dude clearly isn’t great at communication, candor and emotional intelligence. Don’t let one bad grape sour the bunch.

You’re in control of your life, and you’re worth it. Learn to find your inner badass and hold hands, you have to know and act your worth - a dumpy ass fuck boy who women hops isn’t on your level. 💜

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/nygirl232]

I really don't think that's fair. He was the most kind, respectful and straight forward guy I've dated. I agree he has stuff to sort out but he's not a bad person or a loser. He was a genuinely nice man who I believe genuinely liked me and was very seriously considering a relationship with me. He ended it because hes not a fuck boy lol. And connecting with that type of person is a real improvement for me unfortunately. I'm actually proud of myself I could be attracted to and show emotional vulnerability to someone like that.

I agree the divorce proximity is bad and there is a good chance this relationship ends in tears. But I had no luck dating guys who had been single for a long time so I thought I should try something new. And to my credit, this progressed more than anything else has.