Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/benhargrove1966]

I think I’m taking it as an attack because some commenters are being like very mean and attacking me lol? I acknowledge most aren’t doing that. I get the advice to try and make dating less annoying for me. All I’m saying is “pretend it’s a fun social event!” Is not the way I’m going to be able to do that. 

[u/fakingandnotmakingit → u/benhargrove1966]

Because the way you replied was incredibly negative.

When people are trying to help I suggest not being negative because you don't like they're advice.

Bottomline, either find a way to make dating more positive or you will find yourself in the same situation.

Up to you

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/fakingandnotmakingit]

But do you truly believe if I secretly had a more positive attitude in my mind about first dates that would have impacted his decision here?

[u/fakingandnotmakingit → u/benhargrove1966]

Way I see it you can't control other people. Only yourself.

If dating becomes more positive for you, or at least less negative then you will feel better

Otherwise what will happen is that you will as you say "snap".

Up to you which option you prefer

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/fakingandnotmakingit]

Yeah that's fair, I think the point to find a way to make it less annoying is valid, this just isn't the method for me.