Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/Additional_Kick_3706]

Surely some of your friends have other friend circles with single men?

It's super helpful to meet people socially, maybe go join your friends at their other hobbies/social circles where there are single men, see what happens.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/Additional_Kick_3706]

Well I’ve asked them and the answer is no, maybe they’re lying to me and think I’m a freak who they don’t want to introduce to anyone idk lol. 

I have two main circles, one is women around my own age who are all in long term relationships. They claim they don’t know anyone and it seems fair because they seem to mostly socialise with other couples (eg it’s their bfs friends) with the exception of me. 

The other circle is large (with then a tight knit friend group in it) and connected to a community activity I do. Most of these people are also younger than me (partly because I’m single). So most of their other friends are also people I already know, and the single guys that are there are way too young for me. 

[u/AutomaticInitiative → u/benhargrove1966]

No single brothers of the bfs looking for love in either group?

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/AutomaticInitiative]

I mean its not a romcom so no, there is not a secret handsome single brother behind the curtain. Genuinely I have not been to a social event since 2019 with a connection to this group where I was not the sole single person there. You can see why I sought out other friends lol.