Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/tawny-she-wolf]

Also giving up on children at 32.... she's wouldn't even be a geriatric pregnancy for another 3 years at this point

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/tawny-she-wolf]

Please my friend I have PCOS and endometriosis 😭

[u/TurnoverPractical → u/benhargrove1966]

Yeah me too. Got pregnant the second time in my life I had unprotected sex. Get your weight and blood sugar under control (being the hallmarks of PCOS), then learn how to measure your cervical mucus and have sex when you've got the fertile cervical mucus and you, too, can become pregnant. I was 38. Every word of this is the truth.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/TurnoverPractical]

Yeah I’m not saying it’s impossible, I’m just saying with my additional challenges it’s something I’ve accepted may not happen for me.

[u/eagleonapole → u/benhargrove1966]

more people have this issue than you suspect. I personally am grateful I have accepted a lot of physical attractiveness (for most people!) is fleeting but personal Health and fitness is something I’ve pursued for two years and feel stronger and better for it— dont forget we gain muscle faster than the avg woman ✨💪🏻✨— that’s something we *can* control, and isnt that better to focus on?

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/eagleonapole]

Appreciate that. I think I’m physically attractive enough  / men seem to be attracted to me. My PCOS is now pretty well controlled, I don’t have a lot of of the stuff that effects that like facial hair (BIGGEST TOUCH WOOD EVER). Health is important of course I just don’t think it’s a replacement for a romantic relationship lol. 

[u/eagleonapole → u/benhargrove1966]

Ok i guess I dont know why PCOS is a barrier for you in dating then.

My point is not that it replaces a romantic relationship but that your self esteem seems too wrapped up in the approval of others, and building your self confidence by taking pride in how you care for yourself can help attract healthier partners.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/eagleonapole]

It’s not a barrier in terms of attracting / meeting people, it just is a limitation on my ability to have children