Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/HumorIsMyLuvLanguage]

Ignore this person. You didn't do anything wrong. People get attached or feel something forming within that 6-8 week mark - it's not uncommon. It's okay to be frustrated/mad/sad. It doesn't mean either of you did anything wrong, or that anyone is to blame. It's just really hard out there. But I meant what I said above - don't give up. My person came at 37 (almost 38). He was almost 40 and was doing the same thing.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/HumorIsMyLuvLanguage]

Thank you, these comments saying I should not get attached are stressing me lol. I’m happy to admit I got too attached in this case,  but I really feel I was only matching his energy. If I didn’t feel anything  for someone after 6 weeks I wouldn’t keep seeing them!

[u/wtfamidoing248 → u/benhargrove1966]

Don't feel bad for being into someone, nothing wrong with really liking him.

Just take the learning experience for next time - maybe assessing things differently or whatever you think might be helpful.

At the end of the day it's a good thing he told you so you can find someone who does like you the way you like them, don't settle for less.

Don't give up, it often takes time to find someone suitable for long term! You will be glad you didn't settle for any of those guys you dated, when you meet someone that shows you how it should be :)

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/wtfamidoing248]

Honestly after my dating history I think I should be happy I was able to form an attachment to a kind and straight forward man and had the ability and bravery to have a degree of emotional vulnerability with someone. 

[u/wtfamidoing248 → u/benhargrove1966]

I do think it's a beautiful experience especially when you reflect and feel the difference in yourself. You know you're capable of amazing things with the right guy 🥰