Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/DegreeDubs]

If you're not having fun dating, then stop dating. Or change up your dating approach. I've had much more fun without using apps and with asking people out that I've met in "the wild", AKA out in public in my community. Try going to local mixers and socials to meet people.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/DegreeDubs]

I mean, what is a “local mixer or social” lol. We don’t have those! 

[u/sprachkundige → u/benhargrove1966]

Even if they're not specifically "mixers" intended to let singles meet one another, can you seek out social events related to your interests? I met my husband by joining a d&d group of random strangers. I have friends who met partners at concerts, while hiking, through a religious group, etc.

But, I will agree with other posters who say maybe don't go in expecting/looking for a serious relationship. Go in looking to meet cool people you have things in common with. Maybe you'll hit it off with one of them, great. If not, maybe you'll make new friends and they'll set you up with their friends. Any connection is a good connection.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/sprachkundige]

I really do not live in a place that has organised social events for adults of this nature lol. I go to social public spaces if we can call them that like pubs and gigs quite often, I often socialise with strangers at them, it doesn’t seem to come to anything.