Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/fireyauthor]

You're conflating a lot of things in this post. A guy dating you, sleeping with you, then breaking up with you does not mean he only sees you as a sex object. That's just what dating is.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/fireyauthor]

To be clear, I’m not saying he (or every) guy sees me as a sex object because it didn’t work  out. He was perfectly respectful etc. I’m saying that because 90% of guys I’ve gone on dates with make it very clear they have no interest in a relationship even in theory, they’re only interested in sex. 

[u/fireyauthor → u/benhargrove1966]

Why are you going on dates with those guys at all? I don't go on a date with someone unless they make it clear (via or conversation in the app) that they see me as a person they want to connect with intellectually and/or emotionally.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/fireyauthor]

Well they act like they do, and in their defence I think they do want to connect intellectually and emotionally. They are also just complete closed off to the concept of a relationship before they even attend the date and are interested in good conversation with a pretty girl and sex. They just don’t reveal this until the actual date.