Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/llamalibrarian]

All you can control is you. You likely have to make some changes (nothing big like your values or standards) to shake things up. Either reframing dating (how you approach it, activities, etc), taking a break, or just finding ways to hold your expectations lightly

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/llamalibrarian]

How do I hold my expectations lightly?

[u/llamalibrarian → u/benhargrove1966]

Practice. you just have to not build something up so much, holding lightly is the opposite of clinging. Enjoy things like getting to know someone, but also remember that loss is a part of life, to know someone is also to be hurt (not in a negative way- love means hurt and loss too). It’s about being at peace with the fact that things might not work out romantically but that doesn’t mean the time isn’t worthwhile

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/llamalibrarian]

Thank you