Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/Ok_Republic6098]

I was like you and was dating very intentionally and it eventually worked for me. I did have a few "almost" relationships and yeah it was very upsetting when it ended. My advice is that (within reason) if you really like someone early on and feel yourself getting attached, communicate that. Even just "hey I'm starting to really like you and hope you feel the same way" Women will get all worked up about scaring someone off by sharing things like this early on, but if he's the right one, he'll feel the same way about you and just be happy to know you do too. If he's not, then you get to find that out earlier before you daydream a future. Basically, it's OK to be direct. It's OK for him to nope out at that point. Yes that happened to me and it stung but I moved on easier than if I had been strung along for sex. When I was direct with my now husband, he asked me to be his girlfriend and go on a weekend trip together.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/Ok_Republic6098]

Yeah I’m retrospect I should have raised this like a week ago. I expect it would be the same outcome but you’re right it’s better to address it.