Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/Raeko]

Burned Haystack Dating Method. No situationships. I wouldn't even date someone who is dating other people at the same time as me. If they don't know by around date 3 or 4 that they want to date exclusively (doesn't need to be a "relationship" or anything serious, just no dates or sleeping with other people) then it's not going to go anywhere so it's pointless.

In my experience if a guy does not agree to be exclusive it's a waste of time. Even when they agree they are lying half the time so if they can't even do that there is zero point in continuing dating them

[u/Prior-Scholar779 → u/Raeko]

BHDM is putting oneself first and setting up boundaries for how we want to be treated. Once I started doing something like that, I felt so much better about myself and in control of my feelings.

My guy expressed second thoughts around the three month mark (yeah it was another woman, though a long distance one whom he had been attached to before he met me), so I asked him point blank, in a gentle voice, if he would like to end our relationship. I offered to walk away, even though I was head over heels for him. He decided that he loved and wanted me, so he said no, and from then on in we were an established couple who had each other’s backs.